I think I've broken my child

It has recently become very clear the 8 y.o. has a raging fit of self-entitlement. I have actually been considering this for quite some time--she always want the best, the most, the biggest of everything to the exclusion of her sisters and friends. Tonight she took it to a new level. DH grilled burgers, and everyone began eating while I got to a stopping place in my outline. When I wandered into the kitchen to grab a burger, DD screeched at me, "You're taking the last one!!!"

I just turned around and walked back out. I was ashamed of my daughter and of myself for letting her get this way. I'm afraid that I have overcompensated for my have-not background by letting my kids have too much.

I thought that I had been doing a pretty good job with my kids. I don't buy them things except at Christmas and their birthdays (Well, except books. I'm a sucker for books.) I have friends who buy their kids crap every single time they enter a store. That's not me. And when my kids want something they have to earn the money for it (or wait until their grandparents send cash.)

The other thing is that my twins are not like this at all. They are both very sweet and giving. I have read that twins generally have an innate sense of fairness since they have to share virtually everything from the time they are conceived. You can definitely see that in my girls.

So how have they managed to turn out so well while oldest DD is becoming the portrait of narcissism? Is it just the age difference? Please don't tell me all kids are like this as they get older. I think its because I have always leaned toward giving oldest DD more. Because the twins don't notice or care, and its easier to justify certain things merely because she is the oldest.

In any event, it has to stop. I refuse to raise a brat. I think I need to find some volunteer work for oldest DD so that she can see that not everyone leads the cushy life that she does. But I don't imagine too many organizations are looking for 8 y.o. volunteers. And I will no longer err on the side of giving her more, because the twins will start to notice eventually.

P.S. I know my posts of late make my oldest seem like a complete and total brat. That really isn't the case. She is so smart, makes perfect grades, and her teachers tell me she is an angel at school. Apparently the narcissism just comes out at home. And I think there is a jealousy thing going on because her sisters are twins and have built-in playmates and she doesn't have that with anybody.

Pompous Circumstances

My twins had their graduation pictures taken today. In a gown and mortarboard. They are 5 year old. They are "graduating" from kindergarten.

Kindergarten graduation is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. What have you accomplished by completing kindergarten? You spend your days coloring pictures and you still get to take a nap. I thought graduation was supposed to represent the culmination of years of work. In Kindergarten, you are just beginning. You don't even know what work is yet.

I'm all for having a party to celebrate the end of this first step in many years of education. But to stick a funny hat on a kid's head and call it a graduation is just ridiculous.

study time

I'm camped out in the library today as I gear up for finals. I have been here 3 hours and have already accomplished more that I have in the last two days at home. There are just too many distractions at home. I go to the bathroom, I stop to pluck my eyebrows and pop a pimple. I hear Bob whining, so I let him in. He starts running around like a kid with ADHD on Halloween, so I have to play fetch for 10 minutes (or his version where I throw the ball and he takes off with it and expects me to chase him if I want it back) before he will calm down and let me study again. I want a snack--and another snack. Now I need a drink to wash down the snack. Oh, the couch looks so comfy. I think I will sit there and read for a bit. Then I take a nap--but just a short one.

Seriously, is it any wonder I get more done at school, where it is too much trouble to go down 3 flights of stairs to get a snack, and there are no comfy couches or Bobs to distract me?

My most recent rejection

"I am in receipt of your correspondence inquiring as to an associate position with our firm. Unfortunately, we are unable to consider offering you a position at this time."

Ok, first what the heck does "we are unable to consider..." mean? You are always able to consider something. In fact you probably did consider whether you had a position and whether I fit your firm--and then you decided to send me this crappy letter.

Second, if this is the best you can do at drafting sentences, you really need to reconsider hiring me. This letter reads as if written by someone whose first language is not English. Then again, I just read an article about how much money outsourcing saves, so perhaps it was drafted in India.

This post sounds angry, but really that's not it. I'm just shocked that a mid-size firm in a fairly large city is sending out such poorly written correspondence.

I was smoking crack when I scheduled my classes

Because I apparently did not even consider how my exams would fall. So next week I have an exam from 6-9:00 pm on Wed., one at 8:30 Thursday morning, and another on Friday from 6-9:00 pm. Then I have until the following Wed. until have have my last exam.

There will be no slacking for me as I wrap up my last semester of law school. As contrasted against my last semester of undergrad when I took Golf, Film Studies & Human Sexuality. Yeah--it was as tough as it sounds.

It might be a little political in here

I've had a few posts rolling around in my head, but they all seemed too long and I have been short on time lately, so here is the quick and dirty version of what I've been thinking this week.

First, the Alec Baldwin thing. He is being reamed in the media right now, but I can understand what might lead him to break and lash out. Honestly, kids at that age are often rude little pigs. They are selfish, egocentric and perfectly willing to play a pair of battling parents against one another. I know that I have told my 8 y.o. to quit acting like a selfish little brat. Is it that far off from "rude little pig?" Alec Baldwin certainly didn't use good judgment by raging at his kid. But it seems to me that the worst judgment was exercised whomever leaked this bit to the press.

Second, the Carhart decision. [Warning, this discussion gets somewhat graphic.] Interestingly, we were assigned Stenberg v. Carhart on the same day that SCOTUS handed down Gonzales v. Carhart (which essentially overruled the first). I have to say that I agree with the Court. And I am pro-choice. The procedure banned by the Court is performed affects a minute number of abortions. One statistic I read said about 2300 of the 1.3 million abortions performed every year are done by this procedure. There are alternatives to this procedure. And the procedure is brutal. What I don't understand is how the banned procedure where the fetus's brains are sucked out it more brutal than the still-legal alternative where the fetus is ripped apart by its limbs.

I guess I am one of those qualified pro-choicers. I do not like late-term abortions. For an elective abortion there is adequate time (at least two-months) to abort before partial-birth procedures are required. To me, abortion rights do not have to be an all-or-nothing thing. There must be a balance between a woman's right to control her body and her destiny and maintaining the dignity of all humans. To ban a gruesome procedure which affects a very small minority is not a step-back for abortion rights, it is a step forward in human dignity.

Shopping Endorphins

I returned the non-fitting graduation dress today and found a new dress. By some miracle from above I loved the very first dress I tried on. It isn't as pretty as the non-fitting dress, but it is more practical and something I am more likely to wear again. And it fits perfectly--hugging the right places and hiding the wrong ones. And I also got new sexy shoes. Now all I need is a pedicure.

The hidden costs

Seems they just don't mention everything when you start law school. Like how registering for the bar is about $500. Bar/bri is another $2300. PMBR $700 (unless you just order the books off ebay like I did--$70). Parking for bar/bri $5/day--or take the train downtown. But the biggie that I wasn't prepared for was the bar hotel. I did not realize until just a few months ago that everyone stays in a hotel to take the bar. Of course, it makes sense. And I was actually contemplating this for myself (because I live 40 miles from our test site) before I realized that this was the norm.

I initially booked the hotel adjacent to the bar site. That hotel has kindly jacked its rates up about 25% during the bar. It will cost more than $700 to stay there. WTF? $700 to stay in a mediocre hotel that I will get absolutely no enjoyment out of.

After getting some tips on local bar hotels from classmates and last year's grads, I have now booked a second room. This one is a couple of blocks away and will save me about $200 (although its rates are also significantly higher its regular rates). And it is supposedly better than the first one as far as noise.

But there is really no getting away from the noise. Because the bar exam is being held in a very touristy area. In the middle of summer, when tourists are out in force. So no matter where I go, there will be kids running amuck and happy people with tans enjoying their vacations.

Sometimes ya just wanna shoot the messenger

I was trying so hard yesterday to maintain a good attitude. Then I checked the mail. I got two notices from my undergrad loans informing me that my in-school deferment is ending in the next 30 days. A notice about the interest that is accruing on my law school loan. A notice that my mortgage is going up because of taxes, and my escrow account is deficient. I can pay the escrow deficiency in a lump sum or pay it out and my mortgage will go up even more. Oh yeah, and another rejection letter informing me that they "only make offers to licensed attorneys." OK, but do ya have to be so snarky about it? And for what they are paying, they should really reconsider their attitude.

DD came home sick yesterday and is now home with me.

I got called on in Con Law last night. This is a prof entrenched in 1L Socratic method. I think he suspected that I had tuned out and was trying to catch me. I was in fact-tuned out, and had only read half the case. Fortunately, it was the half I was called upon to discuss. After 3 years of law school I have mastered paying just enough attention to track the class discussion while surfing the internet. Which reminds me of a funny incident.

A couple of weeks ago a girl got called on in Pre-trial. She had to ask what case we were on. Prof. said, "what are you doing up there, playing cards?" She said, "something like that." Prof said, "Good thing I'm not easily offended." She did a great job on the case. Prof said, "Guess I was just moving too slow for you, huh?"

The sun has come out

So, I know that I have been a wee bit whiny lately. I think that part of it has been the weather. It has been cloudy and rainy and gloomy for weeks. I need sunshine to function, and it has finally arrived.

Also, I think the uncertainty about my future is getting to me. I am a planner. I need to know where I am going and how to get there. Right now I have no idea where my life is headed once I am done with the bar. Will I have a job I love or one that I hate (or any job at all)? Will I be in the same house--or even the same city? How much money will I be making? Where will my kids be in school? There are big changes ahead, and I don't like not being able to plan for them.

But I am working on readjusting my attitude. Whining isn't going to get me anywhere. And I really need to move out of this funk and gear up for the push through finals. My goals right now are to get through finals and then the bar. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.

Friday the 13th Sucks

The whole day has been crappy. DH and I are fighting because he hurt my feelings and then got mad at me for being upset.

The dress I ordered for graduation came in and it is gorgeous. But it doesn't fit--not even close. It's exactly the same size as the suit I ordered along with it and the suit fits perfectly. It is out of stock online, and according to the website, the nearest store that has it is 300 miles away.

I got my first rejection letter. Big City DA's office let me know that they are "impressed with my qualifications" but they don't have any openings right now. They will file my application in case something comes up. I won't be holding my breath.

Still haven't heard anything from Not My Big City DA's office. Or anyone else. I have a ton of resumes out and I am getting absolutely no feedback. I have good grades from a top tier university. I have a ton of experience. Everybody that I have worked for has loved me and offered to give me excellent references without me even having to ask. So why aren't I employable?

So I have spent the day wallowing in self-pity and doing absolutely nothing productive. Oh yeah, except that I applied for one more job. That I found on Craigslist. Yes, folks, that is what it's come to.

Tonight's entertainment provided by the LC

Thump, thump, thump...oh shit! That was me falling down the marble stairs at school yesterday. My flip-flopped feet slid out from under me and my ass hit every step on the way down. Fortunately there were only about 4 steps. Of course, my biggest concern was who saw my little episode. Luckily there were only about 3 people around--who informed me that it was hilarious to watch. Later I realized that I hurt all over. Think I can sue the school?

You know its time to do laundry...

...when the only thing left in your underwear drawer is a see-through fuchsia thong. Especially when you don't have time to send that kind of message to your honey.

Family Stuff

OK, is it strange that my MIL, FIL, 2 SIL's and their hubbies are planning to attend my graduation--but I don't think anyone from my own family will be there? I think it is, a little. Still not speaking to my mom, and I don't want her there taking credit for my success. My relationship with my dad is rocky, but I still thought he might come. Then again, he didn't make it to my undergrad graduation. I am closest to my grandparents, but they haven't mentioned coming either. My grandmother doesn't care to travel much these days, but I guess I was hoping she would make an exception. They visit my cousin who lives 120 miles away, but the 400 miles to see me (45 minutes on a plane!) is like the other end of the planet. Of course, my brother isn't even talking to me, and he couldn't afford the trip anyway. My other grandparents already told me that they can't come because two cousins have high school graduations the two weekends after mine, and it is just too much travelling. I have had both an aunt and uncle try to reach me in the last week--seems like they might be thinking about coming. But I don't really expect the relatives I see once a year to put out more effort than my parents and grandparents. Or maybe they are just being nice because they know how my parents are. I don't expect my in-laws there either, but as my DH put it, they have adopted me and would no less show up that if I were one of their own children. I heart my in-laws.

The Job Hunt Continues

It’s been an interesting day. I went to school early today to hear a presentation from the DA’s office from Big City. I left feeling pretty bummed. They are no longer hiring anyone without bar results. And she talked extensively about how competitive it is to get on there.

Five minutes after I got back I got an email from my supervisor at the small DA’s office where I worked last summer. Not My Big City DA’s office is checking my references. They also revealed to him that they have a lot of positions open and that they are trying to move quickly.

So, this is good news, sort of. I am becoming more and more interested in the possibility of working for NMBC DA’s office, but the thought of moving and all the change that would be required is overwhelming. I guess I’ll just keep waiting and see what happens, but it kinda seems like they’re serious if they are checking references.

Thank God I have girls.

Today was the kindergarten field trip to the zoo that I volunteered to help chaperon. Another mom and I were to keep up with our 3 girls plus 2 boys. OK, 5 kids, no biggie. But somehow a dad, who was charged only with chaperoning his own twin boys, tagged along with our group. It was a disaster. This father had absolutely no control over his own children. They kept running through the zoo, screaming at the top of their lungs, climbing everything they could find, stomping through the flower beds, pulling up plants, throwing things at animals--you name it, they tried it. The dad occasionally tried to intervene, but his kids paid him no attention. And since those two boys were running wild, it made the boys that we were watching think they could do the same. We tried to ditch the dad and the Terror Twins, but no luck. I spent the entire day yelling at kids who don't belong to me. I am now completely exhausted and am skipping class tonight. Meanwhile, my girls, plus their friend who was in our zoo group have been playing here since we got home. I have not had to correct them a single time. I love having girls--on their very worst day they have never behaved as badly as the boys I was with today.

My apologies if you have me on your RSS Feeder

I did a little housekeeping today, and apparently it makes the old posts that I changed look like they were just published (on the feeder, not on my blog page.) I just made some minor changes--deleting some things that I thought could cause problems if my secret identity were ever uncovered, and removing the title of a song that more than half my hits come from.

My City Sucks

I was dutifully paying my monthly bills on Friday when I noticed that my water bill was $92. My bill is usually about $35. The bill showed a balance forward of $52, but no explanation of where this balance came from. When I checked online, the statement showed that I had paid the bill in full, on time.

A quick call to the City (which runs the water utility) informed me that my last payment (e-pay)was returned NSF. I knew that couldn't be right, but the CS rep on the phone had no further information and I had to wait for a supervisor to call me back. Meanwhile, I checked my bank account, and in fact, there were more than adequate funds to cover last month's bill at all times, but there was no record that the payment had ever been processed.

The supervisor told me that the problem was not NSF, but because the bank account had been entered incorrectly and it was merely billed as NSF. I said, ok, I'll pay the past due balance, please remove the fee. And they said NO. WTF??? The fee is $15--almost 40% of my bill. By contrast, if I had merely been late, the fee would have been 10%--$3.50. The City's excuse is that it is charged the fee by its contractor who processes payments, and if I don't pay it , then the expense if borne by all the citizens of [Sucky City].

I have gone up the line and spoken with 3 people. The last person is the director of finance and informed me that her supervisor is the City Manager. I haven't contacted the City Manager yet--for now I am continuing to argue with the Finance Director. Basically, I'm fighting a losing battle. The city is the only gig in town if I want running water. On the other hand, this was a non-disclosed fee, and I don't think that they can legally and legitimately charge random fees w/o disclosure.

Frankly, it would be easier to pay the stinkin' $15. This is truly a matter of principle. I refuse to pay a 40% penalty for a clerical error that the city has not even shown to be mine. I thought about letting it drop--this is a small town and I really don't need to be making enemies as I am kick-starting my career. On the other hand, I have been training for the last three years to stand up for other people's rights. How can I ever be an effective lawyer, when I let the city stomp all over my rights?