Growing Up

It seems like PS has really grown up over the last few months, both physically and metaphorically. It makes sense--she's 13 and starting high school next year. But I'm not adjusting well to her new-found independence and the idea that she will be going off to college in only 4 short years.

She has grown several inches taller over the last year, finally surpassing the 5-foot mark.She used to be the smallest in her class, and while she's still on the smaller end of the spectrum, she's no longer the smallest. And she's filled out. We can finally buy junior's sizes in regular stores, instead of having to head out to junior's specialty stores. (There is a huge difference between an Old Navy size 0 and an AF or Delia's* size 0.)

She has developed her own unique sense of style. It trends a little goth, with a lot of black and skulls, but without the black eyeliner and Docs. And lots of ironic T-shirts. Our latest purchase is a pair of black Chuck Taylors.

And she has started spending more time with friends and less time with mom. She's had a phone for a while, but only over the last few months has the texting been ever-present in typical teenager fashion. And last week she informed me that all of her friends were going to see the Hunger Games after their theater performance, dashing my hopes of some mom/daughter time.

But I did get to take her and a friend to see her favorite band this week. She got the tickets for Christmas and has been waiting impatiently.  Unfortunately, all "seating" was standing-room only general admission, and I was envisioning mass hysteria with thousands of screaming girls shoving my petite PS to the back of the crowd.

Luckily, the venue was a smaller one, and it has an attached restaurant.  I got an email right before the concert that if we ate there, we got priority seating for the concert. And so we arrived early, had over-priced burgers, and were among the first 30 or so people in the door.  PS and her friend were dead center, right in front of the stage!!! (I went to get her a shirt, so I was a couple of people-rows behind them when I came back.)

It was indeed hysteria, with the crowd constantly pushing forward (I am too old for the pit!), but PS and her friend were able to hold their place and had a great view for the entire concert.  And I even caught a guitar pick that one of the band members threw. PS told me over and over how awesome the experience was. That's about as good as it gets for a mom of a teenager.


*BTW Delia's is a great place to buy jeans for petite girls.  The go down to a size 00 and they have several lengths for each size.

Don't Mess With Me, Door

We spent this morning repairing the door from my garage into the house.  Because last Tuesday I kicked it in like I was the Incredible Hulk's love child and in the process tore out the entire door frame.

I wasn't angry.  The door had been sticking for some time, and rainy weather of late had made the door swell to the point that it just wouldn't budge. It was pouring rain, and I really didn't want to go around front and get soaked. So I kicked it.  And completely underestimated my own destructive powers. The door was unharmed; it was the frame that suffered--which, of course, is way more difficult to replace than a door.

So on Thursday, I picked the girls up from school for a dentist appointment, and then headed over to Lowe's to see if I could figure out what I needed to do to repair the damage. The guys in Lowe's looked bemused when I told them my story, standing in a pencil skirt and stilettos with three kids in tow, and asked them if it was possible to purchase a door frame.

Surprisingly, it is. Or at least, a kit that to make a door frame.  I also picked up a new door knob for good measure, but declined the boring drill bit that they tried to talk me into (the frame kit does not have a pre-cut hole for your door lock to slide into) because I knew we already had one.

And so $50 and a couple of hours of labor later the door is fixed.  And DH was only a little irritated with me.

Happy 1000th Postaversary to Me!

 So, this is my 1000th post. I originally started this blog in fall 2004 when I started law school.  It didn't really get very far that first year because, well, I was entrenched in 1L and I had three-year-old twins and a six year old (hence, my title). But I had a reboot in August 2006, my 3L year, and I have been blogging consistently ever since.

When I began law school there were very few other law moms blogging. I think AAL and Suzie JD were both around back then under other names, and that was about it. So I started blogging as my own outlet, but also as a way to preserve my experiences for other law moms coming up behind me. I try to blog honestly, and I know that by doing so I don't always paint myself in the best light. I'm ok with that, but that's part of the reason I blog anonymously.

Anyway, to celebrate my 1000th post, I decided to go back and review my old posts to pull out to best, worst or most meaningful. I wanted 10, but ended up with 20. (No, I don't really think anyone is going to read all 20, but I started with 30 and 20 was the best I could do!) It seems that the most frequently used word on my blog is chaos.  I write about it a lot.  I definitely feel that my life is chaotic at moments, but I didn't realize that it was such an overarching theme of my life. But I guess I'm ok with that, because there's nothing that I really want to change.

I'm also going to borrow a page from LL's book and offer to answer any questions that anyone has a burning desire to ask.

And so, without further ado, the best of worst of LC from the last 7.5 years and 999 posts:

The Beginning:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2004/07/ok-so-i-got-into-law-schoo_109105493337658129.html

Mothers:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2006/02/how-do-you-break-up-with-your-mother-i.html

The hardest case I’ve ever worked on:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2006/02/public-stonings-should-be-reconsidered.html

Worst Exam ever, almost:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2007/05/con-law-makes-me-sick.html

The End:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2007/05/thats-all-folks.html

Really the worst exam ever:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2007/07/finally-made-it-to-dentist.html

But at least I passed:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2007/11/play-by-play.html

My first real job (nearly a full year after I graduated):

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2008/03/party-at-lcs-place.html

The decision to become a  working mom:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2008/05/decisions.html

Should you go to law school?

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2008/05/one-year-later.html

Where the girls aren’t:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2008/07/why-arent-there-more-women-in-courtroom.html

One Year In:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2008/11/one-year.html

Why I left my first firm:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2009/03/too-far.html

The stupidest and smartest thing I have ever done:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2009/05/done.html

A Week in the Life of an Attorney and Mom:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2010/10/week-in-life-of-working-mom.html

Setting Limits:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2010/05/setting-limits.html

My Most Controversial Post:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2010/05/making-mommy-proud.html

Religion:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2010/08/great-divide.html

Boys Drool and Girls Rule:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-i-am-superior-to-my-male.html

Lawyer Fun:

http://legallycertifiable.blogspot.com/2011/06/great-day-to-be-lawyer.html

So this is how my day went...

I took home a couple of over-stuffed boxed of documents to review of the weekend. I pulled the privileged docs and put them together on the top i nside the box. This morning I arrived at work and unloaded them from the back ofmy car. And then the 45 mph wind blew off the lid. While I was catching the lid, papers started blowing out of the box. Yep, the privileged docs.

Fortunately, there was a line of shrubbery about 15 yards away that seemed to catch them. So I crawled down on my hands and knees through the grass and mud in my work clothes and bright red stilettos yanking my privileged papers from the depths of the bushes.

Once the boxes were dealt with, I went to park my car in the underground parking garage. The weather was supposed to turn nasty, and I had just had my car washed and definitely did not want to risk it getting hailed on. But apparently when I had my car cleaned over the weekend, they piled everything in the car into a bag that the kids took into the house. Including my parking pass. So I had to park again and go up to my office and beg one of my coworkers to lend me her parking pass. On my way back down, Bob the secutiry guy told me I could have just borrowed his.

Finally got my car tucked away safe and sound, and headed up to my office. By then my perfectly coifed hair looked like I had just woken up and hadn't bothered to comb it.

I kindly held the door for an older lady behind me. Who proceeded to fart just as we stepped into the elevator. And then about 5 more people piled in, and I swear pushed every possible button and my floor is to top one for that elevator bank. You can only hold your breath for so long.

The rest of the day was insanely busy before I headed out the door at 7 hoping to avoid nasty weather on my way home (I did!)

Tomorrow's prospects don't look much better. DH has to be up at 4 to go to the airport, and I have to drive PS and her BFF to school at 6:45 for Theater UIL, before facing a long to-do list and then having to run home for soccer jersey pick-up followed by the twins soccer practice(but at least I don't coach that one) with no DH to help out with it all.

Just Breathe

The mini vacay was nice, but I'm pretty sure I was being punished today for the time away. It was pure insanity, and I barely had time to breathe. Every single one of my bosses put a new file on my desk today. Two were filings that had to be done today. I finished the first at 3:00 and the second at 6:15 before literally running out the door to make 7:00 soccer practice.

I felt far more competent filing a last-minute motion in federal court in a well publicized multi-million dollar case than I did teaching a bunch of little girls to play soccer. Our teenage helper wasn't around tonight, so DH and I were on our own. We rehashed the drills we did last week, and then let the girls scrimmage. Except that I didn't know how to start the game for the scrimmage. And I couldn't remember if you got a corner kick if you kicked the ball over the end line you were defending or trying to score on. And I didn't even bother trying to figure out when someone was offsides. Clearly all of my book reading and you-tube watching does not make up for practical experience.

The good news: DH and the girls bought me Reece's Peanut Butter cups when they were out running errands today. It is definitely a chocolate kind of day.

Spring Break!

After a crazy busy week, I get to take a few days off. The girls are out of school next week for spring break, so I took off through Wednesday. We've rented a cabin and are going to a beautiful area we've been visiting annually for the last few years. Typically DH and the kids fish while I read trashy magazines and drink wine. And we usually do a couple of river floats and hike a little. It's a nice trip because it's just peaceful and relaxing.

We've spent most of today shopping and doing laundry and packing. Thank goodness we're not leaving until tomorrow, because I never would have gotten it all done otherwise.

And this morning we had our first soccer practice. It went really well. I've been watching YouTube videos to learn drills, and I've read up on the rules. But it gets better! One of the girls has a 16 year old brother who plays elite soccer. He helped out with the drills and gave the girls tons of tips on their footwork. Yay! He was a huge help, and it is so nice to see teens who are willing to jump in and help out.

On an unrelated note, I have to admit that I feel like a weight has been lifted since my mother left. Having to care for one more person, plus having to specifically deal with her just left me overly stressed and walking around in a cloud of negativity. I am palpably happier now and I feel so much more in control of my life. Yay for normalcy!

I am officially certifiable now

I signed up all three girls to play in the church's recreational soccer league. The twins wanted to play with their BFF whose dad is also the coach.  It turned out that PS is in the same division, but she did not want to play with her sisters, so we asked that we put her on a different team.

We got an email from the twins' coach telling us all about practice times and when we would be starting.  But not a peep from PS's coach.  Turned out there was no coach.  So the church sent out an email saying, "there's no coach, we need a coach so the girls can start practicing, figure it out."  And nobody responded.

So, in a moment of pure insanity, I emailed the sports coordinator and told her that I could help out with the team.And now I am a soccer coach.

Brilliant, since I have never played soccer. Everyone who knows me finds it pretty hilarious that I am taking this on.  I'm not athletic.  at. all.  I'm the girl who got stress fractures in both ankles just from running.  And I've broken and sprained both ankles on other occasions, broken both arms on separate occasions, broken ribs, and had multiple broken toes. Grace and coordination are not my virtues.

And it gets better.  This is the church league.  It's supposed to be a ministry.  You're supposed to preach to the kids.  And I'm an atheist. Oh boy. I think I need the intervention of a higher power right about now.

But now I have a polyester coach's shirt (ick!), a matching visor (double ick!) and a whistle (yay!), so I guess I'm all set. And I went and bought "Soccer for Dummies" last night.

What the heck was I thinking?  I don't like other people's kids, I don't know how to play soccer, and I don't have an excess vat of time hiding out somewhere. I'm pretty sure I've lost my mind.

Losing Friends

Today I was unfriended on FB for the first time for political reasons. I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've ever really expressed a political opinion on FB.

The "friend" in question is DH's uncle who made an idiotic statement agreeing with Rush L. Really, how was I supposed to keep my mouth shut when someone agreed with that moron?

My initial response was an innocuous "babies cost a lot more than contraception.". The conversation degenerated from there-- especially when his wife joined the fray and said that the pill aborts embryos! (WTF?) And then some other crazy joined in and equated the pill with euthanasia.

And then I was unfriended, so I could no longer respond to the crazy. Which was surely for the best.

But seriously, the pill = abortion??? It is morally reprehensible to be preaching that crap.

Career Choices

If you saw some weird posts from me yesterday, please ignore.  I was re-reading some old posts and tried to re-post a couple that I had taken down that related to why I left my last job.  But they posted with yesterday's date instead of in their original timeline, so I took them right back down and prayed they didn't show up in anybody's news feed.

Anyway, I was reading posts from spring 2009 when I was at my last job. I may think life is tough these day, but it was so much worse back then.  I was working way too many hours, I earned a lot less, and the environment was absolutely toxic.

The named partner that I worked for was an asshole.  He was an asshole to opposing counsel and he was an asshole to everybody that he worked with.  I can see in my posts how I was always holding my breath around him--it was like living with an abusive spouse.  You just never knew when he was going to explode or when he was going to bring you (figurative) flowers.

The other partner I worked for wasn't an asshole (at least not in the same, overt, sense), but he didn't improve life.  He was obviously afraid of the named partner and had no problem letting me take the fall for things that weren't my fault. Fortunately, named partner liked me, so it wasn't career killing.  But I was constantly defending my staff, because I would rather suffer than them (and he would fire somebody for minor infractions).  It would have been nice to have had a superior who would go to bat for me every once in a while.

I've now been at my current job quite a bit longer than I was at that job, and I still have so much anger for the way I was treated there.

Over the last year I have contemplated whether to stay at my current firm or make another change. I know that I am on the partnership track at my current firm, and that I can stay with them for the rest of my career if that is what I want. And now, as a mid-level, is the time to make some decisions.

I will admit that I don't love my practice area. I sort of fell into it.  It can be dry.  I see a lot of the same issues over and over.  I want to be in court more, and we settle virtually everything. (But I think these issues may be the same in any commercial litigation practice.)

What keeps me here is that the environment is so much better than where I was.  I sometimes get frustrated with my bosses, and we all have our asshole days, but there is none of the relentless torture that I suffered as a young lawyer.  Any one of my bosses would stand up for me to another if it came down to it--but nobody is throwing me under the bus anymore, anyway. 

I don't work nearly the hours that I worked back then, and my compensation is much better. My billables are much lower, although I do a lot more nonbillable work, and I have never heard a peep about my billables. I have the flexibility to make appointments or work from home when I need to and not feel like I am being docked for it. And I actually like the people that I work with.

There is a whole lot to be said for all of that. I've been getting calls from recruiters lately, but they've got nothing that would entice me to leave.  I've seen the dark side and I don't want to go back there. And any pay increase would come with a much higher billable requirement.  I'm very happy with my work/pay balance, and I'm not very interested in taking more time away from my family just to make a little more money.

So, in the end, I choose a better working environment over a choice practice area. (And don't get me wrong, I do love my job.) Besides, it's kind of fun to see the quizzical look of people's faces when I tell them what kind of law I practice, because no one ever expects it.

Whirlwind Weekend

Friday started with me rushing out the door to make a 9:00 meeting.  I was running behind because I spent too much pondering the perfect outfit for an early-evening "business casual" event at a national convention in San Antonio.

Usually I interpret business casual as a cardigan and dress pants, but that just didn't seem quite right this time. And I had to fly to this event, so I needed something that could also stand up to marching through the airport, disrobing for security, and the general disheveldness that comes with a day of work and travel.

So I took a while figuring it all out, but I think I came up with just the right ensemble.

And then, on my way out the door, I noticed a hole in the seam of my skirt.  No time to change and it was mostly covered by my top, so I just grabbed a safety pin and kept on moving.

Made it to my meeting with 5 minutes to spare.  I spent the rest of my morning tying up loose ends before the weekend and sewing up my skirt in the ladies room (tiny sewing kit = best conference swag ever).

Left the office at noon to head to the airport.  Had to go through the body scanner.  Not happy.

One of my bosses was on the same flight, so we took a cab from to the event venue.  But the cab driver dropped us off at the wrong location and disappeared.  He left us at a martini bar and we were going to a wine bar.  Fortunately, the martini bartender was kind enough to give me directions and we were only a couple of blocks away.

The event went really well and I was happy with my choice of outfits.

Four of us (three partners and me) were on the same late flight home, which kept getting delayed, leaving us with a few hours to kill after the event. And so P1 says, "Let's go see the Alamo." And the rest of us say, "what?" And P1 says, "we have to go see the Alamo.  It's only a few blocks from here and it's Texas Independence Day."

And so we take off in the direction we think the Alamo might be.  In the dark.  And I am in 3" heels.

We wander a bit and do not find the Alamo. We ask for directions and find that we have somehow circled around the Alamo. We eventually do find the Alamo, take a few pics, and then say, "ok we've seen the Alamo, now what?"

P1 says, "now we have to see the River Walk."  Really?  My feet are freaking killing me.

Fortunately the River Walk is really close to the Alamo.  And so we were able to hit all of the touristy San Antonio hot spots in under an hour. We walk a bit more (now my calves are cramping), the guys start to take pity on me, and we eventually find a bar to chill out in until our much-delayed flight.

On the way home we see fireworks from the plane.  Very cool.

I get home very late and I am very tired.

But I have to get up at 6:00 this morning because I volunteered to work the twins' school carnival/5k. And I volunteered to pick up 3 of PS's friends who are volunteering to work the carnival. And so by 7:00 I am driving all over town picking up overly chipper teenagers. I take then to the school, cheer DH in the race,run up the bids on the silent auction, and help out with the carnival until the very end at 1:00, and then return all of the now-obnoxious teenagers back home.

Go to lunch with the family and then to the sporting goods store to buy cleats before soccer starts next week.  Because my girls have giant adult--sized feet I had to pay much more for shoes than I wanted to, and $170 later they are ready for soccer.

Whew!  Not much else on the agenda except for a trip to Costco tomorrow (which is literally 2 minutes from my house--I've timed it!), but I think I've already crammed a couple of weekends in here.

Updating Again

The Sister

So, I finally responded to my sister's friend request.  I told her that I was glad to hear from her after all these years and that I had never contacted her before because I didn't want to create complications in her life.

She asked me not to tell my dad anything about her because she didn't want to reopen that chapter of her life.  And then she said some things that made it clear that her mother has flat-out lied to her for her entire life and has vilified my father to protect her own reputation. (My dad has plenty of faults, but he was really unfairly portrayed.)

I told my sister that her mother had not been honest with her and that there was more to the story.  That I would tell her what I know if she wanted me to, but that it was a conversation best had with her mom.

She asked me for the story, and I told her the truth. (There is more than what I have posted.  There is no chance that my dad is her dad.)  She knew it was coming, I think she just wanted verification.  I also told her that I thought she had a right to find out who her bio-dad really is, but she said that she didn't think she would ever find out and that it was a taboo subject with her mother.

I just can't believe her mom thought this story would never come out.

I am glad that she contacted me.  She was an important part of my life, for the short amount of time that she was in it, and if the course of events had happened at a different time in my life, I think I would have better job of keeping up with her.

The Mother

I put her on a plane on Friday, pretty much drama free.  My brother visited her at home Friday afternoon and immediately texted me  that it was not a good situation and that she and her husband are going to end up hurting each other.

Today she called to say "I just wanted you to know that we are doing just fine."  I could mentally picture the raspberry she was blowing at me. 

But she hasn't left the house since she got there.  And the helper that she supposedly hired flaked out on her, but some friend of a friend might know someone who can help out.

Okey dokey.  You keep living in fantasy land. I truly believe that her husband will be dead within a year if he has to serve as her primary caregiver.  And I'll be stunned if she doesn't end up with more broken parts from being dropped. But I guess it's not my problem.

My life isn't all doom and gloom

Professionally, things are actually going pretty well. 

At the Schmoozy Breakfast I attended a couple of weeks ago I made what looks to be a solid business contact.  She is with an organization kind of like the SBA, but it targets minority-owned business that generate at least $1M/year. Most of her clients are involved in the industry that is my primary practice area.  And she needs an attorney to refer clients to.  Woot!  I had a meeting with her  and she said I was the trifecta--a woman, a minority, and the right kind of lawyer. (Although I did have to correct her on one point because  I'm only hispanic by marriage. But that didn't seem to bother her.)

She wants me to be part of a panel of speakers at an upcoming event, and I will have other opportunities to give presentations to her clients.  She also introduced me to the director of a related organization who would also love to have me come speak to her clients!

This is great news. My firm already has 3 canned presentations that we give regularly, and they have been encouraging me to start giving these.  It's also the perfect time to give a legislative update because several laws just went into effect that my firm helped draft that pertain directly to my industry.

And in semi-related news, the director of a brand new whistleblower program for a government agency has called me twice urging my client to apply for an award under the new program.  The client is an old friend who I represented pro bono after she was subpoenaed to testify for the government after she gave them a tip that brought down a ponzi scheme. (Yes this is the case where I had a smackdown with unethical defense counsel and where I got my first "no comment" in the press.)

I am stunned that the director of this program called me (twice!) and I think my client may be the very first person to receive an award under this new program! 

Finally, I am helping my firm start an industry-related blog.  It will be a lot of work (and I promise I will do a far better job editing my posts than I do here), but it will be one more way to get me name out there!

Updates and Answers on My Two Jerry Springer Posts

The Sister:

I still haven't contacted her or responded to her friend request.  I just have to deal with my mother first and I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed. 

AAL is correct that my dad would be her presumptive father unless there is a paternity test or her mother signs an affidavit. I don't see how it really matters, anyway.  The only way I can see that being an issue is if my father died intestate, and I can't see my brother or me contesting paternity to deny her an inheritance given the hand that she has been dealt.

But that did get me thinking that maybe her mom did sign the affidavit when they were getting divorced.  I don't know the state of the law 20 years ago, but now chances are slim you could get a divorce without a support order.

And for the record, I do not support my father's actions.  Biodad or not, he essentially adopted her and then just gave up on her her when she was 5. Maybe he thought that if he tried to get custod, her parentage would come out and he didn't want to fight that battle. But I can't imagine parenting a child for 5 years and then just letting that child go.

The Mother:

I pretty much ignored her yesterday because I knew if I talked to her I would say what I think and what I think right now isn't very nice. I finally called her back this morning, and she demanded, "Have you booked my flight yet?  I need to know when I'm leaving." I told her that I didn't know it was my responsibility to book her flight.  She has a computer and a lot more time than I do. She said, "well, I don't have my credit card number anymore."  Whatever.  It took me about 2 minutes to book her damn flight. At least that means she is going home on Friday. (Hopefully, I won't count on it until the plane is in the air.)

I did not go into details about her psychological state with the psychiatrist, because I just wanted her to understand the situation and I did not want her trying to diagnose me. I agree that it was grossly unprofessional to call me, and I wasn't overly friendly with her. I don't think it dawned on her until our conversation that my mother was more than the pitiful creature she presents herself as.

I pretty much just want to hide under the covers until my problems go away.  But of course, life doesn't work like that.  I had sick kids yesterday, and I feel like crap today. I don't know if I'm really sick or if its just stress-induced. I'm spending a couple of hours at home this morning, hoping the Tylenol will kick in.  Also waiting to take PS to school. She still doesn't feel great and is supposed to run the mile in her 2nd period PE class today.  I know she isn't up to running, so I'll just take her in after PE so she'll be there for the important classes.

As if there is not enough drama in my life...

I thought I posted about this history once before, but I can't find the old post so maybe I deleted it.

I am one of two children from my parents who divorced when I was 9 and my brother was 6. Both parents are now on spouse number 3 who were both acquired after I graduated from high school so they were never really "parents," but just my parents' spouses.

And then there were spouses number 2.  Both parents remarried within a couple of years after the divorce, and both did a terrible job picking new spouses.  My mother married a construction-worker wife-beater who didn't work more often than he did.  He spent most of his time and money building toy trains in the garage. My brother and I had to run to the neighbors and call the cops multiple times because he was beating the crap out of her and threatening to kill her.

He hit me once, and I moved in with my dad.  I told my mother it was him or me and she chose him.

My dad married the woman that he was cheating on my mother with before their divorce.  She was nice enough, except for the fact that she was a functioning alcoholic and she was partly the cause of my parents divorce.  But compared to my mom's husband, she was a peach.

After a few years, my dad and wife 2 announced that they were having a baby. I was 14 and finally getting a sister! But then my mother told us that kid was not our sister because my dad had a vasectomy right after my brother was born.

My dad never said a word and raised the child as his.  Until Wife 2 ran left him.  For a little while he had visitation with her.  And then I went off to college.  When I returned the visitations had ended and I never saw my faux- sister again. The last time I saw her was in 1993 at her 5th birthday party.

But this week I got a Facebook friend request from her. Whoa.

I have considered contacting her before, but she was young and I didn't know what her mother had told her. And I didn't want to add drama to her life. I regret losing touch with her, and my only excuse is that I was young, involved with my own changing life, and not sure how to maintain a relationship with her without hurting my dad.

My brother told me a few months ago that she had contacted him through FB.  They had been chatting, but weren't "friends".  Her mother told her that our dad is her dad and that he walked out on her. She thinks that my brother and I are her siblings. My dad confirmed to my brother that we are not. My brother has not shared this information with her.

I haven't accepted her friend request. I'm just not sure FB is the proper forum for us to reunite. I firmly believe that she should know the truth, and I can't believe that her mother never came clean (if for no other reason than to provide her with a medical history). This kid has never, ever done anything wrong, and I'm sure she's wondering why she was abandoned by her dad and siblings.

She's 23 now.  Has kids of her own. I need to talk to her. I think she may have done worse in the parent lottery than I did.  I'm just not sure I can deal with this and my mother at the same time.

OMG, Really???

So I got a call from my mother's psychiatrist. My mother asked her to call me "because she just gets so distraught whenever she talks to you because you keep telling her that her husband can't take care of her and she needs to move into an assisted living center."

Um, yeah, I do. Because it's true.   And I told the psych this.  And I told her that the rest of the family is in agreement with me.  But I'm the one who gets to be the bad guy and have these conversations.

And so she vents to the shrink about how heartless I am. Yes, because I live in reality.  And because I ask the questions like "how are you going to get home from the airport?" and "how are you going to get back and forth to rehab" and "who is going to take care of you when your husband is in the hospital?"

Yeah, I'm the bad guy.

I am so fucking pissed off right now. She fucking tattled to her shrink?  She plays the "woe is me" card with everybody--and anybody who doesn't know her well buys it because her situation is so awful.  Yes, she has a chronic illness, and yes that has made her life hard.  But it doesn't make her a good person.  And it doesn't change the fact that long before she had a chronic illness she was a classic narcissist--her illness just gave her an excuse for it. It doesn't change the fact that she doesn't give a crap about anybody in this world except herself.

I guess the good news is that by the time I explained the real situation to the psychiatrist (with lots of "oh, she didn't tell me that"s thrown in), the psychiatrist agreed that I was right and she will try to talk to my mother about the reality of her situation.

There is a reason that I cut her out of my life before, and her stress-inducing toxicity is just about to push me over the edge. Of course she hasn't shown any degree of appreciation for all of the time I have spent at the hospital and rehab, going to her appointments, researching facilities and bringing her every damn thing she ever asked for. At Christmas she went on and on about how she wasn't doing anything for anybody because of her situation, which was fine.  But then she got online and ordered my brother. I truly don't care about gifts and I don't need "stuff", but it was a smack in the face.

Arrgggghhhhh!

Yes, that is me screaming.  Yes, it is because of my mother.

She is supposed to be discharged sometime next week and can finally go home.  Home, home.  Hometown home.  (But I'm not counting on my freedom until it happens.)

She is still completely wheelchair bound.  She cannot stand and pivot to transfer from the wheelchair to a car or chair.  The only way she can get in and out of the wheelchair is by using a sliding board. It is exactly what it sounds like--a narrow board a couple of feet long that spreads from the wheelchair to a bed or another chair that she scoots on. One of the problems with this method is that it will only work if she is transferring to another seat that is very close in height to her wheelchair.

Both of my cars are way to high to use the sliding board.She wants me to rent a car and drive her home--which would cost twice as much and require me to lose a weekend. I said, "we're going to look into flying." Of course, she had a million excuses why flying wouldn't work because she is in a wheelchair.

But guess what?  Right on the airline's website are its provisions for disabled passengers.  Guess what?  The airline has its own sliding boards and the flight attendants are trained to use them (I am not).  They also have a tiny wheelchair that will fit down the aisle.

And so she is flying.

But yesterday she said I needed to go buy a sliding board so that I can drive her to the airport and get her in and out of the car.  Ummm, no.  I am not moving her in and out of the car by myself.  She incurs enough injuries when medical professionals try to move her. And besides, my car is still too tall for her board.  I told her that she would have to hire a transport company to take her to the airport.

She was not happy.  She said "those places cost $40 per trip!"  I said, "that sounds very reasonable.  That's about what I had to pay for my last cab ride from the airport." She's still pissed.  Because it's way more convenient for me to spend $50 renting a car just to risk dropping her than for her to pony up $40 and ensure her own safety.

And then I asked her what her plan was for getting home from the airport.  She said, well, I guess I can get my friend Suzy to help Husband.

Yeah, Husband who is in the hospital right now receiving chemotherapy in anticipation of a bone marrow transplant.  The Husband who before this last blast of chemo reportedly didn't have the strength of a child.

I have been banging my head against a wall trying to explain to her for the last several weeks that she needs to move into senior apartments where there is staff on site to assist her. She will not do it.  She thinks that she is going to go home and her Husband is going to take care of her and their life is going back to normal.  It is not.  She will kill him. Literally.  There is no way in hell that with his cancer and the treatments he is enduring that he can take care of her.  He can't even take care of himself.  But in typical narcissistic fashion, she can only think about herself.  They have the means to move somewhere where people can take care of them, but they just won't do it. 

I hope that once she gets there and sees him she comes to her senses.  I have no way to force her to act reasonably. But I am truly worried about how her husband is going to fare. She seriously makes me want to scream.

Another Week Goes By

So, last week was crazy.  I picked up two new cases, both with limitations running early next week.  That kept me busy.

My mother was moved from the hospital into rehab on Wednesday, no surgery needed.  Of course, she has returned to her typical demanding self.  At 7:00 on Tuesday night she called and informed me that she would need regular clothes and that I had to do her laundry for her.  Apparently the rehab place that she was in before (that was supposed to be doing her laundry) packed up all of her clothes dirty!

I was working late, but TT took care of it (DH wasn't about to touch his MIL's undies). I dropped off her stuff on Wednesday, and then on Thursday she called my on my way home from work at 7:00 and informed me that it was the wrong stuff, that she needed her winter clothes and there was more to bring back.  I told her that I was not going home and doing her laundry.  I had a nanny interview that night and I still had work to finish up because I had to rush home for the interview (that I nearly forgot about). She whined. Oh well. I know that she had two pairs of sweat pants and two sweaters in addition to t-shirts and lighter weight clothes in the jam-packed suitcase that I had already taken her.

Meanwhile, I hired a nanny!  Yay!  Yes, it is the model. Fingers-crossed this all works out, because the girls really need someone who can transport them in the afternoon.

Today, PS applied to be a volunteer page at the library. (She has to perform a certain number of volunteer hours for NJHS.) She was so cute filling out the application, just like a real job!  And then she had to do an interview and take an alphabetization test.  Of course, she got the (volunteer) job. It certainly didn't hurt that her elementary school librarian was also working in the library that day and gave raving reviews to the volunteer coordinator.

Overall, today was a quiet and relaxing end to a crazy week.  Tomorrow will be busier--Girl Scout cookies are in!

Random Rambling Updates

So, my niece did great with her appendectomy and went home from the hospital the very next day. Yay!

My mother was finally moved from ICU to a regular room late Friday night. At this point we don't know what's happening next.  Surgery may be off the table.  The surgeon did an aspiration of her leg and the fluid didn't look infected, but we are waiting for the results of the cultures to come back. Nevertheless, she is looking at a few weeks of IV antibiotics.

This week was hectic, but fortunately work was not too bad since we settled 3 big cases last week. I billed an abysmally low number of hours because I just couldn't focus and I was taking advantage of the peace and quiet of my office to take care of personal issues. I had to attend a big schmoozefest Thursday morning, where I was seated between a state legislator and the former mayor of Big City. I really liked the legislator, not so much the former mayor. And on Friday I got a work-related call from a government bigwig that left me shocked (in a good way).

I was in bed by 9:30 both Thursday and Friday nights, but I think I have finally caught up on sleep.

The twins left for a GS camp out on Friday afternoon.  We went to dinner with PS, who enjoys getting to be the only child for the weekend.  We had hoped to take her to a local theater that performs melodramas where you get to cheer the hero and throw popcorn at the villain, but sadly it was sold out both Friday and Saturday nights. So last night we let her invite a friend over while DH and I went to see The Artist. I really wasn't particularly interested in seeing this movie and honestly thought it looked boring.  But I loved it!  It was really cute and one of the best movies I've seen in a while.

Today I might go into the office for a couple of hours to make up for my slacking earlier in the week, but not much else on the agenda.

So yay for a relaxing weekend!

The Mommy Diaries

I am having a heck of a time finding a nanny/chaos control agent this time around and I need to fill this position ASAP. I've put up an ad on my regular nanny-finder website, but I haven't had a lot of interest.  This week I contacted the counselors at the two local high schools to see if they have a job board for seniors, and I've had a couple of calls but nothing looks promising.

These are the results of the interviews I have conducted so far:

Candidate 1: High school senior.  She seemed very mature and responsible and was my top choice. But her mom had concerns about the liability she would assume by driving the kids around, and so she ultimately pulled out.  It was probably a good thing, because I got the impression that she was trying to talk her mom into something her mom was clearly not comfortable with--which makes her seem less mature than I thought.

Candidate 2: First year college student.  Zero personality.  And when I asked why she wanted the job, she replied, "Because I need the money."

Candidate 3: Mom, about my age.  A little rough around the edges, but she interviewed well and moved to the top of the list.  Unfortunately, her background check revealed information that automatically disqualified her.

Candidate 4: High school senior. A little over-confident. When I asked about her driving record she flippantly replied, "Only one accident, a few speeding tickets, but no drinking and driving or anything."

Candidate 5: Twenty-something.  No recent job history, not in school. Big gaping hole in her past. Could not "read" her (I am usually very good at reading people). Something was just off. She was obviously giving me the answers she thought I wanted to hear instead of giving me real answers.

Candidate 6: Twenty-something college student.  I like her a lot.  She has a minor disability that adds to her appeal. It shows that she has had to overcome adversity. And then I turned to Google for a background check.  And the first thing I find is a picture of her in her underwear.  It is obviously from a professional modeling shoot.  And to be more specific, she is in boy shorts and a tank top. And there is another one in a sports bra and yoga pants. I actually find several modeling photos of her.  She is stunning.  Some of the pictures are mildly suggestive, but nothing that is actually revealing.  I don't find anything concerning about her in my Google search. Her FB page is unlocked, but everything is pretty innocuous and its obvious that she dotes on her little brother. I still like her a lot, and she is now at the top of my list.  But am I nuts to hire someone who I've seen modeling in her underwear?  It is a bit awkward, and I'll admit that I definitely do not want DH to see these pics. But she is now at the top of the list.

I have one more interview scheduled with a high school student. But just based on our phone conversation, I think I will prefer candidate 6. 

I also had one guy apply through the nanny-finder.  Um, no. I don't care if it's sexism, there is no way in Hades that I'm hiring a guy.

Seriously, God?

My brother is at the hospital with my 8 year old niece who has appendicitis and is being taken to surgery. Are you freaking kidding me?