I thought I posted about this history once before, but I can't find the old post so maybe I deleted it.
I am one of two children from my parents who divorced when I was 9 and my brother was 6. Both parents are now on spouse number 3 who were both acquired after I graduated from high school so they were never really "parents," but just my parents' spouses.
And then there were spouses number 2. Both parents remarried within a couple of years after the divorce, and both did a terrible job picking new spouses. My mother married a construction-worker wife-beater who didn't work more often than he did. He spent most of his time and money building toy trains in the garage. My brother and I had to run to the neighbors and call the cops multiple times because he was beating the crap out of her and threatening to kill her.
He hit me once, and I moved in with my dad. I told my mother it was him or me and she chose him.
My dad married the woman that he was cheating on my mother with before their divorce. She was nice enough, except for the fact that she was a functioning alcoholic and she was partly the cause of my parents divorce. But compared to my mom's husband, she was a peach.
After a few years, my dad and wife 2 announced that they were having a baby. I was 14 and finally getting a sister! But then my mother told us that kid was not our sister because my dad had a vasectomy right after my brother was born.
My dad never said a word and raised the child as his. Until Wife 2 ran left him. For a little while he had visitation with her. And then I went off to college. When I returned the visitations had ended and I never saw my faux- sister again. The last time I saw her was in 1993 at her 5th birthday party.
But this week I got a Facebook friend request from her. Whoa.
I have considered contacting her before, but she was young and I didn't know what her mother had told her. And I didn't want to add drama to her life. I regret losing touch with her, and my only excuse is that I was young, involved with my own changing life, and not sure how to maintain a relationship with her without hurting my dad.
My brother told me a few months ago that she had contacted him through FB. They had been chatting, but weren't "friends". Her mother told her that our dad is her dad and that he walked out on her. She thinks that my brother and I are her siblings. My dad confirmed to my brother that we are not. My brother has not shared this information with her.
I haven't accepted her friend request. I'm just not sure FB is the proper forum for us to reunite. I firmly believe that she should know the truth, and I can't believe that her mother never came clean (if for no other reason than to provide her with a medical history). This kid has never, ever done anything wrong, and I'm sure she's wondering why she was abandoned by her dad and siblings.
She's 23 now. Has kids of her own. I need to talk to her. I think she may have done worse in the parent lottery than I did. I'm just not sure I can deal with this and my mother at the same time.