13 years is a long time.

And today, that's how long I have been married.

I've made more than a few bad decisions in my life, but I seemed to do pretty well with picking a spouse. Actually, it's something of a miracle that I managed to find someone who's willing to put up with me!

We're keeping it low-key this year--since we been lucky enough to have a few kid-free nights out in recent weeks and, quite frankly, we're tired of spending money. But we'll go to dinner with the rugrats tonight and a lovely bouquet just arrived at my front door.

Can't a girl take a day off?

So I took off from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day. Litigation tends to be slow during the holidays, and I know that January is already shaping up to be quite hectic. So I thought I'd take the opportunity to hang out with my girlies (and save the cash that full-day child care would cost.)

But I have received a flurry of emails over the last two days. I think Big Boss is freaking out because because his paralegal and I are both out of the office. Most of the emails that he has sent involve issues that are fully under control. We have no firm deadlines until mid-January--although I assured him last week that I would have preliminary drafts ready by Jan 5.

Hopefully my email reassurances are sufficient to convince him that all is well.

Home Sweet Home

We survived the trip to Hometown and it was a whirlwind. We spent Friday night with DH's sibs, Saturday morning and afternoon with my dad's family and Saturday night with my mother. Sunday morning we hung out with DH's parents and his sister who was home with a sick baby on Friday, then visited with my mom's parents before heading out of town.

Saturday was my Grandfather's 81st birthday and it was the first time he has had all of his kids, grands and greats together. I don't think he could have been any happier. My dad and his sister hate each other, so we don't have big family get togethers. (My dad was subpoenaed to testify against his sister's husband before the grand jury, which led to the husband's (white-collar) felony indictment and eventual conviction and vacation to the federal pen. She blames my dad--and I don't think my dad was too fond of her before all of this.)

I got to see my cousin, who is the same age as me. We were great friends as kids, but grew apart as teens and rarely see each other now. We used to torment my grandmother endlessly. Interestingly, we both ended up having identical twin girls. My cousin said it was our punishment for what we used to do to my grandmother. Maybe she's right. The two sets of twins had great fun playing together--it's too bad they don't get to see each other more.

We were supposed to stay through Monday, but MIL looked so worn out that we took off Sunday afternoon instead. Apparently she was feeling much better last Tuesday, but once she acclimated to her new medication, she hasn't felt quite as good. And although the docs have ruled out cancer, they still haven't figured out what is causing her problem and she is still in a lot of pain. (I tried to gently suggest a second opinion, but MIL and FIL are very protective of their doctors. I think they are of the generation that believes doctors are always right and are still somewhat intimidated by them. Sigh.)

Anyway, we were trying to be helpful by giving MIL some peace since I know she was overdoing it while we were there and the kids were pretty wound up--but she cried when we left and made me feel like an ogre.

We also brought back my niece who is the same age as the twins. Her dad has to travel a lot and got stuck at the airport and couldn't make it home for Christmas. She was taking it hard, and we thought some time with her cousins might take her mind off not getting to see her dad. The girls have been playing Guitar Hero world tour since we got home (like Rockband), and they are hilarious.

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a joyful holiday.

The girlies have been little angels since yesterday afternoon. We went to my uncle's house last night, where my kiddos were the only kids around and they were perfect--even while we were having an adults only gift exchange. We had let them open one gift beforehand, just to keep them occupied. The twins got Barbie MP3 players, which they LOVE (in addition to playing music, they look like dolls and have clothes and accessories that you can change out) and PS got a Flypen, which I'm not sure she's figured out yet.

Then my aunt gave them old school weaving looms, and they spent the entire evening and most of today making woven potholders. I find it rather amusing that with all of the fancy electronics they received, they have spent the most time on those weaving looms.

The girls seemed genuinely appreciative of the gifts they received from Santa this morning. I got DH a guitar and he got me a red Dooney & Burke purse. I'm not a label snob, but I will only carry leather purses, and I loved the look of this one. And we happened to stumble on it in Macy's when it was 30% off plus an extra 20% off--so a great deal. (Yeah--I told DH to get it and knew what I was getting ahead of time.)

So, per our usually protocol we spend Christmas day at home in our jammies. I had intended to make a decent dinner, but we were all so lazy that I just ended up making a giant pot of homemade mac 'n cheese--yum! But now I have to finish our packing and wrapping because tomorrow we leave for hometown, which will be 3 days of nonstop Chirstmas celebrations. We usually go to the movies on Christmas day, but with getting ready to leave town, it's just not happening this year.

And I am a teeny bit irritated w/ MIL (who I love--really!) because she just informed DH that she intends to take pictures of all of us in our nice holiday clothes when we get together tomorrow evening. Yeah--we have a 7 hour drive tomorrow and will be arriving only shortly before this get-together. And I generally travel with a ponytail, no make-up and my sweats. So I'm going to have to get up extra early to make myself beautiful in the morning--so I can spend the next 7 hours in the car--or I can try to squeeze in an hour-and-a-half's worth of showering, hair flattening, and kid readying into half an hour before all of DH's sibs show up at MIL's. And we can't leave any earlier in the morning because we have to drop off the critters for boarding.

Oh, and for anyone who's still reading, and wondering what happened with MIL's health issues, she had an appointment with her oncologist on Tuesday who said there was no indication of any cancer anywhere. We were all holding our breath waiting to hear this for the last 2 weeks. They aren't sure what IS causing her issues, but they have put her on a different medication and she is feeling much, much better.

Toothpaste for Santa

We're waiting out the kiddos we can do the Santa thing. I am pooped and really just want to go to bed, but that's not gonna happen any time soon.

SS insisted on leaving toothpaste for Santa. Because in the letter he sent, he mentioned that he was packing his toothbrush, but didn't mention toothpaste. She also left him water to rinse with, along with his milk and cookies.

TT made sure the reindeer were hooked up with carrots and wrote a note asking Santa how he gets all the way around the whole world in one night. I guess I need to figure out an answer to that one.

I am the meanest mom in the whole world.

I have been begging, pleading and screaming at my kids for the last two days to clean their rooms. They have been rotten little brats for the last two weeks who completely refuse to do what they are told. And they have a huge case of the gimmes. I refuse to raise bratty kids!

I have been so tempted to leave lumps of coal in their stockings this year. That would really make me the meanest mom in the world. But they aren't truly bad kids. They are kind to others, they do well in school, their teachers say they are angels . . . apparently the rottenness only comes out at home. But it makes me so mad to have spent a ton of money buying them all the stuff they really, really want just to have them act like ungrateful brats.

So tonight, when I got home at 9:00 and their rooms still weren't clean after DH had been yelling at them for the last two hours we decided to go extreme. I told them they had 5 minutes to finish their room or I was taking one of their Christmas presents back to the store.

And they didn't get it done, so I pulled out two Webkinz, showed them to the girls and said, "Well, you were getting this for Christmas. But now they're going back to the store and some other kids who take care of their toys can have them."

Then I reset the kitchen timer for 5 more minutes and told them that they would lose 2 more toys every 5 minutes until their room is done. (Well, DH though 5 minutes was not enough--so he made it 15 minutes.)

The thing is, I HATE doing this. I knew that SS really, really wanted this particular Webkinz that you can't find in any of the stores around here. It bums me out to take away something that I was really looking forward to giving them. I don't buy toys for the kids the rest of the year (except birthdays) so I go waaay overboard at Christmas because I love buying for them so much.

But they just are getting that if they don't take care of their things they aren't getting any new ones. Aargghhh!

Update: So the timer just went off again, and I asked what happened to the toy baskets that were in the floor. "We put them away." "Umm, where." "In the closet." So I go to their giant walk-in closet to find it piled 3 feet high with all of the crap they were supposed to be cleaning up!!!

Facebook weirdness

So, being the uncool thirty-something that I am, I have only recently joined Facebook. (Thanks a lot PT--I totally blame you!)

Anyway, the first person to request me as a friend came out of the clear blue sky. It was a guy that I knew in high school but wasn't really friends with. We didn't have any classes together but we went to the same church. I think he may have kinda liked me, but I had zero interest in him. And, oh yeah, his dad and my mom dated for a while.

Since I didn't have a huge connection with this guy, it seemed strange that he would seek me out as a friend on Facebook. But DH assured me that I probably just came up as a potential friend when he was looking at our high school and it was no big deal.

Anyway, tonight his dad emails me via facebook and wants me to pass along his info to my mom so that he can say "hi!." I have no idea if he knows that my mom is now on hubby #3. Or that I speak to my mom approximately twice a year.

So, who knew that facebook could be used to help your mom hook up with old boyfriends?

OMG I feel like I am taking a Contracts exam!

The legal issue that I am working on feels straight out of 1L Contracts. (Have I mentioned that Contracts was my worst class. There is a reason that I am a products liability lawyer, and its because I rocked torts--and my procedure classes, which are very handy for a litigator. The UCC--eh, not so much.)

I'm back to what constitutes an offer and an acceptance. And this fact scenario feels like something specifically drafted to make law students ferret out all the issues. The problem is that I am supposed to be drafting an opinion letter to the client. And clients don't want to see all of the potential issues. They want an opinion on whether they are going to get their money or not. But I can't seem to form an opinion because all I can see are the issues.

If the Court sees A as an offer and acceptance, you win. Oh, but you did B two days later which changed the terms. So if the court sees that as a counter-offer, you lose-because there was no acceptance. But wait, they agreed to your counter-offer via email--so you win. But then you added more terms--so you lose. But they aren't material--so you win. Unless the court thinks they are material--then you lose.

Arghhhh!!!

Snow day!

Or rather, ice day. There is not a bit of snow, but the highways are covered in ice so the kids' school canceled classes. (It really seems kind of ridiculous since we live about 4 blocks from school--I know that my brethren in the great white north would laugh if they saw how little it takes to start shutting down schools and government around here!) I am working from home--at least for now. I left the office at 8:30 last night only to hit the freeway and find traffic stopped in every direction and flashing lights all around. I sat still for more than half an hour without moving more than 100 yards. So I wasn't dying to get back into it today--although I feel a little guilty staying home because my firm isn't officially closed.

So I am doing some research on a breach of contract case and I see that one of the parties is named Renoir. That's interesting, I think. So I run a quick Google search and find out that the case does in fact involve THE Renoir. And I came across this article, which I found quite fascinating. (Long story short, loads of Renoir's personal artifacts ended up in College Station, Texas and were subsequently transported to an Elks Lodge in Maryland where they were auctioned off to some guy in Ohio.)

Does anyone else get distracted like this when doing research? Sometimes the cases that I am sifting through are so interesting, that I have to read them even when they are clearly not on point. Or I start googling to figure out who the parties are. It's a terrible time waster.

Now, must resume research. It will not look good if I bill only 3 hours because I am working from home.

My dog is totally whipped.

Literally. By my gay cat.




We eventually had to take the bone away from the cat so that Bob could have it.

The best part of Christmas

Tonight we went shopping for our "angels." DH and I started adopting angels from the Angel Tree when we were in college. It was so much fun to shop for a less fortunate child--especially when we had no children to shop for. Now we let each of our girls pick one child off of the angel tree every year. My goal is to teach my children to joy of giving to others and to break out of the "gimme, gimme" phase that is so pervasive this time of year.

This year we had an 11 year old girl, a 3 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. The younger girl asked only for clothes and the older asked only for a coat. But of course, we couldn't just by clothes--all kids need fun stuff at Christmas.

SS was so funny shopping for clothes for her little girl. She kept going from rack to rack "how about this one Mommy? . . . oh Mommy look at this! . . . oh, we have to get her this! . . . and don't forget the shoes--it says her shoe size . . . and she needs socks, too, don't you think?" She talked me into way more stuff than I was intending to buy.

PS was shopping for the older girl--so we looked for some girlie things for her. PS found a Caboodle (remember when those were all the rage?) and insisted we fill it full of nail polishes, lip glosses and hair do-dads. She was SO excited to come home and organize everything so that it fit just right.

I (a-hem) slightly exceeded my budget, but it's all good. We are a lot better off than many right now. And all I needed for Christmas was to see my kids so excited about giving to others.

Good news for me!

We got our bonuses this morning--that was enough to make my day a good one. But the office manager also came in my office and told me that I got one of the best bonuses--especially for someone with my level of experience. She said that my supervising attorneys were very complimentary of me and that Partner is the one who suggested my bonus. Yea me!

I took off early today because my nanny needed the day off, so I picked up the girlies and we did a little shopping. I swear the twins have worn holes in every pair of jeans they own. It was nice to have a little extra time with the girls.

Tomorrow we go to the Christmas Tree Farm to pick out our tree. I have been feeling so Grinchy. Hopefully bringing a little Christmas into the house will help. But today has been a good day-and I am much happier than yesterday when I was drowning my troubles in vodka and Lofthouse cookies.

I could kill him

My brother, that is. A few weeks ago he got into major trouble. Think of all the really bad things that could happen to you at the same time--financial problems, criminal charges, family issues. Much of it was his own fault--or at least his willful blindness. Some of it was not.

I did as much as I could on the legal end. I also called my dad and my grandparents--who my brother had completely cut out of his life for the last two years. I convinced them that my brother was in dire straits--that he needed help. They reached out to him and bailed him out.

Now my brother has disappeared. He won't return phone calls (I think he phone has been turned off) or emails. He hasn't shown up when he promised to. He basically took everything he could from all of us and then just went back to the way things were.

I feel like I have been conned. There are few people in the world who could pull one over on me. I am inherently distrustful and can almost always see through bullshit. But I sure feel like my brother conned me--and it pisses me off.

But even more than that, I feel like my brother took advantage of my grandparents. We don't have the best parents in the world, but my grandparents have always been there when we needed them. My grandparents have always been comfortable and in a position to help out financially when we really needed it. But I think they have lived longer than they planned for and have really cut back on their spending in the last few years. I know that they do not have the extra income to bail out my brother like they could have a few years ago.

And yet they did, and now he is being a total asshole. If I weren't 400 miles away, I would totally kick his ass--even if he is 8" taller and 100 pounds heavier than me.

The not so fun part of being a lawyer

So, it turns out that I did not get my paralegal in trouble. He got in trouble for taking 3.5 hours to do a task that should have taken 30 minutes.

I have known for a while that my supervisors are not especially fond of Paralegal. But 75% of his assignments come directly from me, so I have been doing my best to advise him on how to do better and to protect him from my higher-ups. But now I am under heavy-pressure to make him live up to expectations and he just isn't cutting it. I don't especially like the managerial task that I have been given, but I don't really have a choice. I feel like I am being tested to see whether I have what it takes to be a manager.

So today I went and basically gave Paralegal very short deadlines to complete projects that have been languishing. He just isn't getting tasks done quickly enough-even though I have told him to cut all of his deadlines in half. If he doesn't meet these newly-imposed deadlines, there is going to be a big problem. I have had to yank projects away from him in the past, and it looks like it may happen again. But this time Big Boss is watching closely and it won't bode well for Paralegal.

Ugh . . . they definitely did not teach this in law school.

Walking the tightrope

I think one of the biggest challenges for new lawyers is learning to balance. And I'm not talking about work vs. life. I mean things like taking initiative versus appearing presumptuous and completing one supervisor's tasks before another's.

The first is the biggest challenge for me. Every day there is at least one task that I question whether I should go forward with or seek approval for. Generally, if I have a question, I seek approval. But when I have done something repeatedly and know that it will be required again, then I will just do it. Usually this is ok--but this week I got my paralegal in trouble for doing I task that I assigned (creating a med chron). We have done med chrons for all similar cases, so when the records came in, I handed them off and told him to do the chron. Apparently Partner, for some reason I have yet to ascertain, did not want a med chron on this case. (I did tell Paralegal that if he is ever called out because of a task I assigned to please make clear that I gave him that assignment and that I will take the heat.) Another new lawyer on the other end of the office was scolded the same day for giving her paralegal a task.

Sometimes the line is just hard to see. Big Boss is constantly telling me "the staff works for you." So as I have been getting busier and busier I have been handing more tasks off to my secretary and paralegal. I also try to anticipate what needs to be done, because we are so busy, so that we are not bombarded at the last minute. But apparently anticipation can backfire.

The balance of assignments from different supervisors not something that I usually struggle with anymore, but I know other associates in my office are having problems with this. The best advice I can give if you have this issue is to ask for deadlines on every assignment. Partner was terrible about giving me deadlines, which made it difficult to prioritize my tasks--you have to know what is due and when to keep things running smoothly. Also, be sure that the attorneys you are working with know if you are being piled on by another attorney. Many are oblivious to anything except their own cases.

This issue definitely gets easier. Now I have a set of cases that I am primarily responsible for--so I am well acquainted with what is due when, and it is much easier to prioritize. This week, however, I had to deal with two supervisors who seemed to be at odds about when a task needed to be done.

On Monday Big Boss asked me to send some documents out to a third party by the end of the week. I assured them that I would get the documents out without a problem--but the documents needed to be approved by Partner before they were sent (Big Boss was out of town until Friday). On Tuesday I approached Partner about the documents. Partner informed me in no uncertain terms that he was unable to view the documents the entire week.

At that moment, I knew I was screwed. Big Boss wanted the documents out--but wanted final approval from someone higher than me. And I had scheduled a conference call with the party receiving the documents for Tuesday--so they definitely needed to be fed exed by Friday so that he would have time to review them before the call.

On Thursday morning I again (knowing it would piss Partner off) approached Partner about the docs and reminded him of the conference call next week. Partner (who was definitely pissed off) again informed me that he did not have time to look at the documents.

Yep, definitely screwed. I knew that Big Boss would not be happy when he arrived on Friday and the documents had not been sent. But I couldn't exactly force Partner to do anything. All I could do is have the documents in final perfect form and ask Big Boss to approve them so that they could be sent on Friday.

On Friday I held my breath while waiting for Big Boss. To say he was pissed is an understatement--it was not pretty. But I let him have his say and then said calmly, "What do you want me to do about it? The documents are ready, I can overnight them today, but they haven't been approved." He said, "You're approving them, and they're going out."

OK then--I could have had them out on Tuesday if I had had the authority to approve them.

I have to say that I feel sort of betrayed by Partner. He knew that Big Boss would be angry and he knew that I would be the one to take the heat. I guess Partner doesn't owe me anything, but I would never let my paralegal or secretary take the hit for something that I had control over. And I even tried to spin it to Big Boss to put Partner in the best possible light (he was really busy, he had this and this and this going on . . .)

Fortunately, I don't think Big Boss's anger was really directed toward me (and even apologised later). He knows that I get my assignments done on time (usually well ahead of schedule) and that I am not a procrastinator. But he also said that there were going to be some changes that I am not entirely happy about. I'm not too excited to go to work tomorrow to see what the fallout from all of this is.

Sucky stuff all around us

MIL has been having lots of trouble with her kidneys lately. They put in a stint about a month ago, but it got blocked so they took it out again. She has continued to be in a great deal of pain, so they went in yesterday to replace the stint and found some kind of blockage in her bladder.

MIL was diagnosed with colon cancer about 5 years ago. She had a very large section of her colon removed (any more would have required a colostomy bag) and underwent chemo and radiation. She fought off the cancer, but it returned two years later. I think they only did radiation the second time.

So the docs are speculating that this "blockage" could be scar tissue from the radiation. Or something else. They ordered an MRI, but weren't able to complete it. So we are all just left wondering what is going to happen next. And it is not an easy wait given all the she has been through in the last few years.

Than today DH called to tell me that they had just laid off the guy who works directly under him and several other people in his company today. Scary. We've felt pretty insulated from the current economic situation until today. This hit a little close to home. But DH feels pretty secure because he is (now) the only web guy in the entire company. And it is a large company that must have someone in-house to keep things running. DH thinks that his job is secure--but of course he feels terrible for his friend that was just laid off with no notice.

And the kicker is that this company is having its big, awesome holiday party this weekend. If it is anything like last year, the cost of this party could cover at least two annual salaries. There was an open bar (for like 700 people), tons of food, 2 bands (a 9 piece and a smaller jazz band) and goodies galore. It just seems wrong to have a party like that when you are laying people off (although DH pointed out that it may have all been booked before these decisions were made). But they were kind allow the laid-off workers to still attend the party--better add a few more bottles to that alcohol order.