Thoughts on having it all

Most of the time I think handle the working mom thing pretty well. Today was not one of those days.

SS is the "Star Student" in her class week. So over the weekend we were supposed to make an "All About Me" poster and journal her adventures with Mr. Bear, the class mascot who spends the weekend with the Star Student of the week.

Except that SS and I both had the stomach flu all weekend. I didn't even have the presence of mind to think about school until about 4:00 Sunday afternoon. DH went and got a poster board, but we needed pictures. I uploaded then to Wal-Greens, where they are supposed to be ready in an hour. Wal-Greens said they wouldn't be ready til 9:30 pm. But it was ok, because Monday was a holiday for them and we could take care of it Monday night.

At 7:15 this morning, DH informs me that we never picked up or added the pictures to the poster. And I had totally forgotten about Mr. Bear, who had only witnessed SS barfing all weekend. So I totally and completely dropped the ball on this one, which led to a huge fight between DH and I about dividing responsibilities.

At 7:45 this morning, the girls head out to the Behemoth to load up only to find that my driver's side window is completely shattered--in the garage. DH was mad when he left, but he's not the violent type. I have no freaking clue how it happened. The garage was closed, nothing fell, nothing was taken from the car and the doors were unlocked anyway because it was in the garage. I called DH to come home to take the kids to school--so they all got tardies, in addition to SS not having her project complete. The whole ordeal also made me late for work, but DH dealt with the window.

So now my window is fixed, but I am driving a mis-matched, white-trash hoopdie mobile. Because I have a black surburban with very dark tint (think government issue) and one clear window. Hopefully this weekend we can have the window tinted--I just hope they can make it match. I don't want to guess what retinting the whole thing will cost.

Then I had eye appointments for the twins set for 5:45. I was planning to leave work early, but didn't really want to after I had come in late. So I begged the nanny to take them. (and since I just saw the Nanny Diaries over the weekend I kept thinking about the part where Annie says, "you take them to the doctor, too?"). I am feeling like the freaking mother of the year sending the kids to the eye doctor with the nanny. But I made it to the eye doctor by 6:00, and he even went on and onabout how well-behaved my children are. (My kids, really?)

Oh, and TT needs glasses--which totally shocked me. I really only took them in because they had never been before and when I first took PS she was already pretty nearsighted. TT is just a bit farsighted. Glasses might help her strain less and she could outgrow it. I think he only put her in glasses because I told him that she reads a lot.

So we were out of the eye doctor by 7:00, met DH for dinner, came home, glued the pictures to the overdue poster, SS wrote the imaginary adventures of Mr. Bear (who she forgot to cart around today), kids are in bed.

And somewhere in between all that I still managed to bill 7.5 hours today.

Free milkshakes really do make everything better

I stopped by Steak 'n' Shake on the way home at 8:00 tonight. I had eaten only a Snickers and a granola bar all day and I was looking forward to drowning my troubles in a greasy cheeseburger. When I got the the window, the chipper girl collecting the cash asked if I'd had a great day. And because I had, in fact, had a rather crappy day, I answered no. So she gave me a free chocolate milkshake. And it really did make me feel better--ok, actually it made me want to cry that someone was being nice to me. I heart Steak 'n' Shake.

Tonight's Dinner Conversation

PS: "I got the menstrual."

Me: "What?"

PS: "I got the menstrual."

Me: "What the heck are you talking about?" (Knowing that she is certainly not going through puberty and wondering what she confusing with menstrual.)

PS: "The part in my play--I got minstrel #3"

Me: "Oh, duh! Woo Hoo, go PS!" She got one of the larger speaking roles in her school play. And this fits well with the acting class that she started last week. PS tends to be a little timid, so hopefully these experiences will give her more confidence.

It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

So I survived yesterday--barely.

I think my interview went well--but have thought that before and well, I still don't have a permanent job. I should hear something next week.

Then, DH and I met at my office garage to go to the concert. The plan was to park there and take the train to the concert, with a stop along the way at a touristy district with lots of restaurants. We went to a steakhouse that was mediocre and had a waitress that was content to ignore us. When we went back to the train stop, the schedule said that we had missed the last train to the concert venue. Cursing the neglectful waitress, we started walking the 6 blocks to where we were parked so that we could just drive to the concert.

Halfway back to the car we saw a train marked for the concert headed our way. So we took off running at top speed back to the train stop. OK, I am not in shape. At all. I have a treadmill in my bedroom gathering dust because I hate running. So after running less than 3 blocks at top speed I thought I was going to die. (To make me sound a wee bit less wimpy, I was in 3 1/2 in ch heels.) My chest burned. My calves burned. I started feeling nauseous.

I seriously need to start working out if 3 blocks is going to kill me.

Anyway, we made the train and then the concert. There were 2 opening bands. The first band I had never heard of and they sucked. The second one I have heard of and knew a few of their songs--they were ok. The main gig was pretty good. It was not a band that I would have chosen, but the tix were DH's Christmas present. They put on a good show, but then tend to scream a lot.

But they didn't go on until 10:00--so we didn't get home til 1:00. I am getting old and my butt was dragging this morning. I was incredibly unproductive today.

Crazy Week

It started Sunday with my mad dash to complete the defensive driving course so that I could get all my paperwork in by Thursday. Fortunately, I received my completion certificate today. So I got home from work, had dinner with the kids, then headed back out to to the nearest Fed Ex Kinkos to send my paperwork. $17 later, it is guaranteed to be at the courthouse by my due date on Thursday. I also had to pick up pantyhose while I was out, dinner for the kids tomorrow, and get gas because I will be traversing a good part of my great state tomorrow.

I needed the pantyhose because I have an interview tomorrow. It's with a local DA's office, but a rural office, not Big City. This is good because 1) I still need a job, 2) I would like to work for a DA's office (but would prefer Big City, which is under a hiring freeze), and 3) if I can get an offer, I might be able to use it as leverage to get an offer out of contract firm.

Because contract firm told me that they would talk to me about permanency in January, but when I mentioned it last week I was sort of given the blow off. Not the kind of blow off where they aren't planning to keep me around, but the kind that indicates that I am not a priority and they will get to it when they get to it. I honestly don't think they will do anything until I tell them I have another offer. And while I really would like to work for the DA's office, I would be looking at about a 35% pay cut from what I receive as a contract employee.

Except that when I agreed to this late afternoon interview tomorrow, I completely forgot that DH and I have concert tickets tomorrow night. At a venue very near contract firm. So now I will have to leave work early, drive forever to my interview, then drive back for the concert. And now I have to wear interview attire, which is going to leave me changing in the car for the concert. Fun!

Thursday is my birthday, which I am happy to ignore because DH already got me an awesome gift and there is too much other crap going on this week.

Saturday we are taking a road trip to an indoor waterpark. I spent all last Saturday hunting down swimsuits, which is not easy to do in January.

Oh, and all the kids have some kind of ailment. Which I pray doesn't leave any of them missing school tomorrow so that I don't have to a) miss even more work; or b) have the nanny taking care of the kids for upwards of 16 hours tomorrow, which I think might kill her.

I am a freakin' genius

Or not. Over Labor Day weekend I got a speeding ticket. No big deal--I haven't had a ticket in years and I was due. So I could either pay the fine and deal with insurance going up, take deferred adjudication--which is essentially probation, do defensive driving and have it dismissed, or fight it. My first instinct was to fight it. But the city I got the ticket in is 60 miles away and I was already contracting at that time, and figured they wouldn't be happy if I had to take a day off to fight my ticket. I wasn't about to do deferred adjudication because I speed all the time and there's a darn good chance I would get pulled over again before my probationary period was up. So I went for the defensive driving option.

Back in late October the court informed me that I had until Jan. to take care of anything. The paperwork is due on my birthday--that's ok, at least it was a day I could remember. And in October I was absolutely unemployed and had nothing better to do than 6 hours of defensive driving. But, of course, I didn't do that.

So this weekend DH asked when my paperwork was due to the court. My birthday. Oh shit, that's this week. But I could do it online this weekend, put the paperwork in the mail on Monday and be ok. Until DH (who takes defensive driving every two years like clockwork) informed me that while I could take the course online, I had to wait for them to mail me a certificate to send to the court. Double shit. But I could pay out the wazoo and have the certificate shipped overnight--ok, I can deal with paying for my stupid (albeit very lawyerly) procrastination. Except that Monday is a federal holiday--which means no mail. Fuck.

So my certificate won't go out until Tuesday, I won't get it til Wednesday, and it has to be at the court 60 miles away on Thursday. And there is no way in hell I will be home on Wednesday in time to have it sent, even overnight, by Thursday.

Let's hope the mailbox rule applies to municipal courts. I don't think the bar or my current or potential employers will be thrilled if a warrant for my arrest issues.

Yeah, he's awesome

I think DH took last week's post as a challenge. I posted that he did a great job on my Christmas gifts and wanted to see if he could match it for my birthday. Which was especially challenging because I really don't need or want anything.

Well, except one thing. And he got it for me tonight (a week early)! And I'm typing on it.

Woohoo, DH got me a laptop!! I definitely needed it. My old laptop hasn't been the same since I blew up the motherboard in a moment of pure brilliance. Still, I wasn't really considering getting a new computer until I had a permanent job. But I've been putting in lots of hours, and laptops aren't as pricey as they used to be, so DH decided to go for it.

Now I feel bad for calling him a nincompoop the other day.

Men.

DH is a nincompoop.

PS's class is going on a field trip next month to a semi-historical touristy kind of place. Last weekend there were coupons for a free child's admission to said touristy place. So DH, in all of his manly glory handed PS the coupon and said, "Here, now we don't have to pay for your field trip." PS apparently did not realize that he was joking and took it to school.

Today PS came home from school with a note from her teacher."Dear Mrs. LC. I'm sorry, we can't accept the coupon you sent for PS to attend the field trip. The school has already purchased tickets and must be reimbursed. Thank you, Mrs. T. "

I am so mortified. Can you imagine the conversations going on in the teacher's lounge about PS's cheap-ass parents? I am ready to throttle DH.

Instead, I responded to the teacher that DH is a nincompoop and was joking with PS. I also offered to help out with any children who can't attend for financial reasons. This field trip is quite a bit more expensive than any they have scheduled in the past, and we were planning to make the offer anyway. Of course, now it just looks like we are trying not to look like cheap-ass bastards.

Girls' Day Out

PS and I started our morning with Starbucks and then were off to get our hair and nails done. PS's hair had gotten quite long and was looking pretty shaggy. She wanted to grow it out for Locks of Love, which makes wigs for children with cancer out of donated hair. It is a great cause, and I have donated a few times. The problem is that you kind of have to be willing to cut your hair short if you want to donate. And PS didn't want short hair. So I finally talked her into not donating and getting at least some cut. She probably took off four inches, and it was still below her shoulders. She looks so cute now, with long layers and the ends kind of flip out. My own cut is similar, but shorter. I told her she is my mini-me now!

Afterward we did a bit of shopping because I was taking the girls to the symphony and I didn't think they (or I) had anything dressy enough. Thanks to post-holiday bargains, I managed to snag some good deals. (Unfortunately I got the twins matching dresses. They rarely dress alike and I almost forgot how much attention they draw when they match. When they were infants I felt like a circus side-show, we got so much attention. I swear I had a lady chase me down in a Target parking lot in the rain because she wanted to see my twins--I told her no.)

Then we headed to Barbie at the Symphony. It was a real symphony playing the classical music from Barbie movies, with a screen showing scenes from the movies. We've been to a few outdoor symphony concerts, but I wasn't sure how girls' would do at a concert in a performance hall. They really aren't that into Barbie, but I thought it would be a good way to introduce them to live music.

I have to admit that I felt a pang of jealousy as the orchestra was warming up. I was a total band geek in high school, but I was actually very good. My dream job would be professional flutist. But my ability was due much more to hard work than raw talent. (I practiced at least two hours every day, and up to 8 hours a day during competition season) Even as a teenager I was practical enough to realize that I had no future in music performance. Still, if someone offered me a job in a symphony tomorrow, even for terrible pay, I would drop law like a hot potato. (Trivia tidbit: Tchaikovsky studied law before he became a great composer.)

After the concert the girlies and I went to dinner, and then spent a little time perusing the book store. It was a good day.

Make the voices stop---or not

I have to admit that DH isn't always the best present-picker (sorry DH). A lot of it is my fault. There just isn't much that I need or want and I am fickle and particular (can you be both at the same time?). But DH did awesome this year. (Let's see if he can match it for my birthday later this month.) I got two big gifts--one was a spa GC and the other was a GPS. I'll admit that the GPS seems a little frivolous, but it has actually come in handy a few times.

But I swear it is cursing me inside its little computer brain every time I refuse to follow its directions. "Ok, dumbass, I told you turn right. Now you have to find someplace to turn your big ass around. Why the fuck don't you listen to me?" I think it would be hilarious if I could download a voice that actually did swear at me. I have caught myself cursing it a few times (or responding snottily to its prim computer voice), might as well get it right back at me. DH thinks it would be appropriate around the kids, though.

Adios '07

I can't say that I was sad to see 2007 come to an end. Although I suppose I should chalk it up as a good year--having graduated law school and passed the bar--I mostly just remember spending the entire year unsuccessfully searching for a job. Plus the most-fun-summer ev-ah spent studying for the bar. And the root canal the day after the bar.

So, yeah, I have no problem saying goodbye to '07 and welcoming '08. Hopefully, my current contract position will turn permanent in the very near future. It is nice to be working and have income right now, but there is always that nagging reminder that I don't know how long it will last and I will be back to square 1. It is hard to plan very far ahead when I don't know how long I will be bringing in an income. (I really need a housekeeper with the crazy hours I have been working, but I don't want to hire somebody this week and then have to let her go in a month because I am out on my rear.)

So getting a permanent job is my one and only New Year's resolution. Because it is really the only part of my life that is screwed up at the moment. In the meantime I suppose I should be thankful that I am done with law school and that I am not studying for the February bar right now, and that all of my children and happy and healthy (we've had no problems with SS's asthma in months--woohoo!). Bring on the new year!

*ETA* Ok so the needing a housekeeper thing sounded kinda like a whiny pampered princess in hindsight. I guess it was just in the forefront of my mind. But there are certainly more significant financial decisions and planning that would be easier with some job security.

76 Trombones

So I am sitting in my office this afternoon when I hear this awful banging noise. It kind of sounded like someone was crawling around in the ducts. Except that it sounded like it was coming from outside. And I could not fathom what would be making that noise outside.

When I looked out the window I discovered a marching band down below. Apparently the banging was from the bass drums. There was a parade, right under my window. How did I not know about this? I guess I should have been clued in by all of the touristy looking people down in the food court at lunch.

So for the next two hours I got to hear about a thousand marching bands and fire trucks pass by. (Seriously, how many marching bands can one freaking parade have?) Do you know how hard it is to analyze a 50 page contract with a parade passing below your window? In case you have never had the joy of that experience, it is kind of distracting.

Twelve years

That's how long I have been married as of today. More than 1/3 of my life. We've known each other since we were 16--half our lives. I don't feel old enough to have been married for so long. But we got married much too young--just a month before my 21st birthday. It worked for us, but I hope that my children are older before they marry, and especially before having children.

We've been through a lot in 12 years. We both graduated from college. Moved from Collegetown to Big City. Had our first child at the same time DH was starting his first job. Had a tremendously difficult pregnancy with the twins. Bought our first house. DH's got his masters. I went to law school. We've gone from barely-making-ends-meet starving college students living in a crappy apartment with hand-me-down furniture (and a futon!) working full-time and going to school full-time and hardly every seeing each other to semi-successful (that might get bumped up if I ever get a real job) people with comfortable incomes, a nice home in the 'burbs, and three beautiful kids. And we have managed to raise good and amazing kids who strangers compliment when we were out--it always stuns me that we made these three little people.

So the last twelve years have been good. I certainly wouldn't have predicted that my life would have turned out this way. (I never wanted kids and I was pre-med at the time.) But it all worked out. I wonder where we'll be in another 12 years? PS will be in college--the twins will be getting ready to graduate high school. We'll be on the verge of empty-nesting. Hard to imagine.

On Regifting

As a general rule I have nothing against regifting. If you get something you don't need or want and can give it to someone who does need it or want it, go for it. Just be sure the original gifter doesn't find out and that the item you are now giving away isn't total crap.

So for Christmas, I was openly regifted a gift certificate. It was for laser hair removal at a location that is not too far from me, but far, far away from the gift-giver. "Okay," I thought, "I'm going to assume the gift giver has the best intentions and isn't trying to imply that I am a hairy monkey-girl." But I just had a hunch strings would be attached to this "gift"--and I was so right.

The GC was for $100 and it was won in a contest. Therefore it had restrictions--like it could only be applied toward a package--so no single session to lose the 'stache. So I called today to see how much it was gonna cost me to redeem this gift. Uhhhh, somewhere in the neighborhood of $600--after applying my $100 GC.

And as much as I would love to have hair-free pits, I just can't justify $600 on that right now. Not with spending more than I should have on my kids' Christmas and student loan payments in the imminent future. So I'm thinking I won't be redeeming this GC (which must be redeemed by the end of Jan., BTW.) And I'm sure I'll have to explain this to the gift-giver when she asks what I had done. Fun!

Work is..work

Can't really say much. I'm working from home tomorrow because the nanny needed the day off. My boss seemed fine with that, and hardly anybody is in the office this week anyway. So I brought home 5 depo transcripts to summarize. I thought I'd try to pick up some extra hours over the weekend, to make up for Christmas since I am contract and don't get holiday pay.

Last week I pulled all of the live pleadings for the 10 volumes of pleadings that we received with a case that just got transferred. One of the attorney's told me to have "a paralegal or somebody" index them. But nobody is in the office this week. And since I haven't been assigned a secretary or assistant, I don't really feel comfortable handing anyone projects anyway. So I did it myself because it needed to be done, and I wanted to have it ready by the time my supervising attorney returns.

I feel like I have to balance doing the jobs that an attorney is getting paid to do against appearing that I think I am "too good" to do certain tasks. I don't mind the scut work (I've had way crappier jobs), and my hourly rate is the same regardless, but I don't really think that the client is going to pay attorney rates for copying and indexing.

Gaming Tip o' the day

I have apparently reverted back to my 10 year old self when I could spend hours on my nintendo. Both last night and tonight I have spent about two hours on the stupid wii. I haven't been interested in video games in more than 20 years, but the wii has made them fun again.

So last night I played Mario Galaxy. It is so much fun. I am not so great with managing the two-handed controllers, but I do ok. You have to crawl across planets all around far-away galaxies. Inside, outside, upside down.

Tonight I started Paper Mario. I swear there was 15 minutes of dialog before I did anything. Paper Mario is ok, and getting better as I go along, but I am so tired of reading. Every 30 seconds you have to stop and read something. And sometimes conversations go on way too long.

So if you are a new wii owner, I definitely recommed Mario Galaxy over Paper Mario.

As for the kids--they prefer the stuff that came loaded on the wii. PS's favorite is making new mii characters. The twins will play some of the sports games, but just aren't too much into it.

And just in case you think I am ruining my kids minds with video games, we spent at least 30 minutes tonight playing Boggle. But the kids kept getting mad because they never won. I think we are going to have to instute kid rules and adult rules (like maybe the adult words have to be a 4 or 5 letter minimum). We already waived the "letters have to touch" rule for the twins. I figure that at six years old, if they are picking out any words they are doing pretty well.

You'll shoot your eye out

I think the favorite toys this year were the Nerf dart guns. The guns shoot fast and the darts fly far, and they hurt like an SOB when they hit bare skin. But they are so much fun I think we are going to have to get more guns.


The kiddos also got a marble roller coaster that stretched across the entire living room on Christmas morning. That was a big hit, too.


The twins got CD players and PS got a combo digital camera/camera. And they all got a bunch of little stuff.

I guess the biggie was the wii. The kids didn't ask for it and barely noticed it this morning, but their interest has grown throughout the day. It is different and fun, and I think the console in the game room is better than everyone off on their own playing their DS's. We got Mario Galaxy and Paper Mario for the family. PS got Harry Potter, where you use the wii controller like a wand which is pretty cool for my little HP fanatic.


Back to work tomorrow. That feels strange. DH has always had the whole week of Christmas off and I have never had a job over the holidays. My boss will be out all week, and I probably could have had off if I had asked. But we just got a huge case dropped on us with looming deadlines, and there is plenty for me to do. And I think that getting a foothold in with this case might be what I need to get an offer out of them. So I will happily return to work tomorrow, with the goal of being very well versed in this case before my supervising attorney returns.

Merry Christmas to all

We returned last night from an impromptu trip to Hometown. Everyone was glad to see us, and the kiddos were happy to spend time with their grandparents and cousins. We returned late last night so that we could spend Christmas in our own home. We learned several years ago that we preferred to spend Christmas with just our immediate family in our own home. Mainly because it was tough for Santa to sneak all the kids' stuff to Hometown. And because on the return trip we had so much stuff there was barely room left in the car for the kids.

But also because we just like being in our own home. The last time we were in Hometown on Christmas, we were expected to be 5 different places inn the span of two days (thanks to my divorced parents and grandparents.) Now we spend all of Christmas day at home in our pajamas playing with out new toys. If we get restless, we see a movie. It is nice.

Right now, we are being dragged to church by DH. (He has not lost all religion like I have.) I grumble, but I secretly love Christmas music and the candlelight service, so it will be ok. Then we will go out to dinner and back home to open a few gifts (always new pj's) and play games. Life is good.

Tired

Today was long in that I worked 9.5 hours straight without a break (Diet Dr. Pepper + Snickers = lunch of champions), but I was on my way home by 6:00. I only skipped lunch because I was trying to finish up a project that I thought would take a lot less time than it did. But it was an ok day. I am just glad to be working. I am much happier working than not. Still crossing my fingers that they will make an offer next month.

DH took the girls shopping for me tonight, so I did a little shopping on the way home. Every time I think I am done, I think of someone I forgot.

Now I am trying to draft a release so that my nanny can take TT to the dentist tomorrow. She currently has two rows of teeth in the front on the bottom, because her permanent teeth are pushing through and the baby teeth haven't fallen out yet. There is always something weird going on around here.

What is hilarious...

watching Bob (50 pounds of pure black lab brilliance) bark at himself in the mirror. He's growling and all his hair is standing up, and he keeps trying to find a way behind the mirror.

Long day at work--didn't get home til 8:30. I have no idea how I am going to get us all ready to leave town Friday evening. This is going to be a long week.

We partied like it was 1999

DH's work party was last night. It was fabulous. Maybe it's just because neither of us have ever worked for big business before, but I have never seen anything like it. The party was for 450 at a ritzy hotel. They had an absolutely awesome 9 piece band in the main ballroom and a 3 piece band in the jazz lounge. And an open bar, including my personal favorite of the night, the martini luge. They also had a huge raffle with plasma tv's, laptops, trips and tons of other stuff, but we didn't manage to score anything.

The other fun thing was PicFlips. They gave us props and then took a 6 second video which they turned into a little flip book. Of course, it was much more fun after multiple visits to the martini luge, when DH donned a pimp hat and I a feather boa. SS was yelling at us to "take lots of pictures!" as we were leaving last night, so the kids thought the flipbooks were awesome.

Amazon Sucks!

Upon realizing that Christmas is a mere 10 days away and making a last minute decision to go to Hometown next weekend, I decided that I better finish up my Christmas shopping ASAP. So I headed to Amazon and put $200 worth of crap in my cart, because the giant banner on their site says I still have 4 to order days to ensure Christmas delivery. And everything I ordered stated that it was in stock. I got a couple of good deals, but most of it was pretty much in line with B&M store prices.

So I was pretty happy with myself for shopping so efficiently, and was ready to check out when Amazon informs me that only 1 of my items will arrive before Christmas and the rest will not ship until the first week of February. WTF??? On that very same screen it says that every item in my cart is in stock, so why the fuck can't it ship? I even tried upgrading to 1 day shipping--no luck.

I used to do a ton of shopping on Amazon, but their service has gotten so sucky that I rarely shop there anymore. Today I was reminded why.

This is how great my day was

So, with being a working mom and all, some of the household chores keep getting put off---like laundry. So this morning I have two choices for underwear. The pair that's too big and falls down all day, or the see-through ones. Since DH and I have been fighting lately and I didn't want to give him the impression that I was ready to make up, I opted for the too-big ones.

It's finally getting cold here, so today I decided to wear a skirt-suit with my tall boots and tights. I figured the tights would help keep the too-big underwear in place. (No I am not one to go commando w/ tights. I once knew someone who took the term "pantyhose" literally and didn't put anything underneath, but that's just wierd.)

So I get to work and as I am walking through the parking garage I realize that both the too-big undies and the tights are falling down. Apparently the elastic is gone in the tights, but I didn't realize it before I left the house. (No, I don't know how I didn't figure this out before.) I have to get to the elevator in the parking garage, down the elevator, through the tunnel under my building, up an escalator, across the first floor, up another elevator, and across another floor to my office. Somewhere in the tunnel I can tell that my butt cheeks are touching the lining of my skirt and I am beginning to freak out as I ponder the possibility that I could lose both my undies and tights in the middle of all these business people. I am praying that if I can make it to the elevator I can make an adjustment, because at least half the time I have the elevator to myself.

No such luck. There is a guy in the elevator with me and he's going to a higher floor than me. So I try to be inconspicuous as I do a knees-together waddle to my office. Blessedly hardly anyone is in yet, and I can finally pull up the undergarments that are now halfway to my knees.

Then I head to the restroom to determine what to do about this situation. I manage to pull up enough tight fabric to tie a knot, which miraculously actually worked. Except now I have this knot poking out making a lump under my skirt. It looks like I have a tumor. But at least I didn't drop my drawers in the middle of Big Shiny Building.

Time is not on my side

You just don't realize how much time you waste until you are keeping track of every minute of your day. I was emailing back and forth with the agency today, and I swear it took 15 minutes every time. Which added up to quite a bit of time I wasn't billing for.

So, yeah, I am dumping the agency. They simply couldn't manage to find a childcare provider who could find time to meet me before they picked up my kids on Thursday. It is shocking to me that anyone would agree to such a scenario, and I told them as much. I also told them that my primary need was for back-up care in similar situations, and that if they couldn't arrange for me to meet childcare providers beforehand, then their agency wasn't going to work for me. So now I am back to square one, and scrambling to cover for the end of this week.

The agency did come through with sitters for DH's party Saturday night and next Friday when our nanny will be unavailable again. I gave them an out, since I told them I would definitely not be joining and paying their membership fee, but they had already booked the girls, so at least those days are covered.

I think I will just tell work that I have an appointment Thursday afternoon and need to leave early. I don't think it will be a problem, and it's not really a fib. I do have an appointment--to pick up my kids from school. No need to go into details unless they ask. I'm supposed to be off early on Friday anyway, so hopefully everything will work out there. This is the part where it really sucks to have no family within 350 miles. (Although honestly, its worth the trade-off to keep my family 350 miles away!)

Now I need to go proof some memos that I drafted today. I had a raging headache (I think from dealing with the placement agency) and I left early. And by early I mean I left at 5:00.

The weekend is too short

Last week was busy with long hours and DH being out of town and there was a lot of catching up to do. I think the hardest thing about being a working mom is having to cram everything into the weekend. The house was a wreck, the cupboards were bare, and I had a huge list of stuff the kids needed for their holiday parties at school.

DH's work party is next weekend and I ordered this dress from Nordstrom last week. I was gambling that it would fit, but it was a steal for only $40. And it is much prettier in person--the picture doesn't really do it justice. Fortunately it fit, but this weekend I had to find shoes to match. That was a challenge, but I think I came up with something that will work.

I decided to go with the agency to take car of my childcare issues this week. I told them I was concerned about their refusal to make any guarantees, and they agreed to let me try their service out a few times before I pay the membership fee. I really need to have back-up child care in place if I am working, so hopefully this will work out. When I was in school, DH was the emergency back-up, and had to take a kid to work on occasion. I don't think his new place is going to go for that. The agency is pricey, but not unreasonable on two incomes. Fortunately, our nanny is awesome and almost always available. I certainly can't fault her for not being available this week. I started working on such short notice--and it is the holidays.

So tomorrow it all starts again. I hope they have something ready to go for me in the morning. The case I worked on all week settled late Friday afternoon, and I was even able to leave early. But I hate going in without anything sitting on my desk, 'cause I can't bill my hours if I don't have a project.

About the interview...

I went ahead and scheduled it. I just feel like it would be bad karma to turn down any interviews when Contract Firm is still on the fence about permanency. And maybe a job offer would get them to make a move. But I would much rather continue working for them than the place I am interviewing with. Today went well. I am working on an interesting project and feel like I am being given adequate responsibility.

My problem now is lining up child care through the holidays. My nanny already has plans for Thursday and Friday next week and Friday the 21st. I do not have back up care, and since DH just started a new job, he can't exactly take any time off. We have no family here, and my friends are scattered throughout my metro area and not really close enough to help out. I don't know anyone with teenagers. Has anyone used SitterCity to find sitters? I am so apprehensive finding someone without a personal referral.

The scoop on today

We survived and everything worked out, but I am tired and have a raging headache. Tomorrow we do it all again. It is tough being a single mom, and I will be glad when DH gets back.

As soon as I went in today they put me to work. As I suspected, I didn't really get a formal meeting to determine exactly what they wanted from me. But Name Partner stopped by my office and said that he though they would keep me as contract labor for 30-60 days and then decide where we would go. He warned me that there would be plenty of late nights.

Later, the Partner with whom I am working now stopped by and gave me a little more info. They want to give me more stability than I had before, so I will come in every day. I never really said anything to them, but I was not to thrilled when I was working for them before and never had any notice--so that part is definitely good. They are also getting me a parking card instead of validating every day and a building pass so that I can get in and out after hours. I think these are all good signs.

I just wish they would be a little more specific about my permanency prospects, but everything they are saying seems positive. I think maybe they are just apprehensive about replacing a 3rd year associate with a first year. Or, as one of the secretaries pointed out, maybe they are just trying to keep year end finances in check.

To complicate things further, I got a call today for an interview. I only applied for the job out of desperation. It is in family law, which is really not my preference, and it is for a non-profit which means low pay--probably half what I am making doing contract work. (I really didn't go to law school for the big bucks and would happily take a gov't job, but I don't really want to work for peanuts doing something I'm just not interested in.) So now I don't know what to do. Do I go ahead and try to schedule an interview while I am contracting just to see what happens? I think I would be in a better position to negotiate for permanency with a job offer in hand. Do I turn it down and gamble that my contract position will work out? Will it piss off contract firm if I am still interviewing since they are indicating that they are interested in me? (Ok, I'm not so worried about that one, since they have made no real commitments--and I would definitely go on an interview for a job I really wanted.)

And to add to the dramedy that is my life...

Yes, my daughter does have a staph infection. The doc was kind of evasive--it sounded like he only had preliminary information so he couldn't identify the particular kind of staph or how dangerous it is. But she has been on antibiotics since Friday and her ear looks much better.

Now I get to notify the school . (Actually I already gave the nurse a head's up. She knows my hypochrondriac kids very well.) It will be so fun to be the parent that is the source of the "There is a contagious disease floating around the school that could kill your child " letter.

All Hell is Now Breaking Loose

Contract Firm called a little while ago and bumped our meeting up to 9:00 am and said they had a task for me, but gave minimal details. So it sounds like I will actually start working (I'm assuming still as contract labor) tomorrow.

Oh crap, this means I need to make sure the nanny is available to watch the kids through tomorrow evening and possibly the rest of the week. DH is out of town all week, and nanny has never had to work past 6:00. I hope she is ok with potential late nights this week. And PS has an after-school thing tomorrow, which means she will have to go back to pick her up an hour and a half after she gets the twins. And I haven't heard back from her yet to tell her all this.

And I'll have to drop the kids off at 7:30, which means getting them up an extra half hour early. And who knows what time I have to get up to get myself and three kids ready. DH usually takes the bulk of the morning responsibilities. I so do not envy single moms.

And pretty much everything I own is at the dry cleaners right now. I tried to pick it up this afternoon, but it wasn't ready yet, so now I'll have to venture out in icky traffic to get it. At least I got my nails and brows done this afternoon so I don't look like a troll anymore.

This is all good. But after 6 weeks of laziness and self-pity I am freaking out a little at having to jump back in with both feet.

My only concern is that what was originally billed as a "planning meeting" now sounds more like a briefing to get me started on a project ASAP. I really want the chance to discuss contract v. permanency and set some deadlines, and I don't want it to get overlooked because of an urgent project.

We need to let our hair down

I know I have been posting about PS a lot lately. I think she is having a tough time heading into the tween years because she has trouble fitting in. She hates High School Musical and Hannah Montana, which all of her friends are raving about right now. PS is obsessed with Harry Potter, and Tim Burton movies. (I'm a little concerned she's going to become a goth chick as a teen.)

Last night was BFF's birthday sleepover. The girls did karaoke and put on make-up and wash-out hair color. Except PS didn't. She said she was afraid I would be mad. I really don't understand why, I let her play with make-up at home. And that's the kind of stuff girls are supposed to do at slumber parties.

I think PS and I need to do something fun and a little wild together. I am pretty conservative and she is 1000 times worse. We are goody two-shoes. But I want her to know that she can be a good girl and still have fun. So what kind of wild and crazy things can I do with my 9 year old?

Ewww, and as I sit her about to publish I just noticed a half-eaten banana in the middle of the floor. Kids are gross. On what planet is it ok to leave a half-eaten anything in the floor? Especially a banana, that going to get all slimy and gooey.

Holy Freaking Crap

So after my busy day of doctor's visits and shopping I finally sat down to apply for a job that came in today. I had a good feeling about this one, I was actually well qualified. Most of the jobs I apply for I am only semi-qualified for. I was just about to hit send in my email when the phone rang. I assumed it was DH--it was after 6:00 and he was supposed to let me know when he was close to town so that we could meet for dinner.

It was Contract Firm. I haven't heard from them in 6 weeks. They want to meet with me next week. One of their associates is leaving and they want me to talk to me about resuming contract work and possibly taking over his position permanently. They said that even though he is experienced they think that they can get me up to speed and train me to take over.

I could not have been more shocked. When I think about it, I feel like I am going to vomit. I really don't want to get my hopes up again because I don't think I can take anymore emotional turmoil.

I think in the meeting I need to tell them that I need some kind of commitment or deadline to move from contract to permanency. I do not want to take myself off the market if they are not serious about a permanent position. And it's not like they haven't already seen my work.

Meanwhile I went ahead a submitted the application for the other job, and I have rescheduled the meeting with the recruiter.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Or so I'm trying to convince myself. I've been feeling pretty grinchy this year. Partly because of my own sour mood due to the whole not having a job thing, and partly because of financial stress. But the financial thing seems to be working itself out (not thanks to any help on my part) and today I went shopping.

I got cute girly CD boomboxes for the twins. We decided that would be easier for them than MP3 players. And I got games for all three girls. I think it is becoming a tradition to give board games on Christmas Eve--then we have something to do together that night. (We usually spend Christmas in our own home, and visit our family who all live 350 miles away the weekend before or after.) I am thrilled the twins are finally big enough to play adult friendly games. I hate Candy Land with a red hot passion. I got UNO Spinner, Jenga and Boggle. It was hard to find games we don't already own.

I also bought tons of stocking stuffers. I think stocking stuffers are my weakness--I usually get enough stuff to fill two stockings. But I was a lot more conscientious about what I was buying this year, with all the recalls.

Oh yeah, and I got a Wii. It was sort of a spontaneous purchase. DH and I had discussed it, but they are so hard to find and we were anticipating a lean Christmas so we just kind of forgot about it. But all the forces of nature sort of combined at once. First, I found them in Wal-Mart just as a shipment came in. I hate Wal-Mart (even more than Candy Land) and I never shop there, but I had a $100 gift certificate that I needed to use. I was in the electronics department looking for the CD boomboxes (which I did not buy at Wal-Mart), when I noticed the Wiis. I could cover almost half with my GC and the rest with the money I just got from selling my barbri books. I knew it was probably my only chance before the holidays, and if I changed my mind, I could always return it or sell it. Of course, now I have to get games for the darn thing.

So anyway, shopping seemed to improve my mood (as always!). I think we may get our Christmas tree this weekend, which sounds fun (we go to a tree farm and cut it ourselves), but dragging all the decorations out of the attic does not. And I have no idea how our foster kitty is going to do with the tree.

It's always something

***Warning, this post is gross***

The twins had their ears pierced a little over two months ago. We cleaned then for the first 6 weeks, but I haven't done much with them in the last week or two. A couple of nights ago I noticed that SS's ear was red and puffy. Upon closer inspection she had a cyst about the size of a jellybean on the back of her ear.

I removed her earring and her ear started oozing pus. I cleaned both ears with peroxide and soaked the earrings in peroxide overnight. Yesterday the swelling was down, but when I cleaned her ear it started oozing pus again. I squeezed, hoping to get it all out, which just made DD scream and did not get it out. It was nasty, as SS said, "That looks like snot!" The cyst was now about half its original size, but still looked like it needed to be lanced.

Today I took her to the doctor to be lanced. Did he lance it? Noooo, he squeezed it just like I did. But he collected a culture to be tested for staph. We won't know until Monday if it's staph, and I am trying not to freak out. Staph has been running wild around here, and on the way home from the doctor's office there was a news story about a local high school kid who just died from MRSA.

Now I'm feeling guilty for not taking DD in when I first noticed her ear. I think one of the hardest things as a parent is knowing when to take a kid to the doctor. Half the time I hear, "it's just a cold' and the other half my kids have contracted some wierd disease and needed to see the doc three days ago.

"But she isn't even growing boobies yet!"

Said TT after learning that I had purchased a bra for PS. Sigh--I was so not ready to go there yet. She's only 9! And she definitely doesn't need one. But many of PS's classmates have already turned 10 and several are starting to develop. Her two best friends are wearing them, and I think she just wants to fit in. She was so excited about it and couldn't wait to come home and try them on. She insisted that she needed a plain one that wouldn't show and a pretty one to wear under sweaters. But I suspect the novelty will wear off quickly. I remember trying out the training bras my mom had stashed in my drawers and deciding they were way to itchy.

They are just tiny little cotton things, sort of like a sports bra. Shockingly, or perhaps not, they had much more mature-styled bras (with sequins!) that were padded! Really? A 10 or even 12 year old needs a padded bra? I have noticed a similar trend when shopping for swimsuits. Blech!

This is my life

I was supposed to have an interview with a recruiter today--probably just to get temp work. I wasn't too excited about it, considering all the horror stories I have read about temping lately (which I am too lazy to go find and link.) But a kid woke up barfing last night and now she is sitting here keeping my toes warm while she watches cartoons and I surf the net (and yes I did just five minutes ago leave a comment over at PT-lawmom about the very strict rules I have on TV time--but they don't apply when one is sick.) So I must reschedule the interview. I just didn't feel like paying a babysitter so I could meet with a recruiter. But isn't there some irony in the fact that I have been sitting here for weeks with nothing to do, and the one day I finally have something on my calendar a kid gets sick (who is now acting perfectly fine, btw)?

Under the category of "What Will They Think of Next?"

Fake nails for cats. I found these in the pet store last night. (We had to return the other kitten that we were fostering because he needs to see the vet, so now we are down to 1 older kitten.) They had them in green and red for the holidays.

I can't imagine a cat on this planet that is going to sit there while you GLUE these tips on their claws. The lady who runs the cat rescue said that she only knew of one person who tried it, and he glued his cat's paws together. Poor kitty.

Sort of an update on the situation with PS

Since finding PS's hiding spot, I have had an ongoing email conversation with her teacher. I wanted to make sure she did not hide anymore papers, so her teacher said that she would email me if she received a poor grade. Which has already happened.

Her class is reading Shiloh, which she has talked about and she loves, and takes a quiz at the end of every chapter. PS, who usually get 100's suddenly got a 71. WTF? It turns out that their "reading" is listening to an audio tape and following along. I'm not quite sure what purpose this serves in the fourth grade. I can see it to help first graders, but shouldn't fourth graders all be fluent readers?

So PS tells me that she has absolutely no recollection of chapter 8. She tries to tell me that she was in her GT pull-out class, but there are two other GT kids in her class that remember chapter 8. I convince her that she must have just zoned out. She said that she hates listening to the audio tapes and would rather just read it herself. She also asked me to take her to the library to get the book so that she could read chapter 8 and catch up on what she missed (which we did.)

I have emailed PS's teacher asking if PS can read independently and do an extra project or report instead of listening to the audio tapes. I don't want to tell the teacher how to do her job, but PS is such a gifted reader, and I don't think the school is doing an adequate job of challenging her. I had a major battle with her second grade teacher because she was only allowed to check out certain leveled readers from the school library. The child had already read three Harry Potter books, and they were limiting her to Junie B. Jones and The Magic Treehouse. (But her 3rd grade teacher started a Harry Potter book club for a handful of gifted readers.)

I also explained to PS that not all schoolwork is fun, as she is finding out, and that is part of growing up. I don't want her to think that because I am asking for special consideration on her reading lessons, that she will somehow get out of all boring work. Sometimes life is just boring.

Am I too tough on her?

I will admit that I set very high standards for my children--especially PS. Partly because I know they are capable of so much. PS is a smart cookie. She could recognize every letter in the alphabet at 18 months and had a few Dr. Seuss books memorized well enough that she could convince someone who didn't know better that she could read. (She also had quite a repertoire of old rock songs.) She was reading words as a late 2 year old, books as an early 3. At the time I didn't realize that this was unusual, and actually asked my pediatrician if something was wrong with my twins because they didn't recognize all of their letters by the time they were two.

But I'll also admit that part of my the reason I set such high expectations for PS is because I don't want her to be like me. Because everyone who knew me as a child says that PS is a carbon copy of me. We look a lot alike, but it goes deeper than than. I was bookish like her and she is a know-it-all like me. And I was a smart kid too (although I am told that my daughter is smarter than I was). But I was lazy. I never put any effort into my education until I got to law school. Before that I could slide by with minimal effort. And PS could too, but I want her to put out more than minimal effort. I want to push her to live up to her potential. But perhaps I push too hard.

This weekend we found a stash of papers hidden beneath the sink in the kids' bathroom. They were all of PS's "bad" grades, ranging from 86 to 70. The 70's were for papers that she turned in late or didn't complete properly. The 86 is bad because a B is bad, in the world I have created for my daughter. She was afraid she'd get in trouble. I felt like an ogre. DH thinks I push her too hard.

I explained that she would never be in trouble for bad grades when she genuinely didn't understand--that if she had shown me those papers we would have gone over them together to make sure she understood, and that I couldn't help her if she hid things from me. I told her that she would have been in trouble for the late and incomplete work, but that had been an issue just last week and she had only received was a short lecture. I'm not sure what she thought would happen--the only punishments she ever receives are extra chores or removal of privileges.

I guess I need to lighten up. It worries me that she thinks she has to hide a paper with an 86--or even a 70. What if she gets into serious trouble as a teen? I don't want her to be so fearful that she doesn't come to me.

Christmas Contemplations

Now that we are through Thanksgiving, I guess it is time to start thinking about Christmas. For the twins, we are thinking some kind of music player, but that is where we are hung up. We were initially thinking CD boomboxes. But they are nearly impossible to find this year. All the music aisles are filled with I-pod docking stations. So I started wondering if CD players are becoming obsolete in the digital music era. Then I started thinking maybe I should get MP3 players, instead. But they would need some kind of speaker system. And an MP3 player is awfully small for a 6 year old to keep up with. And more complicated to load music into. So maybe the old school CD player is the best route for now. Arghhh, why does this have to be more difficult?

PS, however, is making life easy on us. She created a PowerPoint presentation of her Christmas wish list, complete with fly-ins and sound effects. The child has a better grasp of Power Point than I do. I think her first job will be to create my trial presentations.

A little bit of everything

Look what my SIL sent. Isn't it cute? I love the little lawyer bear in the front. My law license and bar card showed up in the mail today--woohoo, now I am official.

Both of the kitties we have now are getting sick, so I had to meet with the person who runs the cat rescue to pick up meds. She has been a paralegal for a very long time and said that if I were thinking about going solo she could send me plenty of referrals. She also said that she had a huge forms library and could help with almost anything. You just never know where you might pick up a network connection. I'm still not sold on the idea of going solo, but I have decided that if I don't have a job by my birthday in late January I will go that route. I think it's good to have a deadline to work towards.

And just in case you were wondering, I survived Thanksgiving with my mother. My aunts, who are fully aware of the situation and basically on my side did a good job running interference so that she couldn't corner me. Unfortunately, my mother invited herself over to my house on Sunday. Sort of took my by surprise and I wasn't thinking quickly enough to get out of it--so we'll see what happens then. (Why is it I have no problem standing up to anybody in the world except my parents?) But at least I'll be on my own turf. Plus she has cat allergies, so maybe the kitties will run her off. I know this makes me sound like a real bitch, and unless you have a mother who is the center of her own universe you just can't understand. Heck, I didn't even understand how bad it was until I had children of my own and realized that I would never, ever treat my children the way she did.

But otherwise, T-day went much better than anticipated. I enjoyed a raucous game of chicken foot dominoes with my grandparents, who I know were very happy to see me (or rather my girlies.) And it snowed! I love snow, but it doesn't happen much in my neck of the woods, and I have never seen snow here on Thanksgiving before. They were big gorgeous flakes that didn't last long, but were a nice Thanksgiving surprise.

And speaking of Thanksgiving surprises, my brother called my uncle's house to speak with everyone, since he was the only family not present. I haven't spoken with my brother in 9 months (because he won't take my calls) and he has been blowing off the rest of the family too. But he called and he talked to me, and he sounded ok, so I guess he is speaking to me again.

God my family has too much drama.

Please don't vacuum the kitties

Just one of those weird phrases you utter once you have kids. (Don't worry about the kitties, it's a bug vacuum, so not enough suction to hurt anyone, but great for sucking up spiders.)

We had to give our orange kitten back to the cat rescue because he was sick. It was sad to give him back. We still have the little black kitten who loves to snuggle and we were given a 3 month old cat named Dylan. We'll have him for about a month, until he can be neutered. Dylan is hilarious. He zooms back and forth across the house at top speed. Then he'll snuggle for a little bit, then back to crazy cat. I think the kids enjoy him more than the little kittens because he is so playful. And he is very tolerant of the kids carting him around. I guess one good thing about is fostering is that any animal that comes from our house will be used to kids.

And Dylan loves DH, who has been rather grumbly about us bringing cats into the house. Last night he kept rubbing against his legs and jumping in his lap.

But I am now remembering why I didn't want a cat--the litterbox. PS cleans it every day and it still smells up the whole powder room. I don't know where else to put it, but this is not working. I don't want a stinky cat house.

Stress, it's a-buildin'

First, I am dreading Thanksgiving. Which is sad, because T-day is one of my favorite holidays. No stressing about buying (and paying for) the perfect gift. Just lots and lots of delicious food. For the past several years I have hosted assorted in-laws who have come down here. I love cooking for Thanksgiving. But this year I don't get to, because of the cousin's wedding. The whole damn family will be in town and Uncle is hosting. (I would have happily done it and have a much larger house, but I wasn't really given the choice.) But I could deal with all of that. The part I'm dreading is seeing my mother. And being trapped in this small house with her for at least a few hours. I'm afraid she is going to ruin a perfectly good holiday, just like last Christmas when she literally cornered me and refused to let me leave the room until she said her piece. It wasn't pretty.

Next, tomorrow is DH's last day at his current job. He has been there for nine years--since right out of college. It was time for a change, but the timing isn't great (I think he first interviewed with the new place 2 months ago), and there is a lot that is still unknown. Like when he'll get his first check at new place and for what time period it will cover, and how much it will be with all the benefits taken out. And with the holidays and my continued unemployment these unknowns are a little stressful. Besides the uncertainty of leaving the stable and secure for the unknown. He was working for a place largely unaffected by whatever the economy might bring. Now he is going to work for a real-estate investment firm--is this really the best time for them?

And of course there is the ever-present stress of unemployment.

And the kids are out of school this week, and while I love the little critters, they are about to drive me crazy with the fighting. And the, "Can we please go do something fun?"requests. Because no, we cannot go do anything fun because mommy doesn't have a job and Santa's coming soon.

This is what happens to kitties in a house full of little girls

These kittens are going to be spoiled rotten by the time we give them up. The girls are out of school this week and they are constantly cuddling the kitties. The poor little things won't know what to do if they go to a home where there is no one to hold them all the time.

Just in case these are on your Christmas list...

The 10 worst toys of the year. I was shocked that toy swords, daggers and rubber band guns could be dangerous. But Diego always seemed so innocent.

Blogging about blogging

DH says I am a total geek.

I finally got my new non-anon blog going. (No, I'm not linking here, then this one wouldn't be anonymous, and I don't want my bitching to come back and haunt me when I am being confirmed for my federal judgship some day.) It took all damn day. I decided to go with WordPress because it seems to have a lot more customization options. But then I couldn't figure out how to customize a regular old WordPress account, so I decided I needed to host my own account. Not a big deal, I already have a hosting account that I use for a nonprofit whose website I maintain, so I only needed to register my domain. And install the WordPress files on my account. And then my WordPress template. And then tinker with the template until I got it like I wanted it. And then draft my first carefully thought out, non-rambling, sensible post. Seriously, an all day event, and one I couldn't have pulled off without DH's help. But it's up and, if nothing else, it looks nice.

Look what I've got!

Kitties! PS has been begging for a cat for months now, but I have told her no because of SS's asthma and allergies. But a few weeks ago I contacted a local cat rescue to see if they needed foster homes. I figured it would give us the chance to test drive a cat and see how SS reacted. They finally called yesterday to see if we could take these kittens. They were rescued from a ditch and believed to be 4-5 weeks old. We'll have them for at least two weeks, until they are old enough for their first shots.

The orange one looks like a rough little street cat. He has no fur on his ears (I really hope its not from a disease my kids can catch) and one of his eyes is seems funny. But he's very playful and moves fast for something so little.

The black one is shy and snugly. He just likes to be held and sleep.

It will be fun to have kittens in the house for a little while. I finally get my own LOL cats.

This doesn't really make me feel better

I just read that unemployment in my state is the lowest it's been in over 30 years. And yet, here I sit.

Working Mom's Cooking Tip o' the Day

Rotisserie chickens from the grocery store are awesome. They make a meal on their own, but the leftovers can also be used to throw together quick meals later in the week.

Yesterday I bought two rotisserie chickens, for $5 each. My kids all want legs, and since I haven't found a three-legged chicken, two chickens solved that problem. For dinner last night I cut off the legs, thighs and wings of both chickens, and a little of the breast. I chopped up the rest of the breast (about 3 cups) which will be enough for two more meals. I'll probably do a chicken pot pie one night (which is a little time consuming, but can be made ahead and refrigerated or frozen) and fettuccine alfredo another night--which I can thrown together in about 20 minutes.

Shoe Problems

I always wear a 3-4" spiked heel with suits and dresses. And I swear I screw up every freakin' pair of shoes by stepping into a skinny crack and ripping up the leather on the heel. This often pulls the tip of the heel off, too. Just today I noticed that the heel was screwed up on my newest (and most comfortable) shoes. I must have done it while waiting on the valet before my swearing in, because I definitely remember stepping in a crack then. And just a few weeks ago I managed to scuff up my shoes and lose the heel on the escalator leading to Contract Firm. Fortunately the floors there are marble, so I did no damage with my tipless heel, but I did make an annoying one footed tapping sound all day, from the single metal spike hitting the floor. And once I stepped in a crack on the stairwell in the courthouse and got stuck. I would have fallen down the stairs if my coworker hadn't caught me.

Am I just unusually clumsy or does anyone else have this problem?

The Bar Meeting

Overall it went well. People weren't overly friendly, but I found a couple of kind souls who took pity on me and made it a point to include me. I got my first 1.5 hrs. CLE out of the way. Pretty good since I don't even have my bar card yet, and I have 2 years before I have to start reporting.

One att'y took my info and said that he may have some contract work for me. Another att'y who works for a civil defense firm in Big City gave me his card and said he thought they would have an opening in Jan. And another att'y advised that I take mental health court appointments if I have to go solo, and gave me contact info for that.

But apparently my little town is overrun with family lawyers. None of them were happy to hear that is what I'd be doing if I go solo. According to them, there is just not enough work here, and Big City lawyers keep taking what there is. Maybe its true, or maybe they are just protecting their turf.

Blogging for Business

I've been thinking that I should blog as a marketing tool if I want to go solo. I get a decent number of hits on this blog (and, of course, decent is relative). It would be great to turn those hits into a target audience to build my potential firm. Of course, I can't use this blog--you guys know too much about my personal life--and my whining would not exactly come off as professional, so I have to start from scratch.

So today I finally registered a new non-anonymous blog and gmail account (to keep things completely separate.) But I have no freaking clue what to do for content. So I currently have a postless blog. It's a lot easier to patter on about one's daily trials and tribulations than to actually write about something significant.

Also, I am a little worried about how blogging plays into the bar's advertising requirements. There are other lawyer bloggers in my state, so presumably it's ok. But does it have to be approved as advertising. All websites have to be approved by the bar--does that extend to blogs?

Sometimes the details are overwhelming.

The best laid plans

Ok, so my Plan C (going solo) is being bumped back up to Plan B, because yesterday's Plan B already fell through. I talked to one of my friends at Plan B place yesterday and he told me that other friend was confused and they won't have an opening until Jan. 2009. Fuck. That is not helpful at all.

Also got an email from CSO informing all of us unemployed souls that Big City DA's Office isn't planning on any hiring anytime soon. Double fuck. That was the last hold out, because we knew they wouldn't interview until after bar results. CSO said to start looking at surrounding DA's offices. Yeah, they aren't hiring either, I've already applied at all of them. Well, there are a couple in BFE podunkville. But I'm not going there--not if I want to continue to live with my family.

But today I'm being proactive. I emailed my local suburban bar ass'n yesterday, and their monthly meeting is at lunch today. So I will go and be social. And hopefully make some connections. I'm not hopeful enough to think I will get any job leads, but I'm hoping to get a lead on office space in my local area. And I will need mentors if I have to go solo, because I am essentially an infant who knows nothing.

Finally, to address some of the comments I received yesterday.

• I can't send the irate letter to the fundraising dept. of law school for reasons that I can't publicly post. That's the same reason I can't go to the CSO and throw a fit. Because believe me, with my bridge burning, typically type-A personality, I would be down there raising hell. But I have a pretty compelling reason that prevents me from doing so.
• I don't want to look for a non-legal job. I love practising law. I even loved law school. It is what I was meant to do. And I'm good at it. I just need to find that one person to give me a shot. And if that doesn't happen, I'll just have to do it myself--even if it scares the crap out of me and means financial turmoil.

Pulling it together

I'm am really trying to resist the urge to spend the day wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Right now I am the most depressed I have been since I first went to law school. I may even be unhappier than I was as a SAHM--because now I'm just a way over-educated SAHM. And I feel like everyone around me is wondering why I am still at home when I just finished law school.

But anyway, I am trying to put that all aside, and this is my current plan of action:

• Email Contract Firm, who hasn't used me in a month, to say thanks for the reference, I didn't get the job, I'm still available if you need me.
• Write Interviewer to say, it sucks that I didn't get the job but I understand. Keep me in mind if you or any of your lawyer friends has an opening. And, oh yeah, I do contract work, too.
• Contact law school b/c I can no longer access job boards.
• Resist the urge to send extremely bitchy letter to fundraising dept of law school, who is already asking for money. Apparently they do not coordinate their lists with the career services office.
• Scour internet for any job ops I have missed (doubtful).

And I have reevaluated my career plan. Going solo has moved from Plan B to Plan C. I just really don't know how to pull it off financially right now. And finances are beginning to stress me out. A lot. But I will still continue to investigate, so that I can pull it together quickly if I need to go there.

Plan B is now to aggressively pursue a position that will be opening in January. It is not my top choice for employment, but I have several friends (aka connections) there , so I should have a decent shot. because Plan B isn't the kind of place where I could take any business that I manage to drum up, I can't pursue going solo until I see how that works out. Meanwhile, Plan A is to find a job before January. Because I need to work, for both my mental and financial stability.

The Swearing In

So I've been sworn in. But who knows how long it will take to actually get my bar card and license. I felt like a lawyer-impostor, sitting in the sea of black suits and not having a job or any prospect of such. I'm getting tired of the pride and happiness of all my important moments being mitigated by the loserness of not having a job.

I was shocked by how many people were there. Hundreds of lawyers and many more families. And babies--there were babies crying throughout the whole damn thing. Why do babies need to be there? And if they do need to be there, why can't you be respectful of everyone else and remove them when they start to fuss? This was in a coliseum, so everything echoed--even a little fuss could be heard for several rows.

The hotel we stayed in was gorgeous. It is very old and supposedly haunted, but we saw no signs of ghosts. It was also in a great location, so we were able to walk out the door and have our choice of eating and drinking establishments. It was nice to be able to go out and have fun without worrying who would drive back or when we needed to relieve the sitter. And I learned that tequila-induced relaxation relieves my TMJ better than anything else I have tried.

I have pissed off Karma

I finally heard back about The Job. The one where the interview actually went well. The one where they told Former Supervisor that they really liked me. I did not get the job. I figured that out last week when I hadn't heard anything despite my hand-written thank you note, follow-up email and phone call.

And, honestly, I was taking it very personally. Last week was really rough on me. I was just so tired of fighting and trying to figure out what was so wrong with me when there are so many law students with worse grades and stranger personalities. I spend a good part of the week in bed feeling sorry for myself.

I had finally determined that Interviewer must have contacted Contract Firm, and that Contract Firm must have been unhappy with my work product, since they haven't contacted me in a month. But still, I wanted an answer.

So Sunday evening I was surprised to finally get a phone call from Interviewer. I did not get the job, but it wasn't anything I did. For once, I did not screw up my own life. He said that I was "on the very short list of candidates," that all of my references had spoken very highly of me and that Contract Firm had said that I did great work for them.

So what happened? The associate who I would have replaced decided that she did not like her new job and asked for her old job back. Which means no opening for me.

How do I manage such shitty luck?

Women die after Nicaragua's ban on abortions - Health - MSNBC.com

Women die after Nicaragua's ban on abortions - Health - MSNBC.com

This makes me so angry I don't even think I can write a sensible post right now. A woman (and law student) in Nicaragua died because her doctors refused to treat an ectopic pregnancy. They refused to treat her because Nicaragua, under the direction of the Roman Catholic Church, has a total ban on abortion for any reason. So even in a case like this where there is virtually no chance the embryo will survive and a very great chance the mother will die or suffer permanent damage to her reproductive system, the doctors will not intervene for fear of losing their medical licenses. It just disgusts me that the church has so much power over the lives--and death--of these women.

Travel Tip 'o The Day

Apparently I have been living under a rock. Before last week, I had no idea that the swearing-in ceremony was in Capital City. It was something that I had never discussed with my classmates, and I guess I just assumed that there would be a local ceremony. But DH's boss's wife got sworn in a couple of years ago, and he told DH that we must go to Capital City for the swearing-in because it is a big deal and a nice ceremony. So it looks like DH and I will be going.

I had originally booked a decent hotel for $150/night a couple miles away from the heart of Capital City. Then I remembered Priceline. We have used it a couple of times before when it was just DH and me and got really great deals. Like the Hyatt on Michigan Ave. in Chicago for $45/night. And TI in Las Vegas for $60/night. Doesn't really work for families, though, so I haven't used them lately. Anyway, I managed to get Fancy Pants Hotel, right in the heart of Capital City for $85--less than 40% of their internet rate. WooHoo!

If you use Priceline to book a hotel, you must first visit Bidding For Travel. Their message boards include a breakdown of what hotels to expect in each of Priceline's hotel categories and areas in each city. There are reviews of many of the hotels. But they also allow users to post the bids that won along with the hotel received.

So I knew before I bid, that someone had won a bid for $85 on Fancy Pants Hotel for the same night that I needed it. I also knew that that person had tried lower bids without success. This is important because you can only bid on a single hotel class and city area once every 3 days. You have time to try low bids if you have a longer time frame, but not if you are planning to travel within a few days. And the caveat is that the best deals are available with the shortest notice. But if you spend time on Bidding For Travel, you can get a good idea of what to bid to get a nice hotel.

I will now stop sounding like a commercial. And, no, I have not received any endorsements from any of the above listed websites.

No news is good news?

Still haven't heard anything about the job I interviewed for last week. I has assumed that they were waiting to do anything until bar results were out, so I was disappointed not to hear anything on Friday. I am trying to balance between paranoid neurosis and confidence. Former supervisor is convinced the job is mine--I hope that I am not counting too heavily on his impression. But I can come up with a 1000 reasons why they might have changed their minds about me. I really hope they let me know something soon.

Purging

So today I realized that I can finally get rid of the huge stack of barbri books that have been sitting untouched in the corner of my bedroom since July. My first thought was to have a big 'ol barbri bonfire. But my practical side took over, so I'll probably just sell them on ebay. I'll also be getting rid of all of my 1L study aids. I had hung on to them in case they might be useful for bar prep--since the MBE is essentially a recap of 1L. I never even looked at them. It feels good to get rid of some of this stuff.

Thanks for all the congrats!

I had no idea I had so many online supporters.

I received my score in the mail today. I had envisioned passing by only one point, I actually passed by a comfortable margin. It was not a super awesome score but, who the hell cares?

In addition to congratulating me and welcoming me to the bar, the powers that be have kindly informed me that I am in fact not licensed to practice law until I am sworn in and have paid almost $300 in fees. A little notice would have been nice. I hope I hear something about a job soon or my kiddos are getting a copy of mommy's law license in their stockings this Christmas.

Chupacabra is a ...

Coyote?? I am so disappointed. There just aren't enough real mythical creatures left in this world.

For some reason my 1L study group was obsessed with the Chupacabra. It became sort of an inside joke. The answer to everything was the Chupacabra. And now its just a freaky hairless coyote.

The Play by Play

Just in case you want to know what happens when one receives bar results.

Even though it was the day before results were due, I was checking the website regularly. But I had to leave at 3 to pick up my girlies from school, and once we returned home I was chatting with them about their day and going through their folders. I finally wandered back upstairs for the sole purpose of refreshing the bar result page again.

Oh crap--it has changed. There is now a link to the pass list. I had wondered if, once I saw that results were posted I would be too freaked to look or if I would go directly to where my name should be. I went right to where my name should be. Of course I suddenly forget alphabetical order as I am scrolling for my name. Finally, finally there it is.

I screamed. Not like a girly squeal--a blood-curdling scream. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police. Then I collapsed into sobs. Huge, wracking, can't-catch-your-breath sobs. I think I scared the crap out of my kids. I am not a crier, but I think all of the stress and emotion that has been building since May finally came to a head.

Somehow, through the tears, I explained to the kids what was going on. The I made PS look at the computer and validate that my name was in fact there. Then I had her call DH, because he would have freaked if I would have called while I was bawling. Seriously, I could not stop--this went on for like an hour.

PS gave me a thumbs up and a "good job, Mom". SS gave me a big hug and said, "I'm so proud of you, mommy." Then the phone calls started, all full of "I told you so's."

DH came home early and we all went out to dinner. Lucy (our nanny) is out of town, so no private celebrations yet. But that was ok, because I still wasn't feeling great, and all of the crying made it worse. And the kids needed to be part of it anyway--they had to put up with me through all of this.

Today there have been a couple more calls. SS seems to have picked up whatever I have, so we are being sickies together. I'm still trying to process, and refuse to close the results page on my computer.

Meanwhile I've been checking out how my classmates did. One of my friends is missing from the list. I am surprised and sad for her. There are a couple of acquaintances missing, too. It sucks that the whole world has to know your terrible news.

I Passed!!!!!!!!!!

And now I can't stop crying.

It's About TIme

Training Law Students for Real-Life Careers - New York Times

I learned so much more from my internships, clinic participation and performance-based classes like Trial Ad and Negotiations than I ever did sitting in a traditional classroom.

I'm bored

For fun I am watching the hit counter go up on the state bar website. There have been another 40,000 hits since my post last night. I have cleaned out my google reader and caught up on the message board I visit. I am too unfocused to read or watch TV. I should probably get out of the house, but I don't have any errands to run and recreational shopping is out until I have a job.

Pardon my Probable Proliferation of Posts

I expect that I will keep my laptop close at hand today. Even though results aren't due til tomorrow, the possibility of an early release leaves me refreshing the website every quarter hour. (We are not a state where results are mailed before they are released online.)I would hate for someone to find out before me and call before I had a chance to process.

And I won't even feel guilty for wasting my day on the internet. I seemed to have developed a sinus infection late last night and I am stopped up, headachey and generally feeling crummy. A good excuse to curl up on the sofa and do nothing but surf the net and clean out my TIVO.

So anyway, given all the garbled thoughts flowing through my head right now, I foresee numerous rambling posts today. And so I apologize in advance for clogging up your blog reader.

Can't Sleep

Something about pondering all the ways in which my life could change in the next 48 hours is not allowing me to sleep. I took a sleeping pill half an hour ago, and so far it has done nothing for me. I usually just read when I can't sleep, but I'm to edgy to concentrate. (BTW, I am really liking The Golden Compass!)

I think I checked the bar results website about 10 times today. Not too compulsive, I don't think. Especially considering that the number on their hit counter has doubled in the past day or so. 30,000 hits in one day. I think there were around 1500 who sat for the bar here. Apparently I'm not the only one checking regularly already.

Despite the fact that I have tried to be very nonspecific about when bar results come out, people have been coming out of the woodwork this week asking me about it. And everyone says that they are absolutely certain that I passed, there is no possible way I could have failed and that I have never failed at anything. What these people don't understand is that their confidence in my actually make it worse. Because disappointing all of them may be just as bad as the disappointment I will have in myself if I don't pass.

But the thing that worries me the most, is that if I don't pass I honestly don't know what to do better or differently the next time around. I gave the bar everything I've got--I have never worked so hard for anything. I don't even think I would have the heart to put in what I did the last time--much less go beyond that. It is not surprising that pass rates for retakers is morbidly low.