Smackdown

So, I know that I sometimes complained about my secretary at my old firm, but today I seriously contemplated sending her a email telling her how much I under-appreciated her.

I am having major issues with my new secretary. We'll call her Thelma. She started the same week that I did and she is assigned to me and the other young, female associate. That's it. There are secretaries out there who dream of a world where they only have to support two attorneys.

Since she's new, I figured part of the problem was just an adjustment period. But it's been 3 months now. Then I started thinking that maybe she's never been a litigation secretary. Nope, apparently she has 20 years experience as a litigation secretary. But I hadn't said much about her problem areas until the other associate, Rita, came into my office one day and asked if I had been having problems. Apparently we are both having the same issues.

The biggie is attention to detail. I give her documents to be formatted and corrected and they aren't done. She has sent incorrect and incomplete sets of documents to clients and courts--or sets with the pages out of order. She mixes up exhibits for court filings. One of my petitions was left at the courthouse for 3 weeks and she ever noticed! She isn't calendering--even when I specifically tell her to calendar something. And she doesn't respond to email.

So in anticipation of upcoming staff reviews, Rita and I decided that we needed to discuss these things with Thelma. Rita met with her last Friday, and I met with her on Tuesday. She was very defensive and indignant. She said that she did not appreciate that we were questioning her competence. I listened to her side of the story and offered potential solutions to the issues that we raised. And it seemed as though we were done.

And then she sent an email demanding to meet with Rita and me together to discuss "miscommunication and competency issues". I responded that we had had an adequate opportunity to discuss these issues already and another meeting would not be a productive use of time. Also, a joint meeting with Rita and me was not necessary because we have different preferences and requirements. But, I also told her that if she had any specific issues to address with me to please see me.

Apparently Thelma did not like my response, because she next tried to circumvent me by going to the senior associate who handles all of the administrative crap. Now that just pissed me off! Thelma said that she was trying to meet with me and that I was being "uncooperative." Umm, how about the part where I said to see me if you had any specific issues?

Anyway, I met with Senior Associate this morning. She was already aware of the other issues and I told her what I had discussed with Thelma and why I had responded the way that I did. She strongly recommended that I meet with Thelma again, but to schedule the meeting for a limited amount of time to address specific issues. She agreed that this is a staff problem and that it is best if I handle Thelma to send a clear message that I am her boss.

So I told Thelma that we will meet tomorrow morning at 9 for 20 minutes and to have a list of questions prepared. Yes, I intentionally scheduled this meeting for first thing in the morning because she is frequently late. And I very tightly defined what this meeting would entail, because I suspect that what Thelma really wants is a rant session, and we are not going down that path. And she is clearly pissed at me because she didn't get what she demanded. Yea! There's nothing better than a secretary who hates you!

I do not give Thelma more than she can handle (in fact, there are days when I don't give her anything at all) and I am never disrespectful or rude to her. All I want is for her to do her job the way it is supposed to be done. And apparently I am going to have to become the Wicked Witch of the West and point out every mistake she makes to make that happen. And micromanage to ensure that my calendaring is actually done and done properly and that my citations are actually served. Because if a deadline is missed or we have a limitations issue because a petition doesn't get timely serves, it's my head that will roll.

Ugh, I hate managing people.

My brain hurts

I have spent the last two days researching issues that take me right back to 1L civ pro. In retrospect, I'm not sure that civ pro is a great first year class--or maybe its just the way it was taught to me. I mean, I know that civ pro covers fundamental issues that are relevant to every type of case, but I just did not really understand the impact back when I had absolutely no understanding of the law. I did not connect the dots and fully understand the concepts back then, and so now I am having to relearn to fundamentals to research very pointed issues. Of course the great irony is that civ pro was one of my highest grades in law school and I had one of the highest grades in our section (top 10).

On the flip side, I took state procedure classes my second and third years, when I had a better understanding of the law and some actual experience from internships. I felt like I really did understand those classes and I have a great grasp of state procedure now. Those classes were my highest grades in law school.

And for my final irony, my worst grades and most detested classes in law school were in contracts and UCC classes--and my practice now revolves around contracts.

Good for you, Payless!

Last week I attended a conference and one of the break-out sessions was on using social media to promote your business. The presenter talked about the importance of monitoring Internet chatter so that you know what people are saying about you, and then responding in the same forum. She gave an example of a Motrin ad campaign that went way wrong when blogger moms started complaining about it in the blogosphere, leading Motrin to pull the ad within days--but not before hundreds had voiced their discontent via twitter and blog posts.

So yesterday when I checked my stats and saw that someone from Payless HQ had been checking me out, I knew exactly what was going on. A couple of days ago I made an off-handed comment about Payless, and they somehow picked up on the needle that dropped in my tiny little corner of the Internet.

From a business perspective, it is very savvy that Payless is so proactive in protecting its brand. From a consumer perspective, it is a little scary to know that every word you say on the Internet is being monitored by someone. And let me tell you, after attending last week's conference, I visited several Internet monitoring sites to see just where my name is popping up.

Now, before Payless comes after me for mentioning them once again, I will say this: On two separate occasions I have commented on another professional woman's fabulous shoes (one of whom had her Louboutin's tinted red in her black and white wedding pics, so definitely some shoe snobbery there), to have them confess that the fabulous shoes were from Payless.

Batman wears the same suit every day and no one accuses him of being poor

Last Thursday the twins brought home a form to enroll in an after school club that was starting today. The school does club sessions once a semester and they usually fill up quickly, so there have been times when the girls did not make it into the club they wanted. The club they both signed up for this semester required a $15 supply fee, but I did not send it in with the enrollment form because I didn't know if they would make the cut, and we usually receive a notice if they are able to participate.

This morning we were wondering whether the girls had made it into the club and I planned to email their teachers as soon as I got to work this morning. But one teacher beat me to the punch and sent out an email saying:

YOur girls turned in forms for the after school cllubs on Friday. They asked to be in the craft club. You basically have two options. They can be in the craft club but the fee is $15 per girl for supplies. It would be due asap. The other members of the club had to pay by last Friday. The other option is they can be in the spanish club and it is free.

I replied that we never saw the forms before Friday, that we returned them as soon as we got them, and explained why we hadn't sent in a supply fee (see above).

The teacher replied:

I wanted to make sure that the fee wasn't too much for your family because you have to pay double the amount. That's why we gave you the option of the spanish club.

Perhaps I am being overly sensitive but I totally interpreted this as the teacher implying that we can't afford $30 in supply fees for our 2 kids. And I know it shouldn't, but it really, really bothers me. Something we have done has caused this teacher to think that we can't take care of our children. (And she clearly has no clue what we spend on horseback riding lessons, violin lessons and soccer, because $30 for two kids to participate in a club for a semester is a steal!) And its not like we don't encounter a double fee for every single activity the twins participate in.

So I've been pondering all day what has led this teacher to determine that we are in financial straits. Of course there is the general state of the economy--but that must not have been a serious consideration, because she assumed that everyone else participating could afford the $15 supply fee.

I think it boils down to the superhero shirts. Yes, my kids are THOSE kids. Right before school started I bought them sparkly, girlie Superman and Batman shirts. And they wear them as soon as they come out of the laundry--often twice per week. DH warned me that the their teachers were going to wonder about them, but I poo-pooed him and said that they can't be the only 8-year-olds who wear their superhero shirts at every opportunity. Nevertheless, we bought them a pink glittery Spiderman shirt and a Wonder Woman shirt to put into the rotation--which to the kids just means that they can now wear superhero shirts 4 days a week!

Of course they have a closet full of clothes--they just choose not to wear them. And while I refuse to shell out the big bucks for designer duds for kids, they wear decent-quality stuff. My own economically challenged childhood ensures that they always have the "right" things. (Growing up in the preppy late 80's and early 90's, THE shoes to have were Cole Haan loafers--but only the elite actually had them. The middle class in my high school had the less expensive, but still leather Eastland loafers. And the poor kids like me had the plastic Payless loafers. My kids just can't understand my aversion to Payless--but they've never had to wear plastic shoes.)

And perhaps there were other misread clues. We recent got a notice from the cafeteria that the twins lunch accounts were $30 overdrawn. I'm sure the teacher put the notice in the folder--but she doesn't know that the accounts were overdrawn because the cafeteria applied the whole of a $150 check to only my oldest daughter's account.

And we didn't order fall pictures. (As a kid, one of my biggest humiliations was at picture-taking time because they lined us up in the order of the size of the package your parents were purchasing. I usually got the smallest package, putting me right at the front of the line.) I never order fall pictures for the kids because you can't see proofs before you order--and they are usually awful. I have hundreds of beautiful pictures of my kids and I refuse to be peer-pressured into buying crappy school pictures.

So I know that I shouldn't be affected, and that I should be thankful that the teacher isn't assuming that we are rolling the the dough--as is so often the assumption people make when they hear "lawyer." But I am. We have a teacher conference on Thursday. Is there a non awkward way to ask, "so why exactly do you think we're poor?"

Maintaining the balance

Finally we have had a nice, even week. All of the kids are healthy again. I left the office before 6:00 every day. No emergencies--except for the microwave suddenly quitting for no apparent reason. But in the scope of the disasters that we have had lately, replacing the microwave was fairly easy and inexpensive.

I don't expect the upcoming week to run quite so smoothly. PS has an orchestra concert tomorrow. We have teacher conferences on Thursday, and we're taking the kids to an uber-geeky multimedia concert experience on Friday. My work to do list is blessedly short--but there's no telling how long that will last.

I've often though of my my work v. life balance as walking a tightrope. Sometimes I fall off on the side of family and sometimes I fall off on the side of work. But there is a net below, and I always manage to climb back up the ladder and keep on going. The last few weeks it felt like I fell every time I took a step, and there were moments when I wasn't so sure I wanted to keep trying. But I did and I survived, because I'm a mom and that's just what we do.

Ummm, no thanks

I received an email early this morning from one of the secretaries at work. It said that there would be a potluck on Friday and suggested that we would all need to bring dishes. And then I saw that the email was addressed only to the females in the firm.

WTF?

I work in a heavily male-dominated firm. All of the partners are male. The only other female attorneys are one other associate and a senior associate who works reduced hours. Of course, the entire staff is all female.

I didn't reply immediately--unsure if it was indeed an office-wide luncheon or if the staff was having its own potluck and merely inviting the other associate and me. But the other associate replied, expressing my exact thoughts. And the email-sending secretary confirmed that it was an office-wide potluck, but the "guys" never brought anything, so they didn't even bother asking them this time.

Again, WTF? Sorry, but it's not in my job description (or the staff's) to feed the men in the office. I'm not a huge fan of potlucks in the first place, and I'm not going to scramble with two days' notice to prepare a dish for an event for which only half the office will contribute. Other associate and I are in solidarity that we will not be participating. I've never been one to cater to men, and I'm not about to start now.

Boo!

I can't believe how far into October we are already. We got a costume magazine in the mail a few weeks ago, and the kids have been pouring over it. Unfortunately, most of the pre-teen costumes are trashier than I am comfortable with. So I promised PS that I would make her an awesome (non-slutty) witch costume. We made the witch tutu this afternoon. It took us about an hour and the supplies cost $6. I already had the hat--I picked it up on clearance a couple of years ago for about $5. It has purple hair attached, but you can't tell in this pic. Yea for cheap costumes! Now if I can just talk the twins out of the $40 Clone Trooper costumes they are pining after. They went as Darth Vader and a Clone Trooper last year, but are convinced they need the newer cooler costumes that are out this year. I'd rather make more cute, cheap witch tutus.

The beat goes on...

I keep thinking we're in the clear with all the kid stuff ... and I keep being proved wrong. PS was feeling better on Tuesday, but had to stay home because she was not yet fever-free for 24 hours.

I asked the nanny to come in at 10, planning to leave PS alone for a couple of hours after I left at 8. When I was 20 minutes into my commute to the office, the school called to tell me that both of my twins were in the nurse's office vomiting. I was 99.9% sure it was a reaction to the final dose of Tamiflu that I had just given them (makes you nauseous if you don't eat enough), but the school insisted that I retrieve them.

I hung up and seriously lost my shit. I started bawling uncontrollably. I needed to go to work (I had received a couple of calls late Monday afternoon regarding crises that could have been averted if I had been in the office) and I needed to not have any more sick kids. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back in a completely out-of-control week.

I'm sure the office staff though I was nuts when I picked up the kids all red-eyed. I then cried all the way home, and then for another 10 minutes, locked in my bathroom. Then I cleaned myself up and waited for the nanny so that I could go to work. Of course, the kids were perfectly fine.

Wednesday the kids had no school and again seemed fine. Thursday, everyone was back in school and I thought we were back on the road to normalcy. DH and I went to a concert with friends, so he picked me up from work and we left my car at the office. We finally made it home at midnight--way past my usual bedtime.

And then at 2:00 PS came crawling into our bed, complaining of stomach pains. We were sure it was another kidney stone. I gave her some pain meds and she was able to get a little rest.

She still had pain this morning and we knew she needed to see a doc in light of the recent kidney stone. DH was going to step up and deal with it, because I have a big research project with a short deadline--but we only had one car at home.

So we both took her to the doc. They confirmed that she had blood in her urine and that it was likely the same stone that had never passed. The doc ordered an ultrasound and suggested that if it does not pass soon they may have to go get it.

Fortunately, PS was feeling better by the time we left the doctor's office. She and DH dropped me off at work at 11:15 and DH took her to the ultrasound. We still don't have the results, but the doc told me that he would call tomorrow if he didn't have them this evening.

I worked until 7:30 and will spend a large portion of my weekend hanging out with Lexis. And once again, I'm exhausted. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, I don't know what is going to happen with my kid, and I feel like my life is never going to be normal again.

I hope that my employers are not questioning their decision to hire a mother of 3. But they haven't said a word about my crazy schedule lately--in fact, I have heard multiple times that everyone is very happy with my work product.

I just hope life levels out soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain this pace.

Yes, children are resilient

So the sick kid decided to put her ticket money plus her birthday money into an ipod touch. She spent all evening loading it up with tunes and apps, and seems to have forgotten about the concert she missed.

I do feel a little indulgent allowing my 11 year old to have a $200 device that I couldn't have even dreamed about at that age. I want my kids to understand how fortunate they are to have the things that they have--and I don't think they're there yet. But she's a good kid and she bought it with her own money, so hopefully this will be a lesson in responsibility (and not the kind that ends in tears.)

So here I sit

blogging, not working. Took PS to the doc this morning. Yep, she has the flu. No concert for her tonight. She's taking it fairly well, and DH managed to sell the tix to a coworker.

Now I'm just trying to line up childcare for the rest of the week. I am fortunate to have a nanny willing to care for flu-infected children and PS doesn't seem to be nearly as affected as her sisters were. But, PS will have to miss school again tomorrow and all three are out on Wednesday for "fair day." And nanny has class today and Wednesday. Then DH and I have plans to go out with old friends on Thursday--not the best week for this, but they have already purchased tickets. Hopefully by then everyone will be back to normal.

DH and I have both stayed miraculously well. Hopefully that sticks.

Now, I really need to bill some hours. I crossed all of my big projects off my to do list last week, but I have a brainless doc review that I can work on today while PS chills on the couch.

Problem Girl

I somehow managed to survive the last week, although there were moments when I was not sure that I was going to. The work/mommy balance has been a real struggle--harder than it has been since my first year of law school, I think (when SS had pneumonia 4 times!)

After DH missed work on Monday and Tuesday, the nanny stayed with the kids on Wednesday, but I left work early to take them to the doctor when it became apparent that there was more than just a cold going on.

I absolutely hated leaving them to go to work on Thursday--but my nanny was ok with watching them and I had hard deadline for an MSJ response and I was the only person who could take care of it. I had hoped I could file it early and head home to care for my kiddos, but the day stretched on, beyond my control, and I was left working until after 6:30 and feeling like the sucky mom of the year.

By Friday, the twins' fevers had broken (but they had a 24 hour waiting period before they could return to school) and I felt much more comfortable leaving them with the nanny. But, by 2:00 the nanny had developed a fever, so I headed home early.

Twins were fine when I was home on Friday, and again on Saturday. Finally let them out of the house today and we ran a few errands. By the time we returned home, they were completely pooped and passed out on the couch. I hope they can make it through the school day tomorrow.

And now my poor PS has a fever. She is devastated because she got concert tix for her birthday, and the concert is tomorrow. I feel so badly for her, it was supposed to be her first concert and she was so excited. And we aren't sure what to do with the tix. We can try to sell her tickets, but I'm not sure of our chances of success at this late date. DH and I offered to buy the tix from her and let her use the money for whatever she wants--but she is not at all happy about the prospect of us going to "her" concert. I don't blame her--it is salt in the wounds to see someone else enjoying something that is supposed to be yours. But I also cannot bring myself to throw away $80 worth of concert tickets. I have suggested an alternative activity for next weekend that I think she is on board with, and may ease some of the pain of missing her concert. But still, it's not what she has been looking forward to for weeks.

So, it appears likely that PS will be out of school tomorrow, and that I will be home with her because our nanny has class (but nanny is feeling better and does not have the flu.) And I'm sure I need to take PS to the doc to rule out the flu--her symptoms are different from her sisters' so hopefully it is just a cold.

And I have the constant pressure of guilt. Guilt when I'm not at work, because I fear that in the interview process I built myself to be someone that I am not. Guilt when I'm at work because I should be the one taking care of my sick kids. Guilt that I'm not doing the best job possible at being a lawyer or a mom right now and wondering if I have deluded myself into thinking I could handle it all when I am really not handling it all very well right now.

I'm exhausted

Between sick kids, insanity at work, and my pro bono client demanding action after she sat on her petition for two months I am just about at my breaking point.

Fortunately, PS seems recovered from her kidney stone and the twins are quickly getting over the flu.

And I got my brief filed at 6:00 tonight.

But there are certain aspect of my job that I am not very happy about right now. Mostly office management type stuff. It really feels like the secretaries are ruling the roost, and every time one of them bitches, it adversely affects me. Unfortunately, having had my job a mere 2 months, I don't really feel like I can bitch about these issues.

Hopefully I can make it through tomorrow with no major issues. And then spend all weekend hiding under the covers pretending I have the flu (provided that my germy little critters who love to snuggle when they're sick don't actually give me the flu.)