We planned many months ago to take the kids to Disney for Christmas. The trip has been booked for months and paid for weeks ago. I chose that week, in part, because it is the easiest time for me to get away from work. But now it is apparent that this is really not the best time to be taking a cross-country trip.
MIL has been stuck in cancer-center town since before Thanksgiving, and we have learned since then that we likely have only a few months left with her. So we have been struggling for the last few weeks with whether to cancel our trip. We decided to proceed as scheduled because 1) we are never in hometown for Christmas, always the weekend after, so we are not really breaking tradition by not being with family on Christmas Day itself. In our view, it doesn't matter the exact day as long as the whole family is together;2) the kids know about this trip and are counting on it; and 3) DH's sister is having a planned c-section on December 28. So by going to hometown after Christmas, we can see the new baby and MIL can truly have the whole family together.
Still, it was a difficult decision to come to and we are feeling a little judged by the people around us.
And the situation has gotten more sticky in the last few days. MIL will be having surgery next Friday--the day before we are scheduled to leave. She'll be hospitalized for the week following, so she will not be able to return to hometown by Christmas. Hopefully she can return home by New Year's.
So the current plan is for DH to drive to cancer-center town on Thursday so that he can visit with his mom before the surgery, and sit with his dad during. I'll head down with the girls Friday night after work. We'll all head out on our trip Saturday morning, and FIL will have the use of DH's car while we are gone. On the way back home the following weekend, DH and the girls can spend another night there while I head back to town for work on Monday. And then for New Year's we'll head where ever MIL is.
So is it totally selfish to still take this trip? I don't know. I don't think that we would spend the week in cancer-center town if we weren't going to Disney. And DH's other, not pregnant sister and her family will drive down Christmas weekend to be with the inlaws. Regardless, the whole family couldn't be together, because he pregnant sister certainly can't travel that far from home. And if all goes well, the whole family will be together the next weekend.
In the meantime, I have to get us completely packed THIS weekend. And we have volunteered to work a huge event Sunday morning. And I don't know when we will have our small family's Christmas. Most of the gifts I have bought the girls revolve around this trip. We were planning to open gifts the night before we left, but now DH won't be here. And I will have to load the car by myself. after I get home Thursday night so that we can leave the second I get home on Friday night. And I have a hearing on Friday, and I know that I am likely to work late, wrapping up all the loose ends that must be taken care of before I am out for a week.
So I am feeling guilty and stressed and grinchy. Both DH and I have been very blessed up to this point and have never had to deal with a long, horrible, painful ending to the life of someone we love. The whole situation has us dazed and in a funk and wondering if we are handling things the way we are supposed to be.
4 comments:
There is no "right" way to deal with this situation. You deal with it in the way that's right for your family. I personally think you are doing what you need to for your family -- you and your small family will have your own, special Christmas together at Disney -- and those "small family" Christmases are important. And when you're back, you and your girls (and your husband) will have time to be with the larger family over the next several weeks. You'll need that time, too, to be with the whole family while you say goodbye, but for your kids, you also need that small family time. They need to know that they have stability when things are difficult and that small family time is what gives them the assurance that they can count on you and their dad and their sisters.
Said perfectly, Divine Angst.
Have a lovely Christmas with your husband and kids, and create cherished memories.
I'm with divine angst - there is no "supposed to be" in this situation.
Your MIL, if she's like most, will want her grandkids to be happy - she wouldn't be in a position to spend much time with them anyway it sounds.
Send her happy photos, make phonecalls, enjoy the sweetness of Disney fun for life is short.
There is joy and there is pain and sometimes they happen together.
I remember C S Lewis's Shadowlands, where his wife Joy Gresham died from cancer, and they said "The pain now is part of the happiness then, the happiness then is part of the pain now"
They co-exist, and life does go on. You seem to have found a really good solution.
Bles syou all!
Thanks to you all for your kind comments.
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