MIL passed away Saturday night. We drove in late Friday after work, and so we were with her on Saturday when she passed. In the end, she went peacefully--for which we are thankful because much of the last few weeks has not been peaceful.
Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.
This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.
The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)
Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.
2/28/10
2/20/10
Still here
Sitting with MIL now. Early this week the doc said she had 24 hours. Later this week he said maybe 48 hours. The fact of the matter is that nobody knows. Some things just can't me put on a timetable, and death is one of them.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
2/17/10
Restored faith in humanity
MIL is still hanging in there. We were there when the doctor visited Monday morning. He said that the young ones have more will and more physical strength and tend to hang on longer. He thought then that she had a few more days, and DH and I drove home that afternoon.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
2/14/10
Not getting any easier
Last night we once again thought MIL was at the end. She appeared to be in a coma and her breathing slowed to the point that she was going longer than 30 seconds between breaths. But she suddenly perked up and her breathing regulated. We spent the night on sofas up here, along with SIL and her hubby, but she did fine through the night.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
2/13/10
She's Just Not Ready to Leave
MIL is still hanging in there. Last night we thought she was done. Her pulse dropped, and her breathing became even more irregular. We were all gathered around and she told us all that she loved us and spoke to each of us separately. And we were all bawling. We really thought she was done.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
2/11/10
The Vigil
I came out of a 2.5 hour conference call at 6:00 yesterday to a voicemail from DH telling me I needed to get the girls and return to Hometown ASAP. They really thought MIL was leaving last night. She was falling in and out of consciousness and so everyone was saying their goodbyes. Then she suddenly snapped out of it, announced that she wasn't dying and that she was planning to have pancakes for breakfast in the morning.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
2/9/10
Spinning Plates
I think that I usually do a pretty good job of keeping all my plates in the air. But this week is harder than most. I have a production deadline in one of my biggest cases on Friday. My client finally started shipping boxes a week ago--15 of them. I spent the weekend before last reviewing docs (they came in at 6:00 Friday just in time for the weekend!), hauled boxes all the way to Hometown last weekend, and spent Sunday night after we got home digging through them.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
2/6/10
Surreal
We're in Hometown, staying at MIL's house. It's weird bring here when she's not here. Last night someone made food for all us kids and our kids. Everyone, except MIL & FIL, was here. Like a family holiday, except with the patriarchs missing. And the talk of death and funerals, with a few funny family stories mixed in. While we were eating on MIL's very fancy and expensive dining room table, all I could think was that she would be freaking out because we did not put down place mats or a table cloth!
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
2/2/10
Marking time
We received notice last weekend that MIL is declining more quickly than anticipated and that we should visit soon. DH was actually supposed to visit last weekend, but canceled his plans after Hometown got dumped on with snow. Now he's flying out tomorrow and I am driving in with the kids on Friday.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
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