I have been feeling a bit off lately. Cranky and short-tempered. Not as productive and organized as usual. And I'm pretty sure it's starting to show at work. At least twice in the last week one of my bosses have asked me about something that I either completely forgot about or was slow to complete. That is definitely not my style.
I'm not sure what the source of my off-ness is. I think a lot of it has to do with being worried about TT. At her appointment last week, I expected the rheumatologist to say that the ANA test is an unreliable indicator and that she just needed a recheck in a few months. Instead she ordered a battery of new bloodwork. They are testing for Lupus. TT doesn't have most of the typical symptoms, but she has a few. And it will be another week before we have test results.
Lupus is scary. Definitely not something that I want one of my kids to have to deal with. But I feel like we are too lucky. We have three really awesome kids. They don't have behavior issues. They don't have mental health issues. They don't have health issues (until now). They are smart and do well in school.
It seems so unfair that my kids don't have any real problems when I have friends and acquaintances whose kids have autism and Tourette's and epilepsy and severe behavioral and mental health issues and cancer. And so I'm afraid that it's our turn to have to deal with something terrible.
I felt almost despondent today when I spilled a cup of coffee all over my desk. It didn't hit anything important--so no big deal, right? But it just felt like one more thing piling up on me. I need to shake this off and get over this hump.