Holy Freaking Crap

So after my busy day of doctor's visits and shopping I finally sat down to apply for a job that came in today. I had a good feeling about this one, I was actually well qualified. Most of the jobs I apply for I am only semi-qualified for. I was just about to hit send in my email when the phone rang. I assumed it was DH--it was after 6:00 and he was supposed to let me know when he was close to town so that we could meet for dinner.

It was Contract Firm. I haven't heard from them in 6 weeks. They want to meet with me next week. One of their associates is leaving and they want me to talk to me about resuming contract work and possibly taking over his position permanently. They said that even though he is experienced they think that they can get me up to speed and train me to take over.

I could not have been more shocked. When I think about it, I feel like I am going to vomit. I really don't want to get my hopes up again because I don't think I can take anymore emotional turmoil.

I think in the meeting I need to tell them that I need some kind of commitment or deadline to move from contract to permanency. I do not want to take myself off the market if they are not serious about a permanent position. And it's not like they haven't already seen my work.

Meanwhile I went ahead a submitted the application for the other job, and I have rescheduled the meeting with the recruiter.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Or so I'm trying to convince myself. I've been feeling pretty grinchy this year. Partly because of my own sour mood due to the whole not having a job thing, and partly because of financial stress. But the financial thing seems to be working itself out (not thanks to any help on my part) and today I went shopping.

I got cute girly CD boomboxes for the twins. We decided that would be easier for them than MP3 players. And I got games for all three girls. I think it is becoming a tradition to give board games on Christmas Eve--then we have something to do together that night. (We usually spend Christmas in our own home, and visit our family who all live 350 miles away the weekend before or after.) I am thrilled the twins are finally big enough to play adult friendly games. I hate Candy Land with a red hot passion. I got UNO Spinner, Jenga and Boggle. It was hard to find games we don't already own.

I also bought tons of stocking stuffers. I think stocking stuffers are my weakness--I usually get enough stuff to fill two stockings. But I was a lot more conscientious about what I was buying this year, with all the recalls.

Oh yeah, and I got a Wii. It was sort of a spontaneous purchase. DH and I had discussed it, but they are so hard to find and we were anticipating a lean Christmas so we just kind of forgot about it. But all the forces of nature sort of combined at once. First, I found them in Wal-Mart just as a shipment came in. I hate Wal-Mart (even more than Candy Land) and I never shop there, but I had a $100 gift certificate that I needed to use. I was in the electronics department looking for the CD boomboxes (which I did not buy at Wal-Mart), when I noticed the Wiis. I could cover almost half with my GC and the rest with the money I just got from selling my barbri books. I knew it was probably my only chance before the holidays, and if I changed my mind, I could always return it or sell it. Of course, now I have to get games for the darn thing.

So anyway, shopping seemed to improve my mood (as always!). I think we may get our Christmas tree this weekend, which sounds fun (we go to a tree farm and cut it ourselves), but dragging all the decorations out of the attic does not. And I have no idea how our foster kitty is going to do with the tree.

It's always something

***Warning, this post is gross***

The twins had their ears pierced a little over two months ago. We cleaned then for the first 6 weeks, but I haven't done much with them in the last week or two. A couple of nights ago I noticed that SS's ear was red and puffy. Upon closer inspection she had a cyst about the size of a jellybean on the back of her ear.

I removed her earring and her ear started oozing pus. I cleaned both ears with peroxide and soaked the earrings in peroxide overnight. Yesterday the swelling was down, but when I cleaned her ear it started oozing pus again. I squeezed, hoping to get it all out, which just made DD scream and did not get it out. It was nasty, as SS said, "That looks like snot!" The cyst was now about half its original size, but still looked like it needed to be lanced.

Today I took her to the doctor to be lanced. Did he lance it? Noooo, he squeezed it just like I did. But he collected a culture to be tested for staph. We won't know until Monday if it's staph, and I am trying not to freak out. Staph has been running wild around here, and on the way home from the doctor's office there was a news story about a local high school kid who just died from MRSA.

Now I'm feeling guilty for not taking DD in when I first noticed her ear. I think one of the hardest things as a parent is knowing when to take a kid to the doctor. Half the time I hear, "it's just a cold' and the other half my kids have contracted some wierd disease and needed to see the doc three days ago.

"But she isn't even growing boobies yet!"

Said TT after learning that I had purchased a bra for PS. Sigh--I was so not ready to go there yet. She's only 9! And she definitely doesn't need one. But many of PS's classmates have already turned 10 and several are starting to develop. Her two best friends are wearing them, and I think she just wants to fit in. She was so excited about it and couldn't wait to come home and try them on. She insisted that she needed a plain one that wouldn't show and a pretty one to wear under sweaters. But I suspect the novelty will wear off quickly. I remember trying out the training bras my mom had stashed in my drawers and deciding they were way to itchy.

They are just tiny little cotton things, sort of like a sports bra. Shockingly, or perhaps not, they had much more mature-styled bras (with sequins!) that were padded! Really? A 10 or even 12 year old needs a padded bra? I have noticed a similar trend when shopping for swimsuits. Blech!

This is my life

I was supposed to have an interview with a recruiter today--probably just to get temp work. I wasn't too excited about it, considering all the horror stories I have read about temping lately (which I am too lazy to go find and link.) But a kid woke up barfing last night and now she is sitting here keeping my toes warm while she watches cartoons and I surf the net (and yes I did just five minutes ago leave a comment over at PT-lawmom about the very strict rules I have on TV time--but they don't apply when one is sick.) So I must reschedule the interview. I just didn't feel like paying a babysitter so I could meet with a recruiter. But isn't there some irony in the fact that I have been sitting here for weeks with nothing to do, and the one day I finally have something on my calendar a kid gets sick (who is now acting perfectly fine, btw)?

Under the category of "What Will They Think of Next?"

Fake nails for cats. I found these in the pet store last night. (We had to return the other kitten that we were fostering because he needs to see the vet, so now we are down to 1 older kitten.) They had them in green and red for the holidays.

I can't imagine a cat on this planet that is going to sit there while you GLUE these tips on their claws. The lady who runs the cat rescue said that she only knew of one person who tried it, and he glued his cat's paws together. Poor kitty.

Sort of an update on the situation with PS

Since finding PS's hiding spot, I have had an ongoing email conversation with her teacher. I wanted to make sure she did not hide anymore papers, so her teacher said that she would email me if she received a poor grade. Which has already happened.

Her class is reading Shiloh, which she has talked about and she loves, and takes a quiz at the end of every chapter. PS, who usually get 100's suddenly got a 71. WTF? It turns out that their "reading" is listening to an audio tape and following along. I'm not quite sure what purpose this serves in the fourth grade. I can see it to help first graders, but shouldn't fourth graders all be fluent readers?

So PS tells me that she has absolutely no recollection of chapter 8. She tries to tell me that she was in her GT pull-out class, but there are two other GT kids in her class that remember chapter 8. I convince her that she must have just zoned out. She said that she hates listening to the audio tapes and would rather just read it herself. She also asked me to take her to the library to get the book so that she could read chapter 8 and catch up on what she missed (which we did.)

I have emailed PS's teacher asking if PS can read independently and do an extra project or report instead of listening to the audio tapes. I don't want to tell the teacher how to do her job, but PS is such a gifted reader, and I don't think the school is doing an adequate job of challenging her. I had a major battle with her second grade teacher because she was only allowed to check out certain leveled readers from the school library. The child had already read three Harry Potter books, and they were limiting her to Junie B. Jones and The Magic Treehouse. (But her 3rd grade teacher started a Harry Potter book club for a handful of gifted readers.)

I also explained to PS that not all schoolwork is fun, as she is finding out, and that is part of growing up. I don't want her to think that because I am asking for special consideration on her reading lessons, that she will somehow get out of all boring work. Sometimes life is just boring.

Am I too tough on her?

I will admit that I set very high standards for my children--especially PS. Partly because I know they are capable of so much. PS is a smart cookie. She could recognize every letter in the alphabet at 18 months and had a few Dr. Seuss books memorized well enough that she could convince someone who didn't know better that she could read. (She also had quite a repertoire of old rock songs.) She was reading words as a late 2 year old, books as an early 3. At the time I didn't realize that this was unusual, and actually asked my pediatrician if something was wrong with my twins because they didn't recognize all of their letters by the time they were two.

But I'll also admit that part of my the reason I set such high expectations for PS is because I don't want her to be like me. Because everyone who knew me as a child says that PS is a carbon copy of me. We look a lot alike, but it goes deeper than than. I was bookish like her and she is a know-it-all like me. And I was a smart kid too (although I am told that my daughter is smarter than I was). But I was lazy. I never put any effort into my education until I got to law school. Before that I could slide by with minimal effort. And PS could too, but I want her to put out more than minimal effort. I want to push her to live up to her potential. But perhaps I push too hard.

This weekend we found a stash of papers hidden beneath the sink in the kids' bathroom. They were all of PS's "bad" grades, ranging from 86 to 70. The 70's were for papers that she turned in late or didn't complete properly. The 86 is bad because a B is bad, in the world I have created for my daughter. She was afraid she'd get in trouble. I felt like an ogre. DH thinks I push her too hard.

I explained that she would never be in trouble for bad grades when she genuinely didn't understand--that if she had shown me those papers we would have gone over them together to make sure she understood, and that I couldn't help her if she hid things from me. I told her that she would have been in trouble for the late and incomplete work, but that had been an issue just last week and she had only received was a short lecture. I'm not sure what she thought would happen--the only punishments she ever receives are extra chores or removal of privileges.

I guess I need to lighten up. It worries me that she thinks she has to hide a paper with an 86--or even a 70. What if she gets into serious trouble as a teen? I don't want her to be so fearful that she doesn't come to me.

Christmas Contemplations

Now that we are through Thanksgiving, I guess it is time to start thinking about Christmas. For the twins, we are thinking some kind of music player, but that is where we are hung up. We were initially thinking CD boomboxes. But they are nearly impossible to find this year. All the music aisles are filled with I-pod docking stations. So I started wondering if CD players are becoming obsolete in the digital music era. Then I started thinking maybe I should get MP3 players, instead. But they would need some kind of speaker system. And an MP3 player is awfully small for a 6 year old to keep up with. And more complicated to load music into. So maybe the old school CD player is the best route for now. Arghhh, why does this have to be more difficult?

PS, however, is making life easy on us. She created a PowerPoint presentation of her Christmas wish list, complete with fly-ins and sound effects. The child has a better grasp of Power Point than I do. I think her first job will be to create my trial presentations.

A little bit of everything

Look what my SIL sent. Isn't it cute? I love the little lawyer bear in the front. My law license and bar card showed up in the mail today--woohoo, now I am official.

Both of the kitties we have now are getting sick, so I had to meet with the person who runs the cat rescue to pick up meds. She has been a paralegal for a very long time and said that if I were thinking about going solo she could send me plenty of referrals. She also said that she had a huge forms library and could help with almost anything. You just never know where you might pick up a network connection. I'm still not sold on the idea of going solo, but I have decided that if I don't have a job by my birthday in late January I will go that route. I think it's good to have a deadline to work towards.

And just in case you were wondering, I survived Thanksgiving with my mother. My aunts, who are fully aware of the situation and basically on my side did a good job running interference so that she couldn't corner me. Unfortunately, my mother invited herself over to my house on Sunday. Sort of took my by surprise and I wasn't thinking quickly enough to get out of it--so we'll see what happens then. (Why is it I have no problem standing up to anybody in the world except my parents?) But at least I'll be on my own turf. Plus she has cat allergies, so maybe the kitties will run her off. I know this makes me sound like a real bitch, and unless you have a mother who is the center of her own universe you just can't understand. Heck, I didn't even understand how bad it was until I had children of my own and realized that I would never, ever treat my children the way she did.

But otherwise, T-day went much better than anticipated. I enjoyed a raucous game of chicken foot dominoes with my grandparents, who I know were very happy to see me (or rather my girlies.) And it snowed! I love snow, but it doesn't happen much in my neck of the woods, and I have never seen snow here on Thanksgiving before. They were big gorgeous flakes that didn't last long, but were a nice Thanksgiving surprise.

And speaking of Thanksgiving surprises, my brother called my uncle's house to speak with everyone, since he was the only family not present. I haven't spoken with my brother in 9 months (because he won't take my calls) and he has been blowing off the rest of the family too. But he called and he talked to me, and he sounded ok, so I guess he is speaking to me again.

God my family has too much drama.

Please don't vacuum the kitties

Just one of those weird phrases you utter once you have kids. (Don't worry about the kitties, it's a bug vacuum, so not enough suction to hurt anyone, but great for sucking up spiders.)

We had to give our orange kitten back to the cat rescue because he was sick. It was sad to give him back. We still have the little black kitten who loves to snuggle and we were given a 3 month old cat named Dylan. We'll have him for about a month, until he can be neutered. Dylan is hilarious. He zooms back and forth across the house at top speed. Then he'll snuggle for a little bit, then back to crazy cat. I think the kids enjoy him more than the little kittens because he is so playful. And he is very tolerant of the kids carting him around. I guess one good thing about is fostering is that any animal that comes from our house will be used to kids.

And Dylan loves DH, who has been rather grumbly about us bringing cats into the house. Last night he kept rubbing against his legs and jumping in his lap.

But I am now remembering why I didn't want a cat--the litterbox. PS cleans it every day and it still smells up the whole powder room. I don't know where else to put it, but this is not working. I don't want a stinky cat house.

Stress, it's a-buildin'

First, I am dreading Thanksgiving. Which is sad, because T-day is one of my favorite holidays. No stressing about buying (and paying for) the perfect gift. Just lots and lots of delicious food. For the past several years I have hosted assorted in-laws who have come down here. I love cooking for Thanksgiving. But this year I don't get to, because of the cousin's wedding. The whole damn family will be in town and Uncle is hosting. (I would have happily done it and have a much larger house, but I wasn't really given the choice.) But I could deal with all of that. The part I'm dreading is seeing my mother. And being trapped in this small house with her for at least a few hours. I'm afraid she is going to ruin a perfectly good holiday, just like last Christmas when she literally cornered me and refused to let me leave the room until she said her piece. It wasn't pretty.

Next, tomorrow is DH's last day at his current job. He has been there for nine years--since right out of college. It was time for a change, but the timing isn't great (I think he first interviewed with the new place 2 months ago), and there is a lot that is still unknown. Like when he'll get his first check at new place and for what time period it will cover, and how much it will be with all the benefits taken out. And with the holidays and my continued unemployment these unknowns are a little stressful. Besides the uncertainty of leaving the stable and secure for the unknown. He was working for a place largely unaffected by whatever the economy might bring. Now he is going to work for a real-estate investment firm--is this really the best time for them?

And of course there is the ever-present stress of unemployment.

And the kids are out of school this week, and while I love the little critters, they are about to drive me crazy with the fighting. And the, "Can we please go do something fun?"requests. Because no, we cannot go do anything fun because mommy doesn't have a job and Santa's coming soon.

This is what happens to kitties in a house full of little girls

These kittens are going to be spoiled rotten by the time we give them up. The girls are out of school this week and they are constantly cuddling the kitties. The poor little things won't know what to do if they go to a home where there is no one to hold them all the time.

Just in case these are on your Christmas list...

The 10 worst toys of the year. I was shocked that toy swords, daggers and rubber band guns could be dangerous. But Diego always seemed so innocent.

Blogging about blogging

DH says I am a total geek.

I finally got my new non-anon blog going. (No, I'm not linking here, then this one wouldn't be anonymous, and I don't want my bitching to come back and haunt me when I am being confirmed for my federal judgship some day.) It took all damn day. I decided to go with WordPress because it seems to have a lot more customization options. But then I couldn't figure out how to customize a regular old WordPress account, so I decided I needed to host my own account. Not a big deal, I already have a hosting account that I use for a nonprofit whose website I maintain, so I only needed to register my domain. And install the WordPress files on my account. And then my WordPress template. And then tinker with the template until I got it like I wanted it. And then draft my first carefully thought out, non-rambling, sensible post. Seriously, an all day event, and one I couldn't have pulled off without DH's help. But it's up and, if nothing else, it looks nice.

Look what I've got!

Kitties! PS has been begging for a cat for months now, but I have told her no because of SS's asthma and allergies. But a few weeks ago I contacted a local cat rescue to see if they needed foster homes. I figured it would give us the chance to test drive a cat and see how SS reacted. They finally called yesterday to see if we could take these kittens. They were rescued from a ditch and believed to be 4-5 weeks old. We'll have them for at least two weeks, until they are old enough for their first shots.

The orange one looks like a rough little street cat. He has no fur on his ears (I really hope its not from a disease my kids can catch) and one of his eyes is seems funny. But he's very playful and moves fast for something so little.

The black one is shy and snugly. He just likes to be held and sleep.

It will be fun to have kittens in the house for a little while. I finally get my own LOL cats.

This doesn't really make me feel better

I just read that unemployment in my state is the lowest it's been in over 30 years. And yet, here I sit.

Working Mom's Cooking Tip o' the Day

Rotisserie chickens from the grocery store are awesome. They make a meal on their own, but the leftovers can also be used to throw together quick meals later in the week.

Yesterday I bought two rotisserie chickens, for $5 each. My kids all want legs, and since I haven't found a three-legged chicken, two chickens solved that problem. For dinner last night I cut off the legs, thighs and wings of both chickens, and a little of the breast. I chopped up the rest of the breast (about 3 cups) which will be enough for two more meals. I'll probably do a chicken pot pie one night (which is a little time consuming, but can be made ahead and refrigerated or frozen) and fettuccine alfredo another night--which I can thrown together in about 20 minutes.

Shoe Problems

I always wear a 3-4" spiked heel with suits and dresses. And I swear I screw up every freakin' pair of shoes by stepping into a skinny crack and ripping up the leather on the heel. This often pulls the tip of the heel off, too. Just today I noticed that the heel was screwed up on my newest (and most comfortable) shoes. I must have done it while waiting on the valet before my swearing in, because I definitely remember stepping in a crack then. And just a few weeks ago I managed to scuff up my shoes and lose the heel on the escalator leading to Contract Firm. Fortunately the floors there are marble, so I did no damage with my tipless heel, but I did make an annoying one footed tapping sound all day, from the single metal spike hitting the floor. And once I stepped in a crack on the stairwell in the courthouse and got stuck. I would have fallen down the stairs if my coworker hadn't caught me.

Am I just unusually clumsy or does anyone else have this problem?

The Bar Meeting

Overall it went well. People weren't overly friendly, but I found a couple of kind souls who took pity on me and made it a point to include me. I got my first 1.5 hrs. CLE out of the way. Pretty good since I don't even have my bar card yet, and I have 2 years before I have to start reporting.

One att'y took my info and said that he may have some contract work for me. Another att'y who works for a civil defense firm in Big City gave me his card and said he thought they would have an opening in Jan. And another att'y advised that I take mental health court appointments if I have to go solo, and gave me contact info for that.

But apparently my little town is overrun with family lawyers. None of them were happy to hear that is what I'd be doing if I go solo. According to them, there is just not enough work here, and Big City lawyers keep taking what there is. Maybe its true, or maybe they are just protecting their turf.

Blogging for Business

I've been thinking that I should blog as a marketing tool if I want to go solo. I get a decent number of hits on this blog (and, of course, decent is relative). It would be great to turn those hits into a target audience to build my potential firm. Of course, I can't use this blog--you guys know too much about my personal life--and my whining would not exactly come off as professional, so I have to start from scratch.

So today I finally registered a new non-anonymous blog and gmail account (to keep things completely separate.) But I have no freaking clue what to do for content. So I currently have a postless blog. It's a lot easier to patter on about one's daily trials and tribulations than to actually write about something significant.

Also, I am a little worried about how blogging plays into the bar's advertising requirements. There are other lawyer bloggers in my state, so presumably it's ok. But does it have to be approved as advertising. All websites have to be approved by the bar--does that extend to blogs?

Sometimes the details are overwhelming.

The best laid plans

Ok, so my Plan C (going solo) is being bumped back up to Plan B, because yesterday's Plan B already fell through. I talked to one of my friends at Plan B place yesterday and he told me that other friend was confused and they won't have an opening until Jan. 2009. Fuck. That is not helpful at all.

Also got an email from CSO informing all of us unemployed souls that Big City DA's Office isn't planning on any hiring anytime soon. Double fuck. That was the last hold out, because we knew they wouldn't interview until after bar results. CSO said to start looking at surrounding DA's offices. Yeah, they aren't hiring either, I've already applied at all of them. Well, there are a couple in BFE podunkville. But I'm not going there--not if I want to continue to live with my family.

But today I'm being proactive. I emailed my local suburban bar ass'n yesterday, and their monthly meeting is at lunch today. So I will go and be social. And hopefully make some connections. I'm not hopeful enough to think I will get any job leads, but I'm hoping to get a lead on office space in my local area. And I will need mentors if I have to go solo, because I am essentially an infant who knows nothing.

Finally, to address some of the comments I received yesterday.

• I can't send the irate letter to the fundraising dept. of law school for reasons that I can't publicly post. That's the same reason I can't go to the CSO and throw a fit. Because believe me, with my bridge burning, typically type-A personality, I would be down there raising hell. But I have a pretty compelling reason that prevents me from doing so.
• I don't want to look for a non-legal job. I love practising law. I even loved law school. It is what I was meant to do. And I'm good at it. I just need to find that one person to give me a shot. And if that doesn't happen, I'll just have to do it myself--even if it scares the crap out of me and means financial turmoil.

Pulling it together

I'm am really trying to resist the urge to spend the day wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Right now I am the most depressed I have been since I first went to law school. I may even be unhappier than I was as a SAHM--because now I'm just a way over-educated SAHM. And I feel like everyone around me is wondering why I am still at home when I just finished law school.

But anyway, I am trying to put that all aside, and this is my current plan of action:

• Email Contract Firm, who hasn't used me in a month, to say thanks for the reference, I didn't get the job, I'm still available if you need me.
• Write Interviewer to say, it sucks that I didn't get the job but I understand. Keep me in mind if you or any of your lawyer friends has an opening. And, oh yeah, I do contract work, too.
• Contact law school b/c I can no longer access job boards.
• Resist the urge to send extremely bitchy letter to fundraising dept of law school, who is already asking for money. Apparently they do not coordinate their lists with the career services office.
• Scour internet for any job ops I have missed (doubtful).

And I have reevaluated my career plan. Going solo has moved from Plan B to Plan C. I just really don't know how to pull it off financially right now. And finances are beginning to stress me out. A lot. But I will still continue to investigate, so that I can pull it together quickly if I need to go there.

Plan B is now to aggressively pursue a position that will be opening in January. It is not my top choice for employment, but I have several friends (aka connections) there , so I should have a decent shot. because Plan B isn't the kind of place where I could take any business that I manage to drum up, I can't pursue going solo until I see how that works out. Meanwhile, Plan A is to find a job before January. Because I need to work, for both my mental and financial stability.

The Swearing In

So I've been sworn in. But who knows how long it will take to actually get my bar card and license. I felt like a lawyer-impostor, sitting in the sea of black suits and not having a job or any prospect of such. I'm getting tired of the pride and happiness of all my important moments being mitigated by the loserness of not having a job.

I was shocked by how many people were there. Hundreds of lawyers and many more families. And babies--there were babies crying throughout the whole damn thing. Why do babies need to be there? And if they do need to be there, why can't you be respectful of everyone else and remove them when they start to fuss? This was in a coliseum, so everything echoed--even a little fuss could be heard for several rows.

The hotel we stayed in was gorgeous. It is very old and supposedly haunted, but we saw no signs of ghosts. It was also in a great location, so we were able to walk out the door and have our choice of eating and drinking establishments. It was nice to be able to go out and have fun without worrying who would drive back or when we needed to relieve the sitter. And I learned that tequila-induced relaxation relieves my TMJ better than anything else I have tried.

I have pissed off Karma

I finally heard back about The Job. The one where the interview actually went well. The one where they told Former Supervisor that they really liked me. I did not get the job. I figured that out last week when I hadn't heard anything despite my hand-written thank you note, follow-up email and phone call.

And, honestly, I was taking it very personally. Last week was really rough on me. I was just so tired of fighting and trying to figure out what was so wrong with me when there are so many law students with worse grades and stranger personalities. I spend a good part of the week in bed feeling sorry for myself.

I had finally determined that Interviewer must have contacted Contract Firm, and that Contract Firm must have been unhappy with my work product, since they haven't contacted me in a month. But still, I wanted an answer.

So Sunday evening I was surprised to finally get a phone call from Interviewer. I did not get the job, but it wasn't anything I did. For once, I did not screw up my own life. He said that I was "on the very short list of candidates," that all of my references had spoken very highly of me and that Contract Firm had said that I did great work for them.

So what happened? The associate who I would have replaced decided that she did not like her new job and asked for her old job back. Which means no opening for me.

How do I manage such shitty luck?

Women die after Nicaragua's ban on abortions - Health - MSNBC.com

Women die after Nicaragua's ban on abortions - Health - MSNBC.com

This makes me so angry I don't even think I can write a sensible post right now. A woman (and law student) in Nicaragua died because her doctors refused to treat an ectopic pregnancy. They refused to treat her because Nicaragua, under the direction of the Roman Catholic Church, has a total ban on abortion for any reason. So even in a case like this where there is virtually no chance the embryo will survive and a very great chance the mother will die or suffer permanent damage to her reproductive system, the doctors will not intervene for fear of losing their medical licenses. It just disgusts me that the church has so much power over the lives--and death--of these women.

Travel Tip 'o The Day

Apparently I have been living under a rock. Before last week, I had no idea that the swearing-in ceremony was in Capital City. It was something that I had never discussed with my classmates, and I guess I just assumed that there would be a local ceremony. But DH's boss's wife got sworn in a couple of years ago, and he told DH that we must go to Capital City for the swearing-in because it is a big deal and a nice ceremony. So it looks like DH and I will be going.

I had originally booked a decent hotel for $150/night a couple miles away from the heart of Capital City. Then I remembered Priceline. We have used it a couple of times before when it was just DH and me and got really great deals. Like the Hyatt on Michigan Ave. in Chicago for $45/night. And TI in Las Vegas for $60/night. Doesn't really work for families, though, so I haven't used them lately. Anyway, I managed to get Fancy Pants Hotel, right in the heart of Capital City for $85--less than 40% of their internet rate. WooHoo!

If you use Priceline to book a hotel, you must first visit Bidding For Travel. Their message boards include a breakdown of what hotels to expect in each of Priceline's hotel categories and areas in each city. There are reviews of many of the hotels. But they also allow users to post the bids that won along with the hotel received.

So I knew before I bid, that someone had won a bid for $85 on Fancy Pants Hotel for the same night that I needed it. I also knew that that person had tried lower bids without success. This is important because you can only bid on a single hotel class and city area once every 3 days. You have time to try low bids if you have a longer time frame, but not if you are planning to travel within a few days. And the caveat is that the best deals are available with the shortest notice. But if you spend time on Bidding For Travel, you can get a good idea of what to bid to get a nice hotel.

I will now stop sounding like a commercial. And, no, I have not received any endorsements from any of the above listed websites.

No news is good news?

Still haven't heard anything about the job I interviewed for last week. I has assumed that they were waiting to do anything until bar results were out, so I was disappointed not to hear anything on Friday. I am trying to balance between paranoid neurosis and confidence. Former supervisor is convinced the job is mine--I hope that I am not counting too heavily on his impression. But I can come up with a 1000 reasons why they might have changed their minds about me. I really hope they let me know something soon.

Purging

So today I realized that I can finally get rid of the huge stack of barbri books that have been sitting untouched in the corner of my bedroom since July. My first thought was to have a big 'ol barbri bonfire. But my practical side took over, so I'll probably just sell them on ebay. I'll also be getting rid of all of my 1L study aids. I had hung on to them in case they might be useful for bar prep--since the MBE is essentially a recap of 1L. I never even looked at them. It feels good to get rid of some of this stuff.

Thanks for all the congrats!

I had no idea I had so many online supporters.

I received my score in the mail today. I had envisioned passing by only one point, I actually passed by a comfortable margin. It was not a super awesome score but, who the hell cares?

In addition to congratulating me and welcoming me to the bar, the powers that be have kindly informed me that I am in fact not licensed to practice law until I am sworn in and have paid almost $300 in fees. A little notice would have been nice. I hope I hear something about a job soon or my kiddos are getting a copy of mommy's law license in their stockings this Christmas.

Chupacabra is a ...

Coyote?? I am so disappointed. There just aren't enough real mythical creatures left in this world.

For some reason my 1L study group was obsessed with the Chupacabra. It became sort of an inside joke. The answer to everything was the Chupacabra. And now its just a freaky hairless coyote.

The Play by Play

Just in case you want to know what happens when one receives bar results.

Even though it was the day before results were due, I was checking the website regularly. But I had to leave at 3 to pick up my girlies from school, and once we returned home I was chatting with them about their day and going through their folders. I finally wandered back upstairs for the sole purpose of refreshing the bar result page again.

Oh crap--it has changed. There is now a link to the pass list. I had wondered if, once I saw that results were posted I would be too freaked to look or if I would go directly to where my name should be. I went right to where my name should be. Of course I suddenly forget alphabetical order as I am scrolling for my name. Finally, finally there it is.

I screamed. Not like a girly squeal--a blood-curdling scream. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police. Then I collapsed into sobs. Huge, wracking, can't-catch-your-breath sobs. I think I scared the crap out of my kids. I am not a crier, but I think all of the stress and emotion that has been building since May finally came to a head.

Somehow, through the tears, I explained to the kids what was going on. The I made PS look at the computer and validate that my name was in fact there. Then I had her call DH, because he would have freaked if I would have called while I was bawling. Seriously, I could not stop--this went on for like an hour.

PS gave me a thumbs up and a "good job, Mom". SS gave me a big hug and said, "I'm so proud of you, mommy." Then the phone calls started, all full of "I told you so's."

DH came home early and we all went out to dinner. Lucy (our nanny) is out of town, so no private celebrations yet. But that was ok, because I still wasn't feeling great, and all of the crying made it worse. And the kids needed to be part of it anyway--they had to put up with me through all of this.

Today there have been a couple more calls. SS seems to have picked up whatever I have, so we are being sickies together. I'm still trying to process, and refuse to close the results page on my computer.

Meanwhile I've been checking out how my classmates did. One of my friends is missing from the list. I am surprised and sad for her. There are a couple of acquaintances missing, too. It sucks that the whole world has to know your terrible news.

I Passed!!!!!!!!!!

And now I can't stop crying.

It's About TIme

Training Law Students for Real-Life Careers - New York Times

I learned so much more from my internships, clinic participation and performance-based classes like Trial Ad and Negotiations than I ever did sitting in a traditional classroom.

I'm bored

For fun I am watching the hit counter go up on the state bar website. There have been another 40,000 hits since my post last night. I have cleaned out my google reader and caught up on the message board I visit. I am too unfocused to read or watch TV. I should probably get out of the house, but I don't have any errands to run and recreational shopping is out until I have a job.

Pardon my Probable Proliferation of Posts

I expect that I will keep my laptop close at hand today. Even though results aren't due til tomorrow, the possibility of an early release leaves me refreshing the website every quarter hour. (We are not a state where results are mailed before they are released online.)I would hate for someone to find out before me and call before I had a chance to process.

And I won't even feel guilty for wasting my day on the internet. I seemed to have developed a sinus infection late last night and I am stopped up, headachey and generally feeling crummy. A good excuse to curl up on the sofa and do nothing but surf the net and clean out my TIVO.

So anyway, given all the garbled thoughts flowing through my head right now, I foresee numerous rambling posts today. And so I apologize in advance for clogging up your blog reader.

Can't Sleep

Something about pondering all the ways in which my life could change in the next 48 hours is not allowing me to sleep. I took a sleeping pill half an hour ago, and so far it has done nothing for me. I usually just read when I can't sleep, but I'm to edgy to concentrate. (BTW, I am really liking The Golden Compass!)

I think I checked the bar results website about 10 times today. Not too compulsive, I don't think. Especially considering that the number on their hit counter has doubled in the past day or so. 30,000 hits in one day. I think there were around 1500 who sat for the bar here. Apparently I'm not the only one checking regularly already.

Despite the fact that I have tried to be very nonspecific about when bar results come out, people have been coming out of the woodwork this week asking me about it. And everyone says that they are absolutely certain that I passed, there is no possible way I could have failed and that I have never failed at anything. What these people don't understand is that their confidence in my actually make it worse. Because disappointing all of them may be just as bad as the disappointment I will have in myself if I don't pass.

But the thing that worries me the most, is that if I don't pass I honestly don't know what to do better or differently the next time around. I gave the bar everything I've got--I have never worked so hard for anything. I don't even think I would have the heart to put in what I did the last time--much less go beyond that. It is not surprising that pass rates for retakers is morbidly low.