Bar Prep Day 8:Crazy day

Sat through the second property lecture today. Property Prof sounds like Paul Harvey. Day 3 is tomorrow, but I have to skip b/c it is Kindergarten Graduation and also PS has her awards ceremony. Unfortunately, the make-up is not until next week, and I don't know how that is going to impact my study schedule.

When I got home yesterday I had a message from NMBC DA's office. I have an interview next week. I'm not sure if I am excited or not. I had sort of written them off since it had been over 2 months since they requested my updated resume. I'm still not sure I want to live there, and at this point the stress of what would be involved to move is too overwhelming to think about. Nevertheless, I told them I was still interested and am heading there next week. I decided to bring hubby and kids along so they can check out the city and decide if they could handle living there.

More interestingly, when I emailed my old boss at the DA's office where I interned, he cryptically hinted that there could be an opening soon. I did not see that as a possibility, and I doubt I can pull any more info our of him. I hope that I am not reading something that is not there, because I would love to work there and I wouldn't even have to move.

To wrap up my crazy day, I got rear-ended in the Clown Car coming home this evening. No serious injuries, but the hit was hard enough to break the teeth off the clip that was in my hair. My neck and back are sore. And I totally needed the stress of dealing with insurance and getting the car fixed right now. Oh yeah, and the guy is from out-of-state and his insurance card expired three days ago. I'm sure this is going to be fun to settle.

Bar Prep: Day 6--I need essay help

Still working on contracts--not doing great. I'm averaging about 63% on barbri's MBE's and 53% on pmbr's MBE's. Definitely need to spend some more time with contracts (which was always my least favorite subject.)

I did my first essay outline. How the heck are you supposed to self-grade these things?? There is a model answer, but I think that a checklist of points with some idea of what is needed to pass would be very helpful. I hit most of the main points, but there were a few that I missed--would it be good enough on the real thing?

I turned to Google to guidance. The Google Gods disappointed and I didn't find anything to help me. I did, however, find several older blogs that indicated that barbri used to grade practice essays for you. Most seemed to be in California. So I don't know if it was a CA thing only, or something that barbri is just not doing anymore. (The blogs indicated that barbri was having trouble keeping up with grading the essays.)

In any event, I really expected a little more guidance from barbri on the essays, since they make up 40% of the grade here. I am not in a state that allows you to pass based on a great MBE score. And essay's have never been my strong suit--I always do better on multiple choice exams. So I'm freaking out a little that I am completely left to my own judgment to determine if my practice essays are good enough. There is an essay writing workshop at some point, but it's still at least a couple of weeks away. I hate to wait too long since the essays are so important on this test.

Bar Prep: Day 3

Started Contracts today. I'm glad I took UCC 2. I felt comfortable with everything we covered today, even though I never made it through all the reading last night. Unfortunately, I think we covered the easy stuff today and the more difficult stuff is coming tomorrow.

After class I did 25 PMBR questions and barely cleared 50%. Most of what I missed was stuff that was not covered today. I reviewed today's lecture and did more of the reading that was supposed to be done for today.

Tonight I still need to finish my K reading and do the intermediate level Evidence questions that I did not get to last night.

So far I am averaging 3 hours of study at school after bar/bri and 3 hours at home at night. I don't know how anybody who works does it--I feel like I don't have enough time without a job. It doesn't help that I am spending at least 3 hours a day commuting.

This Makes Me Feel So Much Better

Bar Exam Stats via A girl "works" a bar (exam) pole

I am suddenly much happier with the 66% averages I have been scoring in my first week of bar study.

Bar Prep: Day 2

Had to drive myself today because I had an orthodontist appointment. For some reason today was more tolerable than yesterday, even though we are still on evidence. Evidence Prof looks like Jason Bateman.

Came home, had lunch, worked the short drill in the bar/bri book. Checked my answers, but didn't have time to review before my appointment.

Had my ortho consult where I got my treatment plan and the cost of it all. I am going into a TMJ splint for a couple of months before actual orthodontics. Because of the TMJ my mouth only opens to 26 mm and 35 mm is considered quite limited. (I'm sure DH will be glad when I get that little problem fixed.) The ortho though the TMJ splint was a good idea since I will inevitably be clenching a lot (which aggravates the TMJ) over the next couple of months. Also, I just wasn't sure I could deal with having braces put on in the middle of all of the bar stress.

Braces = $7200. I nearly fell out of my chair. My internet research had led me to believe it would be closer to $5K. There is a $600 surcharge because I want the clear ceramic braces--but I was expecting that. Fortunately I can put that expense off (hopefully until I am gainfully employed). The TMJ splint is a mere $600. The insurance will not cover any of the orthodontics, but they should pick up part of the TMJ stuff.

Came home, picked up the girls and took Bob to have his stitches out. (He had the big snip-snip a couple of weeks ago.)

Finally back home, threw dinner in the over, sat down to check email.

I still have a lot of work to do before tomorrow--I think bar/bri has assigned another 70 MBE questions, plus I have to review tomorrow's outline. I am trying to do PMBR questions every night, but I'm not sure that is going to happen tonight.

I did not sleep well last night. I was worried that I didn't study enough yesterday. So far I am averaging 66% on my practice questions. I'm thinking this is not good, but a couple of other blogs have indicated that even lower scores are expected when just starting, so maybe it's not too bad.

Bar Prep: Day 1

I was a little worried about logistics today, but everything worked out ok. DH and I are commuting together--I drop him off then park at the nearby train station and take the train downtown to bar/bri. We had to get the kids up and out the door by 7:30--a half hour earlier than usual. The Behemoth is stuck in the garage and we are driving the Clown Car--the tiny fuel efficient car that we bought for a commuter car. We call it the Clown Car because we look ridiculous when we have the whole family stuffed inside. But the Clown Car will cost about 1/3 what the Behemoth costs to drive, and with rising gas prices, the savings is significant for our 60 mile daily commute. I don't even know what it costs to fill the Behemoth any more because the pump cuts me off at $75. But I digress.

Bar/bri sucks, just like I knew it would. It is long and boring. But our location is one of the more interesting ones. It is essentially a bar, decked out in an Old West theme.

After bar/bri, I had lunch with DH and headed to school to study until he got off work. I kept nodding off. This is not looking good.

Hung out w/ the girls for a while this evening and then worked PMBR questions. I thought I was doing really well. Then I checked my answers.

My life looks bleak through the end of July.

Last Day of Freedom

Registered for bar/bri today and picked up my 40 lbs of books.

Went to the stationery store and bought lovely pink and brown Crane thank you notes.

Had lunch w/ DH.

Returned my diploma so that it can be inscribed with the correct honors (I did not want to let it go and they said it would be 8-10 weeks.)

Went to the used book store and brought home a huge sack full of books. I went in for a particular book that I have already started. I had borrowed it from the library, but it stinks so badly of cigarette smoke that I can't stand to read it without my head stopping up. So I bought it used (and sniffed it before my purchase.) All the others were on clearance--I spent a whopping $11. Apparently I have deluded myself into thinking that I will actually have time to read and study for the bar. Not really, I just needed something lite for the 15 minutes a night before I pass out in bed.

Spent an hour piddling around SuperTarget before finally picking up a few groceries and the cotton balls the twins were supposed to have in by today for some sort of mystery project. I heart Target.

Picked the girlies up from school.

Unloaded the groceries, cotton balls and now 60 lbs. of books from the car. Fixed the girls' snacks. Retired to the recliner with my laptop and a Diet D.P.

Still need to:

Make sure I know how to get from the train station to the bar/bri place tomorrow.

Make dinner.

Attend tonight's school board meeting where PS will be recognized b/c her PTA art submission made it to the state level.

Review for tomorrow's bar/bri lecture.

Start to put the house back together because it hasn't been touched since company left yesterday.

Do a couple of loads of laundry before we all run out of underwear. (Laundry is the bane of my existence and I will never be caught up.)

Start writing thank you notes.

[Edited because while the store is stationary, I went there to buy stationery.]

I got my cum laude!!!!!

I didn't think it was going to happen. I'm still not sure what powers that be made it happen, but I can't even express how thrilled I was when I arrived for the hooding ceremony and was given my honor cord. I think that alone has bumped me out of the depression I have been wallowing in for the last couple of weeks.

The graduation weekend went much better than I anticipated. The in-laws flew in late Thursday. DH had work and the girls had school on Friday so I spent the day hanging out with them. We went shopping and out to lunch.

On Saturday we had our lunch/party. I went out Saturday morning to get my nails done and was surprised to find my dad at my house when I returned. He spent the whole day with us, even though all of my inlaws were here. That is major for my dad, because tends to be very anti-social. He went out with DH to pick up the barbecue we had ordered and paid for it. Also major, because my dad is not one to spend freely. He gave me more money than I ever would have anticipated and told me I was to spend it on something significant and only on myself. I have no idea what to do with it.

And my dad told me he was proud of me. I think this is the first time in my life I have ever met his expectations. My dad has always set a very high bar for me, and even when I did well, it was never quite enough. I finally did enough, and graduating with honors was the icing on the cake.

It's really gonna happen

On a whim today I checked my grades. Since it usually takes about 6 weeks to get grades, I wasn't expecting anything yet--I figured it would be 5:00 Friday night before I knew for sure whether I would really be graduating. But lo and behold, every single one of my grades were in. So the good news is that I am definitely graduating. And the bad news is that I got a big fat C in Con Law. My lowest grade ever (and quite possibly the lowest grade my school even hands out.) I'm a little disappointed because I spent a lot of time preparing for that exam, but at least I have a good excuse. The rest of my grades were average to good and my GPA didn't change much, so I guess that is a good thing. Anyway, that's it, the end. I'll get my very expensive piece of paper on Saturday so who the hell cares about grades? (Oh yeah, all those potential employers.)

Congrats to me

Despite my whining, I have a fair number of people planning to attend my graduation. My inlaws, SIL, and her hubby are flying in tomorrow night. Other SIL, her hubby and kids are already in the area (he's an insurance guy and goes where disaster strikes), so they will be here. My aunt is coming in and attending with my uncle who lives in the area. DH went behind my back and invited my dad and grandparents. That led to a big fight, but my dad is coming and my grandparents are not. I don't know if my dad is coming of his own volition or because DH guilted him into it. My mom called and said that she wanted to come and that she would need us to pick her up from the airport and she wanted to say a few days. (Remember, this is the woman I barely speak to.) I told her that I really did not want her here, I thought that she only wanted to be here to keep up appearances in front of her family and my inlaws, and that my house was already full because my inlaws are staying here.

So, since most of these people are coming in from out of town, I sort of felt like we needed some sort of get-together besides the graduation. (And I was getting phone calls asking if we had anything planned.) We considered just going to dinner afterward, but my graduation is at 6:30 and it would get pretty late. So, we are having a lunch/party here before graduation.

I am a little irritated with DH because he has done nothing to plan this little event. So in addition to cleaning house today, I am ordering the food, making the shopping list, and ordering a cake. It just feels wrong to order your own graduation cake. I let him off the hook on Mother's Day telling him that all I wanted was to have portraits done of the girls. Has he booked that--no, he'll leave it to me. I don't think he realizes that relieving me of the planning and details is part of the gift. Nor does he realize that you can't wait until the last minute to do these things.

On top of all this (and probably the reason I sound so bitchy), I still feel like crap. I felt better the last two days, and then I woke again today full of snot. My body hurts and it's hard to breathe. Do you feel sorry for me yet? Yes I am a big baby.

You might hate me for this

The Impossible Quiz - Presented by AddictingGames

Luau Baby

This is the sort of silliness that ensues on kindergarten field day.

How I became a mom, Part 3

Part 1 and Part 2 are below.

That evening, things got a little better. My husband had found the website for the TTTS Foundation and emailed them. Mary from the foundation called me and discussed my diagnosis. She explained exactly what was going on and what I could do to help my babies. Basically my babies were connected through their shared placenta. One was taking all of the blood and nutrients from the other. This was bad for both babies, because the “donor” who was giving all of the blood to the “recipient” was likely to be undernourished. The “recipient” was getting too much for her little heart to deal with and was subject to heart failure. Furthermore, the recipient who was getting so much blood and nourishment would urinate more, creating too much amniotic fluid, putting the bag of waters at risk of rupturing. The donor¸ who was not receiving enough nutrition was not urinating, and had very little amniotic fluid, also a dangerous situation.

Mary told me that I needed to be on bed rest, so that as much of my blood as possible was going to my babies, and to drink Ensure, to give my babies extra protein. She also discussed treatment options with me. The only two realistic options were amniotic fluid reductions and in-utero laser surgery. The laser surgery basically blasted away all of the connections that the babies shared so that they could no longer send nutrients back and forth. This was considered experimental by many, in fact my peri considered the whole concept ridiculous, and I did not know if my insurance would cover it. Also it is only performed in four hospitals in the US, none anywhere near me. The second option was amniotic fluid reductions. It is the same thing as an amniocentesis, in which a long needle is inserted into the belly and through the uterus, except that much more fluid is drawn off. This basically only treats one of the symptoms of TTTS, not the cause as is the case of the laser surgery. Both treatments had similar outcomes, although the amniotic fluid reductions could be done almost anywhere. Mary also recommended that I have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the changes in my babies, since things could progress very quickly.

That night I saw my OB and he confirmed the grim statistics that I had already discovered. He admitted that he had not seen a case of TTTS with a positive outcome and told me that it was now in God’s hands. I appreciated his honesty. He did not know much about the laser surgery, but promised to look into it and to support me in whatever treatment option I choose. He sent me home from the hospital that night, on bed rest, knowing that I needed to be with my family now, and fearing that I would have many days ahead of me in the hospital.

The next day I contacted one of the surgeons who performed the laser surgery. He repeated much of the information I had already heard from Mary. He told me what to watch for and what to ask my doctors to determine the severity of my condition. When I saw my peri the next time I tried to ask him those questions and discuss treatment options. He told me that fluid reductions were the only option he would consider and did not answer my questions. He also did not think weekly ultrasounds were necessary, despite the fact that there had been significant change between the last two appointments. I immediately resolved to find a new peri.

I contacted the surgeon once again and he put me in touch with a local peri that he had worked with in the past. She was wonderful. She was a mom of twins herself and had a much better understanding of what I was going through. She sat down and explained everything to me as my previous peri had not done. She also told me that our goal would be to get to 35 weeks. It is rare for TTTS babies to make it to term because it is often safer for them to be delivered early than to remain inside the womb. Once we hit 28 weeks, when the babies would have a good chance of survival, she would monitor whether the babies were better off inside or out. Of course there was always the chance that my membranes would rupture from the extra fluid.

I had an ultrasound that day, and she immediately called the laser surgeon to discuss the results. Together they determined that I did not yet need treatment, but that I would have weekly monitoring and it could become a possibility in the future. Meanwhile I contacted my insurance about paying for the surgery, should it become necessary. They had already assigned me a caseworker, since I had been hospitalized so many times, and she began gathering data about the surgery. It would have to go before a board to be approved.

The next week I saw my peri again. Things had changed the “recipient’ had way too much fluid, and it could start causing problems. My peri and the surgeon decided to go ahead with an amniotic fluid reduction. Since discordant fluid was the only symptom I was currently showing, it seemed the most logical route. I thought they would bring me back the next day for the fluid reduction, but she was going to do it right then, in her office.

I had never had an amniocentesis before because I had been too scared. Now I had no choice and no time to prepare. I laid on my back with my belly poking in the air as the doctor swabbed it with iodine. Then came the biggest needle I had ever seen. I had had plenty of experience with needles at this point, but I was terrified of this one. When she inserted the needle I only felt a little prick as it when through the skin. But when it went through my uterus, I started contracting. It was only a mild contraction, a reaction to the needle, and it was over quickly, although there would be more to come throughout the procedure. The doctor drew the fluid out with a giant syringe, and then dumped it into a big plastic bottle, over and over again. Lying flat on my back I started to get dizzy. The doctor and her assistant had to roll me over and my husband shoved towels under my back, all while the needle was still sticking out of my belly. Finally after 20 minutes it was over. A few light contractions, but that was all. No big deal. The doctor wanted to see me again by the end of the week to make sure my fluid levels had not gone back up.

I ended up having three more fluid reductions over the next few weeks, at one time drawing out more than a half gallon of fluid. My doctor stayed in close contact with the surgeon, but they never determined that the laser surgery was necessary. Fortunately mine was a milder case of TTTS, and my girls never showed and heart problems or great growth discordance. Only the fluid was a problem, and it was treated by simply removing the excess. At 35 weeks into my pregnancy, my TTTS symptoms started to disappear. That magical 35 weeks, our original goal for delivering healthy babies, and it now looked like we were going to surpass it.

As it turned out, I went to 39 weeks, before I was finally induced. After all the worry and the bedrest, it seemed that my girls were perfectly happy where they were. My OB tried to start labor by breaking my bag of waters, that which had been so at risk for breaking on its own, which had been over-inflated and deflated again like a child’s balloon, which had been pricked over and over during the amniocentesis. The only problem was that my membranes wouldn’t rupture. I guess they had to have been made of tough stuff to have survived all they had already been through, and after several minutes of some discomfort, my OB finally gave up. Instead they started me on pitocin to start contractions. Every hour they raised the dose, but my contractions were neither hard nor productive.

After about 6 hours my OB tried to break the bag of waters again, finally success! I began to have steady contractions that were finally becoming painful. I held off getting an epidural because I didn’t want to slow down my labor. Finally after an hour the pain was intense and I wanted relief. The nurse called for the epidural without doing a cervical check, and by the time it was in, I was feeling real pressure. The nurse did a check and found I was at a 10 and ready to go. What’s more, one of the babies’ heart rates was dropping. I have never seen people move so fast.

They rushed me to an OR, where they delivered all twins. About two minutes and three pushes later, TT was out. I found out later that the doctor had used forceps to help pull her out because of her dropping heart rate. She was pale, but she cried soon, and after receiving fluids for a couple of hours, she was perfectly healthy. I didn’t have much time to think about her because SS was right on her heels.

We knew that SS was breech. The doctor was going to try to turn her around after I delivered TT. He called for the assistance of one of his associates, but before he could even get the words out, there was SS, feet first. And there I had my two beautiful little miracles. After a long physically and emotionally draining pregnancy, I had the easiest delivery that I could have wished for, and two beautiful, perfectly healthy babies.

How I became a mom, Part 2

Part 1 is below.

I loved staying home with PS, and DH and I decided that she needed a little brother or sister. We wanted the siblings to be 2-3 years apart, so we started trying when PS was about 18 months old. I hadn't given up all hope of every having a career or law school, but we decided that we might as well complete our family first.

After several months of trying, I was pregnant again. I had to find a new doctor because my last one was no longer taking any insurance.

Two weeks after I found out about the pregnancy the nausea began creeping in like a fog. I tried to ignore the first twinges of nausea, but soon I was vomiting. At first it was only once or twice a day, but by the end of that week it was many times a day, even when my stomach was completely empty. I knew I was seriously dehydrated. I felt like I was dying of thirst, yet everything I tried to drink came right back up. Food was out of the question. I called my new doctor and met him for the first time when I was sent to the ER for rehydration. I immediately liked him, but I don’t think he understood how severe my situation could become. I was given three bags of basic saline through the IV and gave me a prescription for Zofran. I went home knowing that my problem was just beginning. I had been through this before.

A few days later I was back to square one. The Zofran was not even touching my nausea. I called the doc again, and he sent me right up to the OB ward. I was started on IVs to rehydrate me. I still could not keep anything down, but at least I was staying hydrated. Fluids through my arm were the only thing keeping my alive, and I couldn’t imagine how my baby would survive if I was not eating anything. My doctors ran batteries of tests, but could not figure out what was making me so sick. They continued with the IV treatment, and my arms and hands were now various shades of blue, yellow and green from the bruising. The nurses had trouble finding my veins because I was so dehydrated, and they rarely got the IV in place on the first stick. I was also having blood drawn every morning. I looked like a drug addict with needle marks left down my arms, wrists and the outside of my hands. The IV’s had to be changed out every three days, if something didn’t cause a problem before then.

Finally, my team of doctors came to the conclusion that I needed some kind of nourishment beyond what was being given through my IV. They put a tube down my nose and ran it past my stomach into my intestines. That was the most miserable two hours of my life. Then I vomited up the feeding tube. The only option left was a central line, basically another IV put into my chest into a major artery, and through which I could receive nutrition. It would require a surgical procedure to place the line, and it would be semi-permanent, staying in place until the nausea had subsided for good. My OB’s were very concerned about this. They told me that the risk of infection was high and that it could cause serious problems or even death. I was told to consider terminating my pregnancy, because it was now posing a serious threat to my health.

Until this point, I had only been considering my unborn child. Now I had to consider the impact my decision would have on the child I already had. Was it fair for me to risk her growing up without a mother for the sake of another child who was not even here yet? How could I choose between myself and my baby? I prayed to God to take my baby or make the vomiting stop. I could not make such a decision.

That night, reaching for an explanation of my sickness, I asked my OB if I might be carrying more than one baby. I knew that mothers of multiples were subject to more severe morning sickness, and while I had dealt with hyperemesis in the past it was much worse this time. She doubtfully admitted it was possible. The next morning I got my first ultrasound, six weeks into my pregnancy. The perinatologist who was performing the procedure never looked up from the screen when he asked, “Have you been taking fertility drugs?” As my husband stood by looking shocked, I answered no and replied “How many are in there?”

Twins, I was having twins, and they looked to be identical and perfectly healthy, with strong little heartbeats. I was thrilled and in total disbelief. I could not understand how I was keeping one baby alive and healthy, much less two! What’s more, I finally had a reason behind all the sickness, and I was going to get two babies for all my trouble. There would be no more talk of terminating. Even my doctors seemed to have strengthened resolve to find a way to make me better.

Finally my wonderful GI, who had been working closely with my OB’s all along found out about an experimental procedure using steroids to control nausea. We did not really know what effects this would have on my babies, but my perinatologist assured me that only a very small portion of this drug crossed the placenta and it was unlikely to harm my babies. The bigger danger was that I was literally starving to death, and this looked like a way to stop that. They started with the steroids in my IV, and once they started controlling the nausea, I was able to start taking pills. After only a couple of days the nausea was gone. I was able to finally start eating and drinking again, and I could go home. I was to be slowly weaned off the steroids over the next two weeks, and hopefully by the end of that time I would be far enough into my pregnancy that the nausea would be gone for good.

It wasn’t quite that simple, I had to go through two more rounds of the streroids, before I got rid of the nausea for good. Whenever I got near the end of a round of steroids the nausea would return, and I would have to be readmitted to the hospital to get the steroids through the IV and start again. On that third try, now 16 weeks into my pregnancy, I was admitted to the hospital for the last time after spending 30 days over five different admissions. After a few days I was feeling better, but my doctor was being cautious and making sure the nausea was gone before releasing me.

One morning I went for another ultrasound with the same peri who had found my twins. On this visit I found that I was having two girls! I also found out that they had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. I had read a bit about this in some of my pregnancy books, but I had no idea how serious it was. I had my husband bring a laptop up to the hospital that day so that I could do some research and find out what was really going on. The peri hadn’t told me much and I would not see my OB until that evening. What I found was unsettling. TTTS, if left untreated had a mortality rate of 90%. Even with treatment, some of which is considered experimental, survival is less than 50% for one twin and 30% for both babies . That day, for the first time, I lost it. I cried all day long. After all that I had already gone through, my babies weren’t going to live.

How I came to be a mom

I got pregnant with PS the day I graduated from college. She was not planned. I never could remember to take the darn pill, and I guess too much celebrating led us to be less careful than we should have been. Although DH and I had already been married for two years, having kids was not even on the horizon. I had already sent out my first batch of law school apps when I discovered that PS was on the way. I was devastated. She would be due in September, and I just knew that I could not start law school and have a baby in the same month.

Within a couple of weeks the morning sickness became so severe that I could hardly function. Turns out that I was suffering from an extreme version of morning sickness known as hyperemesis. I couldn't keep anything down and lost nearly 30 lbs. (I was 135 to start.) Every few days I was back in the hospital for IV rehydration. Eventually, the doctor put me on IV rehydration therapy at home. I had a little backpack to carry my IV pump in and every third day a home health nurse would come by to move the needle. This continued for most of the first trimester. When I finally went back to work, I had barely enough energy to walk across the room.

But once the hyperemesis finally subsided into "normal' morning sickness, I could at least function again. When I was about 4-5 months and started to feel PS move, I became more excited about her upcoming arrival. I could put law school off for a year--no big deal.

I had been the primary support for Dh and I for the last year. I was working full time, and earning more than twice what he was. Dh was still in school and was doing a low-paying internship that we hoped would be worth the sacrifice in experience gained. DH was supposed to graduate in August. PS was due in September. As both days drew nearer and DH still did not have a job, we both became more and more stressed. I did not know how we would pay the bills when I took off to have the baby, and I really wanted to be able to stay home with her for the first year.

Finally, in late July, DH was offered a position. It was the one he has now, in Big City--300 miles from our little college town. They told him that he could wait until after the baby was born to start, but we knew that we needed the income as soon as possible. So, at 8 months pregnant, we drove to Big City to find an apartment, and just three weeks before PS was born we moved. It was 113 outside the day we moved into our new apartment.

Although early on we had warned my OB/GYN that we would likely be moving before the baby was born, he was livid when I told him that we were moving and he would not be delivering her. He refused to give me a referral in Big City, and told me that no doctor would take me that late in my pregnancy. My reply was that the baby was gonna have to come out one way or another.
As it turned out, the first doctor that I called was willing to take me and she was fantastic.

Very early on September 24th, I woke up thinking I'd wet myself. It had never happened before, but considering the pressure my huge belly was putting on my bladder, anything was possible. I woke up two hours later with the same sensation. Then it dawned on me that perhaps my water had broken and this was a slow leak. Not wanting to unnecessarily disturb my doctor in the middle of the night, I waited until 7:00 am to call, and was told to come in immediately for a check. Irregular contractions started on the way to the hospital. I think DH hit every bump in the road along the way.

While we were sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor, the flood came. Water started gushing out. At first I thought I was peeing--and I was really embarrassed. But it kept coming and coming--clearly this had nothing to do with my bladder. I started laughing and begging DH to do something to help me. He was simply stunned and absolutely helpless. He said, "How am I supposed to help with this?" I said, "I dunno, get a mop." We were both laughing so hard we had tears running down our faces when the doctor appeared. The flooded floor immediately gave away that my water had indeed broken. DH still counts that as the funniest moment of his entire life.

I was wheeled down to L&D and put on a pit drip. I wasn't very excited about that, but I was too young and timid around the doctor to speak up for myself. L&D was no big deal. Contractions were not nearly as bad as I had anticipated, but then again, I had an epidural fairly early on. I pushed for 2 hours, and could not pop the little critter out. Finally, the doc said that she could either vacuum her out or do a c-section. I wasn't excited about either option, but the doc convinced me that the vacuum was the safest option.

When she was born, DD had a pointy little conehead from the vacuum. She was a fat healthy baby, weighing in at 8 lbs. She had no problems latching on and breastfeeding was a breeze. I instantly adored her. She spent her entire time in the hospital sleeping with me or on DH's chest. The nurses had told me that if I slept, they would take her out of the room--so I didn't sleep unless she was with me. I was paranoid that they would take her and either accidentally switch her (I had just seen a 20/20 about that) or give her a bottle. We only spent one night in the hospital when I asked to go home so that I could rest without fear of the evil nurses taking her.

I loved being a mom and staying home with my baby. Law school fell to the back of my mind. I briefly considered going back to work when she was a year old, but I simply couldn't imagine leaving my sweet baby in daycare. Instead, I committed myself to being a SAHM.

Just Stuff

I have one week of freedom before I enter the 7th circle of Hell aka Barbri. I will spend it going over my PMBR books (the course would be next week, if I were taking it), searching for jobs, and cleaning house before company arrives for graduation.

I won't count the last two days, because although I was done with school on Wednesday, I spent all of Thursday and Friday at the kids' school for their field days. I usually don't mind the kids' school functions, but field day is hot and boring and lasts all day. For PS's field day, we went to the high school stadium so they could run their events on a real track. PS did the 50 yd dash. She came in last in her heat. She has been telling us all year that she is the slowest runner in the class. She is having to come to terms with the fact that she can't be good at everything. I told her that she has been gifted with beauty and brains and she can't expect athleticism on top of that. I think she got over it pretty quickly.

DH and I went out last night to celebrate the end of law school. We never go out alone, so it was a treat. We went to Benihana because neither of us had ever been before and we thought it would be a fun experience. The food was just ok, and our chef just wasn't nearly as in to it as some of the others were. It was nice to try something different, but I'm in no hurry to return.

Then we went to a tiny theater that I don't even know how to describe. It specializes in the melodrama and strongly encourages audience participation. They even give you baskets of popcorn to throw at the actors--or each other. Think "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." But less musical. It was really a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I have developed a nasty sinus infection which kind of put a damper on the evening.

I am planning to spend all of today sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I have been run over by a truck. But that's ok, because this is the first weekend in forever that I haven't had anything in the world that had to get done, and that is a nice feeling.

That's all, folks.

Today was my last day of school. When I was preparing to leave and driving to school I thought that I should feel a sense of joy, or relief, or some positive emotion. Instead I was overcome with a profound sense of sadness. I became acutely aware that I don't want to graduate. I have truly enjoyed law school. I have enjoyed learning, but also, the ability to (except this semester) arrange my schedule to be home with the girls in the afternoon and I got to have lunch with DH a lot. I had a plan, things to accomplish, hurdles to jump.

Now I have jumped all hurdles but the bar. And I don't know what is coming next. I am more afraid of having to take a job that I hate than in not getting a job at all. Because if I never get an offer, at least I can go solo. But I know that I need more experience and financial stability first, so if I ever get an offer I must take it. And I hate being in that position.

So instead of being happy that I am done, I am depressed about my future. And angry that the options for my future were misrepresented to me. I liked the safety and security of school--moving on without the safety net of a job is undermines the accomplishment that completing law school should be.

P.S. Tonight I am blogging from Margaritaville, so if this post makes no sense, well, you know why.

Yep, definitely a conspiracy

SS (the non-strep infected kid) started running a low-grade fever last night. She also has developed a cough. So I kept her home from school today because I assumed that she had picked up strep from her sister.

A not-so-quick trip to the doctor revealed that she does not have strep (although they are doing a culture, so that could change), but that she does have pneumonia. Again. So I lost another half-day of studying and both twins running around like they are perfectly healthy.

Finally got home and my stupid computer is giving me fits. I have rebooted 3 times. This is not making it easy to finish my outline. (No, I have not finished the outline for tomorrow's closed-book exam. Yes, this is a bad thing.)

Picked up PS from school. She has been having issues with not completing her work at school, resulting in loads of homework. This week it has been long division. She is truly having trouble with it, and I am having to walk her through every step. Which is once again keeping me from studying. I don't mind helping with her homework, but she keeps losing focus and asking things like "How to calculators work?"

To wrap up my fabulous and productive day, a "friend" just emailed to ask if I have a job. No I do not have a fucking job. As soon as I have a job I will broadcast it to the world. The next person to ask me that is going to end up with an assault charge against me.

Found this while studying tonight

Dr. Zill's Mnemonic Generator

Not sure how useful it is, but some of the mnemonics it comes up with are pretty entertaining.

They're conspiring against me

I'm not exactly sure who "they" are, but there is definitely a conspiracy to tank my grades.

In addition to my own illness in the middle of my three-day exam-a-thon, two of my kiddos have had weird stuff going on. Last Monday I had to take SS to the doc because she had an insect bite near her eye that swelled to nearly the size of a golf ball. Then on Friday, TT came home and said, "Feel my forehead, I don't feel good." Sure enough she had a fever that wouldn't go away all weekend long. She also has huge tonsils with nasty white stuff on them. The fever was gone and she seemed to be feeling better this morning, but my fears of strep throat kept her home from school and required a visit to the doctor. Yep, it's strep. So now my perky little sickie is home with me today and tomorrow.

So how does all this play into the conspiracy? Well, for starters, every time I have to drive across town to the doctor it takes away about 3 hours of desperately needed study time. And having my little darling home with me isn't helping either. Kids are demanding when they are sick--or even when they are feeling better and know they can get away with it. And she has no playmates, because her sisters at school.

Also, there is a very good chance that at least one of her sisters will pick up this little illness, requiring the whole trip-to-the-doctor-while-not-getting-anything-done-at-home scenario to play out once again. I only hope that I can keep the germs at bay until I finish my Oil and Gas exam Wednesday night.

Oh, and if you still don't believe that there is a conspiracy, just look at what was going on last year during finals.

Sunday mornings

This morning both twins crawled in bed with us. SS on DH's side, TT on mine. I love it when they press their warm little bodies against mine and tuck their heads under my chin so that I can inhale the watermelon scent of their hair. They used to climb in our bed every weekend morning, but for the last few months it has become a rarity. Spongebob is now preferred to mom and dad. It was a nice to have a morning snuggle with the girls.

It's gotta get better

I talked to a friend today who just found out he passed the February bar. He was one of my study mates 1L, and decided to graduate a semester early. He also just got a job offer--for a job that I would love.

I'm a little bit jealous that he has all this great stuff going on, but mostly I am really, really happy for him. His successes just seem to make everything seem more possible for me. Yeah, he was unemployed until bar results came out--but he got an offer almost instantly. And just the fact that he passed the bar in some way confirms that I, too, will pass the bar.

So, I'm in a better mood, just knowing that great things are happening for my friends, and that things should get better for me, too.

But now, I have to leave for my Wills & Trusts exam. Things aren't quite so great yet.

Con Law makes me sick.

My Con Law exam was at 6:00 last night, and it was the one I expected to be the hardest. I got to school around 1:00 for some last minute studying. By 3:00 my head was pounding. I took some Tylenol and drank a coke hoping that the medicine, caffeine, or sugar would kill the headache before my exam.

No such luck. By the time 6:00 rolled around the headache was worse and I was starting to feel nauseous. I actually had to leave in the middle of the exam to barf. I came back and finished the exam with 10 minutes to spare. I needed to go back over my answers again, but I knew I was going to be sick again, so I gave it up.

Threw-up again at school and headed home. The motion and the lights on the way home exacerbated both the nausea and the headache. I found that it is indeed possible to barf while driving 60 miles an hour down a major freeway. Thank goodness I had my empty Starbucks cup from that morning.

I made it home by 10:00, barfed again, stripped off my clothes and went to bed. I tossed and turned until 12:15 when the pounding in my head was unbearable. I took another round of Tylenol an prayed I could keep it down long enough to do some good. Barfed again at 1:00. DH gave me a cool wet rag and apparently I passed out. Woke up at 2:00 feeling better. Woke up at 3:00 and headache was back. Took more medicine at 5:00. Alarm was set for 6:00.

Thankfully, when the alarm went off the headache was mostly gone. Wasn't sure about the nausea. Took one more round of Tylenol and headed out the door to make my 8:30 exam. A Diet Dr. Pepper and some crackers on the way seemed to calm my stomach, and I felt halfway decent through that exam. I had had about 3 hours of sleep and no chance to even look at my outline the night before or this morning.

The good news is that today's exam was open book and the one that I predicted to be the easiest. I hope I didn't blow my chance for an A because I wasn't fully recovered. I know I didn't do as well as I could have on the Con Law exam. I seriously doubt that I beat the curve. But at least I don't think I failed like I did after my Con Law I exam.

I still have a shadow of a headache that I am trying to ignore because I have another exam tomorrow that I need to do some serious studying for.

This whole experience has been very reminiscent of my one and only hangover. (Which is another post in itself.) Only, I didn't get to have any fun before the misery set in. And the timing is about the worst imaginable--except for the possibility of a repeat performance during the bar. Knock on wood.