Thoughts on Disaster

I can see how all of the horrible of weather events lately could lead a non-atheist to believe that the rapture is coming. Hurricanes and tornadoes and floods and wildfires. It seems that there hasn't been a corner of the world left untouched.

I grew up in tornado alley and tornado warnings were pretty common, so I've never gotten too freaked out by tornadoes.* As kids, we pretty much had to be able to see the funnel before we took cover. Once the sirens went off, the whole neighborhood ran outside to look for the tornado. Our neighbors were to only family on the block with a storm cellar, and there had to be an imminent threat to go down there. It was dark and dank and full of bugs and mice and who knows what else.

But the recent tornadoes and horrible destruction in Joplin and Tuscaloosa have us all a little more on edge when the storm sirens start going off. One night last week the sirens were going off for hours. The kids spent the evening hanging out in the closet under the stairs with their bicycle helmets on. (Nerdy!) At one point they had the bright idea to take the dog and two cats in there with them--you can imagine how well that went over. DH and I were sitting on the couch about 15 feet away.

And this weekend, wildfires were taking over our hometown. They already suffered wildfires earlier this year that burned many homes. This time fewer homes were burned, but two of those were in the neighborhood that FIL and other relatives live in. They were all forced to evacuate last night. That was definitely a little too close for comfort.

I don't remember a year with so many adverse weather events. It does leave you wondering what is causing it and when is it going to end.

*I was at a business dinner about a year ago, and my tablemates were fascinated when they learned my hometown. They wanted to know if I had ever seen a tornado (yes, several), if I had ever been in a tornado (within about half a mile), how often tornadoes came along (a lot).

An update of sorts

We finally heard back from the rheumatologist's office today. All of the tests that they have results for are normal. But some of the tests "were not obtained" so they are sending us a scrip to have more bloodwork done. WTF does the tests "were not obtained" mean? Did you lose some of the 15 bazillion vials of blood that you already took from my kid? Were they broken, contaminated?

TT will be thrilled to learn that she has to be vampirized again.

Meanwhile, my funk continues. It is more than just being worried about TT. It is also because I'm not happy with my job. I have been very slow for several weeks now. It is always unsettling to be low on hours for an extended period of time (although it is good timing with all of the medical appointments and end of the school year activities), because the possibility of layoffs always lies in the background. But I am reasonably certain that I would not be the first to go even if things don't pick up soon.

But besides being slow, I am bored. I work in a specialized niche of commercial litigation--and this particular field just isn't especially exciting. I feel like I do the same thing over and over. I would kill for a little variety, but I am in a true boutique firm (no, a 40 person insurance defense firm is not a litigation boutique, Mr. Recruiter).

I need something exciting, something that challenges me and makes my brain work. I'm not getting that right now, and the days just drag.

But I am hesitant to make a change. I have a level of comfort in my firm. I'm afraid of another crazy boss, and I get along with the attorneys that I work with now. I also have flexibility. I can leave early for a teacher conference or stay home with a sick kid and nobody really notices or cares as long as I am getting my work done. No one has ever made a peep about my billable hours. My billables requirement is low, and I am paid well--especially considering the billables requirement. And I am certain that I am on a 7 year partnership track, if that is what I want.

Besides, the job market is still pretty soft. But I really need some interesting work before my brain goes soft.

Out of Sorts

I have been feeling a bit off lately. Cranky and short-tempered. Not as productive and organized as usual. And I'm pretty sure it's starting to show at work. At least twice in the last week one of my bosses have asked me about something that I either completely forgot about or was slow to complete. That is definitely not my style.

I'm not sure what the source of my off-ness is. I think a lot of it has to do with being worried about TT. At her appointment last week, I expected the rheumatologist to say that the ANA test is an unreliable indicator and that she just needed a recheck in a few months. Instead she ordered a battery of new bloodwork. They are testing for Lupus. TT doesn't have most of the typical symptoms, but she has a few. And it will be another week before we have test results.

Lupus is scary. Definitely not something that I want one of my kids to have to deal with. But I feel like we are too lucky. We have three really awesome kids. They don't have behavior issues. They don't have mental health issues. They don't have health issues (until now). They are smart and do well in school.

It seems so unfair that my kids don't have any real problems when I have friends and acquaintances whose kids have autism and Tourette's and epilepsy and severe behavioral and mental health issues and cancer. And so I'm afraid that it's our turn to have to deal with something terrible.

I felt almost despondent today when I spilled a cup of coffee all over my desk. It didn't hit anything important--so no big deal, right? But it just felt like one more thing piling up on me. I need to shake this off and get over this hump.

Alone and Bored

How is that possible? Because I set a speed record in the shower this morning before I had to hop back out and barf my guts up. I'm guessing it's a virus, because food poisoning doesn't make sense. But it doesn't feel like a virus. It feels like a hangover. Or pregnancy. I'm 100% certain it's neither of those, so I guess we're back to a virus.

And so I am lying here, trying to be still. And bored. And trying to figure out how to handle TT's appointment with the rheumatologist this afternoon. It is a 30-mile commute into Big City, and right now driving in a car sounds, well, nauseating. And if it truly is a virus, I don't want to expose anybody else. But it is a really important appointment and I really want to be there. (DH had planned to meet us there, so he could just take TT if I can't make it. But I'm anal-retentive and I know I'll get all grouchy if he doesn't ask the questions I think he should. Yes, this is a personality flaw.)

I've got another hour to see if my stomach settles--maybe it's only a six-hour bug-ha!

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope all of the law moms are adequately spoiled.

DH and I ran the urban dare race yesterday. It's not a regular road race--it's kind of like a scavenger hunt. We had to solve a bunch of clues to figure out where to go, and then plot out the best route between points throughout downtown of Big City. We finished in the top third which I think was not too bad since it was our first time doing this kind of race, and since I'm still grounded from running. DH definitely could have finished faster without me slowing him down (or maybe not, since I'm a better navigator and more familiar with downtown).

We're guessing that we walked 5 miles (in 2.5 hours). Now I can feel every single muscle from my waist down. Seriously, why does my butt hurt so much? I think I may be more out of shape than I have led myself to believe.

This morning I have been showered with drawings and poems from the girls. I love the things they write, they're so funny. DH got me a GC to Barnes and Noble so I can refill my Nook (although I have no shortage of books--but book buying is my weakness,) and tickets to see Rock of Ages (which I may have dropped a few hints about).

Next week is a crazy one on the kid front. TT finally has her appointment with the rheumatologist and a recheck with the orthopedist. And we have PS's award ceremony, programs by the twins on two separate days, and a teacher conference --all in the middle of the day! I really wish our suburban school realized how difficult mid-day events are on parents who work in the city. My bosses may think I've quit my job, with all of the time I need to be out. And DH's department is in the middle of a huge project with an imminent deadline and they aren't allowing anyone to take time off right now. Good thing I'm not especially busy at work right now!

This and That

It was a good weekend in the LC household. I accepted the award on Friday and received many nice compliments (and turned many shades of pink). I'm still astonished at how little is required to be recognized. The conference was really good. I was impressed with the quality of speakers at a small bar association's conference and I picked up some good info.

TT and SS, along with the rest of their troop, earned the bronze award in Girl Scouts, which is the highest award they can earn at their level. Yay!

And DH finished his second 5K. But it was not just a regular old 5K, it was one of the new-fangled run through the woods, jump over fire, climb over barriers, and swim through a mud pit kind of 5Ks. We don't have official results yet, but his time was respectable--not too far off from his first 5K, which did not involve all of the obstacles.

It was really interesting to watch the sizes and shapes of the people crossing the finish line. Many flabbier people were well ahead of their skinny-mini counterparts. It just goes to show that thin does not equal fit. And well-defined muscles do not mean that you are automatically prepared for an intense cardio workout.

DH and I are doing an urban race next weekend. Kinda like the amazing race with clues and trivia and obstacles. I'm still grounded from running, but I have been walking, and I think I can handle this. Hopefully our brains can compensate for my lack of athleticism.