The last day of the year*

Yesterday was our 15th anniversary. Hard to believe. Hard to remember a time when DH wasn't around. We've really grown up together, from 20-year-old broke college students to 35-year-old professionals and parents of 3.

This year was a tough one with the loss of MIL and the emotional roller-coaster that FIL has been through in the aftermath. Really, the last two years have been hell in this regard.

Professionally, the year has been good for both DH and me. I just got a glowing performance review a raise that would be significant under any circumstances, but is even more meaningful in the current economy.

And I think it has been a good one for the kids. I was so worried about how PS would fare in middle school with her nerdy shyness, but middle school has been great. I'm so impressed with all of the opportunities at her new school, and so far there have been no "mean girl" issues.

Here's hoping for a great 2011.

*Oops, this was yesterday's post. I was distracted and never published.

Almost Perfect Christmas

We spent most of Christmas Eve hanging out a home and baking befor heading out to my Uncle's around dinnertime. My mother was there and I had to deal with her snark and complaining, but it was mostly kept in check. (She did make the exact snarky comment I predicted she would make when she opened the gift certificate we gave to her and her husband. It was kind of funny that I had nailed it so accurately.)

We spent all day today at home, just the five of us, as per our usual routine. Santa spoiled the girls, and we spent the day lounging in our jammies and playing with our new toys. The twins got a flip video camera to share and they have been making mini-movies all afternoon. They also got Scribblish and we laughed a lot while playing. It is so nice to be able to play games with the kids that we enjoy.

I got a nook from DH, but I knew it was coming. We both spent a lot of time deciding between the nook and the Kindle. Ultimately, the nook won out because I didn't care for the proprietary nature of the Kindle. (Yes, I know there is a script I can install to convert other formats for viewing on the Kindle, but I'm not sure about the ethics/legality of it. And it just irritates me that Amazon wants to be all Applesque controlly about buying material to run on its device.)

And DH gave me a Neiman Marcus gift certificate that he won at his employer's Christmas party, so I got to spend my morning shopping for this gorgeous bag. I'm hoping I can fit a couple of file folders in it, because the bag I carry to work every day is beat to hell and I really needed a replacement.

Overall, it was a very good Christmas.

So the crappy product of the day goes to...

the Farberware Candy/Deep Fry thermometer.

DH was bummed about missing his Grandma's peanut brittle since we aren't going to Hometown for Christmas, so I promised him that I would make peanut brittle for him. But my candy thermometer was either lost or broken, so I had to find a replacement before the brittle-making could begin.

I did my huge Christmas grocery shopping trip on Sunday, and I figured I would just pick up a new candy thermometer at the grocery store. The only one they had was the stupid Farberware one. Which looks exactly like a meat thermometer. Every candy thermometer I have ever used before looked like a giant regular thermometer with a clip to hold it in place on the side of your pan. I wasn't thrilled, but it was my only option, so I figured I'd make do.

So last night, I commenced with the brittle making, only to discover that my clipless thermometer was a big fat PITA. As soon as I started stirring my brittle, I knocked the thermometer out of the pan and under the electric burner. And it was freaking hot after sitting in a vat of boiling sugar. And my poofy oven mitt left me especially graceless in trying to retrieve the rogue thermometer from under the burner.

Finally, I got a grip on the thermometer only to drop it head-first into my roiling sugar mix. After a few more graceless moments, I pulled it out, only to find the reading window covered in brittle-goo.

DH, hearing the expletives emanating from the kitchen, came to my rescue and fashioned a cardboard holder to balance the thermometer on the side of my pot. It actually worked fairly well. But, unsurprisingly, my peanut brittle came out slightly burned. (DH says its perfectly edible, but I think maybe he's just being nice.)

I'm thinking I have a products liability claim against Farberware. Well, except that my only damages are $1.37 in burned peanut brittle ingredients. And maybe some emotional distress.

Saturday

So it seems like my blog is becoming a weekly. That's not really my intent--I just don't seem to have any time anymore. Ever. More often than not, I am getting home after 8:00 p.m. during the week. This is not necessarily because of work. Sometimes it is. Sometimes its because I have to go straight from work to watch PS cheer or to take the twins to girl scouts. It just feels like we are suddenly busier than ever. I don't blog, I don't watch T.V., I've been sitting on my latest Netflix for 6 weeks, and I've been promising a friend to meet up for drinks for at least two months.

So today I slept in until 7:30. (Yes, that's sleeping in. On our cruise I never slept past 7 and usually work up before 6, which did not make DH very happy.) And then I sat on the couch in my PJs and finished up my online Christmas shopping until 12:30. DH was sweet enough to go on a Starbucks run. (I heart Peppermint Mochas!) I finally showered, dressed and brushed my teeth at 1:00 pm. It was so nice not to have anywhere to go or anything I had to do.

DH is having a terrible time shopping for me, and I for him, so I ordered myself this lovely pair of leopard-print shoes. (40% off!) He can wrap them when they come in. Then I ventured out with PS to look for boots for her. I am so thankful that I did 90% of my shopping online. We didn't have much luck with the boots, and I tired of the crowds after about 10 minutes.

I am ready to be done with Christmas and the extra business that it adds. I'm hoping that life will settle down after the holidays, but that may be a pipe dream. (BTW, I just figured out today that "pipe dream" is a drug reference--duh!)

Meanwhile, tonight I'm going to a hockey game with the friend-I-am-supposed- to-meet-for-drinks. (I heart hockey!) And so our drinks will be beer at the hockey game, and it will be fun.

Math

PS is taking the SAT in January. Yes, she's 12. She's doing it as part of the Duke TIP program, which offers the opportunity to 7th grade students who have received qualifying scores on standardized tests. (PS qualified with every test she has taken over the past two years!) I also took the SAT in the 7th grade through Duke TIP. Waaaay back then you had to score in the 97th percentile on a standardized test to qualify, but I think they have loosened up the requirements a bit, as there were three kids in my school who qualified and many kids from PS's school were chosen to participate. Or maybe it's because I grew up in a much poorer school on the bad side of town, and PS is in a very nice school in a much higher income bracket with excellent resources.

Anyway, I have been getting the SAT question of the day emailed to me so that I can help PS prepare. I have correctly answered every single English question without even thinking about it. And I have no freakin' clue how to begin any of the math questions. Today's question had something to do with lines and angles and tangents and circles. Yeah, not a clue. I'm pretty sure yesterday's question required that I employ the quadratic formula. At least I know there is a quadratic formula, but I couldn't begin to tell you what it is.

I guess it's a good thing that I became a lawyer instead of a rocket scientist, because I have never in my adult life needed to know the quadratic formula. Or how to calculate an angle from a hypotenuse connected by two tangent circles. For that, I am very thankful. And dangit, I can calculate how much 30% plus an extra 15% off a pair of shoes is in about 30 seconds flat. That's way more valuable than knowing how to calculate some stinkin' angle.

I'm baaaackkkkk

We reluctantly returned on Sunday from our week-long Caribbean cruise. I'll admit to seriously wondering how hard it would be to become licensed to practice law in Roatan.

Cruising was awesome. I wasn't sure if I would really like it, but I loved it. We had 3.5 sea days and 3 port days. I wouldn't want any more sea days, but there was plenty to do on the ship. We went ice skating, rockwall climbing, saw concerts and did a scavenger hunt all on the ship. Any we earned medals for winning classic rock trivia (all that credit goes to DH--and for the guy who decided Nirvana was classic rock (WTF?)).

And I am so glad we went for the balcony. It was awesome to sit outside sipping a cocktail and reading. And it worked out especially well because it was very windy on the pool deck for most of the trip, and the balcony offered more protection from the wind.

I will say that anyone who says cruise ship food is gourmet is just flat out lying or has no taste buds. The food was plentiful but mediocre. Any average chain restaurant has better food. But mediocre food certainly wasn't going to ruin the experience, and our waiters were more than happy to bring us something new if we didn't care for what was served (or three desserts if that is what our hearts desired.)

My only other complaint is that we were about 30 years younger than the vast majority of our shipmates. Maybe because the kids are in school? But we were seated at dinner with two younger couples who were a lot of fun, and we laughed a lot about being the youngest group on the ship.

The port days were the best part of the trip, though. We stopped in Roatan, Honduras; Belize City, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico. My favorite port was Roatan. It was just gorgeous there. We went zipling and snorkeling. Our ziplines had breathtaking views of the rain forest and ocean. (Some friends recently went zipling in Hawaii and their course looked downright ugly compared to ours.) Snorkeling was off a reef in the Blue Channel, and it was stunning. Roatan is supposed to have some of the best diving and snorkeling in the world, and I can certainly believe it.

We spent the rest of the afternoon walking a long dirt road known as West End, that is dotted with bars, restaurants and dive shops. I had a cheeseburger in paradise and danced with native schoolchildren.

I was lest impressed with Belize City. The city was very trashy and not pretty, and we had to pass through a security checkpoint manned by soldiers with very big guns. We took an hour-long bus ride, followed by an hour-long boat ride to see the Mayan Ruins at Lamanai. The ruins were amazing. We climbed a huge temple that dates to 100 B.C. I'm so glad that we got to visit this site, although I'm left with little desire to return to Belize (but maybe we just didn't see the best parts).

Our final port was Cozumel. We had pre-reserved at an all inclusive beach resort called Nachi Cocom. The beach was beautiful and the drinks were plentiful. Maybe a little too plentiful. DH got smashed and doesn't even remember how we got back to the ship. It was his first time ever to get drunk--and I learned that my husband is not a mean drunk or a funny drunk, but a horny drunk. I had to keep shushing him as he loudly slurred inappropriate comments.

Overall, I'd rate it the best vacation we've ever taken, and the most relaxed I've been since I had the twins 9 years ago.

Thankful

For my three beautiful, healthy, smart, funny, well-behaved girls. We are very, very fortunate in the kid department.

For my awesome hubby who has tolerated my control-freak craziness for almost 15 years.

For having a good job in a bad economy.

For having a very normal life despite (or maybe because of) my drama-filled childhood.

For being able to spend today with my hubby and my girlies doing nothing and ordering in.

For weather cool enough to build a fire.

It's been a rough year. This time last year we were travelling to visit the in-laws while MIL was being treated at a cancer center. We didn't realize how dire MIL's circumstances were until that weekend, and even then, we thought we'd have her at least until summer. By January she was in hospice, and we spent the next month traveling back and forth to hometown.

Unfortunately, the stress and drama didn't end with MIL's passing. FIL's sudden return to dating, followed by a marraige less than four months after MIL died put the entire family into a tailspin. And then FIL entered a deep depression from which he still has not emerged.

So we're not really looking forward to this holiday season--but it will be nice to get past it. And I am especially grateful for my drama-free day at home with DH and the girls.

Fearing for our Future

So a few weeks ago our local bar association put out a call for attorneys to teach law for half a day to middle or high school students. And for some inexplicable reason, I was compelled to sign up for this.

"Don't worry," they said, "We'll give you a curriculum."

Yeah, they gave me a curriculum--covering the 4th Amendment. I'm a commercial litigation attorney. The 4th Amendment NEVER comes up in my practice area. EVER. But I read the curriculum, and did a little brushing up the night before, and got a pretty good handle on what I would be speaking about.

Anyway, I can't say it went well. I was assigned to speak to two 10th grade classes in a not-so-great part of town. There was no diversity--every single kid in both of the classes I spoke to was Hispanic. (I suspect I was assigned to this school because my married surname is Spanish.) The kids were completely checked out and apathetic. I'm not a teacher and I'm not the most engaging speaker in the world, but nothing I did could grab these kids' attention.

I tried to ask questions, find something they were interested in, but got very little reaction no matter what path I wandered down. When it was clear they had little interest in legal issues, I tried talking to them about higher education and getting in to college--but going to college did not appear to be in any of their futures. I've spoken to my kids' classes before, and worked with 6th graders in an inner city school and I have never had this much trouble getting kids' attention.

The only kid who asked any questions was one who made it clear that he had plenty of experience with the legal system and he kept asking me specific crim law hypotheticals, mostly related to when and under what circumstances he was allowed to shoot someone.

I left frustrated and trying to figure out what I should have done differently. And a little annoyed that I had just wasted half my day when my schedule is jam-packed right now. I called my teacher brother to whine, and he said what I was feeling but hadn't figured out how to put into words--this school had already given up on these kids--and nothing I could say was going to change anything.

If you like Pina Coladas...

Most of last month I just kind of rolled along and wasn't especially busy. And then last week I got hit with motions and discovery out the wazoo. And of course every single deadline falls during the week that I am on vacation. So while I was already cramming 4 weeks into 3 this month, I am now cramming 4 very busy weeks in to 3.

And Boss informed me on Friday that he wants me to file a petition ASAP. A basic petition is usually something I can knock out in a few of hours. Except this one requires a particular supporting affidavit. And there is a newly enacted statute regarding the contents of the supporting affidavit. And there have been at least a dozen opinions in the last 8 months regarding the old statute and comparing it to the new statute. And there is a circuit split on how to interpret the statute--but my circuit hasn't ruled yet. So I have to figure out how to draft the affidavit so that it is enforceable under the new statute and under both sides of the split. Which means I am putting in a ton of hours researching before I can even start on what should be a super-simple petition.

And DH just left for a business trip. So I'm on my own with the girls for half this week--which will make the long hours I need to put in this week more challenging.

I guess the good news is that I won't have any trouble making my hours even though I'll be taking off for a week. And it's a hell of a lot easier to take being in the office at 9 p.m. when I know that in a month I will be sitting on a beach in the Caribbean drinking Pina Coladas .

Think they did this on purpose?

Just got served with an MSJ and the response is due on the day after Thanksgiving. Which also happens to be the first full day of my cruise. And the response is due the first day after I get back.

Intentionally scheduling a response deadline on a day following a holiday reeks of assholiosis. And since there has been dead silence on this case for months, I can't help but think it was intentional.

Unfortunately for the other side, I am not an procrastinator, so I will have my response drafted by the end of this week. And I am confident that I can obliterate their MSJ.

Trying to ruin my kid's life

PS is in her school's robotics club and their first competition is on Saturday. PS has been going into school early and staying late almost every day for the past two weeks working on the robot. A few weeks ago she brought home a release that was required for her to participate in the competition this weekend.

Now, I don't usually mess around with the releases for my kids' activities. But this one contained a broad-form indemnity clause. I'm 90% sure that the form was drafted by a nonlawyer who lifted some legalese from some another document and threw it into this release because it sounded good without any appreciation for the legal effect of the language. So I modified it because there was no way in heck I was giving broad form indemnity, but they still got a very broad release (that I would never agree to if I were negotiating a contract.)

Anyway, today, two days before the competition, PS texted me, "I can't participate in the robotics competition because you modified the form." I know she was furious with me, and I was envisioning her trying not to cry in front of her friends.

So I jumped into mama bear action. First I emailed her teacher for the contact information of the competition organizers. Then I consulted a co-worker who told me just to sign the damn form (and he agreed to defend me if I get sued). Besides, broad-form indemnity isn't enforceable except under very certain circumstances in my state, and this form didn't meet those circumstances. When I didn't hear back from the teacher in an hour, I started searching the internet for the organizers' contact info. I sent sweet-as-pie emails (as opposed to my typical aggressive-lawyer emails) to three different people begging them to allow my daughter to participate.

Everyone I emailed responded by the end of the day and they were all very, very nice and helpful, although I'm sure they all think I'm a crazy helicopter mom. Unfortunately, the form is required by the university hosting the event, so I can't change it (and I really didn't push the issue because I'd rather risk an unreasonable indemnity clause than have PS thinking that I ruined her life.)

So all is good and PS can participate. Let's just hope nothing happens that could trigger that indemnity provision.

Good Weekend

Watched the best baseball game ever Friday night.

Saturday the girls and I volunteered at the pumpkin patch again. I'm so proud of them for being excited about volunteering and being such good helpers (I'll admit that I had some concerns about them getting bored and whiny before the end of our 4-hour shift, but they did great.) It was rainy, but business was still steady.

Then I went home and took a long nap. It was cool and stormy and we had the windows cracked, which made for perfect sleepy weather.

We topped off our Saturday by carving our pumpkins. I hope they hold up for a week, but this was really our only chance. PS has a robotics competition next Saturday (and I have somehow volunteered myself to drive the entire team to the competition an hour away), and there's no way we would have time during the week.

We put on The Goonies (my favorite childhood movie!) and ET while we worked on our pumpkins. I baked cookies while the girls were scooping out the guts, and then we roasted the seeds. Yum!

This morning DH and the girls have gone to church. I think I'll surprise them when they get home with the Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes that I found yesterday and am dying to try.

Then work--blech! But there has been a lot of chaos in the office lately, so I need to do a little catch up.

A week in the life of a working mom

One of my most frequently hit post is entitled A Day in the Life of an Attorney. Unfortunately, that post isn't particularly instructive of what a day in the life of an attorney is actually like. I've been thinking I should update it with a post that is more reflective of what I actually do in a typical day--but there are no typical days, so I'm not sure how to go about that. So you're getting this post instead.

Wed: Get to work at 9ish. Answer email, return telephone calls, research a memo, ignore email from asshat opposing counsel. Leave office at 12:45 to make 1:30 teacher conference in the 'burbs 30 miles away. Despite my pleas that a morning conference was preferred, 1:30 was the only time slot offered by the teacher. Teacher conference over by 2:00. Decide to work the rest of the day from home instead of losing another 1.5 hours of my day to traffic. Accomplish little, but get some quality time with the girls.

Thurs: Attend conference for women in the industry in which I practice (not lawyers). It starts at 7:30 and is 40 miles away. Leave the house at 6:30, terrible traffic, arrive at 8:15. Still hear opening remarks from the Secretary of State. Attend workshops, network. Pick a table for luncheon. It is already set with plates, flatware, dessert, and a tomato-bisque soup topped with a puff pastry. Giant cockroach* crawls across table, women start screaming and flipping out. I flick the roach onto the floor with my program and a man runs up and stomps us. We are moved to a new table.

Conference over at 1:45, I head straight to the Girl Scout store to purchase vests, insignia and handbooks for the twins before their meeting on Friday.

Back in office by 3:00. Read email, return calls, work on response letter to opposing counsel. Stay until 8:30 to make up for my absence the last two days. Head straight to craft store 5 minutes before closing to buy glue for Girl Scout badges. Home by 9:30. Glue badges until 10:15. Collapse into bed.

Friday: Arrive in office by 9ish. Easy day. Work on designation of experts, review documents. Attorney meeting over lunch. Out of meeting, at 2:30, text from nanny that she is sick, can we please come home early. Grab two Redweld's full of documents, Leave office at 2:45, home by 3:30. Wait for PS to get home at 4:15 to go to Target. Out of necessities. Head to Girl Scout meeting at 6:30. Stick around for 30 minutes to help with bracelet making., then leave the girls and go to Costco. Fridge is empty. Pick up girls at 8:30. Go home, watch baseball.

Sat: 9-1 Girls and I volunteer at pumpkin patch benefiting our local library. They don't usually let kids volunteer, but the girls were awesome helpers. Treat them to pizza afterward. Home by 2:30. Take allergy pill. Collapse into 3 hour nap. Force myself awake. Mother-daughter bingo at 6:30 for Girl Scouts. Home by 9:30.

Sun: Errand day. Twins need jeans, must buy supplies to build bats for their bat research project, need groceries beyond what I bought at Costco, need frames for my federal admission certificates because bosses are complaining about the bareness of my office walls. Home by 4:00. Start pre-cooking meals for this week. Make dinner. Help kids with bats. Order reef-friendly sunscreen and snorkel gear for cruise. 7:00 watch the Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives. 9:00 start preparing for depo on Monday. 12:00 give up and go to bed.

Monday: Up at 5:45 to finish prepping for depo set for 10:00. Arrive at office at 8:15 Deponent is a no-show. Chat with court reporter--learn he is my long-lost twin. We are from same Hometown, went to same high school and same college with same major. Review email, return phone calls. Analyze procedural rule. Start drafting discovery. Review documents. 1:00 deponent suddenly shows up. He was sent three notices for the same day because he is the representative of three different entities, and only read one of them. Get court reporter back to the office and proceed with depo. Done by 5:00. Depos exhaust me. Leave office by 6:00.

Tues: Arrive at office by 9ish. Analyze motion from opposing counsel. Legal research regarding response. Prepare scheduling order. Conference call with client. Conference call with another client. Leave office at 3:30 to work at Legal Aid clinic. All family law clients. I do not practice family law, but don't think I screwed anything up too badly. Done by 5:30. Head home for dinner with girls. Review folders, read spelling words. DH has bowling. PS cheering at football game at 7:00. Home by 9:30. Watch baseball. Collapse into bed at the bottom of the ninth.

Wed: Take PS to ortho appt at 8:00, arrive at office by 9:30. Draft discovery. Respond to email. File third-party petition. Clean office and hang frames before event at office tomorrow. One of the frames mysteriously broke overnight. Leave office at 5:15 to attend teacher conference at 6:15. Home by 6:45. Air conditioner making terrible noise. DH investigates while I start dinner. Done by 8:00. Air conditioner still making terrible noise. Must go to store to replace broken frame before firm event tomorrow. Home by 8:30. Blog while watching Survivor.

This week is not entirely typical. I had a lot of appointments that pulled me out of the office early. I usually work until 6ish and have maybe one late night a week. But otherwise, this is pretty close to a typical week.

*You have not seen a cockroach until you have been to the south. Also known as water bugs or palmetto bugs, these suckers are 2 inches long, the fly and they make creepy clicking noises.

Finally, some good news this week

So back in this post I was complaining that our nanny turnover was going to cause problems with the cruise we had booked in November. Our new nanny is a high school student, and while she is great for a few hours in the evening, there is no chance in heck that I am leaving my kids with her while I leave the country.

So I looked into changing our cruise around before the final payment was due, but I really, really like our itinerary. In the end, I made the payment and left the cruise as it was booked. My plan was to try to come up with some kind of reliable child care option, and if that didn't work out we would just take the darn kids.

After much pondering, we finally decided to ask our grandmotherly neighbor if she had any interest in watching the girls for us. We told her there was no pressure and to think about it. Tonight she called back and agreed to do it! Woohoo!

Our regular nanny will pick the girls up from school as usually and stay until about 8 when they are getting ready for bed. Then she'll hand off to the neighbor, who will watch them overnight--either at our house or hers.

I have been super stressed about this, and I am so glad that the neighbor agreed. I feel much more comfortable leaving the girls with her than any other option I could come up with, and it's super convenient, since she's right next door.

And our passports showed up yesterday. It finally feels like this is all coming together.

So I forgot about the part of fall that I don't love...

Allergies. I don't get the snotty, runny, sneezey allergies. I get them in my eyes. Every year at about this time my eyes completely dry out. My contacts feel like rocks in my eyes. Wearing my glasses isn't much better.

Reading is torture. Reading a computer screen is worse. This is not a good thing in my line of work, where 90% of my day is spent reading, mostly on a computer.

For several years in a row I visited my eye doctor about this time. He was of little help, advising me to take OTC eye drops. They don't help for more than 5 minutes.

So once again I am suffering. Don't know how to make it better, and will be glad when the fall allergy season passes.

I Love Fall

It's my favorite season. Gone with the hotter-than-hell summer, in with brisk mornings and perfect afternoons complimented by clear blue skies.

I can finally bring out my tall boots, tweed skirts and cozy sweaters.

There's football. Even PS's middle school games are enjoyable on a cool fall night, with the lights shining bright, eating nachos and Frito pie.

And the fall holidays are the best. Halloween is all about fun--crazy costumes, lots of candy, tacky decorations, carving pumpkins. This year we have volunteered to work at our town's pumpkin patch, which benefits our local library. The kids are so excited, and I'm glad to see them psyched about volunteer work.

And then Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. It's just about being thankful for what you have. And food. I love Thanksgiving food. I love cooking Thanksgiving food. I love not having the pressure of buying the perfect gift. And you don't even have to go to church.

And then there's the fair--the kickoff of fall. Every year my kids get a random day off from school for "fair day." Today was that day. We haven't actually gone the the fair in several years, but this year DH and I played hooky from work and took the girls to the fair.

We just walked around and ate. And ate. And ate. We tried chicken fried bacon (looks and sounds disgusting, but was actually quite delicious. But thank goodness we were splitting it 5 ways, because I'm sure that any single person consuming an entire serving would suffer an instant heart attack.) We tried Fried Frito Pie (ok, not sure it was worth the very long line). And corn dogs (the best corn dogs in the world are at the fair), funnel cakes, tornado taters, cotton candy.

Overall, a very good day (well, except for the part where TT got pooped on by a bird. She was a little traumatized, but I'm sure she'll be laughing about it by tomorrow) and a nice midweek break.

I'm so happy it's fall.

Russian Jewish Weddings Rock

The ceremony was lovely and the reception was awesome. We were among the few non-Russians in attendance, and the Russians at our table were very nice about explaining everything to us.

The tables for the reception were overflowing with hors d'oeuvres when we arrived. But I didn't recognize anything on the table--except for shrimp and caviar, and I don't care for seafood. I am not an adventurous eater, so I picked to most innocuous looking thing to start off with. It turned out to be beef tongue. I have never been so happy as when the bread basket finally arrived.

And every table had its own (big) bottle of vodka. And cognac. And wine. And shot glasses for toasts. (Trivia tidbit: Russians chase their vodka with pickles. I actually liked the pickle chaser.)

And there were lots of vodka toasts. The Russians kept telling us that us that we did not have to try to keep up with them. And I made the fatal mistake of taking that as a challenge.

Most of the toasts were in Russian and the wedding singer spoke in Russian about half the time, and sang in Russian 90% of the time.

I think the highlight was finally getting to do the Hava Nagila.

We had a great time--right up until I started seeing double. Yes, literally. I told DH that I needed to go back to the room--and that was a perfectly timed exit.

Turns out, I can't keep up with Russians and their vodka toasts. I'm horrified that I got so smashed. I'm a little too old for drinking to excess. And now I'm paying for it with the second hangover in my 35 years. (Children, both of my two hangovers were created in controlled situations where neither me nor my companions would be driving at all.)

So I totally feel like crap today, but it was hands down, the most fun wedding I have ever attended. If you ever have the opportunity to attend a Russian wedding, I highly recommend it--but if you're not Russian, don't even try to keep up with the vodka toasts.

Am I Rich?

There has been a lot of chatter this week in the blawgosphere about what makes one rich. Of course, there's no easy answer. It all depends on experience, perspective, where you've been, where you want to go and where you live.

The short answer to "am I rich?" is no. But that's based on my current perspective. When I was a kid, I would have thought that someone in my position was "rich." Of course, when I was a kid, anyone who lived in a brick house was rich. I lived in an 1000 sq. ft. asbestos-sided house with a swamp cooler (no central air).

In 1993--the year I graduated from high school--my mom earned $17,000 per year. According to this calculator, that's about $26,000 in today's dollars.

We never had any government assistance, but there were plenty of times we were "charging" our school lunches until the next payday, or digging in the couch cushions to find enough change for milk (or mixing up powdered milk-ewwwww!), or eating pancakes for dinner (with powdered sugar because we didn't have syrup) because that's all we had in the house.

So compared to when I was a kid, yeah, we're pretty darn rich. And there are plenty of people in this country who still live the lifestyle I had as a kid, and I guarantee that they would view us as rich.

And compared to them, we are rich. Our annual income is many multiples of what my mom was making back then. We've never had a utility turned off or not had enough food in the house. My kids don't even know what powdered milk is. They've never been told that they can't participate in a school activity because we can't afford it.

And more than that, they have all the right "stuff." The clothes the other kids are wearing, the gadgets the other kids have. I'll admit that PS got a cell phone when she turned 10 not because she needed one, but because everyone else had one. I remember being the only kid who didn't have the new "in" thing,or the right shoes, or the Guess jeans. I don't want my kids to be those kids--but I also want them to appreciate what they have. (PS bought her iPod touch with her own money--I won't spend $200 on a gadget for a kid. And she won't be getting a iPhone until she has a job and can pay for the data plan, even though many of her classmates have them.)

But in the great grand scheme, no we aren't rich. I don't work in Big Law and don't earn the corresponding salary--but I'm also well above government and public service salaries. DH also earns a professional salary. But of course, we have the massive debt associated with putting ourselves through school. Our student loan payments exceed our mortgage. Right now we are comfortable--without the student loan debt we would be very comfortable.

Our mortgage payment is small fraction of our monthly income. Our house is a 2800 sq. ft. two-story brick home. I know that is massive in some parts of the country, but it is pretty average here. We live in an average middle-class neighborhood.

Our splurges are two-new cars. Mine was a necessity because the tranny went out on my 9-year old Suburban. I drive a Nissan Armada with plenty of bells and whistles and I LOVE it. I have no desire to ever have a luxury vehicle. DH drives a Honda CRV which neither of us love, but it gets great gas mileage and he has a long commute.

Our other splurge is a nanny/housekeeper. The nanny because I want my kids to be in their own home after school, and so that they have someone to drive them to ther after-school activities. (I'm not sure this is really a splurge--with 3 kids, the nanny/housekeeper costs less than day care.) The housekeeper because I hate cleaning house, and I'd rather spend my weekends playing with my kids than scrubbing toilets.

We do not own a flat screen TV, a second house, or a boat. (All of which we would like one day.)

I never had vacations as a kid, so we try to take some kind of vacation every year, but usually it involves renting a cabin somewhere. Neither DH nor I have ever left the country. Our Disney trip last year was a big splurge. Our upcoming cruise is a much-smaller splurge.

We've started saving for retirement and our kids' college, but we have a long way to go. I don't want my kids to start out their lives in debt like we have.

So I guess, to consider myself rich at this point, we would have to pay off our student loan debt. Have the kids' college funds funded. Be able to take a big vacation every year without considering it a splurge. Get the flat-screen TV, the second home and the boat.

And being able to walk into Barnes and Noble and buy anything that I want without even thinking about it. That, to me, is the greatest luxury.

Internal alarm

Every morning for the last week or so I have awakened at exactly 5:33. Weird. I have absolutely no reason to be up at 5:33. Even on school days, I don't need to get up until 6:15. And today is Saturday.

This morning, like most mornings, I woke up thinking about work. How sad does that make my life? I've always tended to work out problems in my sleep, and sometimes I wake up with the perfect solution to my problem. Sometimes I wake up thinking that I have screwed something up (most of the time I have not).

This morning I work up thinking about how I am going to defend a particular client. I don't like my planned defense, but so far I haven't come up with anything better. If I'm going to be dreaming about work anyway, this would be a good time to come up with the perfect solution.

Can you revoke a birthday party invitation?

PS's birthday party is Saturday. We sent out invitations a week and a half ago and asked for a response by yesterday. Of the 9 girls invited, 5 have said yes, 2 have said no, and 2 don't know yet.

WTF? What do you mean you don't know yet? Either you're coming or you're not. This party is in TWO days. And I asked for a response by yesterday.

It's a scavenger-hunt-type race around town. We will load up the girls into our two cars and run them all over town while they accomplish the tasks required by their clues. I need to know how many kids are going to be there because if it is more than will fit in our cars, I will need to have the nanny stay home with the twins. But if only the 5 who have confirmed show up, then we can include the twins and divide into two teams of 4, which works out perfectly. Argh--I hate making the nanny hold open her Saturday because people can't make up their minds. Not to mention I'm trying to plan for enough food and party favors.

Long day

Rushed this morning because PS was pokey and then had about 5 minutes to blow dry her hair before her television debut on her school's morning news program.

I got to work to find two inches of coffee left in the pot, so I started new pot of coffee. Forgot to put pot in place. A stream of coffee started pouring directly onto the burner. I shoved the coffee pot under the stream of pouring coffee. Couldn't set it down in the coffee puddle--afraid the glass would break. Couldn't find an emergency shut-off and the more I wiggled the more coffee I spilled. Ended up holding the pot until the coffee finished. Cleaned up giant mess. Miraculously no one saw this.


Busy day culminating in a client meeting at 4:00. I left the office as soon as the meeting over and headed straight to PS's first cheerleading event. Finally made it home at 10:00 at which point I found out that she has to wear her uniform again tomorrow, so I start a load of laundry because she is a sweaty mess.

I intended to do a quick research project that a partner asked for this morning, but the choose-you-own-adventure that is UCC article 9 evades me and I give up and settle in with a glass of wine to watch How I Met Your Mother and Weeds on the DVR.

Tired. Should go to bed. Have a doc appointment at 8:00 in the morning to confirm my feet are no longer broken (they do not feel or act broken anymore).

Updates

So I was checking out my Blogroll and realized that the two lawyer blogs I had linked were both out of commission now, and all of the law students linked are now lawyers. Obviously time for an update.

So I added the blogs in my reader and then stole Butterflyfish's MILP roll.

If you are not on the list and would like to be, please leave a comment or email me at legallycertifiable at gmail dot com.

There is one blogger I intentionally left off because she changed blogs and I don't know if she wants to be linked or is trying to maintain a low profile. It that's you, let me know if you want to be linked.

Girls Weekend

DH left last night to visit his dad for the weekend. He's going to help with cleaning some of MIL's thing out, since we think that might be contributing to FIL's depression. It seems like FIL is getting better, but there were a couple of really rocky weeks and I'm sure he will be up and down for a while.

So, its just me and the girls. We went to dinner last night and then spent an hour wondering around Target. They wanted to check out the Halloween stuff, and it gave me an excuse to go looking for a wrap, per Dinei's suggestion. They usually hate shopping (except SS), but we all had fun.

We found a collection of colorful, skull partyware that isn't too Halloween-ey and perfect for PS's party next week. (She has a thing for skulls.) We even got a string of super-cute colorful skeleton lights that she can hang in her room after the party. (She doesn't know it yet, but her b-day gift is re-doing her room. I've ordered this bedding and this chair.)

BTW, I need to come up with prizes for the winners of PS's scavenger hunt party. Not too pricey, since there could be as many as five girls on a team. And I need a consolation prize(or as PS said, the loser prize)--because I don't want the non-winning team to be too bummed out. Or maybe just something for all the girls, with something small to set off the winners. Hmmm. Any suggestions? I've been wracking my brain for a week and haven't come up with anything.

Not sure what we're doing with the rest of our weekend. I woke up feeling kind of crappy, but hopefully it will pass and we can do something fun.

Fashion Advice Please

We've been invited to a Russian Jewish wedding in a couple of weeks. I've never been to a Jewish wedding. Or a Russian wedding. Or a catered wedding. (Every single wedding I have ever attended has had a simple desert reception.)

The wedding is on a Saturday evening in an upscale hotel. We've already made reservations to spend the night, just in case we try to keep up with the Russians during the reception. Apparently the thing about Russians and vodka isn't just a stereotype.

So I've ordered this dress. Is this appropriate for this type of wedding? Am I committing any major faux pas? I know that at a Catholic church wedding, for instance, this dress would not be appropriate because of the bare shoulders--but that would only apply in a church, I think.

Anything else we need to know so that we don't embarrass ourselves? We do not have a large Jewish community here, and we just aren't familiar with Jewish customs.

I'm so excited about the event. I don't know the couple well--the groom is one of DH's work buddies--but it will be a fun date night and a new cultural experience. And I do like vodka.

PS

Despite my fears, PS seems to be doing really well with middle school. There are so many opportunities, and the school seems so much better organized than our elementary school. She tried out this week for an anchor position on her school's daily news program and made the cut despite tons of applicants. Woot! She is so quiet and timid that I was afraid she would get nervous and blow the audition, but I guess she brought her game. Hopefully this will help her come out of her shell a little bit. And today she got her school-issued laptop, which she is totally psyched about.

Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. She informed me that 12 is a big year and that we should do something big. We are doing a scavenger hunt/amazing race type party followed by a sleepover. We're dividing the girls into teams and they have to solve riddles to go find things or take pictures doing silly things around town, like the chicken dance in front of the local fried chicken place. I've had so much fun making the clues for our race--I think this is going to be a great party.

She's also created a birthday wish list that includes a few video games, an itunes gift card and a laptop (new, not hand-me-down, with internet). Yeah, no chance in heck she's getting the laptop. We have 5 household computers of various ages, and she has her school computer. I don't want her to have internet on a laptop that she can take in her room. (I also won't let the kids have televisions in their rooms.) But I think she knew it was a long shot, and doesn't seem too bothered by my assurance that she won't be getting a computer.

She also has her first dance coming up. I think I'm more excited than she is. But it is the same night as a wedding that we are attending. So we won't be here for her first dance! I am so bummed about this. But maybe we can go get our nails done or something that morning and then she can get ready at a friends house.

So much going on, but it's all good. I'm so happy for her, because I was worried about how she would make the adjustment, but no problems so far!

Really???

When I was on my way to the office (don't worry, I was at a stoplight) an email popped up informing me that my secretary wouldn't be in until the afternoon because her dog was sick. Seriously, you say? Your secretary called in because her dog was sick? Oh yes, and it is not the first time. Two weeks ago she called in and missed the entire day because her dog had diarrhea.

O.M.G. Some seriously bad words came out of my mouth when I read that email. You see, my secretary has not been present for an entire 40 hour week in at least the last 6 weeks. Twice she has overslept. About 5 times she has called in because she just didn't sleep the night before and was going to try to get some rest. Another time it was allergies. Oh, and she was throwing up one Monday because she "got too much sun" the weekend before (when she just happened to be out of town attending her high school reunion). Yeah, right.

So I was pissed this morning. Because my secretary had gone around me and asked the office manager if she could leave early last Friday. So all the crap I gave her on Friday got shoved in her inbox, and then she wasn't there to deal with everything I needed sent out today, so I had to go plead with the other secretaries (who are sick of picking up her slack) to take care of my projects.

She finally did show up this afternoon and was in a royally pissy mood. A paralegal was helping me index an upcoming document production, and I instructed to paralegal to use my secretary so that she could finish up as quickly as possible. Secretary informed Paralegal that she "might not have time to get to it." Bullshit. I had already handed all of her projects off to other legal assistants and I checked in with the associate with whom I share Secretary to confirm that she wasn't overloaded. So I specifically instructed her that this project was top priority, and once I intervened, she managed to actually help out but was none too happy about it.

I am just about ready to pull my hair out at this point. Until recently she has done a good job and had good work product. But lately her work product is slipping, she complains constantly, she tries to wiggle out of work and the unreliability is insane. I have never in my adult life overslept for a job. Or called in because I was just too tired. And I sure as hell didn't call in because one of my animals was sick.

I've talked to her and so has our office admin. At this point I think she is trying to get fired so that she can collect unemployment. But my firm hates trying to hire new people, and therefore nobody ever gets fired. We have another secretary who is rude and hateful and a miserable person to be around (even to Big Boss) and she is still around. (She has been on vacation for the last week and it has been so quiet and peaceful!)

The funny thing is that my firm has the nicest lawyers of any firm I have ever been in. There are no major assholes. I guess you have to have some crazy somewhere in an office--but in a law firm you usually expect it to be the lawyers, not the staff.

Oooohhhhhhh

Yesterday we did an 8-mile float trip. The canoe outfitter said it would take 3 to 3.5 hours. It took 6. The river was completely flat, if we weren't rowing we weren't moving. And then the wind started blowing upstream. So if we weren't rowing, we were moving backward. So we were pretty much rowing the entire time. DH in one canoe, me in the other. We did not pack enough water and all thought we were going to die by the time it was over. (I don't know how we managed that, we usually pack way more than we need.) And SS and I passed right by two enormous floating turtle corpses that have left us both scarred for life--and me wondering what the heck is going on that is killing the turtles. We also rescued a two-foot catfish that had been caught in a line hanging from a tree with no fisherman in sight. We fish, but leaving an unattended line with a fish struggling for hours just seems inhumane to me. So we cut it free.

We finished out our day by catching a double feature of the newest Shrek and Toy Story movies at the drive-in theater. The weather was perfect and it was a nice way to finish out our day, but boy were we pooped. The movies didn't end until after midnight and we still had a 1.5 hour drive home. It was two before we finally made it to bed. We are never, ever out that late. I'm usually dragging well before midnight.

Today I don't think there is a part of my body that doesn't hurt. And I have random sunburned areas, where I missed putting sunscreen. Like my cleavage and the top of one foot and my ears. Nothing says fun like sunburned cleavage.

Homework

Two of PS's teachers have taken it upon themselves to assign parents "homework"--an essay about their students. This bugs the shit out of me. I have a job. I work about 10 hours a day. I spend at least an hour and a half every day commuting. When I come home I want to spend time with my kids. And when they go to bed I want to spend an hour watching tv or mindlessly surfing the internet before I collapse into bed. That is, when I get home early enough to do these things. I am excessively busy this week and have had lots of late nights and working from home. I do not want to write an essay. I spend all freaking day writing. And I have 20 years of schooling--I don't need any more fucking homework.

Hahaha--now I just got the irony of my writing on my blog while I bitch about having to write. But it's not the same. My blog is stream-of-consciousness writing. Half the time it probably makes no sense to anyone but me. I don't proofread (I'm sure you've caught that if you have ever read my blog before--DH is forever pointing out my typos). I don't take any particular effort to structure comprehensible sentences and paragraphs.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I excessively irritated about this?

For the record, I did do the fucking assignment. But I am biting my tongue to keep from adding a snarky footnote about what a PITA it is. Maybe I should call my brother. He's a middle-school teacher and would have no trouble telling me that I am just being bitchy.

Definitely Monday

Spent a good hunk of my weekend doing doc review. I was supposed to finish up a very long memo for a meeting with Big Boss this afternoon, but it just didn't happen. So I got up early this morning so I could get in extra early and try to finish the memo. But traffic was a disaster and at least four different cars tried to run me off the road. Finally made it in just a little early.

So I closed my office door so I could finish up my memo before Big Boss arrived. And every five seconds someone knocked on my door with some inane question. I snapped at Big Boss' secretary who takes all of his crap and sticks it in my inbox so that my secretary has to distribute the filing instead of her. Probably should have handled it more diplomatically.

Never did finish up the memo, but it was mostly just polish left. Big Boss seemed satisfied with his cursory review, and he gave me a new assignment for another long, complex memo. And then I went back to work on my doc review. Because despite the fact that it has been handed off to another associate, he refuses to work on it if I am not in there. And it's my ass on the line if it doesn't get turned around ASAP. Grumble.

Brought home two boxes, but I'm so tired I can't bring myself to open them.

New nanny started today, and everything went mostly ok. But she forgot to mention during the interview process that she was going to be out of town the week of Thanksgiving. It wouldn't have affected our decision to hire her, but it would have been nice if she had been more up front about it.

And I notified my other nanny candidate that we had offered the position to someone else. She sent back a smart-ass response, griping about how bad the economy is. Looks like we made the right decision. I really liked her after our initial interview, but she seemed to get a little flaky after that. Glad we were thorough with the interview process.

And then SIL just called to update us on FIL. It's not good. He's been seeing a counselor and is being treated for depression. Despite his assurances a few months ago that he had done his grieving, he is finally acknowledging that everything is not ok. He's been missing work and sleeping all day. It's bad enough that DH just called his sister back and told her to go get FIL's guns. Oh, and MIL's birthday is Thursday. Looks like we may be visiting Hometown this weekend.

TGI almost F

This week has been insane. Three of my bigger cases have all decided to explode at once. I was just surprised with 90 boxes of documents that need to be reviewed within the next week. And to make doc review even more fun, they are nasty, rotten, moldy boxes. Literally, huge globs of black mold growing on some of the documents. Ah, the glamorous life of a lawyer. And while I was enduring all of this fun, Big Boss was frantically calling me to arrange an emergency meeting involving several parties in another case while he was stuck in meetings all morning. My phone range off the wall all freakin' day.

In other news, I've hired a new nanny, contingent upon a successful test-drive on Saturday morning. I always leave the girls with a new nanny for a couple of hours while DH and I hang out somewhere nearby before I make a final offer. She is a senior in high school, but she seems very mature, and will hopefully be just what we need for this 3-hour per day school-year position. Whew--one big to-do off my list.

But there is no way in heck I could leave my girls with a teenager for a week while we cruise the Caribbean--so it looks like we will be making some changes to our cruising plan. The only way we can go is if we take the kids with us. I am not happy about this. We have not traveled anywhere without the kids in 8 years, and we deserve some grown-up time for our anniversary. But alas, it was not meant to be. To add salt to the wounds, I am going to have to change ships and itineraries. I loved our itinerary--we were going to see Mayan ruins, ziplining, snorkeling and have a beach day. But that cruise just totally blows our budget when there are five of us instead of two. I've found an alternative, but it sails to the Bahamas and Grand Turk--so no ruins and no ziplines. Only beach days (oh the torture!)

We are also going to pull the kids out of school. I have never allowed the kids to miss for vacation or non-illness/dying grandma reasons. I'm generally opposed to taking the kids out of school for vacations--particularly non-educational ones. But I can't reschedule. I have trials set every.single.month from February through next November. Of course, probably none of them will actually go, but I still have to plan around them. So it looks like I will be breaking my own rule. I'm sure their teachers will be thrilled.

But I guess I can't complain too much. A vacation with my kids is better than no vacation, and any cruise is better than no cruise.

Today was better

It turns out that my mom took a fall and, miraculously, did not break anything, but suffered a severe cut. It took something like 36 stitches plus some surgical glue and steri-strips to patch her up. And apparently her face took the brunt of the fall and she looks like she's been in a bar fight.

Her husband left town to visit his elderly mother the day before the fall , so my brother and his girls are stuck babysitting her all weekend. It's their last weekend before school starts, and he is a teacher and has last minute prep work. I'm pretty sure he would strangle me if he could for living 400 miles away and leaving him to deal with the chaos. I told him to tell her to pay my 25-year-old out-of work cousin to be her caretaker for a few days. My mother can afford it and my cousin could use the cash. (Maybe this sounds harsh, but she has never really stepped up to help me or my brother when times were tough. He was a teenage parent who has struggled a lot, with virtually no help from either of our parents.)

Also got the garage door fixed. I went with the guy with a slightly higher quote just because he was friendly and really good about explaining the issues when I spoke with him. The guy with the lower quote was kind of an ass on the phone. Just goes to show, customer service counts.

Wound up our evening watching Close Encounters of the Third Kind for family movie night. DH was disappointed to learn that the girls and I just didn't appreciate it the way he does.

Chaos

Can it stop please.

First my nanny put in notice, leaving me once again scrambling for child care. Then I realized that this totally screws up our cruise plans for November. My final payment is due in two weeks, and then it becomes nonrefundable. We are screwed if we don't have reliable child care in place. Or we can cancel now. Or we can just take the kids. But this is our anniversary trip, and we really wanted grown-up time. And the trip we are booked on would require pulling the kids out of school, which I am really opposed to--especially since this is a totally non-educational trip.

Then nanny's car got vandalized--eggs were broken all over the interior of her car--so she had to deal with getting it cleaned while she was watching the girls yesterday. And when she pulled her car into the driveway, our garage door became demon-possessed and wouldn't stop opening and closing. She called me frantically at work, and I told her to throw the breaker, because nothing would make it stop. Turns out the spring broke.

Then we had PS's schedule pick up night, where we attempted to find all of her classes in her new middle school. The place was a zoo, and I pray she doesn't get lost on the first day.

Then as soon as I walked into work this morning, the receptionist informed me that our firm had been burgled overnight, and I needed to check my office to see if anything was missing. the thieves had started loading up our computers and had them stacked up by the back door. Security caught them in the act, and the bad guys got away, but it doesn't look like they took anything. Our office is on the 9th floor! Who the hell breaks into a 9th floor office? Or a law firm? It's not like we keep any cash on the premises.

Once I finally got settled in, I started making calls to have the garage door fixed. Apparently replacing the spring is not a do-it-yourself project.

Left the office early for the twins' meet the teacher night. Another zoo. And SS' teacher had a baby today, so SS will have a sub for the first 6 weeks of school. Also, all of TT's and SS's friends are in TT's class--poor SS has no one (fortunately, she can make friends anywhere, so I think she'll be fine.)

I was supposed to meet with new prospective nanny immediately after meet the teacher night, but she flaked. Arghhh.

Got a call from my brother at 10:30 tonight saying that my mom fell and there was blood everywhere and she was in shock and an ambulance was taking her to the hospital. Brother was on the way to meet her at the hospital and didn't have a lot of information, so I am staying up until he calls back. My mom is in terrible health and has had many joint replacements, so it wouldn't surprise me to hear she broke something, but the blood everywhere is concerning. And I her bones are so brittle and she's already had so many replacements that my understanding is that they can't do any more replacements.

I'm afraid to see what tomorrow holds.

Sigh...

The new nanny put in notice today. She has decided to go back to school. In Virginia.

We've only had her for 5 weeks. I knew she was over-qualified when I hired her, but I hoped that she would last longer than this. We talked about her having one year of college left, but I guess I wrongly assumed that she would attend school here. You could definitely work a college schedule around my girls' after-school schedule.

Ugh. I lost an entire weekend to interviewing nannies the last time around, and am not looking forward to a repeat. Plus my girls have already become attached to new nanny, and a little stability would be nice.

One of the biggest challenges of being a working mom is finding quality child care. My mom left us with whatever in-home care provider she could find at a bargain--and we had some of the worst babysitters on the planet over the years. There was the one who made a boy drink his own pee because he wet the bed; the one who burned her grass and stomped it out with her house slippers; the one who allowed her 5th grader to smoke; the 16 year old runaway who lived on our couch until she disappeared one day, taking all of the cash in my piggy bank; the crazy holy roller who told us graphic crucifixion stories and took us to church were people were speaking in tongues and turning cartwheels in the aisles, and who yelled at us for wearing shorts because God didn't approve (then God shouldn't have given us triple-digit summers) and who took us to the free summer lunch program in the parks and then took all of the leftovers to feed us the rest of the week, and who crammed about 5 kids into the back of a Volkswagen Rabbit, and who had a pet guinea pig who was allowed to run all over the house, leaving a trial of guinea pig pellets. Makes the one who just plopped us in front of the soaps all summer not seem so bad.

So, my very bad childhood experience makes child care a very high priority for me. And so far we've been lucky in that every nanny seems to have genuinely cared about my children. But I don't like the turnover of the last couple of months, and it's hard on the kids.

The tiny ray of hope is that the #2 choice from my interviews is still interested in the position. Hopefully it will work out, but when I interviewed her she had another job that I was concerned would conflict, so we'll see.

Must See Adorableness

I found Mila's Daydreams today and was amazed by the creativity and sheer cuteness. One of those things I wish I had thought of when my girls were little. But then, when my little ones were sleeping, I wouldn't have dared move them for fear that they would wake up!

See, I'm not totally old and cranky. I still enjoy pictures of adorable babies--I just don't want to hear them cry!

I'm old and cranky

I have reached the point in my life where screaming children grate on my last nerve. I was in the grocery store today and a little boy (probably about 18 months) kept screeching. His parents have apparently learned to block out this ear-piercing scream, as they seemed completely unaffected and never broke from their conversation

And it now seems that I encounter a similar situation every single time I leave the house--which leaves me eternally grateful that my children are now big kids. I'm sure they had their moments when they were toddlers, but I don't recall allowing them to scream without recourse. And I can count on one hand the number of temper-tantrums they collectively threw.

I miss the cute snuggliness of their toddler years, but I really enjoy the freedom that we have now to get-up-and go, and to go all day if we want (and not have to pack up half the house!). I really enjoyed my shopping trips with the girls these past two days--something that would have been torture just a couple of years ago.

Of course, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. On Friday my nanny called me at work, distraught because the kids had let a stray dog into the house who was taking it upon itself to run around marking his territory--and they told her that I had said it was ok. Of course, I had told them no such thing (they texted me that they had found a stray, and I told them to put it in the backyard with water and that I would deal with it when I got home.) They ended up in a world of trouble--but at least they are old enough to reason with and appreciate why their actions were such a bad idea, once they were explained.

It seems like everyone I know if pregnant right now. A year ago, I might have had some major baby cravings. But in the last 6 months, they have completely disappeared. I got lots of sunggle time with my newborn nephew when MIL was in hospice. I enjoyed the sweet smell of a new baby--but I was awfully darn happy to give him back to his mama when he was inconsolable. And I'm awfully darn happy with my big girls.

And so it begins

School, that is. I'm not really ready for school to start again. I enjoy to more relaxed pace of summer, where I get to sleep in an extra half hour because I'm not nagging three kids to move along in the morning, and where we don't lose most of our evening to math homework or PTA programs or back-to-back soccer practices.

Next week is our last week of summer vacation, but the hecticness has already started to creep back in. PS, who is starting her first year of middle school, had cheer camp all last week, and last night we had to rush home for her show-offs. And next week we have back to school nights on Thursday and Friday. We now have the added challenge of kids in two different schools. Meet the teacher nights will also be on consecutive nights the first week of September.

I'm worried about how my quiet, bookish PS will fare in middle school. PS is petite and also the youngest in her class--which makes her the smallest in her class. She looked like a little kid imposing among the much taller cheerleaders last night. Her BFF is about a foot taller than she, but they've always had a huge spread.

Nevertheless, she is apparently growing, because a survey of her closet this morning revealed that all of the shorts I bought at the beginning of summer are now too small. So today we went shopping. She is unfortunately caught between the kids' and juniors' clothing departments. I remember that place well when I was going into junior high--too small for the junior's department and not wanting to wear kid clothes. Fortunately, we now live in a much larger city than I did growing up, and she has more options. She can wear XS t-shirts from Delias, Abercrombie and Aeropostale. And she can wear a size 00 skinny jean at Delias. But the 00 at American Eagle and Aeropostale swallowed her. So we ended up in the kids' department at Old Navy for some basic denim capris and mini-skirts--nothing too obviously from the kids' department. We got some super-cute outfits and a pair of sparkly purple Converse.

Tomorrow I'll take the twins shoe shopping. Their closet is well stocked, thanks to PS's hand-me-downs, but their feet have now overtaken hers (should 4th graders be wearing a Women's size 6???) and the flip-flops they have been living in all summer aren't allowed at school.

Law Dork

I wish that I could blog more about the specifics of my job. My big case just got bigger and may turn out to be one of the most fun (in the lawyer sense) cases I have worked on thus far in my career.

There is a lot of money at stake. There are many wealthy and influential parties. We are treading completely new ground because there is absolutely no related case law in my state (I'm now looking at other states, but this is a pretty state-specific issue.) And to top it all off, opposing counsel is the biggest prick I have ever encountered. He has threatened to personally sue all of the other attorneys involved and had already brought about 10 preposterous claims against my client and the other parties involved. He reminds me of the two-year old who throws a temper-tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants. Which just makes me want to grind him into dust with a stiletto heel.

I'm psyched. It's going to be a hell of a battle, but if the darn thing actually makes it to trial we will be creating a new area of law.

And in almost as exciting news, I officially got rid of the boots today. I actually ditched them last Thursday, but today was my follow-up appointment. My ankles are still broken and I still can't do any serious walking or running or anything else that causes an impact, but at least I can wear real shoes again. Doc also said that I can't do The Great Urban Race--which is a major bummer--but he thought I'd be ok climbing Mayan ruins and ziplining on our cruise in November.

So tired

After a couple of slow months I am hopping again. Big Boss put me on a new case with multiple complex issues, and I have spent the last week doing nothing but intense research. I am exhausted by the end of every day from being "on" all day.

I thought we were in good shape when I left yesterday, and took my time coming in to work this morning, after a week full of very early mornings. I was also planning to cut out of the office early today (I had originally planned to take the day off). Ha! As soon as I hit the office I had an email from Big Boss that was sent late yesterday (guess I hadn't bothered to check my iphone) expecting me to have reviewed a document by the time he got into the office. Oops. Fortunately it was short and I did have time to look over it before he arrived, but it set the tone for the rest of the day.

I finally left at 5:45, but have plenty to do this weekend. But DH and the twins left town for his sister's graduation, and I didn't want to leave PS alone for too long (and I had promised her some mommy time) so I rushed home so we could get some dinner. Then we went to the craft store to get supplies for a birthday present, went to Target for more supplies and the required workout clothes that PS needs for cheer camp next week (that I got an email about 2 days ago, thanks for all the notice), finally made it home by 9, spent an hour putting together our project (which turned out awesome, thankyouverymuch--maybe I'll post pics tomorrow) and collapsed in a heap of exhaustion.

Tomorrow PS and I are going to see Ramona and Beezus and do a little shopping as we meander our way to my uncle's house on the opposite end of the metroplex where my family is convening for my mother's 60th birthday.

Sunday I will finish up my work project because I have a Monday deadline. Hopefully (or maybe not) things will settle down next week. We're waiting the client to make a big decision. It will be a fun case to move forward with because of all of the complex issues--but it will mean a whole lot more craziness. And all of my other cases are acting like neglected children and are whining for attention. But being busy is so much better than the alternative.

Go ahead...analyze this one...

Last night I dreamed that people kept giving me dioramas and it was making me really mad. I did not want any more stinkin' dioramas! I swear I woke up every hour last night and every time I went back to sleep I dreamed about another stupid diorama.

I didn't know I had a hidden hatred for dioramas, but I woke up angry because of the diorama dreams.

The Great Divide

DH and the girls are at church. I am not. Because I don't believe in God, and I feel like a fraud when I go to church.

This is something of an issue in our marriage, and I'll admit that it's a little unfair to DH. After all, I was a purported Christian when we married. I had been raised in a fundamentalist church before my parents' divorce, and in the Baptist church after. And I grew up in a very conservative, smallish town where not being Christian was not an option. Everybody went to church.

So it wasn't until I went off to college (ironically, a Baptist school) that I began to question, and be turned off by, religion. I couldn't understand why any religion demanded intolerance of others--or why one group could be so certain that it was right and everyone else was wrong.

And this was my state of mind when DH and I married. Not an atheist, slightly agnostic, mostly fed-up with organized religion. And so I attended Catholic church with his devout family, and agreed to be married in the Catholic church because it was important to them and it was not to me.

My fundamentalist relatives thought I was going to Hell for marrying a Catholic, and DH's family assumed that I would eventually convert--especially since my mother had recently converted when she married hubby #3.

We attended the Catholic church together in the early part of our marriage, and had all of our kids baptized in the Catholic church. Even before my atheistic conversion, I thought it completely unnecessary to baptize children, but I did it because it was important to my husband's family and it wasn't a point worth arguing about.

By the time the twins came along, I was pretty much agnostic and going to church with three young children was a lot of trouble (no nursery), so we rarely attended. And sometime thereafter I admitted to myself, and to DH, that I simply didn't believe--and I couldn't make myself believe.

DH does not share my disbelief--and he worries about it. I am a closet atheist. Very few friends and relatives know that I am an atheist. This is partly because my MIL would have been genuinely worried about me--and she didn't need another burden, especially in the last years of her lift. My fundamentalist grandparents would also worry--although that concerns me less, since they already think I am going to Hell.

It is also not socially appropriate to be an atheist in this part of the world. Everyone just assumes you are Christian (unless you are obviously Jewish), and atheists are presumed to be outspoken God-haters who want to destroy Christianity.

For the record, I don't hate God, and I think Christianity is a great moral guidance system. I respect everyone's right to believe--or not--they way that they want. I would just like the same respect extended to my disbelief.

Anyway, one of MIL's deathbed requests was that our children have a religious education. She was clearly bothered that we had not been taking them to church. So DH has been taking them since her death. I feel a bit of guilt for not going--church does seem to be a family kind of thing--but every time I go, I feel like a poser. I don't believe in the songs they are singing or the message the pastor is delivering. And so they go, and I do not.

They kids know my position and their dad's position. They can make the decision about their own beliefs when the time is right for them. But, as DH pointed out, from a cultural standpoint, it is good for them to go to church and learn the bible stories and common biblical references that we all know. (Although, TT has read a 2" think illustrated children's Bible from cover to cover of her own volition, so she's self-educating.)

It's not ideal, but DH and I have mostly come to terms with our different beliefs.

Dinnertime Silliness

A couple of weeks ago everyone was a little grumpy at dinner, so I declared it British Accent Night. Everyone had to speak in a British accent for the rest of the meal. Anyone who broke character was passed the "naughty card," and the person left holding the naughty card at the end of the meal got clean-up duty.

British Accent Night was a huge hit, and we have since had Pirate Night (Arrr!), Yoda Night (hard it is to converse like Yoda) and Hillbilly night (the kids love the gratuitous use of" ain't" and double negatives). We're planning Robot Night, Pig Latin Night and various other accents for the future.

We've learned that SS can not only nail a British accent, but she also perfectly mimics the mannerisms that one would expect from a proper Brit. I swear, that child was born to be a princess. PS does the best Hillbilly imitation--not sure what that says about her!

Our crazy accents have us all cracking up and have turned out to be a great way to end a stressful day.

Good News

Saw my GP yesterday. She took more blood than Edward on a full moon. Got the lab results back today and everything is normal. Thyroid normal, calcium normal, vitamin D normal, everything completely normal. Well, except for two broken feet. That's not so normal.

Doc suspects that I nailed the cause as being my extreme pregnancies and the steroids I took while pg with the twins, combined with bad genetics. But she wants me to see an endocrinologist (who knew endocrinologists were the docs who treat osteo?) because the bilateral fractures are so bizarre. Apparently there is a more sophisticated test that can be done to measure whether my bone loss is active, but it will be up to the endo whether to take that step now or try supplementation and exercise and recheck my bone density in a year.

But at least it sounds like there is nothing else crazy going on with my body.

In other good news, Big Boss put me on two big projects Friday. He said that they would require some "heavy lifting" and specifically wanted my analytical abilities on these cases. Then I earned extra brownie points by drafting a letter on Friday that I knew our clients would want by the end of a conference call on Monday. I was concerned that we would be on a tight schedule on Monday, and didn't want to be scrambling. As it turned out, I was absolutely right. And Big Boss was thrilled that I had taken the initiative to have the letter ready before the conference call. (I guarantee that none of the guys in my office, who thrive on procrastination, would have had the foresight to do something before it had to be done.) Woot!

In sleazy opposing counsel news, today OC tried to sneak the name of a mediator into an agreed scheduling order. No notice to me, no "what do you think about this guy?," just added the name of a mediator, apparently thinking that either 1) I won't notice; or 2) I'm just a dumb girl who won't do anything about it. This guy is in his 70's and was a bit condescending in our one phone conversation. And the mediator he unilaterally selected was also in his 70's. I do not need a couple of old golfing buddies who may have had a single female in their law school classes deciding my case. Yeah, not happening.

Oh, and his email addressed me as Mr. LC. I have a total bimbo cheerleader first name. There is no way in heck I could be confused with a man.

May I whine?

I'm cranky. The twins birthday is tomorrow. Weeks ago we promised to take them to the amusement park for their birthday. And then sometime last week it dawned on me that it would be quite a challenge to go to the amusement park with my giant robot boots. And I'm not really fit for being on my feet all day right now. So DH and the kids are going without me. And it sucks.

I'm so tired of the f'ing robot boots. They're hot. They're bulky. Every metal filing cabinet in my office now has a big dent at the bottom where I've accidentally kicked it. I feel dumpy and frumpy. I only have like four pairs of pants that fit over the stupid things--which may be a good thing because the velcro on the boots is pulling the hems out of my pants. And I don't like not being able to do stuff with my kids.

And to add to my little pity party, the results of my bone density scan show that I have osteoporosis. I don't have much more info--my ortho referred me back to my GP and I see her on Monday. But my internet research says that it is uncommon for premenopausal women to get osteoporosis and most of the drugs available have only been tested and for postmenopausal women.

Also there is usually a secondary cause of osteo in premenopausal women--so who the hell knows what else might be wrong with me. I'm hoping it is just a result of three very difficult pregnancies where I had severe hypermesis. With my twins I had hyperemesis-induced malnutrition so severe that my doctor told me I was starving to death. And then they put me on massive doses of steroids. And then I breastfed three children. And all of these things are bad on the bones.

I know that there are worse diagnoses--at least I'm not dying of anything. But it is a quality of life issue, and I've seen the effects first hand. I'm just glad I had my kids while I was young, so maybe they'll be grown before I completely fall apart.

Law Firm Drama

Our receptionist called in this morning because her pet donkey died rather tragically last night.

Then Queen Bitch Secretary showed up and said, "well, my dog died last night and I'll still here."

Apparently yesterday was not kind to the animal world. Do pets die in threes like celebrities? Maybe I better keep an eye on Bob.

Conversation with my daughter

Yesterday PS texted me while I was at work:

PS: "Whatcha doin?"
Me: "Modifying an indemnity agreement."
PS: "In terms I understand."
Me: " I don't think I can put it in terms you understand via text."
PS: "How about annotating an important but boring paper?"
Me: "LOL! That's pretty accurate."

I'm not a big texting, but I do think it is good for my relationship with PS. We check in on each other during the day, and have conversations we wouldn't otherwise have. Sometimes she talks about stuff that I don't think she'd bring up face to face. I'm glad that one of the side benefits of my kids' technologically advanced generation is helping to keep them connected to mom.

Oh Internet, how I've missed you

I have been offline for the past five days. Why? Because AT&T sucks. A couple of weeks ago we ditched our landline and had our home phone number transferred to a cell. That meant that something had to happen with our DSL to switch it from regular DSL to naked DSL. But AT&T screwed up somewhere along the way and turned our DSL off last Friday with no notice whatsoever. Despite many hours on the phone with an irate DH, AT&T swore they couldn't get it on before Wednesday. Whatever--there's always a way. AT&T exhibited just about the most abominable customer service I have ever encountered, but I guess they can get away with it because they have no competition for DSL in this area. I would have ditched them, but DH is attached to his email addy.

In other news:

• FIL is now married and sent us a text when the deed was done.
• I spent all weekend interviewing and have a new nanny in place. She is way over-qualified--recently laid off. I really like her--I just hope she doesn't ditch us when the economy picks up (couldn't blame her, though.) But at 26, she is already a cancer survivor, and that alone made me want to give her a chance.
• My ankles are still broken and I am stuck in my stupid robot boots for another month. They actually feel about a million times better, so I was really hoping to lose the boots when I went back to the doctor this week.
• I'm having a bone density scan tomorrow to check things out since it is rather uncommon for a 35-year old who is not training for a marathon to fracture both ankles just by running.
  

All for now. Must continue rolling in web-surfing happiness.

It's Coming Like a Freight Train

FIL informed us all this evening via email that he will be getting married out-of-state this weekend, like it or not. He said that he didn't want to meet with us all in person because he didn't want to be ganged up on.

Earlier this week (before the wedding date was announced), SIL sent him a very nicely-worded, non-confrontational email (the complete opposite of what I would be capable of) explaining that we all felt he was moving very quickly and that we did not understand the rush.

FIL's response was basically "we're going to do what we want to do and you all are just going to have to deal with it."

Firing People Sucks

Today I had to fire my nanny. Yesterday she left my 8 year old twins home alone, and chaos ensued.

It had to be done but I didn't like doing it, and I have been in a funk all day. And now I am scrambling to set up interviews this weekend so that I can hopefully have a new caregiver in place next week. I hate interviewing--and then calling the ones who didn't get the job. Blech.

I totally needed more drama in my life right now.

The Good, The Bad, & The Awkward

We survived the weekend with FIL and the fiancee. It was awkward, as expected. SIL and family ended up staying with her in-laws, who also live in this area, instead of with us, so we were on our own with entertaining on Saturday. I was civil, but definitely not reeking with southern hospitality.

FIL kept saying, "well, [SIL] is always so busy that I hardly ever see her, and I never hear a word out of [BIL]." Yeah, because they both tried to tell you how they felt about the whole situation and you completely blew them off. Now they don't even feel comfortable stopping by your house anymore. Get your head out of your ass--you're alienating your children and grandchildren.

I don't know what to say. No alarm bells went off, and I detected no ulterior motives, but I simply don't understand the attraction. She is the polar opposite of my ultra-conservative, traditional MIL. Replacement Judy* is a crunchy-granola hippie chick who dresses in purple and rainbows and dangley peace-sign earrings. She has been single for the last 25 years, after a short marriage ended in divorce. She is much more traveled than FIL who has always been happiest in his own backyard.

So while I get that FIL may be grasping at whatever (or whoever) comes along to avoid the grim realities of single-life, I absolutely cannot figure out why Replacement Judy is interested in FIL. Nor can I understand why she thinks its a good idea to go flying into a relationship with someone whose wife has been dead all of 3 months.

On Sunday, SIL's inlaws invited us all for a cookout and swimming before we all attended a baseball game together. FIL and Replacement Judy spent the entire day indoors ("it's too hot"), completely disengaged from their grandchildren who were swimming outdoors. The ball game went about as well. (OMG, I was going to lose my mind if I heard how hot it was one more time. Yes, it's July in [state where it is notoriously hotter than hell in July]--get over it.)

The good is that we had a great time visiting with SIL and her family and the kids loved playing with their cousins and at the baseball game.

They left early this morning, before the girls and I were even out of bed. DH heard them packing up and got up to say goodbye. Which is when FIL informed him that they would be getting married soon and they would not be dealing with the the church-required hoops right now. DH told his dad that he seemed to be rushing things, and FIL's response was "life is short." Then FIL asked if we wanted to participate in the wedding or just get a phone call when it was done.

Um no, we do not want to participate in a wedding, SIL and I had discussed the day before how we weren't sure we could survive a full-on wedding without getting emotional.

SIL also told me that FIL dropped off all of MIL's clothing with SIL#2 a couple of weeks ago and told her to deal with it. The following weekend, SIL was at FIL's house to get the mail while he was out of town. MIL's side of the closet is now filled with purple hippie-chick clothes and there is a purple alarm clock sitting on the nightstand opposite FIL's nightstand. Obviously they have moved in together, but FIL never bothered to mention that little detail.

The whole situation it nauseating. We will be returning to Hometown in a month for SIL's college graduation. We always stay with my inlaws, but there is no way in heck we can stay there now. Guess we'll be getting a hotel. That may bother FIL, but I really don't give a damn, since he obviously doesn't consider anybody else's feelings before he acts. (I just can't believe he put all of MIL's clothing in trashbags and dropped it off with SIL, instead of letting them go and sort through it all.)

Ugh, Ugh, Ugh!

*Have I mentioned that she has the same name as my MIL, "Judy"? Yes, because we needed more awkwardness. So fiancee is referred to as Replacement Judy.

Booked our first cruise today--yay!

We will be traveling kid-free to celebrate our 15th anniversary this year. Our anniversary is in December, but we are cruising in November because we don't want to abandon the kids over the holidays and it is just too darn expensive then. We're doing a 7-day cruise to Belize, Roatan and Cozumel. I'm so excited! I can spend hours just looking at pictures on Flikr. All of those places look so beautiful and peaceful. (Then again, so does Jamaica, and there have been deadly uprisings there in recent weeks.)

We did go for the balcony (for those who responded to my inquiry several weeks ago). It wasn't too much more, and seemed worth the splurge since it is a rare trip with just the two of us. I am envisioning lots of time on it catching up on my reading, and maybe ordering room service for breakfast on the balcony. Crowds by the pool do not appeal to me.

Now I just have to figure out what to do on the shore excursions. Mayan ruins, shopping, sitting on the beach, ziplining, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, parasailing? My problem is that I want to do it all. And on most vacations I try to cram it all in, which just leaves me needing a vacation from my vacation. I am really going to try to actually relax this time around. Really.

Why 35 year-old slightly overweight lawyers should not suddenly decide to start exercising

Finally saw the doc today about my aching ankles. My self-diagnosis via the powers of the internet was that I had tendonitis in both ankles. As usual, I was wrong.

I have stress fractures in both ankles. And I have to wear boots on both feet for at least the next three weeks. They are ginormous and look completely ridiculous. The doc said he's never seen someone jack up both feet at the same time from running before, and the guy that had to build them for me said, "are you sure you need two? We don't ever put anyone in two boots!"

Yes, I am a total dork, and it is embarrassing to have to walk around in these things--especially when I don't even have a cool story to tell.

One of the snarky secretaries said, "so that wasn't caused by your stripper shoes?" Yeah, just because I wear heels instead of clunky clogs circa 1995 does not render them "stripper shoes."