I have made some changes to my barbri/study routine. I had been commuting w/ DH which saved money on gas but also resulted in a 3 hour commute every day. I hate commuting. I hate commuter traffic. So when I found out last week that my commute was less than 1 hour if I did not carpool w/ DH, I began to seriously reconsider what we had been doing. I would lose my 3 hours of kid-free study time per day, plus incur extra gas and parking if I quit carpooling. But I gained 2 hours of time previously lost in the car. And I can employ the nanny only half time, resulting in a net savings of $150/week. The only real negative is the loss of my kid-free study time, but I figure that with the time gained back from carpooling, it pretty much evens out.
And to further increase my peace and quite while the rugrats are home, I have resorted to sneaky mom tactics. First, I require half an our of "quiet time" after lunch where they have to read in bed. Usually this results in both twins taking at least an hour long nap. Second, I took them shopping this weekend and stocked up on craft supplies. Today, they sat at the end of the table and made creations with Perler Beads while I made flashcards and charts in a feeble attempt to understand commercial paper. They were perfect little angels, and I got a lot accomplished. Plus, I felt like I was at least sort-of spending time with them. At least it was better than parking them in front of SpongeBob.
6/18/07
6/15/07
PS is never coming home
She left for Hometown last week with the understanding that we would retrieve her whenever she got homesick. I figured she'd last about two weeks. We are one week in and she doesn't seem to be showing the slightest twinge of missing us. She spent last weekend with the in-laws, and the last week with my grandparents. She goes with my grandparents (who are pushing 80) to the senior center to visit the "old people" (my grandmother's phrase). She became the mascot when she visited last summer, and they were thrilled to see her again. Then they go to "The Wal-Mart" every day to shop. I think DD now owns every book Wal-Mart carries.
Now, she is spending this weekend with my dad and his wife. Dad's wife took her shopping and bought her three pairs of shoes and the Harry Potter soundtrack she has been coveting. My dad explained that his wife only has grandsons and has never had the chance to spoil a girl. It seems a little strange that my dad's wife has far more interest in my daughter than my own mother. I don't know Dad's wife well--they married about 5 years ago, and since we live so far away, we only seem them a couple of times a year. And my relationship with my dad has never been really great (ever since he offered to buy me a car if I didn't marry my "wetback" husband. Yes, my husband has a Hispanic surname. His grandfather is half Hispanic, born and raised in the US. That totally makes DH a wetback.) So it is interesting to see my dad dote on my daughter. According to my grandmother, he has visited her every day while she has been there. I think it takes him back to when I was Daddy's Little Girl, before we started not getting along.
Anyway, I asked PS today if she was planning to stay there forever and never come home. Her only response was, "Well, I'd have to change schools." I'm feeling a little un-needed.
Meanwhile, I took the twins to Target today so that they could get bad-guy Transformers to fight the good-guy Transformers the bought last week. Yes they are girls. I'm kind of surprised that SS hasn't put a pink bow on her Transformer yet.
Now, she is spending this weekend with my dad and his wife. Dad's wife took her shopping and bought her three pairs of shoes and the Harry Potter soundtrack she has been coveting. My dad explained that his wife only has grandsons and has never had the chance to spoil a girl. It seems a little strange that my dad's wife has far more interest in my daughter than my own mother. I don't know Dad's wife well--they married about 5 years ago, and since we live so far away, we only seem them a couple of times a year. And my relationship with my dad has never been really great (ever since he offered to buy me a car if I didn't marry my "wetback" husband. Yes, my husband has a Hispanic surname. His grandfather is half Hispanic, born and raised in the US. That totally makes DH a wetback.) So it is interesting to see my dad dote on my daughter. According to my grandmother, he has visited her every day while she has been there. I think it takes him back to when I was Daddy's Little Girl, before we started not getting along.
Anyway, I asked PS today if she was planning to stay there forever and never come home. Her only response was, "Well, I'd have to change schools." I'm feeling a little un-needed.
Meanwhile, I took the twins to Target today so that they could get bad-guy Transformers to fight the good-guy Transformers the bought last week. Yes they are girls. I'm kind of surprised that SS hasn't put a pink bow on her Transformer yet.
6/13/07
Uncomfortable Situation
Watching the Oprah "Sexpot Makeover" episode, complete with pole-dancing lessons, with your dentist while he drills your teeth.
6/12/07
Disillusionment
Still pissed about not having a job. I felt as if salt were being rubbed in the wounds at barbri today when I heard others speaking of their overpaid salaries at their big fancy firms, and who is taking what exotic trip where.
I am not taking any exotic trips anywhere. Why? Because I can't fucking afford it. Because going to law school and paying for child care with three kids leaves me pretty damn broke. And I don't have a big cushy salary to look forward to. I don't have any salary to look forward to. And even it I did, it would not be of the enormous 6-figure variety that some of my classmates will be earning. I'll be lucky to earn half the big-firm salary we were all led to believe was imminent when we entered law school.
I'll admit that most of the time I put on a good game face. I say that I would never want a big firm job--I want to see my children grow up, I don't want a billable hour requirement. And for the most part, that is true. But to earn 35-40% of what some of my classmates are earning is just stomach-turning. And to not have a job at all, well it leaves me with little incentive to study for the damn bar.
And that leads me to whine (again) about why I am not employable when I am willing to work for such a ridiculously low salary. I graduated from a good school. I had good grades. I have great experience. I have terrific references. On its face, my resume looks great. So why can't I even get a fucking interview? I could understand if my less-than-charming personality cost me jobs post-interview. But why is no one even willing to give me an interview?
Hell, at this point I don't even have that many resumes out. I scour the job boards at least once a week, but nearly everything wants a minimum of 3 years experience. Seems like every firm out there wants to leech of someone else's training, and none want to put the effort into training their own associates. The only places taking new grads are big firms (who made their hiring decisions a year ago) and DA's offices, who won't hire until November.
Yep, I'm whiny and bitchy, but I think I deserve it after dropping $100K and 3 years of my life to not have a job.
I am not taking any exotic trips anywhere. Why? Because I can't fucking afford it. Because going to law school and paying for child care with three kids leaves me pretty damn broke. And I don't have a big cushy salary to look forward to. I don't have any salary to look forward to. And even it I did, it would not be of the enormous 6-figure variety that some of my classmates will be earning. I'll be lucky to earn half the big-firm salary we were all led to believe was imminent when we entered law school.
I'll admit that most of the time I put on a good game face. I say that I would never want a big firm job--I want to see my children grow up, I don't want a billable hour requirement. And for the most part, that is true. But to earn 35-40% of what some of my classmates are earning is just stomach-turning. And to not have a job at all, well it leaves me with little incentive to study for the damn bar.
And that leads me to whine (again) about why I am not employable when I am willing to work for such a ridiculously low salary. I graduated from a good school. I had good grades. I have great experience. I have terrific references. On its face, my resume looks great. So why can't I even get a fucking interview? I could understand if my less-than-charming personality cost me jobs post-interview. But why is no one even willing to give me an interview?
Hell, at this point I don't even have that many resumes out. I scour the job boards at least once a week, but nearly everything wants a minimum of 3 years experience. Seems like every firm out there wants to leech of someone else's training, and none want to put the effort into training their own associates. The only places taking new grads are big firms (who made their hiring decisions a year ago) and DA's offices, who won't hire until November.
Yep, I'm whiny and bitchy, but I think I deserve it after dropping $100K and 3 years of my life to not have a job.
6/10/07
Updates on Life
I finally got a rental car, and I had to be a real bitch to get it. There still has not been an insurance adjuster out to look at my car. You would think that since they are now incurring the daily cost of a car rental it would make them move a little faster. Apparently not. I think that on Monday I will file a complaint with the Office of Insurance in Arkansas. By then it will have been 12 days and that is entirely too long for them to sit on their asses.
We sent PS to Hometown to stay with my grandparents for a while. All of DH's and my family is there, so she will see lots of her relatives and be spoiled rotten. I think it is good for her to get away from her sisters and get a little individual attention. We'll go get her when she gets homesick.
Meanwhile, it is so much quieter around here. Two kids are 1000 times easier than three kids. It doesn't matter which kid I get rid of, two are always easier. But the twins play especially well together. They have become the portrait of what one expects 5 year old twin sisters to be. They put their heads together and giggle, hold hands and dance. They can get away with a lot because they are so darn cute.
Finally barbri. Yes, I am behind. Between last week's trip to NMBC, dealing with the car wreck, and the sick kid last weekend I got miserably far behind. I will spend all day today catching up, and I think by mid-week I will be back on track. Hopefully we will have no more major events the rest of the summer.
We sent PS to Hometown to stay with my grandparents for a while. All of DH's and my family is there, so she will see lots of her relatives and be spoiled rotten. I think it is good for her to get away from her sisters and get a little individual attention. We'll go get her when she gets homesick.
Meanwhile, it is so much quieter around here. Two kids are 1000 times easier than three kids. It doesn't matter which kid I get rid of, two are always easier. But the twins play especially well together. They have become the portrait of what one expects 5 year old twin sisters to be. They put their heads together and giggle, hold hands and dance. They can get away with a lot because they are so darn cute.
Finally barbri. Yes, I am behind. Between last week's trip to NMBC, dealing with the car wreck, and the sick kid last weekend I got miserably far behind. I will spend all day today catching up, and I think by mid-week I will be back on track. Hopefully we will have no more major events the rest of the summer.
6/7/07
The Interview from Hell
So I drove in for my interview with NMBC DA's office. They failed to warn me ahead of time that 1) it was a group interview and 2) that it was really more of an audition than in interview.
I walked in and was seated at the foot of a T with 8 lawyers seated at the top, and two more along the sides. Then I was told to pretend that they were my jury on a DUI and I had three questions--go! I actually think I did ok with that part. They let me go on for quite a while and I got way more than 3 questions in. Surely they would have shut me down sooner if I were doing a really terrible job--right?
Next, they gave me a hypo: If I were an ADA doing intake and an officer called from the field, whom should I tell him to charge in this situation--He pulls a car over for speeding. Sees a bag in the backseat with a baggie sticking out (A-ha, I think, there is a search issue here). No problems with the search, because that makes it too easy (Dangit.) Driver says it is the passenger's, passenger says it is the driver's.
I said, charge both. Oh no, they say, you can only charge one. But I would charge both--you can charge both with possession. Oh, but you have to pick one, they say. Well, the driver is in control of the car and should know what is in it. OK, they say--the driver borrowed his sister's car. Well (since that can of worms has already been opened) continue searching the bag for further identifying info. Ok, they say, nothing revealing, in fact it has women's gym clothes in it. Separate and interrogate, I say. They say, but they won't change their story. Charge both, I say, and the truth will eventually come out.
And then one of the group of ten lays into me, as if she is crossing me (I think that she does not like me for some reason, but I don't think I have done anything offensive). Don't you think it is wrong to charge someone if you don't know they did it, she says? (Umm, not really--people get charged all the time, you drop the charges if there is insufficient evidence to go forward.) What if they didn't even know it was there, she says? I say, well, if it was in plain sight for the officer to have a legal search, the people in the car should have seen it. Would you know coke if you saw it, she says? I do not know how to repond to this and simply stare at her dumbfounded. (I don't believe I have ever seen coke up close and personally, but I'm pretty darn sure I would recognize it if I did.) Finally, I am rescued and that line of questioning is brought to a close.
Oh, but then there is the big finale. "Give us a 1-2 minute closing argument about why we should hire you." Seriously?? But I did it--I don't even really remember what I said, but I am sure that it was laced with plenty of cheese about how awesome I am. At least a few looked semi-impressed when I was done.
I was told it would be at least a month before I hear anything from them. Honestly, I don't even give a flying flip whether I get this job or not. I don't really want to move to that city and their whole hiring process--since my first interview nearly 9 months ago--has been completely ridiculous. If the rest of their organization is run that way, it doesn't paint it in a very favorable light.
P.S. I emailed a friend who is an ADA and she told me she would have charged them both--ha!
I walked in and was seated at the foot of a T with 8 lawyers seated at the top, and two more along the sides. Then I was told to pretend that they were my jury on a DUI and I had three questions--go! I actually think I did ok with that part. They let me go on for quite a while and I got way more than 3 questions in. Surely they would have shut me down sooner if I were doing a really terrible job--right?
Next, they gave me a hypo: If I were an ADA doing intake and an officer called from the field, whom should I tell him to charge in this situation--He pulls a car over for speeding. Sees a bag in the backseat with a baggie sticking out (A-ha, I think, there is a search issue here). No problems with the search, because that makes it too easy (Dangit.) Driver says it is the passenger's, passenger says it is the driver's.
I said, charge both. Oh no, they say, you can only charge one. But I would charge both--you can charge both with possession. Oh, but you have to pick one, they say. Well, the driver is in control of the car and should know what is in it. OK, they say--the driver borrowed his sister's car. Well (since that can of worms has already been opened) continue searching the bag for further identifying info. Ok, they say, nothing revealing, in fact it has women's gym clothes in it. Separate and interrogate, I say. They say, but they won't change their story. Charge both, I say, and the truth will eventually come out.
And then one of the group of ten lays into me, as if she is crossing me (I think that she does not like me for some reason, but I don't think I have done anything offensive). Don't you think it is wrong to charge someone if you don't know they did it, she says? (Umm, not really--people get charged all the time, you drop the charges if there is insufficient evidence to go forward.) What if they didn't even know it was there, she says? I say, well, if it was in plain sight for the officer to have a legal search, the people in the car should have seen it. Would you know coke if you saw it, she says? I do not know how to repond to this and simply stare at her dumbfounded. (I don't believe I have ever seen coke up close and personally, but I'm pretty darn sure I would recognize it if I did.) Finally, I am rescued and that line of questioning is brought to a close.
Oh, but then there is the big finale. "Give us a 1-2 minute closing argument about why we should hire you." Seriously?? But I did it--I don't even really remember what I said, but I am sure that it was laced with plenty of cheese about how awesome I am. At least a few looked semi-impressed when I was done.
I was told it would be at least a month before I hear anything from them. Honestly, I don't even give a flying flip whether I get this job or not. I don't really want to move to that city and their whole hiring process--since my first interview nearly 9 months ago--has been completely ridiculous. If the rest of their organization is run that way, it doesn't paint it in a very favorable light.
P.S. I emailed a friend who is an ADA and she told me she would have charged them both--ha!
6/2/07
When it rains it pours.
Seriously--why can't we ever deal with just one crisis at a time? It seems like every time the shit starts hitting the fan around here that we just get more and more thrown at us.
When we got home last night PS wasn't feeling well. Her head and eyes hurt, her tummy felt swimmy, and she had a fever. In my almost 9 years as a mom I have learned tummy problems = viral and there usually isn't much that can be done. Besides it was 6:00 on a Friday night. So I did my best to make her comfortable and let her rest.
This morning I knew she needed to see a doc. I haven't seen her this sick in a long time. Of course, I had barbri this morning and we are down to one car. DH and the girls dropped me at barbri and took PS to the doc. I called during my first break and found that PS was being given IV fluids for dehydration. At that moment I felt like the Bad Mommy of the Year. What kind of mom goes to class when her baby is getting a giant needle stuck in her arm? I tried to argue with myself logically. I needed to attend this lecture because it was material that I have never had before. Besides, Daddy was there, and to my kids Dad is really just as good as mom. And DH has missed tons of medical procedures that I have attended. And I am a modern career woman and it is just as appropriate to allow Dad to deal with this kind of thing as me. Aren't I prepetuating a 1950's sterotype by thinking that moms should be the ones to deal with medical stuff and dads are incapable? That is insulting to both DH and me. But I still felt like I should have been there.
So the doc decided she has an enterovirus, which is a precursor to viral meningitis. The only way to tell if it is meningitis is to do a spinal tap, and he (and we) did not want to go there at this point. And she's highly contagious. This is especially bad because SS (aka pneumonia-girl) catches everything and tends to not be able to shake things off easily.
Oh yes, and I made a non-refundable hotel reservation (just had to save that 10%) for my interview with NMBC DA's office next week. (Because it is a gov't position and they aren't actually going to pay for me to come to them.) We decided to take the whole family so they could decided if they could live in that city. I don't need a hotel if it is just me--I could make the drive there and back in one day. Arggghh.
Fortunately, by this evening PS has perked up enough to watch Harry Potter and eat a bit. Now if we can just keep the rest of us from getting it.
When we got home last night PS wasn't feeling well. Her head and eyes hurt, her tummy felt swimmy, and she had a fever. In my almost 9 years as a mom I have learned tummy problems = viral and there usually isn't much that can be done. Besides it was 6:00 on a Friday night. So I did my best to make her comfortable and let her rest.
This morning I knew she needed to see a doc. I haven't seen her this sick in a long time. Of course, I had barbri this morning and we are down to one car. DH and the girls dropped me at barbri and took PS to the doc. I called during my first break and found that PS was being given IV fluids for dehydration. At that moment I felt like the Bad Mommy of the Year. What kind of mom goes to class when her baby is getting a giant needle stuck in her arm? I tried to argue with myself logically. I needed to attend this lecture because it was material that I have never had before. Besides, Daddy was there, and to my kids Dad is really just as good as mom. And DH has missed tons of medical procedures that I have attended. And I am a modern career woman and it is just as appropriate to allow Dad to deal with this kind of thing as me. Aren't I prepetuating a 1950's sterotype by thinking that moms should be the ones to deal with medical stuff and dads are incapable? That is insulting to both DH and me. But I still felt like I should have been there.
So the doc decided she has an enterovirus, which is a precursor to viral meningitis. The only way to tell if it is meningitis is to do a spinal tap, and he (and we) did not want to go there at this point. And she's highly contagious. This is especially bad because SS (aka pneumonia-girl) catches everything and tends to not be able to shake things off easily.
Oh yes, and I made a non-refundable hotel reservation (just had to save that 10%) for my interview with NMBC DA's office next week. (Because it is a gov't position and they aren't actually going to pay for me to come to them.) We decided to take the whole family so they could decided if they could live in that city. I don't need a hotel if it is just me--I could make the drive there and back in one day. Arggghh.
Fortunately, by this evening PS has perked up enough to watch Harry Potter and eat a bit. Now if we can just keep the rest of us from getting it.
6/1/07
The rumors are true
So the guy that hit me is from Arkansas--and so is his insurance company. They are being a total PITA. Two days later, I still have no rental car and no idea when my car will be repaired. They called my insurance company and got DH's work number, which I had declined to give them (yes, I am royally PO'd at my own insurance co.), and told him that he needed to get 2 estimates, take digital pictures and fax it all over. Ummm, no. I do not have time to run the damn car all over town getting estimates--especially since it can't be driven w/o more damage--and it's not my job to take pictures for them.
So I call them to tell them this. The girl to whom I am speaking said, "Wait a minute, honey, I am only the sec-a-tary, I'm just tellin' you what I am supposed to." To which I responded that it was inappropriate to call me honey, and that she needed to put someone on the phone who could do something. "Well, I'm the only one who knows anything about your case." But you just said you were the secretary. "Well, the adjuster isn't here in this office, until next Thursday--she is over in the [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office]." So you're telling me that nothing is going to happen until next week? I need your supervisor. Supervisor is on the phone. He is the agent. He can't do a damn thing but tell me to call [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office] and talk to Bert. Bert isn't there and didn't bother to return my call today.
I'm getting pissed and about to go lawyer on them. Don't they realize that I am just looking for an excuse to sue somebody and they providing more than adequate incentive? Bastards.
So I call them to tell them this. The girl to whom I am speaking said, "Wait a minute, honey, I am only the sec-a-tary, I'm just tellin' you what I am supposed to." To which I responded that it was inappropriate to call me honey, and that she needed to put someone on the phone who could do something. "Well, I'm the only one who knows anything about your case." But you just said you were the secretary. "Well, the adjuster isn't here in this office, until next Thursday--she is over in the [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office]." So you're telling me that nothing is going to happen until next week? I need your supervisor. Supervisor is on the phone. He is the agent. He can't do a damn thing but tell me to call [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office] and talk to Bert. Bert isn't there and didn't bother to return my call today.
I'm getting pissed and about to go lawyer on them. Don't they realize that I am just looking for an excuse to sue somebody and they providing more than adequate incentive? Bastards.
5/30/07
Bar Prep Day 8:Crazy day
Sat through the second property lecture today. Property Prof sounds like Paul Harvey. Day 3 is tomorrow, but I have to skip b/c it is Kindergarten Graduation and also PS has her awards ceremony. Unfortunately, the make-up is not until next week, and I don't know how that is going to impact my study schedule.
When I got home yesterday I had a message from NMBC DA's office. I have an interview next week. I'm not sure if I am excited or not. I had sort of written them off since it had been over 2 months since they requested my updated resume. I'm still not sure I want to live there, and at this point the stress of what would be involved to move is too overwhelming to think about. Nevertheless, I told them I was still interested and am heading there next week. I decided to bring hubby and kids along so they can check out the city and decide if they could handle living there.
More interestingly, when I emailed my old boss at the DA's office where I interned, he cryptically hinted that there could be an opening soon. I did not see that as a possibility, and I doubt I can pull any more info our of him. I hope that I am not reading something that is not there, because I would love to work there and I wouldn't even have to move.
To wrap up my crazy day, I got rear-ended in the Clown Car coming home this evening. No serious injuries, but the hit was hard enough to break the teeth off the clip that was in my hair. My neck and back are sore. And I totally needed the stress of dealing with insurance and getting the car fixed right now. Oh yeah, and the guy is from out-of-state and his insurance card expired three days ago. I'm sure this is going to be fun to settle.
When I got home yesterday I had a message from NMBC DA's office. I have an interview next week. I'm not sure if I am excited or not. I had sort of written them off since it had been over 2 months since they requested my updated resume. I'm still not sure I want to live there, and at this point the stress of what would be involved to move is too overwhelming to think about. Nevertheless, I told them I was still interested and am heading there next week. I decided to bring hubby and kids along so they can check out the city and decide if they could handle living there.
More interestingly, when I emailed my old boss at the DA's office where I interned, he cryptically hinted that there could be an opening soon. I did not see that as a possibility, and I doubt I can pull any more info our of him. I hope that I am not reading something that is not there, because I would love to work there and I wouldn't even have to move.
To wrap up my crazy day, I got rear-ended in the Clown Car coming home this evening. No serious injuries, but the hit was hard enough to break the teeth off the clip that was in my hair. My neck and back are sore. And I totally needed the stress of dealing with insurance and getting the car fixed right now. Oh yeah, and the guy is from out-of-state and his insurance card expired three days ago. I'm sure this is going to be fun to settle.
5/27/07
Bar Prep: Day 6--I need essay help
Still working on contracts--not doing great. I'm averaging about 63% on barbri's MBE's and 53% on pmbr's MBE's. Definitely need to spend some more time with contracts (which was always my least favorite subject.)
I did my first essay outline. How the heck are you supposed to self-grade these things?? There is a model answer, but I think that a checklist of points with some idea of what is needed to pass would be very helpful. I hit most of the main points, but there were a few that I missed--would it be good enough on the real thing?
I turned to Google to guidance. The Google Gods disappointed and I didn't find anything to help me. I did, however, find several older blogs that indicated that barbri used to grade practice essays for you. Most seemed to be in California. So I don't know if it was a CA thing only, or something that barbri is just not doing anymore. (The blogs indicated that barbri was having trouble keeping up with grading the essays.)
In any event, I really expected a little more guidance from barbri on the essays, since they make up 40% of the grade here. I am not in a state that allows you to pass based on a great MBE score. And essay's have never been my strong suit--I always do better on multiple choice exams. So I'm freaking out a little that I am completely left to my own judgment to determine if my practice essays are good enough. There is an essay writing workshop at some point, but it's still at least a couple of weeks away. I hate to wait too long since the essays are so important on this test.
I did my first essay outline. How the heck are you supposed to self-grade these things?? There is a model answer, but I think that a checklist of points with some idea of what is needed to pass would be very helpful. I hit most of the main points, but there were a few that I missed--would it be good enough on the real thing?
I turned to Google to guidance. The Google Gods disappointed and I didn't find anything to help me. I did, however, find several older blogs that indicated that barbri used to grade practice essays for you. Most seemed to be in California. So I don't know if it was a CA thing only, or something that barbri is just not doing anymore. (The blogs indicated that barbri was having trouble keeping up with grading the essays.)
In any event, I really expected a little more guidance from barbri on the essays, since they make up 40% of the grade here. I am not in a state that allows you to pass based on a great MBE score. And essay's have never been my strong suit--I always do better on multiple choice exams. So I'm freaking out a little that I am completely left to my own judgment to determine if my practice essays are good enough. There is an essay writing workshop at some point, but it's still at least a couple of weeks away. I hate to wait too long since the essays are so important on this test.
5/24/07
Bar Prep: Day 3
Started Contracts today. I'm glad I took UCC 2. I felt comfortable with everything we covered today, even though I never made it through all the reading last night. Unfortunately, I think we covered the easy stuff today and the more difficult stuff is coming tomorrow.
After class I did 25 PMBR questions and barely cleared 50%. Most of what I missed was stuff that was not covered today. I reviewed today's lecture and did more of the reading that was supposed to be done for today.
Tonight I still need to finish my K reading and do the intermediate level Evidence questions that I did not get to last night.
So far I am averaging 3 hours of study at school after bar/bri and 3 hours at home at night. I don't know how anybody who works does it--I feel like I don't have enough time without a job. It doesn't help that I am spending at least 3 hours a day commuting.
After class I did 25 PMBR questions and barely cleared 50%. Most of what I missed was stuff that was not covered today. I reviewed today's lecture and did more of the reading that was supposed to be done for today.
Tonight I still need to finish my K reading and do the intermediate level Evidence questions that I did not get to last night.
So far I am averaging 3 hours of study at school after bar/bri and 3 hours at home at night. I don't know how anybody who works does it--I feel like I don't have enough time without a job. It doesn't help that I am spending at least 3 hours a day commuting.
5/23/07
This Makes Me Feel So Much Better
Bar Exam Stats via A girl "works" a bar (exam) pole
I am suddenly much happier with the 66% averages I have been scoring in my first week of bar study.
I am suddenly much happier with the 66% averages I have been scoring in my first week of bar study.
Bar Prep: Day 2
Had to drive myself today because I had an orthodontist appointment. For some reason today was more tolerable than yesterday, even though we are still on evidence. Evidence Prof looks like Jason Bateman.
Came home, had lunch, worked the short drill in the bar/bri book. Checked my answers, but didn't have time to review before my appointment.
Had my ortho consult where I got my treatment plan and the cost of it all. I am going into a TMJ splint for a couple of months before actual orthodontics. Because of the TMJ my mouth only opens to 26 mm and 35 mm is considered quite limited. (I'm sure DH will be glad when I get that little problem fixed.) The ortho though the TMJ splint was a good idea since I will inevitably be clenching a lot (which aggravates the TMJ) over the next couple of months. Also, I just wasn't sure I could deal with having braces put on in the middle of all of the bar stress.
Braces = $7200. I nearly fell out of my chair. My internet research had led me to believe it would be closer to $5K. There is a $600 surcharge because I want the clear ceramic braces--but I was expecting that. Fortunately I can put that expense off (hopefully until I am gainfully employed). The TMJ splint is a mere $600. The insurance will not cover any of the orthodontics, but they should pick up part of the TMJ stuff.
Came home, picked up the girls and took Bob to have his stitches out. (He had the big snip-snip a couple of weeks ago.)
Finally back home, threw dinner in the over, sat down to check email.
I still have a lot of work to do before tomorrow--I think bar/bri has assigned another 70 MBE questions, plus I have to review tomorrow's outline. I am trying to do PMBR questions every night, but I'm not sure that is going to happen tonight.
I did not sleep well last night. I was worried that I didn't study enough yesterday. So far I am averaging 66% on my practice questions. I'm thinking this is not good, but a couple of other blogs have indicated that even lower scores are expected when just starting, so maybe it's not too bad.
Came home, had lunch, worked the short drill in the bar/bri book. Checked my answers, but didn't have time to review before my appointment.
Had my ortho consult where I got my treatment plan and the cost of it all. I am going into a TMJ splint for a couple of months before actual orthodontics. Because of the TMJ my mouth only opens to 26 mm and 35 mm is considered quite limited. (I'm sure DH will be glad when I get that little problem fixed.) The ortho though the TMJ splint was a good idea since I will inevitably be clenching a lot (which aggravates the TMJ) over the next couple of months. Also, I just wasn't sure I could deal with having braces put on in the middle of all of the bar stress.
Braces = $7200. I nearly fell out of my chair. My internet research had led me to believe it would be closer to $5K. There is a $600 surcharge because I want the clear ceramic braces--but I was expecting that. Fortunately I can put that expense off (hopefully until I am gainfully employed). The TMJ splint is a mere $600. The insurance will not cover any of the orthodontics, but they should pick up part of the TMJ stuff.
Came home, picked up the girls and took Bob to have his stitches out. (He had the big snip-snip a couple of weeks ago.)
Finally back home, threw dinner in the over, sat down to check email.
I still have a lot of work to do before tomorrow--I think bar/bri has assigned another 70 MBE questions, plus I have to review tomorrow's outline. I am trying to do PMBR questions every night, but I'm not sure that is going to happen tonight.
I did not sleep well last night. I was worried that I didn't study enough yesterday. So far I am averaging 66% on my practice questions. I'm thinking this is not good, but a couple of other blogs have indicated that even lower scores are expected when just starting, so maybe it's not too bad.
5/22/07
Bar Prep: Day 1
I was a little worried about logistics today, but everything worked out ok. DH and I are commuting together--I drop him off then park at the nearby train station and take the train downtown to bar/bri. We had to get the kids up and out the door by 7:30--a half hour earlier than usual. The Behemoth is stuck in the garage and we are driving the Clown Car--the tiny fuel efficient car that we bought for a commuter car. We call it the Clown Car because we look ridiculous when we have the whole family stuffed inside. But the Clown Car will cost about 1/3 what the Behemoth costs to drive, and with rising gas prices, the savings is significant for our 60 mile daily commute. I don't even know what it costs to fill the Behemoth any more because the pump cuts me off at $75. But I digress.
Bar/bri sucks, just like I knew it would. It is long and boring. But our location is one of the more interesting ones. It is essentially a bar, decked out in an Old West theme.
After bar/bri, I had lunch with DH and headed to school to study until he got off work. I kept nodding off. This is not looking good.
Hung out w/ the girls for a while this evening and then worked PMBR questions. I thought I was doing really well. Then I checked my answers.
My life looks bleak through the end of July.
Bar/bri sucks, just like I knew it would. It is long and boring. But our location is one of the more interesting ones. It is essentially a bar, decked out in an Old West theme.
After bar/bri, I had lunch with DH and headed to school to study until he got off work. I kept nodding off. This is not looking good.
Hung out w/ the girls for a while this evening and then worked PMBR questions. I thought I was doing really well. Then I checked my answers.
My life looks bleak through the end of July.
5/21/07
Last Day of Freedom
Registered for bar/bri today and picked up my 40 lbs of books.
Went to the stationery store and bought lovely pink and brown Crane thank you notes.
Had lunch w/ DH.
Returned my diploma so that it can be inscribed with the correct honors (I did not want to let it go and they said it would be 8-10 weeks.)
Went to the used book store and brought home a huge sack full of books. I went in for a particular book that I have already started. I had borrowed it from the library, but it stinks so badly of cigarette smoke that I can't stand to read it without my head stopping up. So I bought it used (and sniffed it before my purchase.) All the others were on clearance--I spent a whopping $11. Apparently I have deluded myself into thinking that I will actually have time to read and study for the bar. Not really, I just needed something lite for the 15 minutes a night before I pass out in bed.
Spent an hour piddling around SuperTarget before finally picking up a few groceries and the cotton balls the twins were supposed to have in by today for some sort of mystery project. I heart Target.
Picked the girlies up from school.
Unloaded the groceries, cotton balls and now 60 lbs. of books from the car. Fixed the girls' snacks. Retired to the recliner with my laptop and a Diet D.P.
Still need to:
Make sure I know how to get from the train station to the bar/bri place tomorrow.
Make dinner.
Attend tonight's school board meeting where PS will be recognized b/c her PTA art submission made it to the state level.
Review for tomorrow's bar/bri lecture.
Start to put the house back together because it hasn't been touched since company left yesterday.
Do a couple of loads of laundry before we all run out of underwear. (Laundry is the bane of my existence and I will never be caught up.)
Start writing thank you notes.
[Edited because while the store is stationary, I went there to buy stationery.]
Went to the stationery store and bought lovely pink and brown Crane thank you notes.
Had lunch w/ DH.
Returned my diploma so that it can be inscribed with the correct honors (I did not want to let it go and they said it would be 8-10 weeks.)
Went to the used book store and brought home a huge sack full of books. I went in for a particular book that I have already started. I had borrowed it from the library, but it stinks so badly of cigarette smoke that I can't stand to read it without my head stopping up. So I bought it used (and sniffed it before my purchase.) All the others were on clearance--I spent a whopping $11. Apparently I have deluded myself into thinking that I will actually have time to read and study for the bar. Not really, I just needed something lite for the 15 minutes a night before I pass out in bed.
Spent an hour piddling around SuperTarget before finally picking up a few groceries and the cotton balls the twins were supposed to have in by today for some sort of mystery project. I heart Target.
Picked the girlies up from school.
Unloaded the groceries, cotton balls and now 60 lbs. of books from the car. Fixed the girls' snacks. Retired to the recliner with my laptop and a Diet D.P.
Still need to:
Make sure I know how to get from the train station to the bar/bri place tomorrow.
Make dinner.
Attend tonight's school board meeting where PS will be recognized b/c her PTA art submission made it to the state level.
Review for tomorrow's bar/bri lecture.
Start to put the house back together because it hasn't been touched since company left yesterday.
Do a couple of loads of laundry before we all run out of underwear. (Laundry is the bane of my existence and I will never be caught up.)
Start writing thank you notes.
[Edited because while the store is stationary, I went there to buy stationery.]
I got my cum laude!!!!!
I didn't think it was going to happen. I'm still not sure what powers that be made it happen, but I can't even express how thrilled I was when I arrived for the hooding ceremony and was given my honor cord. I think that alone has bumped me out of the depression I have been wallowing in for the last couple of weeks.
The graduation weekend went much better than I anticipated. The in-laws flew in late Thursday. DH had work and the girls had school on Friday so I spent the day hanging out with them. We went shopping and out to lunch.
On Saturday we had our lunch/party. I went out Saturday morning to get my nails done and was surprised to find my dad at my house when I returned. He spent the whole day with us, even though all of my inlaws were here. That is major for my dad, because tends to be very anti-social. He went out with DH to pick up the barbecue we had ordered and paid for it. Also major, because my dad is not one to spend freely. He gave me more money than I ever would have anticipated and told me I was to spend it on something significant and only on myself. I have no idea what to do with it.
And my dad told me he was proud of me. I think this is the first time in my life I have ever met his expectations. My dad has always set a very high bar for me, and even when I did well, it was never quite enough. I finally did enough, and graduating with honors was the icing on the cake.
The graduation weekend went much better than I anticipated. The in-laws flew in late Thursday. DH had work and the girls had school on Friday so I spent the day hanging out with them. We went shopping and out to lunch.
On Saturday we had our lunch/party. I went out Saturday morning to get my nails done and was surprised to find my dad at my house when I returned. He spent the whole day with us, even though all of my inlaws were here. That is major for my dad, because tends to be very anti-social. He went out with DH to pick up the barbecue we had ordered and paid for it. Also major, because my dad is not one to spend freely. He gave me more money than I ever would have anticipated and told me I was to spend it on something significant and only on myself. I have no idea what to do with it.
And my dad told me he was proud of me. I think this is the first time in my life I have ever met his expectations. My dad has always set a very high bar for me, and even when I did well, it was never quite enough. I finally did enough, and graduating with honors was the icing on the cake.
5/16/07
It's really gonna happen
On a whim today I checked my grades. Since it usually takes about 6 weeks to get grades, I wasn't expecting anything yet--I figured it would be 5:00 Friday night before I knew for sure whether I would really be graduating. But lo and behold, every single one of my grades were in. So the good news is that I am definitely graduating. And the bad news is that I got a big fat C in Con Law. My lowest grade ever (and quite possibly the lowest grade my school even hands out.) I'm a little disappointed because I spent a lot of time preparing for that exam, but at least I have a good excuse. The rest of my grades were average to good and my GPA didn't change much, so I guess that is a good thing. Anyway, that's it, the end. I'll get my very expensive piece of paper on Saturday so who the hell cares about grades? (Oh yeah, all those potential employers.)
Congrats to me
Despite my whining, I have a fair number of people planning to attend my graduation. My inlaws, SIL, and her hubby are flying in tomorrow night. Other SIL, her hubby and kids are already in the area (he's an insurance guy and goes where disaster strikes), so they will be here. My aunt is coming in and attending with my uncle who lives in the area. DH went behind my back and invited my dad and grandparents. That led to a big fight, but my dad is coming and my grandparents are not. I don't know if my dad is coming of his own volition or because DH guilted him into it. My mom called and said that she wanted to come and that she would need us to pick her up from the airport and she wanted to say a few days. (Remember, this is the woman I barely speak to.) I told her that I really did not want her here, I thought that she only wanted to be here to keep up appearances in front of her family and my inlaws, and that my house was already full because my inlaws are staying here.
So, since most of these people are coming in from out of town, I sort of felt like we needed some sort of get-together besides the graduation. (And I was getting phone calls asking if we had anything planned.) We considered just going to dinner afterward, but my graduation is at 6:30 and it would get pretty late. So, we are having a lunch/party here before graduation.
I am a little irritated with DH because he has done nothing to plan this little event. So in addition to cleaning house today, I am ordering the food, making the shopping list, and ordering a cake. It just feels wrong to order your own graduation cake. I let him off the hook on Mother's Day telling him that all I wanted was to have portraits done of the girls. Has he booked that--no, he'll leave it to me. I don't think he realizes that relieving me of the planning and details is part of the gift. Nor does he realize that you can't wait until the last minute to do these things.
On top of all this (and probably the reason I sound so bitchy), I still feel like crap. I felt better the last two days, and then I woke again today full of snot. My body hurts and it's hard to breathe. Do you feel sorry for me yet? Yes I am a big baby.
So, since most of these people are coming in from out of town, I sort of felt like we needed some sort of get-together besides the graduation. (And I was getting phone calls asking if we had anything planned.) We considered just going to dinner afterward, but my graduation is at 6:30 and it would get pretty late. So, we are having a lunch/party here before graduation.
I am a little irritated with DH because he has done nothing to plan this little event. So in addition to cleaning house today, I am ordering the food, making the shopping list, and ordering a cake. It just feels wrong to order your own graduation cake. I let him off the hook on Mother's Day telling him that all I wanted was to have portraits done of the girls. Has he booked that--no, he'll leave it to me. I don't think he realizes that relieving me of the planning and details is part of the gift. Nor does he realize that you can't wait until the last minute to do these things.
On top of all this (and probably the reason I sound so bitchy), I still feel like crap. I felt better the last two days, and then I woke again today full of snot. My body hurts and it's hard to breathe. Do you feel sorry for me yet? Yes I am a big baby.
5/13/07
How I became a mom, Part 3
Part 1 and Part 2 are below.
That evening, things got a little better. My husband had found the website for the TTTS Foundation and emailed them. Mary from the foundation called me and discussed my diagnosis. She explained exactly what was going on and what I could do to help my babies. Basically my babies were connected through their shared placenta. One was taking all of the blood and nutrients from the other. This was bad for both babies, because the “donor” who was giving all of the blood to the “recipient” was likely to be undernourished. The “recipient” was getting too much for her little heart to deal with and was subject to heart failure. Furthermore, the recipient who was getting so much blood and nourishment would urinate more, creating too much amniotic fluid, putting the bag of waters at risk of rupturing. The donor¸ who was not receiving enough nutrition was not urinating, and had very little amniotic fluid, also a dangerous situation.
Mary told me that I needed to be on bed rest, so that as much of my blood as possible was going to my babies, and to drink Ensure, to give my babies extra protein. She also discussed treatment options with me. The only two realistic options were amniotic fluid reductions and in-utero laser surgery. The laser surgery basically blasted away all of the connections that the babies shared so that they could no longer send nutrients back and forth. This was considered experimental by many, in fact my peri considered the whole concept ridiculous, and I did not know if my insurance would cover it. Also it is only performed in four hospitals in the US, none anywhere near me. The second option was amniotic fluid reductions. It is the same thing as an amniocentesis, in which a long needle is inserted into the belly and through the uterus, except that much more fluid is drawn off. This basically only treats one of the symptoms of TTTS, not the cause as is the case of the laser surgery. Both treatments had similar outcomes, although the amniotic fluid reductions could be done almost anywhere. Mary also recommended that I have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the changes in my babies, since things could progress very quickly.
That night I saw my OB and he confirmed the grim statistics that I had already discovered. He admitted that he had not seen a case of TTTS with a positive outcome and told me that it was now in God’s hands. I appreciated his honesty. He did not know much about the laser surgery, but promised to look into it and to support me in whatever treatment option I choose. He sent me home from the hospital that night, on bed rest, knowing that I needed to be with my family now, and fearing that I would have many days ahead of me in the hospital.
The next day I contacted one of the surgeons who performed the laser surgery. He repeated much of the information I had already heard from Mary. He told me what to watch for and what to ask my doctors to determine the severity of my condition. When I saw my peri the next time I tried to ask him those questions and discuss treatment options. He told me that fluid reductions were the only option he would consider and did not answer my questions. He also did not think weekly ultrasounds were necessary, despite the fact that there had been significant change between the last two appointments. I immediately resolved to find a new peri.
I contacted the surgeon once again and he put me in touch with a local peri that he had worked with in the past. She was wonderful. She was a mom of twins herself and had a much better understanding of what I was going through. She sat down and explained everything to me as my previous peri had not done. She also told me that our goal would be to get to 35 weeks. It is rare for TTTS babies to make it to term because it is often safer for them to be delivered early than to remain inside the womb. Once we hit 28 weeks, when the babies would have a good chance of survival, she would monitor whether the babies were better off inside or out. Of course there was always the chance that my membranes would rupture from the extra fluid.
I had an ultrasound that day, and she immediately called the laser surgeon to discuss the results. Together they determined that I did not yet need treatment, but that I would have weekly monitoring and it could become a possibility in the future. Meanwhile I contacted my insurance about paying for the surgery, should it become necessary. They had already assigned me a caseworker, since I had been hospitalized so many times, and she began gathering data about the surgery. It would have to go before a board to be approved.
The next week I saw my peri again. Things had changed the “recipient’ had way too much fluid, and it could start causing problems. My peri and the surgeon decided to go ahead with an amniotic fluid reduction. Since discordant fluid was the only symptom I was currently showing, it seemed the most logical route. I thought they would bring me back the next day for the fluid reduction, but she was going to do it right then, in her office.
I had never had an amniocentesis before because I had been too scared. Now I had no choice and no time to prepare. I laid on my back with my belly poking in the air as the doctor swabbed it with iodine. Then came the biggest needle I had ever seen. I had had plenty of experience with needles at this point, but I was terrified of this one. When she inserted the needle I only felt a little prick as it when through the skin. But when it went through my uterus, I started contracting. It was only a mild contraction, a reaction to the needle, and it was over quickly, although there would be more to come throughout the procedure. The doctor drew the fluid out with a giant syringe, and then dumped it into a big plastic bottle, over and over again. Lying flat on my back I started to get dizzy. The doctor and her assistant had to roll me over and my husband shoved towels under my back, all while the needle was still sticking out of my belly. Finally after 20 minutes it was over. A few light contractions, but that was all. No big deal. The doctor wanted to see me again by the end of the week to make sure my fluid levels had not gone back up.
I ended up having three more fluid reductions over the next few weeks, at one time drawing out more than a half gallon of fluid. My doctor stayed in close contact with the surgeon, but they never determined that the laser surgery was necessary. Fortunately mine was a milder case of TTTS, and my girls never showed and heart problems or great growth discordance. Only the fluid was a problem, and it was treated by simply removing the excess. At 35 weeks into my pregnancy, my TTTS symptoms started to disappear. That magical 35 weeks, our original goal for delivering healthy babies, and it now looked like we were going to surpass it.
As it turned out, I went to 39 weeks, before I was finally induced. After all the worry and the bedrest, it seemed that my girls were perfectly happy where they were. My OB tried to start labor by breaking my bag of waters, that which had been so at risk for breaking on its own, which had been over-inflated and deflated again like a child’s balloon, which had been pricked over and over during the amniocentesis. The only problem was that my membranes wouldn’t rupture. I guess they had to have been made of tough stuff to have survived all they had already been through, and after several minutes of some discomfort, my OB finally gave up. Instead they started me on pitocin to start contractions. Every hour they raised the dose, but my contractions were neither hard nor productive.
After about 6 hours my OB tried to break the bag of waters again, finally success! I began to have steady contractions that were finally becoming painful. I held off getting an epidural because I didn’t want to slow down my labor. Finally after an hour the pain was intense and I wanted relief. The nurse called for the epidural without doing a cervical check, and by the time it was in, I was feeling real pressure. The nurse did a check and found I was at a 10 and ready to go. What’s more, one of the babies’ heart rates was dropping. I have never seen people move so fast.
They rushed me to an OR, where they delivered all twins. About two minutes and three pushes later, TT was out. I found out later that the doctor had used forceps to help pull her out because of her dropping heart rate. She was pale, but she cried soon, and after receiving fluids for a couple of hours, she was perfectly healthy. I didn’t have much time to think about her because SS was right on her heels.
We knew that SS was breech. The doctor was going to try to turn her around after I delivered TT. He called for the assistance of one of his associates, but before he could even get the words out, there was SS, feet first. And there I had my two beautiful little miracles. After a long physically and emotionally draining pregnancy, I had the easiest delivery that I could have wished for, and two beautiful, perfectly healthy babies.
That evening, things got a little better. My husband had found the website for the TTTS Foundation and emailed them. Mary from the foundation called me and discussed my diagnosis. She explained exactly what was going on and what I could do to help my babies. Basically my babies were connected through their shared placenta. One was taking all of the blood and nutrients from the other. This was bad for both babies, because the “donor” who was giving all of the blood to the “recipient” was likely to be undernourished. The “recipient” was getting too much for her little heart to deal with and was subject to heart failure. Furthermore, the recipient who was getting so much blood and nourishment would urinate more, creating too much amniotic fluid, putting the bag of waters at risk of rupturing. The donor¸ who was not receiving enough nutrition was not urinating, and had very little amniotic fluid, also a dangerous situation.
Mary told me that I needed to be on bed rest, so that as much of my blood as possible was going to my babies, and to drink Ensure, to give my babies extra protein. She also discussed treatment options with me. The only two realistic options were amniotic fluid reductions and in-utero laser surgery. The laser surgery basically blasted away all of the connections that the babies shared so that they could no longer send nutrients back and forth. This was considered experimental by many, in fact my peri considered the whole concept ridiculous, and I did not know if my insurance would cover it. Also it is only performed in four hospitals in the US, none anywhere near me. The second option was amniotic fluid reductions. It is the same thing as an amniocentesis, in which a long needle is inserted into the belly and through the uterus, except that much more fluid is drawn off. This basically only treats one of the symptoms of TTTS, not the cause as is the case of the laser surgery. Both treatments had similar outcomes, although the amniotic fluid reductions could be done almost anywhere. Mary also recommended that I have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the changes in my babies, since things could progress very quickly.
That night I saw my OB and he confirmed the grim statistics that I had already discovered. He admitted that he had not seen a case of TTTS with a positive outcome and told me that it was now in God’s hands. I appreciated his honesty. He did not know much about the laser surgery, but promised to look into it and to support me in whatever treatment option I choose. He sent me home from the hospital that night, on bed rest, knowing that I needed to be with my family now, and fearing that I would have many days ahead of me in the hospital.
The next day I contacted one of the surgeons who performed the laser surgery. He repeated much of the information I had already heard from Mary. He told me what to watch for and what to ask my doctors to determine the severity of my condition. When I saw my peri the next time I tried to ask him those questions and discuss treatment options. He told me that fluid reductions were the only option he would consider and did not answer my questions. He also did not think weekly ultrasounds were necessary, despite the fact that there had been significant change between the last two appointments. I immediately resolved to find a new peri.
I contacted the surgeon once again and he put me in touch with a local peri that he had worked with in the past. She was wonderful. She was a mom of twins herself and had a much better understanding of what I was going through. She sat down and explained everything to me as my previous peri had not done. She also told me that our goal would be to get to 35 weeks. It is rare for TTTS babies to make it to term because it is often safer for them to be delivered early than to remain inside the womb. Once we hit 28 weeks, when the babies would have a good chance of survival, she would monitor whether the babies were better off inside or out. Of course there was always the chance that my membranes would rupture from the extra fluid.
I had an ultrasound that day, and she immediately called the laser surgeon to discuss the results. Together they determined that I did not yet need treatment, but that I would have weekly monitoring and it could become a possibility in the future. Meanwhile I contacted my insurance about paying for the surgery, should it become necessary. They had already assigned me a caseworker, since I had been hospitalized so many times, and she began gathering data about the surgery. It would have to go before a board to be approved.
The next week I saw my peri again. Things had changed the “recipient’ had way too much fluid, and it could start causing problems. My peri and the surgeon decided to go ahead with an amniotic fluid reduction. Since discordant fluid was the only symptom I was currently showing, it seemed the most logical route. I thought they would bring me back the next day for the fluid reduction, but she was going to do it right then, in her office.
I had never had an amniocentesis before because I had been too scared. Now I had no choice and no time to prepare. I laid on my back with my belly poking in the air as the doctor swabbed it with iodine. Then came the biggest needle I had ever seen. I had had plenty of experience with needles at this point, but I was terrified of this one. When she inserted the needle I only felt a little prick as it when through the skin. But when it went through my uterus, I started contracting. It was only a mild contraction, a reaction to the needle, and it was over quickly, although there would be more to come throughout the procedure. The doctor drew the fluid out with a giant syringe, and then dumped it into a big plastic bottle, over and over again. Lying flat on my back I started to get dizzy. The doctor and her assistant had to roll me over and my husband shoved towels under my back, all while the needle was still sticking out of my belly. Finally after 20 minutes it was over. A few light contractions, but that was all. No big deal. The doctor wanted to see me again by the end of the week to make sure my fluid levels had not gone back up.
I ended up having three more fluid reductions over the next few weeks, at one time drawing out more than a half gallon of fluid. My doctor stayed in close contact with the surgeon, but they never determined that the laser surgery was necessary. Fortunately mine was a milder case of TTTS, and my girls never showed and heart problems or great growth discordance. Only the fluid was a problem, and it was treated by simply removing the excess. At 35 weeks into my pregnancy, my TTTS symptoms started to disappear. That magical 35 weeks, our original goal for delivering healthy babies, and it now looked like we were going to surpass it.
As it turned out, I went to 39 weeks, before I was finally induced. After all the worry and the bedrest, it seemed that my girls were perfectly happy where they were. My OB tried to start labor by breaking my bag of waters, that which had been so at risk for breaking on its own, which had been over-inflated and deflated again like a child’s balloon, which had been pricked over and over during the amniocentesis. The only problem was that my membranes wouldn’t rupture. I guess they had to have been made of tough stuff to have survived all they had already been through, and after several minutes of some discomfort, my OB finally gave up. Instead they started me on pitocin to start contractions. Every hour they raised the dose, but my contractions were neither hard nor productive.
After about 6 hours my OB tried to break the bag of waters again, finally success! I began to have steady contractions that were finally becoming painful. I held off getting an epidural because I didn’t want to slow down my labor. Finally after an hour the pain was intense and I wanted relief. The nurse called for the epidural without doing a cervical check, and by the time it was in, I was feeling real pressure. The nurse did a check and found I was at a 10 and ready to go. What’s more, one of the babies’ heart rates was dropping. I have never seen people move so fast.
They rushed me to an OR, where they delivered all twins. About two minutes and three pushes later, TT was out. I found out later that the doctor had used forceps to help pull her out because of her dropping heart rate. She was pale, but she cried soon, and after receiving fluids for a couple of hours, she was perfectly healthy. I didn’t have much time to think about her because SS was right on her heels.
We knew that SS was breech. The doctor was going to try to turn her around after I delivered TT. He called for the assistance of one of his associates, but before he could even get the words out, there was SS, feet first. And there I had my two beautiful little miracles. After a long physically and emotionally draining pregnancy, I had the easiest delivery that I could have wished for, and two beautiful, perfectly healthy babies.
How I became a mom, Part 2
Part 1 is below.
I loved staying home with PS, and DH and I decided that she needed a little brother or sister. We wanted the siblings to be 2-3 years apart, so we started trying when PS was about 18 months old. I hadn't given up all hope of every having a career or law school, but we decided that we might as well complete our family first.
After several months of trying, I was pregnant again. I had to find a new doctor because my last one was no longer taking any insurance.
Two weeks after I found out about the pregnancy the nausea began creeping in like a fog. I tried to ignore the first twinges of nausea, but soon I was vomiting. At first it was only once or twice a day, but by the end of that week it was many times a day, even when my stomach was completely empty. I knew I was seriously dehydrated. I felt like I was dying of thirst, yet everything I tried to drink came right back up. Food was out of the question. I called my new doctor and met him for the first time when I was sent to the ER for rehydration. I immediately liked him, but I don’t think he understood how severe my situation could become. I was given three bags of basic saline through the IV and gave me a prescription for Zofran. I went home knowing that my problem was just beginning. I had been through this before.
A few days later I was back to square one. The Zofran was not even touching my nausea. I called the doc again, and he sent me right up to the OB ward. I was started on IVs to rehydrate me. I still could not keep anything down, but at least I was staying hydrated. Fluids through my arm were the only thing keeping my alive, and I couldn’t imagine how my baby would survive if I was not eating anything. My doctors ran batteries of tests, but could not figure out what was making me so sick. They continued with the IV treatment, and my arms and hands were now various shades of blue, yellow and green from the bruising. The nurses had trouble finding my veins because I was so dehydrated, and they rarely got the IV in place on the first stick. I was also having blood drawn every morning. I looked like a drug addict with needle marks left down my arms, wrists and the outside of my hands. The IV’s had to be changed out every three days, if something didn’t cause a problem before then.
Finally, my team of doctors came to the conclusion that I needed some kind of nourishment beyond what was being given through my IV. They put a tube down my nose and ran it past my stomach into my intestines. That was the most miserable two hours of my life. Then I vomited up the feeding tube. The only option left was a central line, basically another IV put into my chest into a major artery, and through which I could receive nutrition. It would require a surgical procedure to place the line, and it would be semi-permanent, staying in place until the nausea had subsided for good. My OB’s were very concerned about this. They told me that the risk of infection was high and that it could cause serious problems or even death. I was told to consider terminating my pregnancy, because it was now posing a serious threat to my health.
Until this point, I had only been considering my unborn child. Now I had to consider the impact my decision would have on the child I already had. Was it fair for me to risk her growing up without a mother for the sake of another child who was not even here yet? How could I choose between myself and my baby? I prayed to God to take my baby or make the vomiting stop. I could not make such a decision.
That night, reaching for an explanation of my sickness, I asked my OB if I might be carrying more than one baby. I knew that mothers of multiples were subject to more severe morning sickness, and while I had dealt with hyperemesis in the past it was much worse this time. She doubtfully admitted it was possible. The next morning I got my first ultrasound, six weeks into my pregnancy. The perinatologist who was performing the procedure never looked up from the screen when he asked, “Have you been taking fertility drugs?” As my husband stood by looking shocked, I answered no and replied “How many are in there?”
Twins, I was having twins, and they looked to be identical and perfectly healthy, with strong little heartbeats. I was thrilled and in total disbelief. I could not understand how I was keeping one baby alive and healthy, much less two! What’s more, I finally had a reason behind all the sickness, and I was going to get two babies for all my trouble. There would be no more talk of terminating. Even my doctors seemed to have strengthened resolve to find a way to make me better.
Finally my wonderful GI, who had been working closely with my OB’s all along found out about an experimental procedure using steroids to control nausea. We did not really know what effects this would have on my babies, but my perinatologist assured me that only a very small portion of this drug crossed the placenta and it was unlikely to harm my babies. The bigger danger was that I was literally starving to death, and this looked like a way to stop that. They started with the steroids in my IV, and once they started controlling the nausea, I was able to start taking pills. After only a couple of days the nausea was gone. I was able to finally start eating and drinking again, and I could go home. I was to be slowly weaned off the steroids over the next two weeks, and hopefully by the end of that time I would be far enough into my pregnancy that the nausea would be gone for good.
It wasn’t quite that simple, I had to go through two more rounds of the streroids, before I got rid of the nausea for good. Whenever I got near the end of a round of steroids the nausea would return, and I would have to be readmitted to the hospital to get the steroids through the IV and start again. On that third try, now 16 weeks into my pregnancy, I was admitted to the hospital for the last time after spending 30 days over five different admissions. After a few days I was feeling better, but my doctor was being cautious and making sure the nausea was gone before releasing me.
One morning I went for another ultrasound with the same peri who had found my twins. On this visit I found that I was having two girls! I also found out that they had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. I had read a bit about this in some of my pregnancy books, but I had no idea how serious it was. I had my husband bring a laptop up to the hospital that day so that I could do some research and find out what was really going on. The peri hadn’t told me much and I would not see my OB until that evening. What I found was unsettling. TTTS, if left untreated had a mortality rate of 90%. Even with treatment, some of which is considered experimental, survival is less than 50% for one twin and 30% for both babies . That day, for the first time, I lost it. I cried all day long. After all that I had already gone through, my babies weren’t going to live.
I loved staying home with PS, and DH and I decided that she needed a little brother or sister. We wanted the siblings to be 2-3 years apart, so we started trying when PS was about 18 months old. I hadn't given up all hope of every having a career or law school, but we decided that we might as well complete our family first.
After several months of trying, I was pregnant again. I had to find a new doctor because my last one was no longer taking any insurance.
Two weeks after I found out about the pregnancy the nausea began creeping in like a fog. I tried to ignore the first twinges of nausea, but soon I was vomiting. At first it was only once or twice a day, but by the end of that week it was many times a day, even when my stomach was completely empty. I knew I was seriously dehydrated. I felt like I was dying of thirst, yet everything I tried to drink came right back up. Food was out of the question. I called my new doctor and met him for the first time when I was sent to the ER for rehydration. I immediately liked him, but I don’t think he understood how severe my situation could become. I was given three bags of basic saline through the IV and gave me a prescription for Zofran. I went home knowing that my problem was just beginning. I had been through this before.
A few days later I was back to square one. The Zofran was not even touching my nausea. I called the doc again, and he sent me right up to the OB ward. I was started on IVs to rehydrate me. I still could not keep anything down, but at least I was staying hydrated. Fluids through my arm were the only thing keeping my alive, and I couldn’t imagine how my baby would survive if I was not eating anything. My doctors ran batteries of tests, but could not figure out what was making me so sick. They continued with the IV treatment, and my arms and hands were now various shades of blue, yellow and green from the bruising. The nurses had trouble finding my veins because I was so dehydrated, and they rarely got the IV in place on the first stick. I was also having blood drawn every morning. I looked like a drug addict with needle marks left down my arms, wrists and the outside of my hands. The IV’s had to be changed out every three days, if something didn’t cause a problem before then.
Finally, my team of doctors came to the conclusion that I needed some kind of nourishment beyond what was being given through my IV. They put a tube down my nose and ran it past my stomach into my intestines. That was the most miserable two hours of my life. Then I vomited up the feeding tube. The only option left was a central line, basically another IV put into my chest into a major artery, and through which I could receive nutrition. It would require a surgical procedure to place the line, and it would be semi-permanent, staying in place until the nausea had subsided for good. My OB’s were very concerned about this. They told me that the risk of infection was high and that it could cause serious problems or even death. I was told to consider terminating my pregnancy, because it was now posing a serious threat to my health.
Until this point, I had only been considering my unborn child. Now I had to consider the impact my decision would have on the child I already had. Was it fair for me to risk her growing up without a mother for the sake of another child who was not even here yet? How could I choose between myself and my baby? I prayed to God to take my baby or make the vomiting stop. I could not make such a decision.
That night, reaching for an explanation of my sickness, I asked my OB if I might be carrying more than one baby. I knew that mothers of multiples were subject to more severe morning sickness, and while I had dealt with hyperemesis in the past it was much worse this time. She doubtfully admitted it was possible. The next morning I got my first ultrasound, six weeks into my pregnancy. The perinatologist who was performing the procedure never looked up from the screen when he asked, “Have you been taking fertility drugs?” As my husband stood by looking shocked, I answered no and replied “How many are in there?”
Twins, I was having twins, and they looked to be identical and perfectly healthy, with strong little heartbeats. I was thrilled and in total disbelief. I could not understand how I was keeping one baby alive and healthy, much less two! What’s more, I finally had a reason behind all the sickness, and I was going to get two babies for all my trouble. There would be no more talk of terminating. Even my doctors seemed to have strengthened resolve to find a way to make me better.
Finally my wonderful GI, who had been working closely with my OB’s all along found out about an experimental procedure using steroids to control nausea. We did not really know what effects this would have on my babies, but my perinatologist assured me that only a very small portion of this drug crossed the placenta and it was unlikely to harm my babies. The bigger danger was that I was literally starving to death, and this looked like a way to stop that. They started with the steroids in my IV, and once they started controlling the nausea, I was able to start taking pills. After only a couple of days the nausea was gone. I was able to finally start eating and drinking again, and I could go home. I was to be slowly weaned off the steroids over the next two weeks, and hopefully by the end of that time I would be far enough into my pregnancy that the nausea would be gone for good.
It wasn’t quite that simple, I had to go through two more rounds of the streroids, before I got rid of the nausea for good. Whenever I got near the end of a round of steroids the nausea would return, and I would have to be readmitted to the hospital to get the steroids through the IV and start again. On that third try, now 16 weeks into my pregnancy, I was admitted to the hospital for the last time after spending 30 days over five different admissions. After a few days I was feeling better, but my doctor was being cautious and making sure the nausea was gone before releasing me.
One morning I went for another ultrasound with the same peri who had found my twins. On this visit I found that I was having two girls! I also found out that they had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. I had read a bit about this in some of my pregnancy books, but I had no idea how serious it was. I had my husband bring a laptop up to the hospital that day so that I could do some research and find out what was really going on. The peri hadn’t told me much and I would not see my OB until that evening. What I found was unsettling. TTTS, if left untreated had a mortality rate of 90%. Even with treatment, some of which is considered experimental, survival is less than 50% for one twin and 30% for both babies . That day, for the first time, I lost it. I cried all day long. After all that I had already gone through, my babies weren’t going to live.
How I came to be a mom
I got pregnant with PS the day I graduated from college. She was not planned. I never could remember to take the darn pill, and I guess too much celebrating led us to be less careful than we should have been. Although DH and I had already been married for two years, having kids was not even on the horizon. I had already sent out my first batch of law school apps when I discovered that PS was on the way. I was devastated. She would be due in September, and I just knew that I could not start law school and have a baby in the same month.
Within a couple of weeks the morning sickness became so severe that I could hardly function. Turns out that I was suffering from an extreme version of morning sickness known as hyperemesis. I couldn't keep anything down and lost nearly 30 lbs. (I was 135 to start.) Every few days I was back in the hospital for IV rehydration. Eventually, the doctor put me on IV rehydration therapy at home. I had a little backpack to carry my IV pump in and every third day a home health nurse would come by to move the needle. This continued for most of the first trimester. When I finally went back to work, I had barely enough energy to walk across the room.
But once the hyperemesis finally subsided into "normal' morning sickness, I could at least function again. When I was about 4-5 months and started to feel PS move, I became more excited about her upcoming arrival. I could put law school off for a year--no big deal.
I had been the primary support for Dh and I for the last year. I was working full time, and earning more than twice what he was. Dh was still in school and was doing a low-paying internship that we hoped would be worth the sacrifice in experience gained. DH was supposed to graduate in August. PS was due in September. As both days drew nearer and DH still did not have a job, we both became more and more stressed. I did not know how we would pay the bills when I took off to have the baby, and I really wanted to be able to stay home with her for the first year.
Finally, in late July, DH was offered a position. It was the one he has now, in Big City--300 miles from our little college town. They told him that he could wait until after the baby was born to start, but we knew that we needed the income as soon as possible. So, at 8 months pregnant, we drove to Big City to find an apartment, and just three weeks before PS was born we moved. It was 113 outside the day we moved into our new apartment.
Although early on we had warned my OB/GYN that we would likely be moving before the baby was born, he was livid when I told him that we were moving and he would not be delivering her. He refused to give me a referral in Big City, and told me that no doctor would take me that late in my pregnancy. My reply was that the baby was gonna have to come out one way or another.
As it turned out, the first doctor that I called was willing to take me and she was fantastic.
Very early on September 24th, I woke up thinking I'd wet myself. It had never happened before, but considering the pressure my huge belly was putting on my bladder, anything was possible. I woke up two hours later with the same sensation. Then it dawned on me that perhaps my water had broken and this was a slow leak. Not wanting to unnecessarily disturb my doctor in the middle of the night, I waited until 7:00 am to call, and was told to come in immediately for a check. Irregular contractions started on the way to the hospital. I think DH hit every bump in the road along the way.
While we were sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor, the flood came. Water started gushing out. At first I thought I was peeing--and I was really embarrassed. But it kept coming and coming--clearly this had nothing to do with my bladder. I started laughing and begging DH to do something to help me. He was simply stunned and absolutely helpless. He said, "How am I supposed to help with this?" I said, "I dunno, get a mop." We were both laughing so hard we had tears running down our faces when the doctor appeared. The flooded floor immediately gave away that my water had indeed broken. DH still counts that as the funniest moment of his entire life.
I was wheeled down to L&D and put on a pit drip. I wasn't very excited about that, but I was too young and timid around the doctor to speak up for myself. L&D was no big deal. Contractions were not nearly as bad as I had anticipated, but then again, I had an epidural fairly early on. I pushed for 2 hours, and could not pop the little critter out. Finally, the doc said that she could either vacuum her out or do a c-section. I wasn't excited about either option, but the doc convinced me that the vacuum was the safest option.
When she was born, DD had a pointy little conehead from the vacuum. She was a fat healthy baby, weighing in at 8 lbs. She had no problems latching on and breastfeeding was a breeze. I instantly adored her. She spent her entire time in the hospital sleeping with me or on DH's chest. The nurses had told me that if I slept, they would take her out of the room--so I didn't sleep unless she was with me. I was paranoid that they would take her and either accidentally switch her (I had just seen a 20/20 about that) or give her a bottle. We only spent one night in the hospital when I asked to go home so that I could rest without fear of the evil nurses taking her.
I loved being a mom and staying home with my baby. Law school fell to the back of my mind. I briefly considered going back to work when she was a year old, but I simply couldn't imagine leaving my sweet baby in daycare. Instead, I committed myself to being a SAHM.
Within a couple of weeks the morning sickness became so severe that I could hardly function. Turns out that I was suffering from an extreme version of morning sickness known as hyperemesis. I couldn't keep anything down and lost nearly 30 lbs. (I was 135 to start.) Every few days I was back in the hospital for IV rehydration. Eventually, the doctor put me on IV rehydration therapy at home. I had a little backpack to carry my IV pump in and every third day a home health nurse would come by to move the needle. This continued for most of the first trimester. When I finally went back to work, I had barely enough energy to walk across the room.
But once the hyperemesis finally subsided into "normal' morning sickness, I could at least function again. When I was about 4-5 months and started to feel PS move, I became more excited about her upcoming arrival. I could put law school off for a year--no big deal.
I had been the primary support for Dh and I for the last year. I was working full time, and earning more than twice what he was. Dh was still in school and was doing a low-paying internship that we hoped would be worth the sacrifice in experience gained. DH was supposed to graduate in August. PS was due in September. As both days drew nearer and DH still did not have a job, we both became more and more stressed. I did not know how we would pay the bills when I took off to have the baby, and I really wanted to be able to stay home with her for the first year.
Finally, in late July, DH was offered a position. It was the one he has now, in Big City--300 miles from our little college town. They told him that he could wait until after the baby was born to start, but we knew that we needed the income as soon as possible. So, at 8 months pregnant, we drove to Big City to find an apartment, and just three weeks before PS was born we moved. It was 113 outside the day we moved into our new apartment.
Although early on we had warned my OB/GYN that we would likely be moving before the baby was born, he was livid when I told him that we were moving and he would not be delivering her. He refused to give me a referral in Big City, and told me that no doctor would take me that late in my pregnancy. My reply was that the baby was gonna have to come out one way or another.
As it turned out, the first doctor that I called was willing to take me and she was fantastic.
Very early on September 24th, I woke up thinking I'd wet myself. It had never happened before, but considering the pressure my huge belly was putting on my bladder, anything was possible. I woke up two hours later with the same sensation. Then it dawned on me that perhaps my water had broken and this was a slow leak. Not wanting to unnecessarily disturb my doctor in the middle of the night, I waited until 7:00 am to call, and was told to come in immediately for a check. Irregular contractions started on the way to the hospital. I think DH hit every bump in the road along the way.
While we were sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor, the flood came. Water started gushing out. At first I thought I was peeing--and I was really embarrassed. But it kept coming and coming--clearly this had nothing to do with my bladder. I started laughing and begging DH to do something to help me. He was simply stunned and absolutely helpless. He said, "How am I supposed to help with this?" I said, "I dunno, get a mop." We were both laughing so hard we had tears running down our faces when the doctor appeared. The flooded floor immediately gave away that my water had indeed broken. DH still counts that as the funniest moment of his entire life.
I was wheeled down to L&D and put on a pit drip. I wasn't very excited about that, but I was too young and timid around the doctor to speak up for myself. L&D was no big deal. Contractions were not nearly as bad as I had anticipated, but then again, I had an epidural fairly early on. I pushed for 2 hours, and could not pop the little critter out. Finally, the doc said that she could either vacuum her out or do a c-section. I wasn't excited about either option, but the doc convinced me that the vacuum was the safest option.
When she was born, DD had a pointy little conehead from the vacuum. She was a fat healthy baby, weighing in at 8 lbs. She had no problems latching on and breastfeeding was a breeze. I instantly adored her. She spent her entire time in the hospital sleeping with me or on DH's chest. The nurses had told me that if I slept, they would take her out of the room--so I didn't sleep unless she was with me. I was paranoid that they would take her and either accidentally switch her (I had just seen a 20/20 about that) or give her a bottle. We only spent one night in the hospital when I asked to go home so that I could rest without fear of the evil nurses taking her.
I loved being a mom and staying home with my baby. Law school fell to the back of my mind. I briefly considered going back to work when she was a year old, but I simply couldn't imagine leaving my sweet baby in daycare. Instead, I committed myself to being a SAHM.
5/12/07
Just Stuff
I have one week of freedom before I enter the 7th circle of Hell aka Barbri. I will spend it going over my PMBR books (the course would be next week, if I were taking it), searching for jobs, and cleaning house before company arrives for graduation.
I won't count the last two days, because although I was done with school on Wednesday, I spent all of Thursday and Friday at the kids' school for their field days. I usually don't mind the kids' school functions, but field day is hot and boring and lasts all day. For PS's field day, we went to the high school stadium so they could run their events on a real track. PS did the 50 yd dash. She came in last in her heat. She has been telling us all year that she is the slowest runner in the class. She is having to come to terms with the fact that she can't be good at everything. I told her that she has been gifted with beauty and brains and she can't expect athleticism on top of that. I think she got over it pretty quickly.
DH and I went out last night to celebrate the end of law school. We never go out alone, so it was a treat. We went to Benihana because neither of us had ever been before and we thought it would be a fun experience. The food was just ok, and our chef just wasn't nearly as in to it as some of the others were. It was nice to try something different, but I'm in no hurry to return.
Then we went to a tiny theater that I don't even know how to describe. It specializes in the melodrama and strongly encourages audience participation. They even give you baskets of popcorn to throw at the actors--or each other. Think "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." But less musical. It was really a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I have developed a nasty sinus infection which kind of put a damper on the evening.
I am planning to spend all of today sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I have been run over by a truck. But that's ok, because this is the first weekend in forever that I haven't had anything in the world that had to get done, and that is a nice feeling.
I won't count the last two days, because although I was done with school on Wednesday, I spent all of Thursday and Friday at the kids' school for their field days. I usually don't mind the kids' school functions, but field day is hot and boring and lasts all day. For PS's field day, we went to the high school stadium so they could run their events on a real track. PS did the 50 yd dash. She came in last in her heat. She has been telling us all year that she is the slowest runner in the class. She is having to come to terms with the fact that she can't be good at everything. I told her that she has been gifted with beauty and brains and she can't expect athleticism on top of that. I think she got over it pretty quickly.
DH and I went out last night to celebrate the end of law school. We never go out alone, so it was a treat. We went to Benihana because neither of us had ever been before and we thought it would be a fun experience. The food was just ok, and our chef just wasn't nearly as in to it as some of the others were. It was nice to try something different, but I'm in no hurry to return.
Then we went to a tiny theater that I don't even know how to describe. It specializes in the melodrama and strongly encourages audience participation. They even give you baskets of popcorn to throw at the actors--or each other. Think "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." But less musical. It was really a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I have developed a nasty sinus infection which kind of put a damper on the evening.
I am planning to spend all of today sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself because I feel like I have been run over by a truck. But that's ok, because this is the first weekend in forever that I haven't had anything in the world that had to get done, and that is a nice feeling.
5/9/07
That's all, folks.
Today was my last day of school. When I was preparing to leave and driving to school I thought that I should feel a sense of joy, or relief, or some positive emotion. Instead I was overcome with a profound sense of sadness. I became acutely aware that I don't want to graduate. I have truly enjoyed law school. I have enjoyed learning, but also, the ability to (except this semester) arrange my schedule to be home with the girls in the afternoon and I got to have lunch with DH a lot. I had a plan, things to accomplish, hurdles to jump.
Now I have jumped all hurdles but the bar. And I don't know what is coming next. I am more afraid of having to take a job that I hate than in not getting a job at all. Because if I never get an offer, at least I can go solo. But I know that I need more experience and financial stability first, so if I ever get an offer I must take it. And I hate being in that position.
So instead of being happy that I am done, I am depressed about my future. And angry that the options for my future were misrepresented to me. I liked the safety and security of school--moving on without the safety net of a job is undermines the accomplishment that completing law school should be.
P.S. Tonight I am blogging from Margaritaville, so if this post makes no sense, well, you know why.
Now I have jumped all hurdles but the bar. And I don't know what is coming next. I am more afraid of having to take a job that I hate than in not getting a job at all. Because if I never get an offer, at least I can go solo. But I know that I need more experience and financial stability first, so if I ever get an offer I must take it. And I hate being in that position.
So instead of being happy that I am done, I am depressed about my future. And angry that the options for my future were misrepresented to me. I liked the safety and security of school--moving on without the safety net of a job is undermines the accomplishment that completing law school should be.
P.S. Tonight I am blogging from Margaritaville, so if this post makes no sense, well, you know why.
5/8/07
Yep, definitely a conspiracy
SS (the non-strep infected kid) started running a low-grade fever last night. She also has developed a cough. So I kept her home from school today because I assumed that she had picked up strep from her sister.
A not-so-quick trip to the doctor revealed that she does not have strep (although they are doing a culture, so that could change), but that she does have pneumonia. Again. So I lost another half-day of studying and both twins running around like they are perfectly healthy.
Finally got home and my stupid computer is giving me fits. I have rebooted 3 times. This is not making it easy to finish my outline. (No, I have not finished the outline for tomorrow's closed-book exam. Yes, this is a bad thing.)
Picked up PS from school. She has been having issues with not completing her work at school, resulting in loads of homework. This week it has been long division. She is truly having trouble with it, and I am having to walk her through every step. Which is once again keeping me from studying. I don't mind helping with her homework, but she keeps losing focus and asking things like "How to calculators work?"
To wrap up my fabulous and productive day, a "friend" just emailed to ask if I have a job. No I do not have a fucking job. As soon as I have a job I will broadcast it to the world. The next person to ask me that is going to end up with an assault charge against me.
A not-so-quick trip to the doctor revealed that she does not have strep (although they are doing a culture, so that could change), but that she does have pneumonia. Again. So I lost another half-day of studying and both twins running around like they are perfectly healthy.
Finally got home and my stupid computer is giving me fits. I have rebooted 3 times. This is not making it easy to finish my outline. (No, I have not finished the outline for tomorrow's closed-book exam. Yes, this is a bad thing.)
Picked up PS from school. She has been having issues with not completing her work at school, resulting in loads of homework. This week it has been long division. She is truly having trouble with it, and I am having to walk her through every step. Which is once again keeping me from studying. I don't mind helping with her homework, but she keeps losing focus and asking things like "How to calculators work?"
To wrap up my fabulous and productive day, a "friend" just emailed to ask if I have a job. No I do not have a fucking job. As soon as I have a job I will broadcast it to the world. The next person to ask me that is going to end up with an assault charge against me.
5/7/07
Found this while studying tonight
Dr. Zill's Mnemonic Generator
Not sure how useful it is, but some of the mnemonics it comes up with are pretty entertaining.
Not sure how useful it is, but some of the mnemonics it comes up with are pretty entertaining.
They're conspiring against me
I'm not exactly sure who "they" are, but there is definitely a conspiracy to tank my grades.
In addition to my own illness in the middle of my three-day exam-a-thon, two of my kiddos have had weird stuff going on. Last Monday I had to take SS to the doc because she had an insect bite near her eye that swelled to nearly the size of a golf ball. Then on Friday, TT came home and said, "Feel my forehead, I don't feel good." Sure enough she had a fever that wouldn't go away all weekend long. She also has huge tonsils with nasty white stuff on them. The fever was gone and she seemed to be feeling better this morning, but my fears of strep throat kept her home from school and required a visit to the doctor. Yep, it's strep. So now my perky little sickie is home with me today and tomorrow.
So how does all this play into the conspiracy? Well, for starters, every time I have to drive across town to the doctor it takes away about 3 hours of desperately needed study time. And having my little darling home with me isn't helping either. Kids are demanding when they are sick--or even when they are feeling better and know they can get away with it. And she has no playmates, because her sisters at school.
Also, there is a very good chance that at least one of her sisters will pick up this little illness, requiring the whole trip-to-the-doctor-while-not-getting-anything-done-at-home scenario to play out once again. I only hope that I can keep the germs at bay until I finish my Oil and Gas exam Wednesday night.
Oh, and if you still don't believe that there is a conspiracy, just look at what was going on last year during finals.
In addition to my own illness in the middle of my three-day exam-a-thon, two of my kiddos have had weird stuff going on. Last Monday I had to take SS to the doc because she had an insect bite near her eye that swelled to nearly the size of a golf ball. Then on Friday, TT came home and said, "Feel my forehead, I don't feel good." Sure enough she had a fever that wouldn't go away all weekend long. She also has huge tonsils with nasty white stuff on them. The fever was gone and she seemed to be feeling better this morning, but my fears of strep throat kept her home from school and required a visit to the doctor. Yep, it's strep. So now my perky little sickie is home with me today and tomorrow.
So how does all this play into the conspiracy? Well, for starters, every time I have to drive across town to the doctor it takes away about 3 hours of desperately needed study time. And having my little darling home with me isn't helping either. Kids are demanding when they are sick--or even when they are feeling better and know they can get away with it. And she has no playmates, because her sisters at school.
Also, there is a very good chance that at least one of her sisters will pick up this little illness, requiring the whole trip-to-the-doctor-while-not-getting-anything-done-at-home scenario to play out once again. I only hope that I can keep the germs at bay until I finish my Oil and Gas exam Wednesday night.
Oh, and if you still don't believe that there is a conspiracy, just look at what was going on last year during finals.
5/6/07
Sunday mornings
This morning both twins crawled in bed with us. SS on DH's side, TT on mine. I love it when they press their warm little bodies against mine and tuck their heads under my chin so that I can inhale the watermelon scent of their hair. They used to climb in our bed every weekend morning, but for the last few months it has become a rarity. Spongebob is now preferred to mom and dad. It was a nice to have a morning snuggle with the girls.
5/4/07
It's gotta get better
I talked to a friend today who just found out he passed the February bar. He was one of my study mates 1L, and decided to graduate a semester early. He also just got a job offer--for a job that I would love.
I'm a little bit jealous that he has all this great stuff going on, but mostly I am really, really happy for him. His successes just seem to make everything seem more possible for me. Yeah, he was unemployed until bar results came out--but he got an offer almost instantly. And just the fact that he passed the bar in some way confirms that I, too, will pass the bar.
So, I'm in a better mood, just knowing that great things are happening for my friends, and that things should get better for me, too.
But now, I have to leave for my Wills & Trusts exam. Things aren't quite so great yet.
I'm a little bit jealous that he has all this great stuff going on, but mostly I am really, really happy for him. His successes just seem to make everything seem more possible for me. Yeah, he was unemployed until bar results came out--but he got an offer almost instantly. And just the fact that he passed the bar in some way confirms that I, too, will pass the bar.
So, I'm in a better mood, just knowing that great things are happening for my friends, and that things should get better for me, too.
But now, I have to leave for my Wills & Trusts exam. Things aren't quite so great yet.
5/3/07
Con Law makes me sick.
My Con Law exam was at 6:00 last night, and it was the one I expected to be the hardest. I got to school around 1:00 for some last minute studying. By 3:00 my head was pounding. I took some Tylenol and drank a coke hoping that the medicine, caffeine, or sugar would kill the headache before my exam.
No such luck. By the time 6:00 rolled around the headache was worse and I was starting to feel nauseous. I actually had to leave in the middle of the exam to barf. I came back and finished the exam with 10 minutes to spare. I needed to go back over my answers again, but I knew I was going to be sick again, so I gave it up.
Threw-up again at school and headed home. The motion and the lights on the way home exacerbated both the nausea and the headache. I found that it is indeed possible to barf while driving 60 miles an hour down a major freeway. Thank goodness I had my empty Starbucks cup from that morning.
I made it home by 10:00, barfed again, stripped off my clothes and went to bed. I tossed and turned until 12:15 when the pounding in my head was unbearable. I took another round of Tylenol an prayed I could keep it down long enough to do some good. Barfed again at 1:00. DH gave me a cool wet rag and apparently I passed out. Woke up at 2:00 feeling better. Woke up at 3:00 and headache was back. Took more medicine at 5:00. Alarm was set for 6:00.
Thankfully, when the alarm went off the headache was mostly gone. Wasn't sure about the nausea. Took one more round of Tylenol and headed out the door to make my 8:30 exam. A Diet Dr. Pepper and some crackers on the way seemed to calm my stomach, and I felt halfway decent through that exam. I had had about 3 hours of sleep and no chance to even look at my outline the night before or this morning.
The good news is that today's exam was open book and the one that I predicted to be the easiest. I hope I didn't blow my chance for an A because I wasn't fully recovered. I know I didn't do as well as I could have on the Con Law exam. I seriously doubt that I beat the curve. But at least I don't think I failed like I did after my Con Law I exam.
I still have a shadow of a headache that I am trying to ignore because I have another exam tomorrow that I need to do some serious studying for.
This whole experience has been very reminiscent of my one and only hangover. (Which is another post in itself.) Only, I didn't get to have any fun before the misery set in. And the timing is about the worst imaginable--except for the possibility of a repeat performance during the bar. Knock on wood.
No such luck. By the time 6:00 rolled around the headache was worse and I was starting to feel nauseous. I actually had to leave in the middle of the exam to barf. I came back and finished the exam with 10 minutes to spare. I needed to go back over my answers again, but I knew I was going to be sick again, so I gave it up.
Threw-up again at school and headed home. The motion and the lights on the way home exacerbated both the nausea and the headache. I found that it is indeed possible to barf while driving 60 miles an hour down a major freeway. Thank goodness I had my empty Starbucks cup from that morning.
I made it home by 10:00, barfed again, stripped off my clothes and went to bed. I tossed and turned until 12:15 when the pounding in my head was unbearable. I took another round of Tylenol an prayed I could keep it down long enough to do some good. Barfed again at 1:00. DH gave me a cool wet rag and apparently I passed out. Woke up at 2:00 feeling better. Woke up at 3:00 and headache was back. Took more medicine at 5:00. Alarm was set for 6:00.
Thankfully, when the alarm went off the headache was mostly gone. Wasn't sure about the nausea. Took one more round of Tylenol and headed out the door to make my 8:30 exam. A Diet Dr. Pepper and some crackers on the way seemed to calm my stomach, and I felt halfway decent through that exam. I had had about 3 hours of sleep and no chance to even look at my outline the night before or this morning.
The good news is that today's exam was open book and the one that I predicted to be the easiest. I hope I didn't blow my chance for an A because I wasn't fully recovered. I know I didn't do as well as I could have on the Con Law exam. I seriously doubt that I beat the curve. But at least I don't think I failed like I did after my Con Law I exam.
I still have a shadow of a headache that I am trying to ignore because I have another exam tomorrow that I need to do some serious studying for.
This whole experience has been very reminiscent of my one and only hangover. (Which is another post in itself.) Only, I didn't get to have any fun before the misery set in. And the timing is about the worst imaginable--except for the possibility of a repeat performance during the bar. Knock on wood.
4/29/07
I think I've broken my child
It has recently become very clear the 8 y.o. has a raging fit of self-entitlement. I have actually been considering this for quite some time--she always want the best, the most, the biggest of everything to the exclusion of her sisters and friends. Tonight she took it to a new level. DH grilled burgers, and everyone began eating while I got to a stopping place in my outline. When I wandered into the kitchen to grab a burger, DD screeched at me, "You're taking the last one!!!"
I just turned around and walked back out. I was ashamed of my daughter and of myself for letting her get this way. I'm afraid that I have overcompensated for my have-not background by letting my kids have too much.
I thought that I had been doing a pretty good job with my kids. I don't buy them things except at Christmas and their birthdays (Well, except books. I'm a sucker for books.) I have friends who buy their kids crap every single time they enter a store. That's not me. And when my kids want something they have to earn the money for it (or wait until their grandparents send cash.)
The other thing is that my twins are not like this at all. They are both very sweet and giving. I have read that twins generally have an innate sense of fairness since they have to share virtually everything from the time they are conceived. You can definitely see that in my girls.
So how have they managed to turn out so well while oldest DD is becoming the portrait of narcissism? Is it just the age difference? Please don't tell me all kids are like this as they get older. I think its because I have always leaned toward giving oldest DD more. Because the twins don't notice or care, and its easier to justify certain things merely because she is the oldest.
In any event, it has to stop. I refuse to raise a brat. I think I need to find some volunteer work for oldest DD so that she can see that not everyone leads the cushy life that she does. But I don't imagine too many organizations are looking for 8 y.o. volunteers. And I will no longer err on the side of giving her more, because the twins will start to notice eventually.
P.S. I know my posts of late make my oldest seem like a complete and total brat. That really isn't the case. She is so smart, makes perfect grades, and her teachers tell me she is an angel at school. Apparently the narcissism just comes out at home. And I think there is a jealousy thing going on because her sisters are twins and have built-in playmates and she doesn't have that with anybody.
I just turned around and walked back out. I was ashamed of my daughter and of myself for letting her get this way. I'm afraid that I have overcompensated for my have-not background by letting my kids have too much.
I thought that I had been doing a pretty good job with my kids. I don't buy them things except at Christmas and their birthdays (Well, except books. I'm a sucker for books.) I have friends who buy their kids crap every single time they enter a store. That's not me. And when my kids want something they have to earn the money for it (or wait until their grandparents send cash.)
The other thing is that my twins are not like this at all. They are both very sweet and giving. I have read that twins generally have an innate sense of fairness since they have to share virtually everything from the time they are conceived. You can definitely see that in my girls.
So how have they managed to turn out so well while oldest DD is becoming the portrait of narcissism? Is it just the age difference? Please don't tell me all kids are like this as they get older. I think its because I have always leaned toward giving oldest DD more. Because the twins don't notice or care, and its easier to justify certain things merely because she is the oldest.
In any event, it has to stop. I refuse to raise a brat. I think I need to find some volunteer work for oldest DD so that she can see that not everyone leads the cushy life that she does. But I don't imagine too many organizations are looking for 8 y.o. volunteers. And I will no longer err on the side of giving her more, because the twins will start to notice eventually.
P.S. I know my posts of late make my oldest seem like a complete and total brat. That really isn't the case. She is so smart, makes perfect grades, and her teachers tell me she is an angel at school. Apparently the narcissism just comes out at home. And I think there is a jealousy thing going on because her sisters are twins and have built-in playmates and she doesn't have that with anybody.
4/27/07
Pompous Circumstances
My twins had their graduation pictures taken today. In a gown and mortarboard. They are 5 year old. They are "graduating" from kindergarten.
Kindergarten graduation is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. What have you accomplished by completing kindergarten? You spend your days coloring pictures and you still get to take a nap. I thought graduation was supposed to represent the culmination of years of work. In Kindergarten, you are just beginning. You don't even know what work is yet.
I'm all for having a party to celebrate the end of this first step in many years of education. But to stick a funny hat on a kid's head and call it a graduation is just ridiculous.
Kindergarten graduation is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. What have you accomplished by completing kindergarten? You spend your days coloring pictures and you still get to take a nap. I thought graduation was supposed to represent the culmination of years of work. In Kindergarten, you are just beginning. You don't even know what work is yet.
I'm all for having a party to celebrate the end of this first step in many years of education. But to stick a funny hat on a kid's head and call it a graduation is just ridiculous.
4/26/07
study time
I'm camped out in the library today as I gear up for finals. I have been here 3 hours and have already accomplished more that I have in the last two days at home. There are just too many distractions at home. I go to the bathroom, I stop to pluck my eyebrows and pop a pimple. I hear Bob whining, so I let him in. He starts running around like a kid with ADHD on Halloween, so I have to play fetch for 10 minutes (or his version where I throw the ball and he takes off with it and expects me to chase him if I want it back) before he will calm down and let me study again. I want a snack--and another snack. Now I need a drink to wash down the snack. Oh, the couch looks so comfy. I think I will sit there and read for a bit. Then I take a nap--but just a short one.
Seriously, is it any wonder I get more done at school, where it is too much trouble to go down 3 flights of stairs to get a snack, and there are no comfy couches or Bobs to distract me?
Seriously, is it any wonder I get more done at school, where it is too much trouble to go down 3 flights of stairs to get a snack, and there are no comfy couches or Bobs to distract me?
4/25/07
My most recent rejection
"I am in receipt of your correspondence inquiring as to an associate position with our firm. Unfortunately, we are unable to consider offering you a position at this time."
Ok, first what the heck does "we are unable to consider..." mean? You are always able to consider something. In fact you probably did consider whether you had a position and whether I fit your firm--and then you decided to send me this crappy letter.
Second, if this is the best you can do at drafting sentences, you really need to reconsider hiring me. This letter reads as if written by someone whose first language is not English. Then again, I just read an article about how much money outsourcing saves, so perhaps it was drafted in India.
This post sounds angry, but really that's not it. I'm just shocked that a mid-size firm in a fairly large city is sending out such poorly written correspondence.
4/24/07
I was smoking crack when I scheduled my classes
Because I apparently did not even consider how my exams would fall. So next week I have an exam from 6-9:00 pm on Wed., one at 8:30 Thursday morning, and another on Friday from 6-9:00 pm. Then I have until the following Wed. until have have my last exam.
There will be no slacking for me as I wrap up my last semester of law school. As contrasted against my last semester of undergrad when I took Golf, Film Studies & Human Sexuality. Yeah--it was as tough as it sounds.
There will be no slacking for me as I wrap up my last semester of law school. As contrasted against my last semester of undergrad when I took Golf, Film Studies & Human Sexuality. Yeah--it was as tough as it sounds.
4/23/07
It might be a little political in here
I've had a few posts rolling around in my head, but they all seemed too long and I have been short on time lately, so here is the quick and dirty version of what I've been thinking this week.
First, the Alec Baldwin thing. He is being reamed in the media right now, but I can understand what might lead him to break and lash out. Honestly, kids at that age are often rude little pigs. They are selfish, egocentric and perfectly willing to play a pair of battling parents against one another. I know that I have told my 8 y.o. to quit acting like a selfish little brat. Is it that far off from "rude little pig?" Alec Baldwin certainly didn't use good judgment by raging at his kid. But it seems to me that the worst judgment was exercised whomever leaked this bit to the press.
Second, the Carhart decision. [Warning, this discussion gets somewhat graphic.] Interestingly, we were assigned Stenberg v. Carhart on the same day that SCOTUS handed down Gonzales v. Carhart (which essentially overruled the first). I have to say that I agree with the Court. And I am pro-choice. The procedure banned by the Court is performed affects a minute number of abortions. One statistic I read said about 2300 of the 1.3 million abortions performed every year are done by this procedure. There are alternatives to this procedure. And the procedure is brutal. What I don't understand is how the banned procedure where the fetus's brains are sucked out it more brutal than the still-legal alternative where the fetus is ripped apart by its limbs.
I guess I am one of those qualified pro-choicers. I do not like late-term abortions. For an elective abortion there is adequate time (at least two-months) to abort before partial-birth procedures are required. To me, abortion rights do not have to be an all-or-nothing thing. There must be a balance between a woman's right to control her body and her destiny and maintaining the dignity of all humans. To ban a gruesome procedure which affects a very small minority is not a step-back for abortion rights, it is a step forward in human dignity.
First, the Alec Baldwin thing. He is being reamed in the media right now, but I can understand what might lead him to break and lash out. Honestly, kids at that age are often rude little pigs. They are selfish, egocentric and perfectly willing to play a pair of battling parents against one another. I know that I have told my 8 y.o. to quit acting like a selfish little brat. Is it that far off from "rude little pig?" Alec Baldwin certainly didn't use good judgment by raging at his kid. But it seems to me that the worst judgment was exercised whomever leaked this bit to the press.
Second, the Carhart decision. [Warning, this discussion gets somewhat graphic.] Interestingly, we were assigned Stenberg v. Carhart on the same day that SCOTUS handed down Gonzales v. Carhart (which essentially overruled the first). I have to say that I agree with the Court. And I am pro-choice. The procedure banned by the Court is performed affects a minute number of abortions. One statistic I read said about 2300 of the 1.3 million abortions performed every year are done by this procedure. There are alternatives to this procedure. And the procedure is brutal. What I don't understand is how the banned procedure where the fetus's brains are sucked out it more brutal than the still-legal alternative where the fetus is ripped apart by its limbs.
I guess I am one of those qualified pro-choicers. I do not like late-term abortions. For an elective abortion there is adequate time (at least two-months) to abort before partial-birth procedures are required. To me, abortion rights do not have to be an all-or-nothing thing. There must be a balance between a woman's right to control her body and her destiny and maintaining the dignity of all humans. To ban a gruesome procedure which affects a very small minority is not a step-back for abortion rights, it is a step forward in human dignity.
4/20/07
Shopping Endorphins
I returned the non-fitting graduation dress today and found a new dress. By some miracle from above I loved the very first dress I tried on. It isn't as pretty as the non-fitting dress, but it is more practical and something I am more likely to wear again. And it fits perfectly--hugging the right places and hiding the wrong ones. And I also got new sexy shoes. Now all I need is a pedicure.
4/18/07
The hidden costs
Seems they just don't mention everything when you start law school. Like how registering for the bar is about $500. Bar/bri is another $2300. PMBR $700 (unless you just order the books off ebay like I did--$70). Parking for bar/bri $5/day--or take the train downtown. But the biggie that I wasn't prepared for was the bar hotel. I did not realize until just a few months ago that everyone stays in a hotel to take the bar. Of course, it makes sense. And I was actually contemplating this for myself (because I live 40 miles from our test site) before I realized that this was the norm.
I initially booked the hotel adjacent to the bar site. That hotel has kindly jacked its rates up about 25% during the bar. It will cost more than $700 to stay there. WTF? $700 to stay in a mediocre hotel that I will get absolutely no enjoyment out of.
After getting some tips on local bar hotels from classmates and last year's grads, I have now booked a second room. This one is a couple of blocks away and will save me about $200 (although its rates are also significantly higher its regular rates). And it is supposedly better than the first one as far as noise.
But there is really no getting away from the noise. Because the bar exam is being held in a very touristy area. In the middle of summer, when tourists are out in force. So no matter where I go, there will be kids running amuck and happy people with tans enjoying their vacations.
I initially booked the hotel adjacent to the bar site. That hotel has kindly jacked its rates up about 25% during the bar. It will cost more than $700 to stay there. WTF? $700 to stay in a mediocre hotel that I will get absolutely no enjoyment out of.
After getting some tips on local bar hotels from classmates and last year's grads, I have now booked a second room. This one is a couple of blocks away and will save me about $200 (although its rates are also significantly higher its regular rates). And it is supposedly better than the first one as far as noise.
But there is really no getting away from the noise. Because the bar exam is being held in a very touristy area. In the middle of summer, when tourists are out in force. So no matter where I go, there will be kids running amuck and happy people with tans enjoying their vacations.
4/17/07
Sometimes ya just wanna shoot the messenger
I was trying so hard yesterday to maintain a good attitude. Then I checked the mail. I got two notices from my undergrad loans informing me that my in-school deferment is ending in the next 30 days. A notice about the interest that is accruing on my law school loan. A notice that my mortgage is going up because of taxes, and my escrow account is deficient. I can pay the escrow deficiency in a lump sum or pay it out and my mortgage will go up even more. Oh yeah, and another rejection letter informing me that they "only make offers to licensed attorneys." OK, but do ya have to be so snarky about it? And for what they are paying, they should really reconsider their attitude.
DD came home sick yesterday and is now home with me.
I got called on in Con Law last night. This is a prof entrenched in 1L Socratic method. I think he suspected that I had tuned out and was trying to catch me. I was in fact-tuned out, and had only read half the case. Fortunately, it was the half I was called upon to discuss. After 3 years of law school I have mastered paying just enough attention to track the class discussion while surfing the internet. Which reminds me of a funny incident.
A couple of weeks ago a girl got called on in Pre-trial. She had to ask what case we were on. Prof. said, "what are you doing up there, playing cards?" She said, "something like that." Prof said, "Good thing I'm not easily offended." She did a great job on the case. Prof said, "Guess I was just moving too slow for you, huh?"
DD came home sick yesterday and is now home with me.
I got called on in Con Law last night. This is a prof entrenched in 1L Socratic method. I think he suspected that I had tuned out and was trying to catch me. I was in fact-tuned out, and had only read half the case. Fortunately, it was the half I was called upon to discuss. After 3 years of law school I have mastered paying just enough attention to track the class discussion while surfing the internet. Which reminds me of a funny incident.
A couple of weeks ago a girl got called on in Pre-trial. She had to ask what case we were on. Prof. said, "what are you doing up there, playing cards?" She said, "something like that." Prof said, "Good thing I'm not easily offended." She did a great job on the case. Prof said, "Guess I was just moving too slow for you, huh?"
4/16/07
The sun has come out
So, I know that I have been a wee bit whiny lately. I think that part of it has been the weather. It has been cloudy and rainy and gloomy for weeks. I need sunshine to function, and it has finally arrived.
Also, I think the uncertainty about my future is getting to me. I am a planner. I need to know where I am going and how to get there. Right now I have no idea where my life is headed once I am done with the bar. Will I have a job I love or one that I hate (or any job at all)? Will I be in the same house--or even the same city? How much money will I be making? Where will my kids be in school? There are big changes ahead, and I don't like not being able to plan for them.
But I am working on readjusting my attitude. Whining isn't going to get me anywhere. And I really need to move out of this funk and gear up for the push through finals. My goals right now are to get through finals and then the bar. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.
Also, I think the uncertainty about my future is getting to me. I am a planner. I need to know where I am going and how to get there. Right now I have no idea where my life is headed once I am done with the bar. Will I have a job I love or one that I hate (or any job at all)? Will I be in the same house--or even the same city? How much money will I be making? Where will my kids be in school? There are big changes ahead, and I don't like not being able to plan for them.
But I am working on readjusting my attitude. Whining isn't going to get me anywhere. And I really need to move out of this funk and gear up for the push through finals. My goals right now are to get through finals and then the bar. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.
4/13/07
Friday the 13th Sucks
The whole day has been crappy. DH and I are fighting because he hurt my feelings and then got mad at me for being upset.
The dress I ordered for graduation came in and it is gorgeous. But it doesn't fit--not even close. It's exactly the same size as the suit I ordered along with it and the suit fits perfectly. It is out of stock online, and according to the website, the nearest store that has it is 300 miles away.
I got my first rejection letter. Big City DA's office let me know that they are "impressed with my qualifications" but they don't have any openings right now. They will file my application in case something comes up. I won't be holding my breath.
Still haven't heard anything from Not My Big City DA's office. Or anyone else. I have a ton of resumes out and I am getting absolutely no feedback. I have good grades from a top tier university. I have a ton of experience. Everybody that I have worked for has loved me and offered to give me excellent references without me even having to ask. So why aren't I employable?
So I have spent the day wallowing in self-pity and doing absolutely nothing productive. Oh yeah, except that I applied for one more job. That I found on Craigslist. Yes, folks, that is what it's come to.
The dress I ordered for graduation came in and it is gorgeous. But it doesn't fit--not even close. It's exactly the same size as the suit I ordered along with it and the suit fits perfectly. It is out of stock online, and according to the website, the nearest store that has it is 300 miles away.
I got my first rejection letter. Big City DA's office let me know that they are "impressed with my qualifications" but they don't have any openings right now. They will file my application in case something comes up. I won't be holding my breath.
Still haven't heard anything from Not My Big City DA's office. Or anyone else. I have a ton of resumes out and I am getting absolutely no feedback. I have good grades from a top tier university. I have a ton of experience. Everybody that I have worked for has loved me and offered to give me excellent references without me even having to ask. So why aren't I employable?
So I have spent the day wallowing in self-pity and doing absolutely nothing productive. Oh yeah, except that I applied for one more job. That I found on Craigslist. Yes, folks, that is what it's come to.
Tonight's entertainment provided by the LC
Thump, thump, thump...oh shit! That was me falling down the marble stairs at school yesterday. My flip-flopped feet slid out from under me and my ass hit every step on the way down. Fortunately there were only about 4 steps. Of course, my biggest concern was who saw my little episode. Luckily there were only about 3 people around--who informed me that it was hilarious to watch. Later I realized that I hurt all over. Think I can sue the school?
4/11/07
You know its time to do laundry...
...when the only thing left in your underwear drawer is a see-through fuchsia thong. Especially when you don't have time to send that kind of message to your honey.
4/10/07
Family Stuff
OK, is it strange that my MIL, FIL, 2 SIL's and their hubbies are planning to attend my graduation--but I don't think anyone from my own family will be there? I think it is, a little. Still not speaking to my mom, and I don't want her there taking credit for my success. My relationship with my dad is rocky, but I still thought he might come. Then again, he didn't make it to my undergrad graduation. I am closest to my grandparents, but they haven't mentioned coming either. My grandmother doesn't care to travel much these days, but I guess I was hoping she would make an exception. They visit my cousin who lives 120 miles away, but the 400 miles to see me (45 minutes on a plane!) is like the other end of the planet. Of course, my brother isn't even talking to me, and he couldn't afford the trip anyway. My other grandparents already told me that they can't come because two cousins have high school graduations the two weekends after mine, and it is just too much travelling. I have had both an aunt and uncle try to reach me in the last week--seems like they might be thinking about coming. But I don't really expect the relatives I see once a year to put out more effort than my parents and grandparents. Or maybe they are just being nice because they know how my parents are. I don't expect my in-laws there either, but as my DH put it, they have adopted me and would no less show up that if I were one of their own children. I heart my in-laws.
4/5/07
The Job Hunt Continues
It’s been an interesting day. I went to school early today to hear a presentation from the DA’s office from Big City. I left feeling pretty bummed. They are no longer hiring anyone without bar results. And she talked extensively about how competitive it is to get on there.
Five minutes after I got back I got an email from my supervisor at the small DA’s office where I worked last summer. Not My Big City DA’s office is checking my references. They also revealed to him that they have a lot of positions open and that they are trying to move quickly.
So, this is good news, sort of. I am becoming more and more interested in the possibility of working for NMBC DA’s office, but the thought of moving and all the change that would be required is overwhelming. I guess I’ll just keep waiting and see what happens, but it kinda seems like they’re serious if they are checking references.
Five minutes after I got back I got an email from my supervisor at the small DA’s office where I worked last summer. Not My Big City DA’s office is checking my references. They also revealed to him that they have a lot of positions open and that they are trying to move quickly.
So, this is good news, sort of. I am becoming more and more interested in the possibility of working for NMBC DA’s office, but the thought of moving and all the change that would be required is overwhelming. I guess I’ll just keep waiting and see what happens, but it kinda seems like they’re serious if they are checking references.
4/4/07
Thank God I have girls.
Today was the kindergarten field trip to the zoo that I volunteered to help chaperon. Another mom and I were to keep up with our 3 girls plus 2 boys. OK, 5 kids, no biggie. But somehow a dad, who was charged only with chaperoning his own twin boys, tagged along with our group. It was a disaster. This father had absolutely no control over his own children. They kept running through the zoo, screaming at the top of their lungs, climbing everything they could find, stomping through the flower beds, pulling up plants, throwing things at animals--you name it, they tried it. The dad occasionally tried to intervene, but his kids paid him no attention. And since those two boys were running wild, it made the boys that we were watching think they could do the same. We tried to ditch the dad and the Terror Twins, but no luck. I spent the entire day yelling at kids who don't belong to me. I am now completely exhausted and am skipping class tonight. Meanwhile, my girls, plus their friend who was in our zoo group have been playing here since we got home. I have not had to correct them a single time. I love having girls--on their very worst day they have never behaved as badly as the boys I was with today.
4/2/07
My apologies if you have me on your RSS Feeder
I did a little housekeeping today, and apparently it makes the old posts that I changed look like they were just published (on the feeder, not on my blog page.) I just made some minor changes--deleting some things that I thought could cause problems if my secret identity were ever uncovered, and removing the title of a song that more than half my hits come from.
My City Sucks
I was dutifully paying my monthly bills on Friday when I noticed that my water bill was $92. My bill is usually about $35. The bill showed a balance forward of $52, but no explanation of where this balance came from. When I checked online, the statement showed that I had paid the bill in full, on time.
A quick call to the City (which runs the water utility) informed me that my last payment (e-pay)was returned NSF. I knew that couldn't be right, but the CS rep on the phone had no further information and I had to wait for a supervisor to call me back. Meanwhile, I checked my bank account, and in fact, there were more than adequate funds to cover last month's bill at all times, but there was no record that the payment had ever been processed.
The supervisor told me that the problem was not NSF, but because the bank account had been entered incorrectly and it was merely billed as NSF. I said, ok, I'll pay the past due balance, please remove the fee. And they said NO. WTF??? The fee is $15--almost 40% of my bill. By contrast, if I had merely been late, the fee would have been 10%--$3.50. The City's excuse is that it is charged the fee by its contractor who processes payments, and if I don't pay it , then the expense if borne by all the citizens of [Sucky City].
I have gone up the line and spoken with 3 people. The last person is the director of finance and informed me that her supervisor is the City Manager. I haven't contacted the City Manager yet--for now I am continuing to argue with the Finance Director. Basically, I'm fighting a losing battle. The city is the only gig in town if I want running water. On the other hand, this was a non-disclosed fee, and I don't think that they can legally and legitimately charge random fees w/o disclosure.
Frankly, it would be easier to pay the stinkin' $15. This is truly a matter of principle. I refuse to pay a 40% penalty for a clerical error that the city has not even shown to be mine. I thought about letting it drop--this is a small town and I really don't need to be making enemies as I am kick-starting my career. On the other hand, I have been training for the last three years to stand up for other people's rights. How can I ever be an effective lawyer, when I let the city stomp all over my rights?
A quick call to the City (which runs the water utility) informed me that my last payment (e-pay)was returned NSF. I knew that couldn't be right, but the CS rep on the phone had no further information and I had to wait for a supervisor to call me back. Meanwhile, I checked my bank account, and in fact, there were more than adequate funds to cover last month's bill at all times, but there was no record that the payment had ever been processed.
The supervisor told me that the problem was not NSF, but because the bank account had been entered incorrectly and it was merely billed as NSF. I said, ok, I'll pay the past due balance, please remove the fee. And they said NO. WTF??? The fee is $15--almost 40% of my bill. By contrast, if I had merely been late, the fee would have been 10%--$3.50. The City's excuse is that it is charged the fee by its contractor who processes payments, and if I don't pay it , then the expense if borne by all the citizens of [Sucky City].
I have gone up the line and spoken with 3 people. The last person is the director of finance and informed me that her supervisor is the City Manager. I haven't contacted the City Manager yet--for now I am continuing to argue with the Finance Director. Basically, I'm fighting a losing battle. The city is the only gig in town if I want running water. On the other hand, this was a non-disclosed fee, and I don't think that they can legally and legitimately charge random fees w/o disclosure.
Frankly, it would be easier to pay the stinkin' $15. This is truly a matter of principle. I refuse to pay a 40% penalty for a clerical error that the city has not even shown to be mine. I thought about letting it drop--this is a small town and I really don't need to be making enemies as I am kick-starting my career. On the other hand, I have been training for the last three years to stand up for other people's rights. How can I ever be an effective lawyer, when I let the city stomp all over my rights?
3/30/07
Mom's bed is always best when you're sick
My youngest (by 2 minutes) DD is sick--again. She is the sickliest of my kiddos, although you'd never know it by her spunky personality. She has asthma, and the mildest of colds can knock her on her butt. Yesterday was one of those days. Took her to the doc and she has an ear infection, some kind of stomach thing, and possible a kidney/UT infection. Poor baby. She laid down in my bed at 7 last night and didn't get up until after 9 this morning. I was worried about her dehydrating since she didn't eat at all yesterday, and hardly drank, but the sleep seemed to help, and she is perkier this morning.
So, I didn't get much sleep with DD in my bed. And I got even less b/c Bob was being a total PITA. For some reason Bob has decided that he doesn't like to be alone at night and will bark until someone pays attention to him. This just started two nights ago. If it doesn't end soon, Bob will be homeless. I need my sleep or I turn into the Wicked Bitch of the West.
Oh yeah, and I told oldest DD that she could have a sleepover tonight because she got a perfect score on her state standardized test for reading. Guess we'll be looking at one more sleepless night. Arghh.
So, I didn't get much sleep with DD in my bed. And I got even less b/c Bob was being a total PITA. For some reason Bob has decided that he doesn't like to be alone at night and will bark until someone pays attention to him. This just started two nights ago. If it doesn't end soon, Bob will be homeless. I need my sleep or I turn into the Wicked Bitch of the West.
Oh yeah, and I told oldest DD that she could have a sleepover tonight because she got a perfect score on her state standardized test for reading. Guess we'll be looking at one more sleepless night. Arghh.
3/26/07
Bob is still a punk
We've cut off the booze, but Bob is still managing to find trouble.
Fortunately, for him, this is the remains of an arrangement that was given to me by my mother-in-law* that was truly hideous. It originally looked like a dead bird hidden in a bunch of leaves and cattails. No wonder Bob went for it--he is a bird dog. But now somebody's got some 'splainin to do to MIL.
*For the record, my MIL is on the awesome end of the MIL spectrum. And she usually has great taste--I'm not sure how she got off track with the dead-bird arrangement.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)