So, I've been in a funk lately. Like for weeks. I just can't seem to shake my dismal mood--or even pinpoint what's causing it.
Maybe it's the general chaos that defines my life. We have stuff going nearly every night of the week with the kids' sports and end-of-year activities at school. I desperately need to go to the grocery store, but I don't know when I'm every going to fit it in.
Maybe its the extended family drama that is in fact so dramatic that I won't even blog about it (you should know that's bad, given what I have written about my family!)
Maybe it's work. I've been super busy lately. And one of my bosses has been on a rampage for some unknown reason. He doesn't harass me too much, but he has been beating our shared secretary down. I feel sorry for her--and it makes it more challenging for my work to get done.
Maybe it's my own expectations for myself. That I have to do it all. Be the mom who's at every single event, and the soccer coach, and the attorney who takes on extra pro bono cases, and the lawyer for family members who find themselves in deep water, and be the attorney at work that always manages to fit in whatever is asked of her and gives whatever is required.
DH says I'm a workaholic. I'm not. But I constantly feel like I have to prove myself. Like I'm never giving enough to anybody, even when I'm giving everything I've got. And I can't stop, slow down, relax until I've given everything that I can. And I still feel like the kids don't think I'm doing enough for them and my boss doesn't think I do enough for him.
I wake up in the middle of the night, every night, working out some problem, or realizing a problem that I hadn't noticed during the chaotic daytime hours.
I don't really know what to change or do differently. I don't know how to slow down. Hopefully summer will help.
This weekend did not. We drove to Hometown, and had more relatives to see than we had time to fit in. And I spent a good chunk of my time there doing legal work for a family member while DH carted the kids around town to see his side of the family.
By the time we left this morning, I was even more stressed and cranky. DH and I fought because we were leaving town too late, fought about what to get for breakfast, fought about how to tie down the trailer we were hauling back with a buffet that belonged to his mother.
We were 2 hours into our seven-hour trip before we started speaking. And then we stopped for lunch. And DH jackknifed the trailer and ripped a hole in the side of my beloved Armada. (Seriously, I love that car. A lot.)
And then I yelled at him, even though I shouldn't have because it was an accident and no one was hurt and it's all fixable.
And then it was another 2 hours before we spoke again, when I finally reassured him that I loved him more than my car, even though I really, really love my car.
So, it's been a crappy few weeks, topped off with a crappy weekend. I'm kind of afraid to see what this week brings.
5/28/12
5/12/12
Poor, Pitiful Me
I am so tired of taking care of other people.
I'm not talking about my kids either. I'm supposed to take care of them and I love doing it. Sometimes I wish they needed me to take care of them more. They're just so darn independent these days.
It's everybody else. The adults who should be capable of taking care of their own problems. I'm tired of being the responsible, dependable one. The one with the answers. The one who knows how to take care of things.
The shit is hitting the fan on the extended family front. There is some really bad stuff going on with my grandparents, and so I am getting frequent calls for help and advice. My mother refuses to deal with it at all, burying her head in the sand and leaving her siblings to handle the mess. I think she inherited her narcissism from her father, who is the root of this problem.
And another close family member has gotten into serious hot water, leaving me spending half of the last week dealing with those issues, and traveling to Hometown next week for an emergency hearing.
Blessedly, most of our events for this weekend were cancelled due to the weather, giving us the first free weekend in weeks. I've spent my rainy day re-reading Mockingjay (TT wants to read the series and so I am refreshing my memory and keeping her 10-year-old perspective in mind to determine if I will let her) and watching Pretty in Pink while I work on a digital photo album.
Sometime this weekend I am supposed to watch The Princess Diaries with SS while we do our nails. She is my only girly-girl. The other two do not understand the point of nail polish.
And then I've got to prepare for that hearing. Yay.
I'm not talking about my kids either. I'm supposed to take care of them and I love doing it. Sometimes I wish they needed me to take care of them more. They're just so darn independent these days.
It's everybody else. The adults who should be capable of taking care of their own problems. I'm tired of being the responsible, dependable one. The one with the answers. The one who knows how to take care of things.
The shit is hitting the fan on the extended family front. There is some really bad stuff going on with my grandparents, and so I am getting frequent calls for help and advice. My mother refuses to deal with it at all, burying her head in the sand and leaving her siblings to handle the mess. I think she inherited her narcissism from her father, who is the root of this problem.
And another close family member has gotten into serious hot water, leaving me spending half of the last week dealing with those issues, and traveling to Hometown next week for an emergency hearing.
Blessedly, most of our events for this weekend were cancelled due to the weather, giving us the first free weekend in weeks. I've spent my rainy day re-reading Mockingjay (TT wants to read the series and so I am refreshing my memory and keeping her 10-year-old perspective in mind to determine if I will let her) and watching Pretty in Pink while I work on a digital photo album.
Sometime this weekend I am supposed to watch The Princess Diaries with SS while we do our nails. She is my only girly-girl. The other two do not understand the point of nail polish.
And then I've got to prepare for that hearing. Yay.
5/3/12
Asshole Attorneys
Twice in the last several weeks I've had to deal with chauvinist asshole male attorneys. Both tried to circumvent me and go straight to my boss. It didn't work out well for either of them.
Asshole 1
A couple of weeks ago, Asshole 1 left an urgent voicemail for Big Boss while he was out of the office. Big Boss forwarded the voicemail to me to handle. In fact, I am the designated attorney in charge of the case and should have been contacted in the first place. I returned Asshole 1's call promptly, only to be put into his voicemail.
Big Boss returned from his trip and had a second call from Asshole 1. "LC, I though I forwarded that vm to you?" he said. "You did, and I tried to return his call and got no response," I said.
So we both called Asshole 1. Big Boss informed him that I was the attorney in charge and that he needed to contact me. Asshole 1 tried to play it off. The next day I emailed Asshole 1. Asshole 1 gave me curt, totally nonresponsive answers.
Me: "Will you sign an agreed motion?"
Him: "I don't think we need an agreed motion?"
Me: "We want one anyway, will you sign?"
Him: no response
A week later...
Me: "Are you going to sign the agreed motion so we can wrap this up?"
Him: "We will not oppose the motion."
I tried to call him, he refused to take my call.
Me: "Not opposing is not the same as agreeing. Will you sign the agreed motion?" (Apparently this only makes sense to lawyers, DH did not get this.)
He finally agreed, but is now taking his sweet time returning it to me. I have no idea why this guy refuses to deal with me, other than he's just an asshole.
Asshole 2
Again, went directly to my boss on a matter I was exclusively handling. Told Big Boss that I had not returned his phone calls (that he never made!) and he needed answers regarding a non-party discovery request. Big Boss told him that it my case, he needed to talk to me, and if he didn't like the way I was handling this matter, he needed to take it up with the court.
Maybe these guys are just assholes and not really chauvinists. But I don't see the guys in my office having these issues, and their actions go beyond typical attorney assholery. Thankfully, they are few and far between and my partners back me up.
Asshole 1
A couple of weeks ago, Asshole 1 left an urgent voicemail for Big Boss while he was out of the office. Big Boss forwarded the voicemail to me to handle. In fact, I am the designated attorney in charge of the case and should have been contacted in the first place. I returned Asshole 1's call promptly, only to be put into his voicemail.
Big Boss returned from his trip and had a second call from Asshole 1. "LC, I though I forwarded that vm to you?" he said. "You did, and I tried to return his call and got no response," I said.
So we both called Asshole 1. Big Boss informed him that I was the attorney in charge and that he needed to contact me. Asshole 1 tried to play it off. The next day I emailed Asshole 1. Asshole 1 gave me curt, totally nonresponsive answers.
Me: "Will you sign an agreed motion?"
Him: "I don't think we need an agreed motion?"
Me: "We want one anyway, will you sign?"
Him: no response
A week later...
Me: "Are you going to sign the agreed motion so we can wrap this up?"
Him: "We will not oppose the motion."
I tried to call him, he refused to take my call.
Me: "Not opposing is not the same as agreeing. Will you sign the agreed motion?" (Apparently this only makes sense to lawyers, DH did not get this.)
He finally agreed, but is now taking his sweet time returning it to me. I have no idea why this guy refuses to deal with me, other than he's just an asshole.
Asshole 2
Again, went directly to my boss on a matter I was exclusively handling. Told Big Boss that I had not returned his phone calls (that he never made!) and he needed answers regarding a non-party discovery request. Big Boss told him that it my case, he needed to talk to me, and if he didn't like the way I was handling this matter, he needed to take it up with the court.
Maybe these guys are just assholes and not really chauvinists. But I don't see the guys in my office having these issues, and their actions go beyond typical attorney assholery. Thankfully, they are few and far between and my partners back me up.
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