I distinctly remember where I was at the end of the last decade. We were spending the holidays in hometown and staying with the in-laws. And then both DH and PS got the flu. PS was 15 months old at the time and the sickest she had ever been. For that matter, DH was the sickest I had ever seen him. I think I spent the whole night taking care of the two of them.
Of course, there have been big changes in the last decade. We've added two more kids to our family, bought a house, I've gone from a SAHM to a lawyer, DH got his Master's, and our combined income has increased five-fold.
The last year has had plenty of changes too--and not all good. We learned that MIL's cancer had returned and that it is inoperable and incurable and that the new year will be her last.
I learned how harsh the legal field can be when I tired working 200+ hours/month for laughable wages and started looking for another job, only to have an offer fall through after my manipulative asshole former-boss refused to waive a conflict. But I refused to fall prey to his manipulation and quit my job in the middle of the worst economic downturn in my lifetime. I spent the summer questioning my sanity before ending up at a firm that offered a far better work environment and better pay. I am no longer the stepchild hidden in the closet, doing all the work and getting no credit. I speak directly with clients, make decisions about the direction of my cases, sign the pleadings I draft, and have bosses who actually consider and respect my opinion. Just this morning I took a document to my boss and he said, "I don't think you should do X, instead you should do Y." I said, "Well, I considered doing Y," and I explained why I did X instead. Big Boss said, "You're right, send it like it is." Evil former boss would never have given me the opportunity to explain my reasoning.
Oh, and I finally got to take my kids to Disney World--a trip I have been trying to take for at least 2 years.
I don't know what to expect in 2010. We know there will be sadness ahead. Hopefully less professional upheaval.
I really don't know what to expect over the next decade. We will surely lose more family members--my grandparents are now in their 80s. My children will all graduate high school and DH and I will be headed into our empty-nester years--and almost 25 years of marriage (it was 14 yesterday!). I will hopefully make significant professional accomplishments, travel, pay off my student loans (ok, that could be a pipe dream!)
I am generally happy with my life right now. I have good kids, I have a good husband, I have a good job, finances are decent and stand to get better. There's not much more I could ask for.
12/31/09
12/29/09
End of the Year Business
My phone rang off the wall today as I worked to settle two of my cases before the end of the year. One was messy and would not have been fun to try. The other was the first case I was given at my new firm and has been a thorn in my side ever since. I'm happy that it settled but a tiny bit bummed that I don't get to go to trial--the setting was in just three weeks.
It was also the first case that I have ever had to be a real hard-ass on. The other side completely dropped the ball and blew their discovery deadlines (and every other deadline in the case) and refused to respond to any communications from me. I had a motion to compel hearing set a week ago, but delayed it after they agreed to answer my discovery by the 28th. (Didn't really have a choice. The judge would have poured me out if I had gone to the hearing with an agreement to produce discovery--and he certainly wouldn't have compelled them to produce earlier than the date to which they agreed.)
So the earliest new hearing date I could get was Jan 7th. Dec. 28th came and went, and once, again no discovery--with an enforceable written agreement that I had filed with the court! But again, there was not much I could do--I already had the earliest hearing date possible.
Still I maintained my hardass position that we would absolutely be ready to try this case in 3 weeks, that the other side lost its opportunity to obtain discovery from us, that they waived all objections to our discovery requests by failing to timely respond, and that they had neglected to appoint experts or challenge our experts. Good luck explaining that complete and utter failure to the court when you ask for a continuance. I've never seen an attorney completely ignore deadlines without so much as a phone call with an excuse. (And around here at least one extension is routinely given if asked for.)
I guess they finally believed me because I got an offer today, and after a bit of haggling, I had a favorable settlement for my clients. Yea! Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the check actually shows up as promised.
It was also the first case that I have ever had to be a real hard-ass on. The other side completely dropped the ball and blew their discovery deadlines (and every other deadline in the case) and refused to respond to any communications from me. I had a motion to compel hearing set a week ago, but delayed it after they agreed to answer my discovery by the 28th. (Didn't really have a choice. The judge would have poured me out if I had gone to the hearing with an agreement to produce discovery--and he certainly wouldn't have compelled them to produce earlier than the date to which they agreed.)
So the earliest new hearing date I could get was Jan 7th. Dec. 28th came and went, and once, again no discovery--with an enforceable written agreement that I had filed with the court! But again, there was not much I could do--I already had the earliest hearing date possible.
Still I maintained my hardass position that we would absolutely be ready to try this case in 3 weeks, that the other side lost its opportunity to obtain discovery from us, that they waived all objections to our discovery requests by failing to timely respond, and that they had neglected to appoint experts or challenge our experts. Good luck explaining that complete and utter failure to the court when you ask for a continuance. I've never seen an attorney completely ignore deadlines without so much as a phone call with an excuse. (And around here at least one extension is routinely given if asked for.)
I guess they finally believed me because I got an offer today, and after a bit of haggling, I had a favorable settlement for my clients. Yea! Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the check actually shows up as promised.
12/28/09
The good, the bad and the mediocre
So we're back from our Disney vacation, and I have to say that overall, it was fantastic.
We did the full-on Disney package. We stayed on property at the Port Orleans resort and did the dining plan, which meant all of our meals were prepaid.
The Good
The twins were the perfect age, big enough to ride everything and walk the parks, but still young enough to really enjoy wearing mouse ears and meeting the characters. I loved seeing the pure joy in their faces throughout our trip. PS enjoyed it too, but she eschewed the mouse ears in favor of a Jack Skellington fedora and she had to be threatened into posing for a pic with Tigger. At 11 she's just too cool for Pooh.
Before our trip I bought two trip-planning programs, Tour Guide Mike and RideMax, to help plan where to go and when. I used the two together and they worked out great. We were at Disney World during the busiest time of year, and we never stood in line more than 15 minutes and got to do everything that we wanted. DH made fun of my excessive planning, but it really allowed us to get the most out of our trip.
One afternoon the girls did The Pirates League, where they were made over into pirates. I had a 50% discount because we were staying on property, and it was well worth the cost. The experience was great, the girls loved being pirates, and they got to take home lots of booty and photos of their pirate-selves. The icing on the cake: later that afternoon TT was chosen to participate in Jack Sparrow's pirate tutorial!
The best part--the kids rode everything! Going in DH and I were worried because we are roller coaster fanatics and the kids have historically been wussies. TT loved all of the big rides except Tower of Terror. (Actually, all of the kids hated Tower of Terror, which was a bummer since it is my fave.) I, however, am getting old and did not love Mission Space or Rockin' Rollercoaster :( But overall we had a great time on the rides.
The Bad
The crowds were large, but the worst was the lack of civility. I twice had to go mama bear after adults shoved their way in front of my children during a parade and fireworks viewing. The entire time there was a huge amount of pushing and shoving--we even saw a screaming lady drop the f-bomb after she was called out for line-jumping at Dumbo.
I think mannerless mindset is partly cultural and partly due to people spending so much money on a Disney vacation that they feel they deserve to be the first and have the best of everything.
Oh, and I may have been not-so-sweet to my neighbors after they came stomping into their hotel room like a herd of elephants at 1:00 a.m. and continued to maintain a full volume conversation for the next 30 minutes while their child screamed with laughter at an insane volume (not an infant--I would have been more understanding of a child too young to know better.) Believe me, you do not want to meet me wild-haired and bleary-eyed in the middle of the night. I am not a nice person.
The mediocre
The food. Disney food was chain-restaurant average all the way around. I think Disney is afraid of flavor. We didn't have any great meals, although the breakfast with Cinderella was better than anything else we ate in the parks and worth the ridiculous cost to visit the inside of the castle and have guaranteed face time with all of the princesses. We also enjoyed Teppan Edo, a hibachi place. Our cook was far more entertaining than the ones at home usually are, but the food was bland and fried rice was not an option (hibachi fried rice is the best!)
The dining plan was not really a cost-saver. We were given much more food than we would normally eat (like dessert with every meal--we rarely have dessert), which makes like the dining plan is a better deal than it really is. But we probably broke even with what we would have spent, and it was nice to have our meals take care of and not to have to budget for food.
And our room was Holiday Inn average--certainly not in keeping with the cost. But it was clean and adequate and convenient to be on property. Also, we had little choice in which property we stayed at because we are a family of five and most of the Disney hotels cater to families of four. An upgrade to a suite in a deluxe hotel would have substantially increased the cost of our trip, and the suites in the lower-priced hotels consist of multiple fold-out beds. I am not paying well over $200/night to sleep on a fold out chair.
The internal bus system worked well, although our hotel was quite distant from some of the parks.
I think that if we ever go back we'll rent a condo, but it was nice for the kids to have the full experience on their first visit. I don't see us returning for a few years because there are so many other great places I want to visit (and honestly, we could have gone to Europe for what this trip cost!), but I am so glad that we went when we did.
We did the full-on Disney package. We stayed on property at the Port Orleans resort and did the dining plan, which meant all of our meals were prepaid.
The Good
The twins were the perfect age, big enough to ride everything and walk the parks, but still young enough to really enjoy wearing mouse ears and meeting the characters. I loved seeing the pure joy in their faces throughout our trip. PS enjoyed it too, but she eschewed the mouse ears in favor of a Jack Skellington fedora and she had to be threatened into posing for a pic with Tigger. At 11 she's just too cool for Pooh.
Before our trip I bought two trip-planning programs, Tour Guide Mike and RideMax, to help plan where to go and when. I used the two together and they worked out great. We were at Disney World during the busiest time of year, and we never stood in line more than 15 minutes and got to do everything that we wanted. DH made fun of my excessive planning, but it really allowed us to get the most out of our trip.
One afternoon the girls did The Pirates League, where they were made over into pirates. I had a 50% discount because we were staying on property, and it was well worth the cost. The experience was great, the girls loved being pirates, and they got to take home lots of booty and photos of their pirate-selves. The icing on the cake: later that afternoon TT was chosen to participate in Jack Sparrow's pirate tutorial!
The best part--the kids rode everything! Going in DH and I were worried because we are roller coaster fanatics and the kids have historically been wussies. TT loved all of the big rides except Tower of Terror. (Actually, all of the kids hated Tower of Terror, which was a bummer since it is my fave.) I, however, am getting old and did not love Mission Space or Rockin' Rollercoaster :( But overall we had a great time on the rides.
The Bad
The crowds were large, but the worst was the lack of civility. I twice had to go mama bear after adults shoved their way in front of my children during a parade and fireworks viewing. The entire time there was a huge amount of pushing and shoving--we even saw a screaming lady drop the f-bomb after she was called out for line-jumping at Dumbo.
I think mannerless mindset is partly cultural and partly due to people spending so much money on a Disney vacation that they feel they deserve to be the first and have the best of everything.
Oh, and I may have been not-so-sweet to my neighbors after they came stomping into their hotel room like a herd of elephants at 1:00 a.m. and continued to maintain a full volume conversation for the next 30 minutes while their child screamed with laughter at an insane volume (not an infant--I would have been more understanding of a child too young to know better.) Believe me, you do not want to meet me wild-haired and bleary-eyed in the middle of the night. I am not a nice person.
The mediocre
The food. Disney food was chain-restaurant average all the way around. I think Disney is afraid of flavor. We didn't have any great meals, although the breakfast with Cinderella was better than anything else we ate in the parks and worth the ridiculous cost to visit the inside of the castle and have guaranteed face time with all of the princesses. We also enjoyed Teppan Edo, a hibachi place. Our cook was far more entertaining than the ones at home usually are, but the food was bland and fried rice was not an option (hibachi fried rice is the best!)
The dining plan was not really a cost-saver. We were given much more food than we would normally eat (like dessert with every meal--we rarely have dessert), which makes like the dining plan is a better deal than it really is. But we probably broke even with what we would have spent, and it was nice to have our meals take care of and not to have to budget for food.
And our room was Holiday Inn average--certainly not in keeping with the cost. But it was clean and adequate and convenient to be on property. Also, we had little choice in which property we stayed at because we are a family of five and most of the Disney hotels cater to families of four. An upgrade to a suite in a deluxe hotel would have substantially increased the cost of our trip, and the suites in the lower-priced hotels consist of multiple fold-out beds. I am not paying well over $200/night to sleep on a fold out chair.
The internal bus system worked well, although our hotel was quite distant from some of the parks.
I think that if we ever go back we'll rent a condo, but it was nice for the kids to have the full experience on their first visit. I don't see us returning for a few years because there are so many other great places I want to visit (and honestly, we could have gone to Europe for what this trip cost!), but I am so glad that we went when we did.
12/19/09
We're on our way
The last week has been insane with wrapping up all of my work projects and packing for our trip. And then there was a sick kid thrown into the mix. My poor nanny worked 13 hours on Thursday because sick kid was home from school, DH had already left town to visit his mom before her surgery, and I had a way-too-long day at work. Fortunately, I think she appreciated the larger -than-normal paycheck just before Christmas.
MIL's docs decided at the last minute that she couldn't tolerate the major surgery they originally intended to perform yesterday. Instead, they performed a less invasive surgery and MIL can finally go home on Sunday--they have been at the cancer center since before Thanksgiving! Hopefully she will be strong enough for a second surgery in mid-January.
DH and I feel much more comfortable taking our trip since MIL had the lesser surgery and will be in her own home for Christmas. Also, DH and his three sibs (including a 37-week pregnant sister) got to visit with his mom before her surgery and I think they all appreciated having the core family there without the chaos that the rest of us bring (their original family of 6 has expanded to 19--20 next week!)
So we started our Disney journey this morning, drove all day and are now in a hotel 4 hours away. We should be at the Mouse House by tomorrow afternoon! The drive wasn't even too bad. I think I appreciated the monotony after an excessively chaotic week.
MIL's docs decided at the last minute that she couldn't tolerate the major surgery they originally intended to perform yesterday. Instead, they performed a less invasive surgery and MIL can finally go home on Sunday--they have been at the cancer center since before Thanksgiving! Hopefully she will be strong enough for a second surgery in mid-January.
DH and I feel much more comfortable taking our trip since MIL had the lesser surgery and will be in her own home for Christmas. Also, DH and his three sibs (including a 37-week pregnant sister) got to visit with his mom before her surgery and I think they all appreciated having the core family there without the chaos that the rest of us bring (their original family of 6 has expanded to 19--20 next week!)
So we started our Disney journey this morning, drove all day and are now in a hotel 4 hours away. We should be at the Mouse House by tomorrow afternoon! The drive wasn't even too bad. I think I appreciated the monotony after an excessively chaotic week.
12/12/09
I may be the most hated lawyer in the state by New Year's
I filed four petitions this week and they all require answers by January 4th--the Monday after the holidays. I would never have intentionally filed something so that a response would require another lawyer to toil over a holiday. I had an answer due the Monday after Thanksgiving and I was silently cursing the lawyer who filed that suit when I was still at the office at 8:30 the Wednesday before t-day efiling my answer and removal to federal court. So I am feeling a little guilty about my poor timing.
Two of the filings couldn't be avoided. One was a limitations issue and the other was a race to the courthouse after pre-suit settlement negotiations went south quickly. The other two had been sitting on my desk for a couple of weeks and could have been filed a week earlier or a week late had I realized the response date before filing. (Which isn't entirely possible anyway, since the answer date is based on service, not filing.)
The good news is these suits are all in state court where a general denial will suffice and amendments are allowed--so a basic answer could be generated in about 10 minutes.
Two of the filings couldn't be avoided. One was a limitations issue and the other was a race to the courthouse after pre-suit settlement negotiations went south quickly. The other two had been sitting on my desk for a couple of weeks and could have been filed a week earlier or a week late had I realized the response date before filing. (Which isn't entirely possible anyway, since the answer date is based on service, not filing.)
The good news is these suits are all in state court where a general denial will suffice and amendments are allowed--so a basic answer could be generated in about 10 minutes.
12/11/09
Holiday Chaos
We planned many months ago to take the kids to Disney for Christmas. The trip has been booked for months and paid for weeks ago. I chose that week, in part, because it is the easiest time for me to get away from work. But now it is apparent that this is really not the best time to be taking a cross-country trip.
MIL has been stuck in cancer-center town since before Thanksgiving, and we have learned since then that we likely have only a few months left with her. So we have been struggling for the last few weeks with whether to cancel our trip. We decided to proceed as scheduled because 1) we are never in hometown for Christmas, always the weekend after, so we are not really breaking tradition by not being with family on Christmas Day itself. In our view, it doesn't matter the exact day as long as the whole family is together;2) the kids know about this trip and are counting on it; and 3) DH's sister is having a planned c-section on December 28. So by going to hometown after Christmas, we can see the new baby and MIL can truly have the whole family together.
Still, it was a difficult decision to come to and we are feeling a little judged by the people around us.
And the situation has gotten more sticky in the last few days. MIL will be having surgery next Friday--the day before we are scheduled to leave. She'll be hospitalized for the week following, so she will not be able to return to hometown by Christmas. Hopefully she can return home by New Year's.
So the current plan is for DH to drive to cancer-center town on Thursday so that he can visit with his mom before the surgery, and sit with his dad during. I'll head down with the girls Friday night after work. We'll all head out on our trip Saturday morning, and FIL will have the use of DH's car while we are gone. On the way back home the following weekend, DH and the girls can spend another night there while I head back to town for work on Monday. And then for New Year's we'll head where ever MIL is.
So is it totally selfish to still take this trip? I don't know. I don't think that we would spend the week in cancer-center town if we weren't going to Disney. And DH's other, not pregnant sister and her family will drive down Christmas weekend to be with the inlaws. Regardless, the whole family couldn't be together, because he pregnant sister certainly can't travel that far from home. And if all goes well, the whole family will be together the next weekend.
In the meantime, I have to get us completely packed THIS weekend. And we have volunteered to work a huge event Sunday morning. And I don't know when we will have our small family's Christmas. Most of the gifts I have bought the girls revolve around this trip. We were planning to open gifts the night before we left, but now DH won't be here. And I will have to load the car by myself. after I get home Thursday night so that we can leave the second I get home on Friday night. And I have a hearing on Friday, and I know that I am likely to work late, wrapping up all the loose ends that must be taken care of before I am out for a week.
So I am feeling guilty and stressed and grinchy. Both DH and I have been very blessed up to this point and have never had to deal with a long, horrible, painful ending to the life of someone we love. The whole situation has us dazed and in a funk and wondering if we are handling things the way we are supposed to be.
MIL has been stuck in cancer-center town since before Thanksgiving, and we have learned since then that we likely have only a few months left with her. So we have been struggling for the last few weeks with whether to cancel our trip. We decided to proceed as scheduled because 1) we are never in hometown for Christmas, always the weekend after, so we are not really breaking tradition by not being with family on Christmas Day itself. In our view, it doesn't matter the exact day as long as the whole family is together;2) the kids know about this trip and are counting on it; and 3) DH's sister is having a planned c-section on December 28. So by going to hometown after Christmas, we can see the new baby and MIL can truly have the whole family together.
Still, it was a difficult decision to come to and we are feeling a little judged by the people around us.
And the situation has gotten more sticky in the last few days. MIL will be having surgery next Friday--the day before we are scheduled to leave. She'll be hospitalized for the week following, so she will not be able to return to hometown by Christmas. Hopefully she can return home by New Year's.
So the current plan is for DH to drive to cancer-center town on Thursday so that he can visit with his mom before the surgery, and sit with his dad during. I'll head down with the girls Friday night after work. We'll all head out on our trip Saturday morning, and FIL will have the use of DH's car while we are gone. On the way back home the following weekend, DH and the girls can spend another night there while I head back to town for work on Monday. And then for New Year's we'll head where ever MIL is.
So is it totally selfish to still take this trip? I don't know. I don't think that we would spend the week in cancer-center town if we weren't going to Disney. And DH's other, not pregnant sister and her family will drive down Christmas weekend to be with the inlaws. Regardless, the whole family couldn't be together, because he pregnant sister certainly can't travel that far from home. And if all goes well, the whole family will be together the next weekend.
In the meantime, I have to get us completely packed THIS weekend. And we have volunteered to work a huge event Sunday morning. And I don't know when we will have our small family's Christmas. Most of the gifts I have bought the girls revolve around this trip. We were planning to open gifts the night before we left, but now DH won't be here. And I will have to load the car by myself. after I get home Thursday night so that we can leave the second I get home on Friday night. And I have a hearing on Friday, and I know that I am likely to work late, wrapping up all the loose ends that must be taken care of before I am out for a week.
So I am feeling guilty and stressed and grinchy. Both DH and I have been very blessed up to this point and have never had to deal with a long, horrible, painful ending to the life of someone we love. The whole situation has us dazed and in a funk and wondering if we are handling things the way we are supposed to be.
12/9/09
Happy Dance--The Third
Had my performance review today. Got a glowing review, they love me, have no complaints. :) And I got a raise and a bonus.
This has been a good week.
This has been a good week.
12/8/09
Happy Dance--Part 2
So my work computer died today. Kaput. Wouldn't boot at all.
Which sounds like a bad thing, except they have already replaced with with a brand new imac with a 27" monitor and wireless keyboard and wheel-less scroll mouse. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.
I heart my new humongous monitor. Just in time, too, since I billed 11.5 hours today and the rest of the week (or year) isn't looking much better. Maybe it will prevent me from going blind before I'm 40.
Which sounds like a bad thing, except they have already replaced with with a brand new imac with a 27" monitor and wireless keyboard and wheel-less scroll mouse. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.
I heart my new humongous monitor. Just in time, too, since I billed 11.5 hours today and the rest of the week (or year) isn't looking much better. Maybe it will prevent me from going blind before I'm 40.
12/7/09
Doing the happy dance!
I'm getting a new secretary--woot! Another secretary put in her notice, so they are reassigning my secretary and I will get the new hire. Which also means that I will get to participate in the interviews for the new hire. Yea!
I don't think it's possible to have such a poor match again, but I it will be great to have some say in who I will be working with.
I don't think it's possible to have such a poor match again, but I it will be great to have some say in who I will be working with.
12/6/09
Allowing your kids to fail
I pushed PS into trying out for all-city orchestra. She has been playing the violin for about a year and a half now. She isn't really enjoying it, but I told her that she must at least finish out the year. She doesn't practice unless I nag her, but I thought that part of the problem is that there was no real goal to work toward because her school doesn't have chair tests. (Apparently there is a problem with attrition in orchestra--so they don't chair test so that the poor performers don't drop out. That is a whole separate issue that I won't get started on right now.)
Anyway, when I saw the note about all-city orchestra auditions, I pushed PS to do it, hoping that having a goal to work toward would compel her to put more effort into the violin and actually practice. She has had weekly private lessons and group tutorials with her orchestra teacher in the weeks leading up to the audition. I worked with her once early on and again last week. (And was reminded why I could never home school. Our session went something like this. Me: "That was supposed to be an F sharp. It was an F sharp yesterday, and an F sharp this morning, and guess what, it's still an F sharp! PS: I did play an F sharp! ME: Uh, no you didn't. Here is what it is supposed to sound like [play on flute]. Do you hear the difference? PS: It only sounds different because you are playing the flute and I am playing the violin. ME: No, it sounds different because I am playing the right notes and you are not, which should not be the case because I haven't played the flute in 15 years, and you have supposedly been practicing this music for the last month.)
Soooo, I knew that since she was still missing notes that she was not prepared for this audition. But I had no idea what her competition would sound like and I still thought it would be a good learning experience.
And then we arrived for her audition. We immediately learned that 1) all the kids would be auditioning in the same room in front of one another, and 2) she got first draw. My heart sank--neither was good news. I did many, many auditions as a kid, and the only one in front of everybody was state (which I blew because I crumbled under the pressure of auditioning in front of everyone else.)
So she had two strikes against her going in (besides her failure to practice). And then I heard the other kids in the practice room. They were good. Really good. Much better than PS.
I was just sick. I felt so badly for pushing her into this, and now realized that I had set her up for public humiliation since she would have to audition in front of everybody. Of course, I hid all of this from her and tried to remain upbeat.
Afterward she said that she thought she did ok, and that there were lots of kids worse than her. She didn't make the orchestra, but didn't seem overly distraught--and for that I am thankful.
I don't want to be the parent who tries to force my kid to fit the profile I select. Music was my thing, and as much as I had hoped it would be PS's thing, it just isn't. I won't pressure her to do another audition, and I won't make her continue with the violin after this year. She's been at it for two years now, and it is clearly not something that she enjoys enough to put her best effort into. So we'll keep looking for what will be the thing that she loves enough to be really good at. Because, as I told her Saturday after her audition, she may not have made the all-city orchestra, but I know that she is destined to do great things.
Anyway, when I saw the note about all-city orchestra auditions, I pushed PS to do it, hoping that having a goal to work toward would compel her to put more effort into the violin and actually practice. She has had weekly private lessons and group tutorials with her orchestra teacher in the weeks leading up to the audition. I worked with her once early on and again last week. (And was reminded why I could never home school. Our session went something like this. Me: "That was supposed to be an F sharp. It was an F sharp yesterday, and an F sharp this morning, and guess what, it's still an F sharp! PS: I did play an F sharp! ME: Uh, no you didn't. Here is what it is supposed to sound like [play on flute]. Do you hear the difference? PS: It only sounds different because you are playing the flute and I am playing the violin. ME: No, it sounds different because I am playing the right notes and you are not, which should not be the case because I haven't played the flute in 15 years, and you have supposedly been practicing this music for the last month.)
Soooo, I knew that since she was still missing notes that she was not prepared for this audition. But I had no idea what her competition would sound like and I still thought it would be a good learning experience.
And then we arrived for her audition. We immediately learned that 1) all the kids would be auditioning in the same room in front of one another, and 2) she got first draw. My heart sank--neither was good news. I did many, many auditions as a kid, and the only one in front of everybody was state (which I blew because I crumbled under the pressure of auditioning in front of everyone else.)
So she had two strikes against her going in (besides her failure to practice). And then I heard the other kids in the practice room. They were good. Really good. Much better than PS.
I was just sick. I felt so badly for pushing her into this, and now realized that I had set her up for public humiliation since she would have to audition in front of everybody. Of course, I hid all of this from her and tried to remain upbeat.
Afterward she said that she thought she did ok, and that there were lots of kids worse than her. She didn't make the orchestra, but didn't seem overly distraught--and for that I am thankful.
I don't want to be the parent who tries to force my kid to fit the profile I select. Music was my thing, and as much as I had hoped it would be PS's thing, it just isn't. I won't pressure her to do another audition, and I won't make her continue with the violin after this year. She's been at it for two years now, and it is clearly not something that she enjoys enough to put her best effort into. So we'll keep looking for what will be the thing that she loves enough to be really good at. Because, as I told her Saturday after her audition, she may not have made the all-city orchestra, but I know that she is destined to do great things.
12/4/09
Whoa...
I had three best friends in high school. They were all parts of different circles and none of them ever really hung out with each other. And they were all very different.
I wrote about one the other day. She is the one who I tended to do the crazier stuff with, but she also tuned out whenever she had a serious boyfriend.
The second was my most laid back, steady friend. She lived with her grandparents, and I practically lived there for much of high school. She had a '68 Mustang that her dad restored for her, and she would let me drive it on the weekends when we were out cruising for boys. We have been in touch, on and off, but our lives are pretty different now and we aren't especially close.
My third best friend was a gay guy. But I didn't know he was gay at first. We kissed once and realized that there was nothing there but a platonic friendship. Not long after that he came out to me. In fact, I was the first person he ever came out to. And I was the person he confided in as to how and when he would come out to his parents and the rest of his family. We grew apart after a couple of years because he was becoming involved in risky behavior that I was not down with.
I've tried to find him online a couple of times, but had no luck. But tonight he found me on FB. Turns out that I haven't been able to find him because he has been in prison! I was stunned. We chatted for quite a while and he told me the whole story. I just can't get over my shock! He was always such a nice, never hurt a fly, type of guy.
Anyway, he told me that he thought about me a lot while in the clink and that I was always part of his coming out story. Because when he told me, my response was "That's great. Now we can go to the mall and check out guys together!" Of course, at the time it was happening I had no idea the significance of being someone's "coming out" person. I had never known an (admittedly) gay person. But he was my friend and who he wanted to sleep with wasn't going to change that.
I hope that I handled his coming out of prison story with the grace that I handled his coming out story as a 16-year-old girl.
I wrote about one the other day. She is the one who I tended to do the crazier stuff with, but she also tuned out whenever she had a serious boyfriend.
The second was my most laid back, steady friend. She lived with her grandparents, and I practically lived there for much of high school. She had a '68 Mustang that her dad restored for her, and she would let me drive it on the weekends when we were out cruising for boys. We have been in touch, on and off, but our lives are pretty different now and we aren't especially close.
My third best friend was a gay guy. But I didn't know he was gay at first. We kissed once and realized that there was nothing there but a platonic friendship. Not long after that he came out to me. In fact, I was the first person he ever came out to. And I was the person he confided in as to how and when he would come out to his parents and the rest of his family. We grew apart after a couple of years because he was becoming involved in risky behavior that I was not down with.
I've tried to find him online a couple of times, but had no luck. But tonight he found me on FB. Turns out that I haven't been able to find him because he has been in prison! I was stunned. We chatted for quite a while and he told me the whole story. I just can't get over my shock! He was always such a nice, never hurt a fly, type of guy.
Anyway, he told me that he thought about me a lot while in the clink and that I was always part of his coming out story. Because when he told me, my response was "That's great. Now we can go to the mall and check out guys together!" Of course, at the time it was happening I had no idea the significance of being someone's "coming out" person. I had never known an (admittedly) gay person. But he was my friend and who he wanted to sleep with wasn't going to change that.
I hope that I handled his coming out of prison story with the grace that I handled his coming out story as a 16-year-old girl.
11/30/09
Weekend Update
We survived out impromptu Thanksgiving weekend. Actually, my take-out dinner turned out pretty darn good. May have to start a new tradition--no prep work, no clean up.
We were glad to spend time with the inlaws, but the weekend was very stressful. MIL is not doing well. She is extremely thin and is on so many drugs that she was in a fog much of the time we were there.
They are very fortunate to be staying at the home of a friend-of-a-friend. She has graciously offered to host my inlaws the last few times they have had to visit the cancer center. It is a huge savings in lodging costs and it provides a much more home-like setting. And speaking of the kindness of almost-strangers, one of our fellow MILPs invited us to Thanksgiving when she heard about our last minute trip. We had to decline, but it was such a nice gesture. What a great group of ladies we have!
We didn't want to overwhelm MIL with the kids (or keep them cooped up too long in a strangers house) so I took them to a wonderful local park where we visited the zoo and rode a pedal boat. The girls also enjoyed swimming in the hotel pool. Overall though, it was a stressful trip.
It became apparent that this is likely MILs last round of holidays. FIL told DH that he thought she only had a few months left--and he told us today that he asked the doctor about hospice care and the doc agreed that it might be time for it.
There is just this overwhelming sense of unfairness. MIL is only 54. She has never smoked or taken so much as a sip of alcohol (FIL won't even eat food cooked in alcohol--and it isn't a religious thing--they're catholic!). She was in good shape, not overweight, and took a walk every evening. And MIL is one of the most moral and faithful people I have ever met. She just doesn't deserve this long, painful ending to her life.
I guess this is part of the reason I don't believe in god. How could a good and merciful god do this to one of his most faithful followers?
Anyway, we are still struggling with what comes next. It is hard to imagine DH's family--and especially his dad-- without his mom. And even though she is only my "in law," I have been part of DH's family for almost half my life--and my in-laws have been there many times when my own parents were not.
We were glad to spend time with the inlaws, but the weekend was very stressful. MIL is not doing well. She is extremely thin and is on so many drugs that she was in a fog much of the time we were there.
They are very fortunate to be staying at the home of a friend-of-a-friend. She has graciously offered to host my inlaws the last few times they have had to visit the cancer center. It is a huge savings in lodging costs and it provides a much more home-like setting. And speaking of the kindness of almost-strangers, one of our fellow MILPs invited us to Thanksgiving when she heard about our last minute trip. We had to decline, but it was such a nice gesture. What a great group of ladies we have!
We didn't want to overwhelm MIL with the kids (or keep them cooped up too long in a strangers house) so I took them to a wonderful local park where we visited the zoo and rode a pedal boat. The girls also enjoyed swimming in the hotel pool. Overall though, it was a stressful trip.
It became apparent that this is likely MILs last round of holidays. FIL told DH that he thought she only had a few months left--and he told us today that he asked the doctor about hospice care and the doc agreed that it might be time for it.
There is just this overwhelming sense of unfairness. MIL is only 54. She has never smoked or taken so much as a sip of alcohol (FIL won't even eat food cooked in alcohol--and it isn't a religious thing--they're catholic!). She was in good shape, not overweight, and took a walk every evening. And MIL is one of the most moral and faithful people I have ever met. She just doesn't deserve this long, painful ending to her life.
I guess this is part of the reason I don't believe in god. How could a good and merciful god do this to one of his most faithful followers?
Anyway, we are still struggling with what comes next. It is hard to imagine DH's family--and especially his dad-- without his mom. And even though she is only my "in law," I have been part of DH's family for almost half my life--and my in-laws have been there many times when my own parents were not.
11/25/09
Thanksgiving insanity
Had a federal court filing that kept me at work until 8:30--then I still had to go to the 24-hour post office. I finally made it home at 9:30.
We were intending to return to Hometown for the weekend, but MIL was sent back to the cancer center in another town and will be stuck there through next week. Since they have no family there and it is closer to us than Hometown, we are heading to cancer center town for the holiday. So I was scouring the web in between revisions of my pleading in hopes of a great hotel deal (Crowne Plaza @ $60/night--suites, no less!)
MIL will not be able to go out to dinner in her current state so we would need some kind of take-out option. This left us without any plan whatsoever regarding Thanksgiving dinner and no time to cook. So at 10:00 p.m. I was pondering the possibility of going to the grocery store and throwing together some semblance of a meal. Instead, I found that a yummy regional cafe is offering a traditional dinner and I order takeout online! And they gave me a 25% off coupon for my first online order.
Yea! I am a planner and was not coping well with the possibility of no plan for T-day dinner.
Now I just need to pack--I have done absolutely nothing. Fortunately our nanny packed the girls and even did my laundry (which is generally outside the scope of her responsibility.) Hopefully I can just throw a few things in the suitcase and be done with it.
Now the suck... MIL's condition is getting worse. She is having to endure increasingly painful and humiliating conditions as her cancer progressions. She will likely have surgery next week to treat some of her symptoms but her tumor is compromising nearby organs (it is at the base of her spine) and there is nothing that can be done to stop it.
We were intending to return to Hometown for the weekend, but MIL was sent back to the cancer center in another town and will be stuck there through next week. Since they have no family there and it is closer to us than Hometown, we are heading to cancer center town for the holiday. So I was scouring the web in between revisions of my pleading in hopes of a great hotel deal (Crowne Plaza @ $60/night--suites, no less!)
MIL will not be able to go out to dinner in her current state so we would need some kind of take-out option. This left us without any plan whatsoever regarding Thanksgiving dinner and no time to cook. So at 10:00 p.m. I was pondering the possibility of going to the grocery store and throwing together some semblance of a meal. Instead, I found that a yummy regional cafe is offering a traditional dinner and I order takeout online! And they gave me a 25% off coupon for my first online order.
Yea! I am a planner and was not coping well with the possibility of no plan for T-day dinner.
Now I just need to pack--I have done absolutely nothing. Fortunately our nanny packed the girls and even did my laundry (which is generally outside the scope of her responsibility.) Hopefully I can just throw a few things in the suitcase and be done with it.
Now the suck... MIL's condition is getting worse. She is having to endure increasingly painful and humiliating conditions as her cancer progressions. She will likely have surgery next week to treat some of her symptoms but her tumor is compromising nearby organs (it is at the base of her spine) and there is nothing that can be done to stop it.
11/22/09
It's about time, Facebook
So I've been on facebook for about a year now. Most of my tech-savvy relatives have managed to find me, a couple of my friends from my adult life and a fair number of old classmates. And more than a few people who went to school with me and are friends of friends, but who I honestly don't recall AT ALL. Who I haven't found on facebook are old friends who were really friends. Nobody that I actually cared about ever getting in touch with.
And then this week I found my BFF's from both middle school and high school.
My middle school BFF moved before we started high school and we lost touch. It was nice to say "hi" and see where she's at now.
But I was even more excited to find my HS BFF. She was even the maid of honor at my wedding, but we had a falling out several years ago and it has been almost 10 years since we've spoken.
We were about as opposite as you can get. She blond, blue-eyed, short and curvy; me dark-haired, taller, thinner and straight as a board. We met in freshman biology, and most of the other girls didn't like her because she was the type who wore her clothes too tight and was prone to steal your boyfriend. I was far more conservative and didn't draw the animosity that she did. We had one or two spats over boys, but for the most part it was a non-issue. We were so different that the boys who were attracted to one of us wasn't interested in the other--and we generally didn't go for the same guys.
Most of the trouble that I got into in high school involved her. The most memorable event was when we were 16 and she had a fight with her boyfriend, a college student living in a college town about 30 miles away from us. She decided that she was going to get drunk and have it out with him. I didn't drink at all in high school and did not condone her behavior, but I wasn't going to let her drink and drive. So she grabbed her 4-pack of wine coolers and I grabbed her car keys and off we went.
Boyfriend was not happy to see us, and shooed us into a back room when another girl showed up. Yeah, that didn't go over well. BFF became belligerent and he and I literally carried her out to the car. I locked her in, jumped in and took off. She was pissed and screaming at me. It was dark and I couldn't find her headlights, so I ran over a parking block trying to get the heck out of there. She took the opportunity to jump out of the car and start running back to the boyfriend's apartment. I tackled her and dragged her kicking and screaming back to her car.
At that point I realized that I had seriously messed up her car when I hit the parking block. The car wouldn't turn left--and I had to drive the 30-mile trip back home without making a left turn. I also couldn't stop, for fear that she would jump out and I would have to chase her down again.
We had my dad look at the car the next day, and it turned out that I bent the frame. Oops. Of course, we never told anybody how it actually happened, and we remained BFF's for years after that.
There was definitely some craziness, and we disagreed about a lot, but in hindsight I realize that she is the only friend I ever had to whom I could tell anything and not be judged. She might disagree with me and she would certainly tell me so--but she wouldn't judge me or think less of me. Friends like that are hard to come by.
And then this week I found my BFF's from both middle school and high school.
My middle school BFF moved before we started high school and we lost touch. It was nice to say "hi" and see where she's at now.
But I was even more excited to find my HS BFF. She was even the maid of honor at my wedding, but we had a falling out several years ago and it has been almost 10 years since we've spoken.
We were about as opposite as you can get. She blond, blue-eyed, short and curvy; me dark-haired, taller, thinner and straight as a board. We met in freshman biology, and most of the other girls didn't like her because she was the type who wore her clothes too tight and was prone to steal your boyfriend. I was far more conservative and didn't draw the animosity that she did. We had one or two spats over boys, but for the most part it was a non-issue. We were so different that the boys who were attracted to one of us wasn't interested in the other--and we generally didn't go for the same guys.
Most of the trouble that I got into in high school involved her. The most memorable event was when we were 16 and she had a fight with her boyfriend, a college student living in a college town about 30 miles away from us. She decided that she was going to get drunk and have it out with him. I didn't drink at all in high school and did not condone her behavior, but I wasn't going to let her drink and drive. So she grabbed her 4-pack of wine coolers and I grabbed her car keys and off we went.
Boyfriend was not happy to see us, and shooed us into a back room when another girl showed up. Yeah, that didn't go over well. BFF became belligerent and he and I literally carried her out to the car. I locked her in, jumped in and took off. She was pissed and screaming at me. It was dark and I couldn't find her headlights, so I ran over a parking block trying to get the heck out of there. She took the opportunity to jump out of the car and start running back to the boyfriend's apartment. I tackled her and dragged her kicking and screaming back to her car.
At that point I realized that I had seriously messed up her car when I hit the parking block. The car wouldn't turn left--and I had to drive the 30-mile trip back home without making a left turn. I also couldn't stop, for fear that she would jump out and I would have to chase her down again.
We had my dad look at the car the next day, and it turned out that I bent the frame. Oops. Of course, we never told anybody how it actually happened, and we remained BFF's for years after that.
There was definitely some craziness, and we disagreed about a lot, but in hindsight I realize that she is the only friend I ever had to whom I could tell anything and not be judged. She might disagree with me and she would certainly tell me so--but she wouldn't judge me or think less of me. Friends like that are hard to come by.
11/19/09
Update
So I was very impressed by how calmly I handled the TT issue. I emailed the principal late Wednesday night, informing her in no uncertain terms that this new policy would not apply to my children and that it was inappropriate and unlawful. I was fully prepared to argue to the death if I encountered any resistance.
But the principal called me at 7:15 Thursday and told me that she absolutely agreed with me and that she had already informed the staff that the policy was gone.
Apparently the genius behind the new restroom policy was the new assistant principal who was trying to combat messes in the bathroom. He is young, apparently inexperienced and this is the second of his policies that I have nixed in the last two months.
The other asinine policy involved taking attendance for 6th graders 5 minutes before the morning bell rang. I found out about that one after he reported PS to the state truancy board for multiple absences--when she had never been absent or even late! I laid into him for that one--but I wasn't even going to bother with him on this issue. I went straight to the principal.
I really like our principal, but she really needs to rein in her AP and his idiotic ideas quickly. And frankly, it doesn't speak well of her that she is not paying enough attention to the "policies" her AP is instituting.
But the principal called me at 7:15 Thursday and told me that she absolutely agreed with me and that she had already informed the staff that the policy was gone.
Apparently the genius behind the new restroom policy was the new assistant principal who was trying to combat messes in the bathroom. He is young, apparently inexperienced and this is the second of his policies that I have nixed in the last two months.
The other asinine policy involved taking attendance for 6th graders 5 minutes before the morning bell rang. I found out about that one after he reported PS to the state truancy board for multiple absences--when she had never been absent or even late! I laid into him for that one--but I wasn't even going to bother with him on this issue. I went straight to the principal.
I really like our principal, but she really needs to rein in her AP and his idiotic ideas quickly. And frankly, it doesn't speak well of her that she is not paying enough attention to the "policies" her AP is instituting.
11/17/09
In case you were wondering...
Peeing is a fundamental right subject to due process protection. Glaspy v. Malicoat, 134 F. Supp. 2d 890.
Pissed Off Mama Bear
TT had an accident at school today because the teacher wouldn't let her use the restroom when she asked. Now, I was horrified by the thought of this, but thought perhaps TT's account was skewed to her benefit. So I calmly emailed the teacher and asked her if TT's (haha, I just got the pun!) account was accurate. The teacher said yes, the principal just instituted a new policy and children are not allowed to go to the restroom unsupervised--so no kid can go unless the entire class goes.
WTF?? These are third graders! And my kids drink a lot and pee lot. In fact, we encourage it, due to DH's and PS's history of kidney stones. Not to mention that I had teeny-tiny bladder as a child--and even had (unsuccessful) surgery to try to stretch it out--so its not a leap to think my kids also have teeny tiny bladders.
I am so furious that my kid had to suffer the humiliation of having an accident because she wasn't allowed to use the restroom that I think my eyes are glowing red. I already responded to the teacher and told her that I would be requesting a conference with the principal.
I haven't emailed the principal, because I wanted to do a little research (and calm down) first. If there is any law even suggesting that my kid has a right to pee at school I am damn sure gonna find it.
WTF?? These are third graders! And my kids drink a lot and pee lot. In fact, we encourage it, due to DH's and PS's history of kidney stones. Not to mention that I had teeny-tiny bladder as a child--and even had (unsuccessful) surgery to try to stretch it out--so its not a leap to think my kids also have teeny tiny bladders.
I am so furious that my kid had to suffer the humiliation of having an accident because she wasn't allowed to use the restroom that I think my eyes are glowing red. I already responded to the teacher and told her that I would be requesting a conference with the principal.
I haven't emailed the principal, because I wanted to do a little research (and calm down) first. If there is any law even suggesting that my kid has a right to pee at school I am damn sure gonna find it.
11/16/09
It Sucks to be the Little Fish
Busy day. I had to finish up my off-site doc review and then rush back to the office for a meeting with a new client, followed by a long chat with Big Boss.
Attitudey Judy will not be getting the boot, at least not until after the holidays. It's not my call, or the outcome would have been different. But, having been at my firm a mere 3 months, I'm not really in a position to throw down an ultimatum.
I am a little frustrated by the situation, because I feel like I've done everything I can to work for her, and now I really don't trust her with important tasks. Which just rewards her with less work and punishes me with more.
Big Boss did make clear that they don't think I'm causing this problem--which was a relief. I didn't want be the new kid turned problem child who can't get along with anybody. And when he meets with her for staff reviews he will reiterate that I am the boss, like it or lump it.
I guess all I can hope for is that she finds something else quickly or has a miraculous transformation. Meanwhile, she is ignoring me unless directly spoken to--and then I am rewarded with a grunt.
Attitudey Judy will not be getting the boot, at least not until after the holidays. It's not my call, or the outcome would have been different. But, having been at my firm a mere 3 months, I'm not really in a position to throw down an ultimatum.
I am a little frustrated by the situation, because I feel like I've done everything I can to work for her, and now I really don't trust her with important tasks. Which just rewards her with less work and punishes me with more.
Big Boss did make clear that they don't think I'm causing this problem--which was a relief. I didn't want be the new kid turned problem child who can't get along with anybody. And when he meets with her for staff reviews he will reiterate that I am the boss, like it or lump it.
I guess all I can hope for is that she finds something else quickly or has a miraculous transformation. Meanwhile, she is ignoring me unless directly spoken to--and then I am rewarded with a grunt.
Well that was interesting
Today I had to do a doc review at the firm that offered me a job before Satan f/k/a Big Boss torpedoed it by refusing to waive a conflict.
The associate working on the case for the other side was actually one of the many, many people with whom I interviewed at that firm. When I reminded him that we had met before, he said "oh, yeah, you're the one from [former firm]. I've heard a lot of bad stuff about that firm."
Later in the day someone else popped into the conference room I was working in and said, "wow, you look really familiar, have we met before?" To which I replied, "yes, you interviewed me for a job here." "Ohh..." she said, as the recognition started fading in.
I may forever be known as "the girl who got screwed out of a job" in my local legal community.
The associate working on the case for the other side was actually one of the many, many people with whom I interviewed at that firm. When I reminded him that we had met before, he said "oh, yeah, you're the one from [former firm]. I've heard a lot of bad stuff about that firm."
Later in the day someone else popped into the conference room I was working in and said, "wow, you look really familiar, have we met before?" To which I replied, "yes, you interviewed me for a job here." "Ohh..." she said, as the recognition started fading in.
I may forever be known as "the girl who got screwed out of a job" in my local legal community.
11/12/09
Holding Pattern
Don't know what's going to happen with secretary aka Attitudey Judy (I love that Gillian!) I do not have the authority to fire her. Big Boss is supposed to be handling it, but he is out of town.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Attitudey Judy sent an email late today informing the office that she has a "follow-up doctor's appointment" tomorrow. I am 98% sure that "doctor's appointment" is code for "interview."
In addition to my many other complaints, she is late a lot--like 20 minutes-plus every day and she takes extra-long lunches. I haven't even addressed this with her because it is the least of my concerns, but my firm uses an old-school time clock and the administration has noticed. She has also had quite a few doctor's appointments, car problems and other miscellaneous absences in the 3 months that she has been with my firm. So we've all surmised that she has been interviewing whenever she has a doctor's appointment or car trouble.
Attitudey Judy allegedly came to us to with glowing recommendations. I now understand--I would gladly give her a glowing recommendation to get rid of her and make her somebody else's problem!
I am soooo tempted to send her a response and say that I hope her "doctor's appointment" goes very, very well.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Attitudey Judy sent an email late today informing the office that she has a "follow-up doctor's appointment" tomorrow. I am 98% sure that "doctor's appointment" is code for "interview."
In addition to my many other complaints, she is late a lot--like 20 minutes-plus every day and she takes extra-long lunches. I haven't even addressed this with her because it is the least of my concerns, but my firm uses an old-school time clock and the administration has noticed. She has also had quite a few doctor's appointments, car problems and other miscellaneous absences in the 3 months that she has been with my firm. So we've all surmised that she has been interviewing whenever she has a doctor's appointment or car trouble.
Attitudey Judy allegedly came to us to with glowing recommendations. I now understand--I would gladly give her a glowing recommendation to get rid of her and make her somebody else's problem!
I am soooo tempted to send her a response and say that I hope her "doctor's appointment" goes very, very well.
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