I must attend an awards banquet next week for an association that my firm is very involved with. There will be many clients and many more potential clients in attendance. It is "cocktail attire" and I will have to leave straight from the office.
So, what the heck do I wear? Anything in my current wardrobe that might approximate cocktail is definitely not work appropriate, nor something that I would want to wear in a business setting. (I have ample cleavage and it is hard to find cocktail attire that does not draw attention to this attribute. Not that I mind too much since I was called "2x4" in high school and the girls are holding up pretty well considering I breastfed three children. But in business settings I prefer to be noticed for my brains and not my other assets.)
Can I get by with wearing a suit, or do I need to wear a dress? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go find a little black dress that I could throw a cardigan over during the day and remove for evening--but I don't have a ton of time to go shopping before this event.
And, no, there's no one to ask, since I'm the only girl in the office. The guys will definitely just wear their suits. Also, this industry organization is heavily male-dominated, so nearly all of the other females in attendance will be spouses--not sure if that makes a difference or not.
P.S. This is my 750th post--woot!
3/20/10
3/18/10
LC is too busy to blog.
Work has been insane. Between a mediation the end of this month, a trial in early May and a whole mess of other cases, I am barely keeping my head above water. I've been trapped in doc review hell for the last several weeks, and every time I turn around there are more documents. I've been doing electronic review every night from my laptop trying to get caught up. And then today I learned that the other side is producing a 145 gig hard drive. Sigh.
Yesterday, I f'd up big time and inadvertently produced privileged docs. Fortunately, opposing counsel was kind enough to point out my mistake (because there was a big green stickie on the docs that said "Privileged") and swears he didn't review them. And my boss didn't even yell at me. He just said "it happens, and we were lucky that opposing counsel was honest." Then when I joked that I was afraid I needed to start packing up, he assured me that I was very well regarded in the firm and that my hard work was very much appreciated and I was not going anywhere anytime soon.
Our new attorney is supposed to be taking some of the heat off of me, but I haven't noticed it much yet. But he did accompany me to an offsite doc review today. I felt like I had a bodyguard. He's a 6'6" bodybuilder and was wearing a black suit. He definitely gets the attention of every passing female.
I will definitely be going in to the office this weekend--something I've avoided since I started with this firm in August. But I have to work on our position paper for mediation and ID our exhibits. I guess the good news is that I am making up for all the hours I was short over the past couple of months while travelling during MIL's illness.
Tomorrow I'm getting sworn into my 2nd federal court bar. Partner said to review the local rules tonight because some of the judges will quiz you. Like I have nothing better to do. Fortunately I'm pretty well acquainted with the local rules because I am anal retentive about following procedure.
So this was rambling and random, but it's all I've got.
Yesterday, I f'd up big time and inadvertently produced privileged docs. Fortunately, opposing counsel was kind enough to point out my mistake (because there was a big green stickie on the docs that said "Privileged") and swears he didn't review them. And my boss didn't even yell at me. He just said "it happens, and we were lucky that opposing counsel was honest." Then when I joked that I was afraid I needed to start packing up, he assured me that I was very well regarded in the firm and that my hard work was very much appreciated and I was not going anywhere anytime soon.
Our new attorney is supposed to be taking some of the heat off of me, but I haven't noticed it much yet. But he did accompany me to an offsite doc review today. I felt like I had a bodyguard. He's a 6'6" bodybuilder and was wearing a black suit. He definitely gets the attention of every passing female.
I will definitely be going in to the office this weekend--something I've avoided since I started with this firm in August. But I have to work on our position paper for mediation and ID our exhibits. I guess the good news is that I am making up for all the hours I was short over the past couple of months while travelling during MIL's illness.
Tomorrow I'm getting sworn into my 2nd federal court bar. Partner said to review the local rules tonight because some of the judges will quiz you. Like I have nothing better to do. Fortunately I'm pretty well acquainted with the local rules because I am anal retentive about following procedure.
So this was rambling and random, but it's all I've got.
3/8/10
Trying to get back to normal
We are trying to get some sense of normalcy back in our lives. We spent the weekend running errands, picking up the house, fixing the bathtub issue, paying bills and just generally trying to get back on track. I spent a good part of Sunday cooking meals for the next couple of weeks. It is so nice to have homecooked food. We have really been eating a lot of crap lately and have the extra pounds to show for it.
We took PS to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday night. She is a huge Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fan and loved it. I thought it was ok, but expected it to be better than it was.
I also booked us in a cabin for Memorial Day weekend. Right on the river, with fishing off the back deck. I'm not so big on fishing, but spending a weekend at a cabin in the woods, relaxing on a deck overlooking the river sounds like the best vacation ever right about now. We'll wait a few weeks and ask FIL if he would like to join us.
Work is ok. We finally hired another attorney, which takes some of the heat off of me (and means I'm no longer the low man on the totem pole--good news in this economy!). I had been working my tail off last month trying to stay ahead of my deadlines since I knew I would be out for several days at some point. Now I can maintain a slightly more relaxed pace, but I have a mediation the end of this month and a trial that is 85% sure to go in May.
Hopefully no more chaos will be thrown our way for a while, because I have been operating at maxium capacity and really need some down time. (And by down time I mean only raising 3 kids and working 10 hour days.)
We took PS to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday night. She is a huge Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fan and loved it. I thought it was ok, but expected it to be better than it was.
I also booked us in a cabin for Memorial Day weekend. Right on the river, with fishing off the back deck. I'm not so big on fishing, but spending a weekend at a cabin in the woods, relaxing on a deck overlooking the river sounds like the best vacation ever right about now. We'll wait a few weeks and ask FIL if he would like to join us.
Work is ok. We finally hired another attorney, which takes some of the heat off of me (and means I'm no longer the low man on the totem pole--good news in this economy!). I had been working my tail off last month trying to stay ahead of my deadlines since I knew I would be out for several days at some point. Now I can maintain a slightly more relaxed pace, but I have a mediation the end of this month and a trial that is 85% sure to go in May.
Hopefully no more chaos will be thrown our way for a while, because I have been operating at maxium capacity and really need some down time. (And by down time I mean only raising 3 kids and working 10 hour days.)
3/6/10
My baby's growing up
PS is finishing up her final year of elementary school and will be heading off to middle school next year. I can't believe that my curly-topped chubby baby isn't a baby anymore--or that I am old enough to have a child in 7th grade.
Last week her school sent home packets of information about scheduling and elective selection for next year, and Thursday evening PS and I toured the school. They are in a brand-new school with every amenity (including a $13 million natatorium right next door) and all of the kids are issued laptops. This school district is the reason I have a 45-minute commute to work.
We met her GT English teacher for next year, and the class sounds like it will be lots of fun. As soon as we walked in, we saw that the kids were assigned "The Giver" to read over the summer. I exclaimed, "Oh, look, we already read 'The Giver' trilogy, so you'll be a step ahead," and was quickly admonished and told that I should review the published suggested reading lists for schools in my state and avoid those books. Umm, ok, whatever. So I'm not supposed to let my kids read great books because she might read them later in school? I received a similar lecture from PS's second grade teacher because she had already read all of the Ramona Quimby books.
Overall, I was quite impressed with the middle school course options. Pre-AP courses are available in all core classes, and electives included the standards like band, art and theater, but also some that sounded more like high school courses like "Aerospace Career Portal."
Our only hang-up for choosing electives is the PE credit. PS wanted to take soccer, but it is not offered for credit. Her athletics choices are basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, cheer and drill team. Basketball, volleyball and gymnastics require try-outs and it seems unlikely that PS would make the teams without experience. Of course she could just take PE, but none of the "cool" kids ever take PE. Which leaves her with the choice of cheer or drill team. Neither is especially appealing to PS, but I think she is going to go with cheer.
I don't usually care what the cool kids are doing, but PS is a bit socially awkward and I'll do whatever I can to give her a boost through the tough middle school years. I hope joining a team will help her make a core group of friends, because I'm afraid she'll end up a loner if she only takes classes and electives that don't require a lot of group involvement. Now is when I question my decision to accelerate her in kindergarten. She is the youngest and shortest in her class. I wouldn't say that she is immature, but she's the nerdy smart kid who just isn't interested in the same things as her peers. I know that she'll come in to her own eventually (probably in college), but I fear the middle school years will be really, really hard on her.
So I'll continue to push her academically (I've already informed her that all of the pre-AP courses are non-negotiable), but I'll also encourage her to do cheer and theater and other classes that will help her make friends and give her confidence.
Last week her school sent home packets of information about scheduling and elective selection for next year, and Thursday evening PS and I toured the school. They are in a brand-new school with every amenity (including a $13 million natatorium right next door) and all of the kids are issued laptops. This school district is the reason I have a 45-minute commute to work.
We met her GT English teacher for next year, and the class sounds like it will be lots of fun. As soon as we walked in, we saw that the kids were assigned "The Giver" to read over the summer. I exclaimed, "Oh, look, we already read 'The Giver' trilogy, so you'll be a step ahead," and was quickly admonished and told that I should review the published suggested reading lists for schools in my state and avoid those books. Umm, ok, whatever. So I'm not supposed to let my kids read great books because she might read them later in school? I received a similar lecture from PS's second grade teacher because she had already read all of the Ramona Quimby books.
Overall, I was quite impressed with the middle school course options. Pre-AP courses are available in all core classes, and electives included the standards like band, art and theater, but also some that sounded more like high school courses like "Aerospace Career Portal."
Our only hang-up for choosing electives is the PE credit. PS wanted to take soccer, but it is not offered for credit. Her athletics choices are basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, cheer and drill team. Basketball, volleyball and gymnastics require try-outs and it seems unlikely that PS would make the teams without experience. Of course she could just take PE, but none of the "cool" kids ever take PE. Which leaves her with the choice of cheer or drill team. Neither is especially appealing to PS, but I think she is going to go with cheer.
I don't usually care what the cool kids are doing, but PS is a bit socially awkward and I'll do whatever I can to give her a boost through the tough middle school years. I hope joining a team will help her make a core group of friends, because I'm afraid she'll end up a loner if she only takes classes and electives that don't require a lot of group involvement. Now is when I question my decision to accelerate her in kindergarten. She is the youngest and shortest in her class. I wouldn't say that she is immature, but she's the nerdy smart kid who just isn't interested in the same things as her peers. I know that she'll come in to her own eventually (probably in college), but I fear the middle school years will be really, really hard on her.
So I'll continue to push her academically (I've already informed her that all of the pre-AP courses are non-negotiable), but I'll also encourage her to do cheer and theater and other classes that will help her make friends and give her confidence.
3/5/10
Seriously???
We had the rosary for MIL on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday. We drove home Thursday. We probably would have stayed through the weekend, but PS had her "transition to middle school" program Thursday night, and it seemed like something that we really needed to attend. (And it was, but that is a whole other post.) We got home yesterday with just enough time for me to drop off DH and the twins and head over to the middle school with PS.
I returned to work today, and met the family for dinner this evening. DH and I planned to watch a movie together tonight and to spend our first weekend at home in a month relaxing. The best laid plans...
Shortly after arriving home from dinner, TT informed us that there was dog barf in the upstairs hall . . . and the game room . . . and their bedroom. Then, when PS was headed to the pantry to look for carpet cleaner, I heard, "Mo-oommm, the ceiling is dripping."
Oh yes, a huge water stain on my kitchen ceiling. Which just happens to be directly below the upstairs bathroom. And of course, there is no easy way to access the kitchen ceiling--there is only about a 10" gap between the first and second floors through which the HVAC, plumbing and electrical lines are run and the only access is either through the ceiling downstairs or through the floor upstairs.
We suspected that the upstairs bathtub is the culprit, so DH sawed a hole in the wall of the linen closet to investigate. As suspected, the floor beneath the tub is soaked, and it looks like the drain is leaking. We can probably repair the drain without too much trouble, but it is nearly impossible to tell the extent of the damage between the floors unless we remove the bathtub and cut a hole in the floor below. Or cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. The floor beneath the bathroom will be less noticeable, but removing the tub doesn't sound like fun.
Let's see, in the last week my MIL died, my car was hit, I got a speeding ticket, my animals barfed all over my carpet, and my bathtub is leaking through a floor and ceiling. What have I done to upset the cosmos?
I returned to work today, and met the family for dinner this evening. DH and I planned to watch a movie together tonight and to spend our first weekend at home in a month relaxing. The best laid plans...
Shortly after arriving home from dinner, TT informed us that there was dog barf in the upstairs hall . . . and the game room . . . and their bedroom. Then, when PS was headed to the pantry to look for carpet cleaner, I heard, "Mo-oommm, the ceiling is dripping."
Oh yes, a huge water stain on my kitchen ceiling. Which just happens to be directly below the upstairs bathroom. And of course, there is no easy way to access the kitchen ceiling--there is only about a 10" gap between the first and second floors through which the HVAC, plumbing and electrical lines are run and the only access is either through the ceiling downstairs or through the floor upstairs.
We suspected that the upstairs bathtub is the culprit, so DH sawed a hole in the wall of the linen closet to investigate. As suspected, the floor beneath the tub is soaked, and it looks like the drain is leaking. We can probably repair the drain without too much trouble, but it is nearly impossible to tell the extent of the damage between the floors unless we remove the bathtub and cut a hole in the floor below. Or cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. The floor beneath the bathroom will be less noticeable, but removing the tub doesn't sound like fun.
Let's see, in the last week my MIL died, my car was hit, I got a speeding ticket, my animals barfed all over my carpet, and my bathtub is leaking through a floor and ceiling. What have I done to upset the cosmos?
2/28/10
Death and Life
MIL passed away Saturday night. We drove in late Friday after work, and so we were with her on Saturday when she passed. In the end, she went peacefully--for which we are thankful because much of the last few weeks has not been peaceful.
Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.
This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.
The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)
Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.
Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.
This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.
The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)
Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.
2/20/10
Still here
Sitting with MIL now. Early this week the doc said she had 24 hours. Later this week he said maybe 48 hours. The fact of the matter is that nobody knows. Some things just can't me put on a timetable, and death is one of them.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
2/17/10
Restored faith in humanity
MIL is still hanging in there. We were there when the doctor visited Monday morning. He said that the young ones have more will and more physical strength and tend to hang on longer. He thought then that she had a few more days, and DH and I drove home that afternoon.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
2/14/10
Not getting any easier
Last night we once again thought MIL was at the end. She appeared to be in a coma and her breathing slowed to the point that she was going longer than 30 seconds between breaths. But she suddenly perked up and her breathing regulated. We spent the night on sofas up here, along with SIL and her hubby, but she did fine through the night.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
2/13/10
She's Just Not Ready to Leave
MIL is still hanging in there. Last night we thought she was done. Her pulse dropped, and her breathing became even more irregular. We were all gathered around and she told us all that she loved us and spoke to each of us separately. And we were all bawling. We really thought she was done.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
2/11/10
The Vigil
I came out of a 2.5 hour conference call at 6:00 yesterday to a voicemail from DH telling me I needed to get the girls and return to Hometown ASAP. They really thought MIL was leaving last night. She was falling in and out of consciousness and so everyone was saying their goodbyes. Then she suddenly snapped out of it, announced that she wasn't dying and that she was planning to have pancakes for breakfast in the morning.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
2/9/10
Spinning Plates
I think that I usually do a pretty good job of keeping all my plates in the air. But this week is harder than most. I have a production deadline in one of my biggest cases on Friday. My client finally started shipping boxes a week ago--15 of them. I spent the weekend before last reviewing docs (they came in at 6:00 Friday just in time for the weekend!), hauled boxes all the way to Hometown last weekend, and spent Sunday night after we got home digging through them.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
2/6/10
Surreal
We're in Hometown, staying at MIL's house. It's weird bring here when she's not here. Last night someone made food for all us kids and our kids. Everyone, except MIL & FIL, was here. Like a family holiday, except with the patriarchs missing. And the talk of death and funerals, with a few funny family stories mixed in. While we were eating on MIL's very fancy and expensive dining room table, all I could think was that she would be freaking out because we did not put down place mats or a table cloth!
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
2/2/10
Marking time
We received notice last weekend that MIL is declining more quickly than anticipated and that we should visit soon. DH was actually supposed to visit last weekend, but canceled his plans after Hometown got dumped on with snow. Now he's flying out tomorrow and I am driving in with the kids on Friday.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
1/24/10
Can I keep my kids little and cute forever?
I love my twins at 8 years old. They are so funny and they still adore me and they are big enough to go out and have fun with and not have to drag along half the house with us.(I think I did a happy dance the day I realized we didn't need a diaper bag anymore!)
So today is my birthday. In keeping with family tradition, PS came down and blasted the Beatles birthday song while everybody hopped in my bed. SS gave me a porcucone (a pine cone with play-dough features to make it look like a porcupine.) TT gave me a box with drawings and precious plastic jewels. PS gave me two bottles of nail polish. Then SS sang me a birthday song and TT brought me a birthday breakfast menu, to be paid for with kisses. Finally, TT brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail.
The perfect birthday!
For DH's part, he took me to the movies on Friday--to a theater that sells food and booze. We've never been before, but I've decided that all theaters should serve mudslides and burgers. The most impressive part is that he arranged for it all by himself, including child care, without consulting me--something I've been griping about for years. He's also getting me a mini-subscription to out local musical theater company. This is big, since he hates musicals. But I will finally get to see Phantom and Wicked and we have 4 guaranteed date nights over the next several months. Woot!
And for myself, I have undergone my mid-winter de-trolling. I had my eyebrows threaded earlier in the week (which hurts like an SOB, but they look so freakin' awesome) and asked for a permanent appointment every two weeks. I colored my hair (have to for the gray, but I try to stick as close to my natural color as possible). But apparently I did not actually read the color on the box and am now "hot cinnamon red." But it's ok--I can be a sassy redhead for a while.
And I went to the upscale spa for a mani-pedi yesterday. The pedi cost more than twice what it would at the local walk-in place, but it was about 1,000 times more relaxing. I really don't like pedicures, but this one was actually pleasant and worth every cent.
I also tried the new gel-lacquer on my fingernails. It is for natural nails and is supposed to make your manicure last 2-3 weeks. I have great nails and haven't worn artificial nails in almost 15 years, but my manicures don't last more than 5 days and I suck at doing my own nails. I'm anxious to see how well this holds up.
So today is my birthday. In keeping with family tradition, PS came down and blasted the Beatles birthday song while everybody hopped in my bed. SS gave me a porcucone (a pine cone with play-dough features to make it look like a porcupine.) TT gave me a box with drawings and precious plastic jewels. PS gave me two bottles of nail polish. Then SS sang me a birthday song and TT brought me a birthday breakfast menu, to be paid for with kisses. Finally, TT brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail.
The perfect birthday!
For DH's part, he took me to the movies on Friday--to a theater that sells food and booze. We've never been before, but I've decided that all theaters should serve mudslides and burgers. The most impressive part is that he arranged for it all by himself, including child care, without consulting me--something I've been griping about for years. He's also getting me a mini-subscription to out local musical theater company. This is big, since he hates musicals. But I will finally get to see Phantom and Wicked and we have 4 guaranteed date nights over the next several months. Woot!
And for myself, I have undergone my mid-winter de-trolling. I had my eyebrows threaded earlier in the week (which hurts like an SOB, but they look so freakin' awesome) and asked for a permanent appointment every two weeks. I colored my hair (have to for the gray, but I try to stick as close to my natural color as possible). But apparently I did not actually read the color on the box and am now "hot cinnamon red." But it's ok--I can be a sassy redhead for a while.
And I went to the upscale spa for a mani-pedi yesterday. The pedi cost more than twice what it would at the local walk-in place, but it was about 1,000 times more relaxing. I really don't like pedicures, but this one was actually pleasant and worth every cent.
I also tried the new gel-lacquer on my fingernails. It is for natural nails and is supposed to make your manicure last 2-3 weeks. I have great nails and haven't worn artificial nails in almost 15 years, but my manicures don't last more than 5 days and I suck at doing my own nails. I'm anxious to see how well this holds up.
1/23/10
Playing with the boys
As a female litigator I am frequently the only girl in the room. I am the only female attorney in my office except for a part-timer who generally stays hidden away and handles primarily transactional matters. Virtually all other attorneys and clients that I encounter are male. In fact, I don't believe that I have ever gone to a hearing or deposition where I faced a female opponent.
So it's always a bit of a challenge keeping up in with the guys' conversations. Lately the hot topic has been football and soon it will be baseball. I am not a huge sports fan, but I listen to sports radio in the mornings so that I can contribute something to the conversation, and I keep up with our local teams.
I went to lunch with several partners this week and the topic was movies. Guy movies. They spent a good 15 minutes quoting the Godfather (which I have never seen, because I don't watch violent movies) and then moved on to Star Wars (which I have seen because my husband is a huge Star Wars fan, but I do not recall the significance of Boba Fett's contribution and whether he was only popular because of his action figure).
So, ladies, how do you keep up with conversations in this male-dominated field? I'm sure they don't want to hear about how I am reading The Other Boleyn Girl (which is quite good, but is starting to drag it bit--I'm 3/4 through and just ready for Anne's head to roll), or how fantastic my new zen eyebrow threader is.
So it's always a bit of a challenge keeping up in with the guys' conversations. Lately the hot topic has been football and soon it will be baseball. I am not a huge sports fan, but I listen to sports radio in the mornings so that I can contribute something to the conversation, and I keep up with our local teams.
I went to lunch with several partners this week and the topic was movies. Guy movies. They spent a good 15 minutes quoting the Godfather (which I have never seen, because I don't watch violent movies) and then moved on to Star Wars (which I have seen because my husband is a huge Star Wars fan, but I do not recall the significance of Boba Fett's contribution and whether he was only popular because of his action figure).
So, ladies, how do you keep up with conversations in this male-dominated field? I'm sure they don't want to hear about how I am reading The Other Boleyn Girl (which is quite good, but is starting to drag it bit--I'm 3/4 through and just ready for Anne's head to roll), or how fantastic my new zen eyebrow threader is.
1/19/10
Drama in LC's hood
So for the past couple of weeks I have been hearing tales of the little boys down the street pushing, hitting and throwing things at my girls. (They've also ripped branches off my trees and broken my flower pots.) This information came from the girls, my nanny and the neighbor across the street who's son has witnessed Bratty Neighbors and who has attested to the brattiness of Bratty Neighbors.
Being disinclined to insert myself into a schoolyard scuffle, I told the girls to avoid the Bratty Neighbors and defend themselves if necessary.
By all accounts my girls were not the instigators, and honestly, it would be quite out of character for them to be aggressive--physically or verbally--with other kids.
Apparently today the mother of Bratty Neighbors came down to my house and got ugly with my nanny, and so it seemed the time for me to get involved.* DH and I walked down to neighbor's house where I informed her that any issues that she needed to address in the future should be addressed directly to me and that she should not have contact with my nanny. That was it. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't get ugly.
Then she went off. Making excuses, calling everybody involved a liar. And she would not STFU.
I am not the type to get into screaming matches with my neighbors, despite my white trash background. So I told her to keep her kids out of my yard or I would file a restraining order and press trespassing charges.
And then her husband called me a bitch. I hardly noticed, but DH, who had been standing by quietly by, got all riled up. Swoon! He's never had to defend my honor and I was quite impressed with his rapid response.
Anyway, I walked off, hoping DH would follow me before punches were thrown. Of course that just infuriated them more. Clearly these were people who couldn't be reasoned with. DH stayed behind for quite some time to try to deal with them.
I simply do not know how to deal with people like this. I could hear the woman going on and on from my house, three doors down and across the street. What do you do? Am I really going to take out a restraining order on an 8 year old? Hardly, even if he is pushing down my kids and tearing the branches off my trees. But his parents obviously don't give a damn what he does.
For now my kids are banished to their own backyard and are bummed that they can't ride bikes out front with their friends. I don't know what crazy lady is going to do next, but I don't want to feed her drama. And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take it out on my kids.
*A significant side note: About 4 years ago I called CPS on one of their kids. DH and I were putting raised flower beds in the front yard and were outside the entire weekend. The little boy--who looked to be about 2 (much younger than my twins) was outside the entire weekend. No parents ever checked on him, no older sibling. He was running back and forth the street (without looking) and had a disgusting green snotty note. So yeah, I reported them for neglect. And apparently they know that it was me, which does not make me any more popular with them. But they asked me tonight (our first conversation ever) and I owned it and said yes I did, because I'm licensed by the state I am a required reporter and a very young child running all over the neighborhood with no supervision looked like neglect.
Being disinclined to insert myself into a schoolyard scuffle, I told the girls to avoid the Bratty Neighbors and defend themselves if necessary.
By all accounts my girls were not the instigators, and honestly, it would be quite out of character for them to be aggressive--physically or verbally--with other kids.
Apparently today the mother of Bratty Neighbors came down to my house and got ugly with my nanny, and so it seemed the time for me to get involved.* DH and I walked down to neighbor's house where I informed her that any issues that she needed to address in the future should be addressed directly to me and that she should not have contact with my nanny. That was it. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't get ugly.
Then she went off. Making excuses, calling everybody involved a liar. And she would not STFU.
I am not the type to get into screaming matches with my neighbors, despite my white trash background. So I told her to keep her kids out of my yard or I would file a restraining order and press trespassing charges.
And then her husband called me a bitch. I hardly noticed, but DH, who had been standing by quietly by, got all riled up. Swoon! He's never had to defend my honor and I was quite impressed with his rapid response.
Anyway, I walked off, hoping DH would follow me before punches were thrown. Of course that just infuriated them more. Clearly these were people who couldn't be reasoned with. DH stayed behind for quite some time to try to deal with them.
I simply do not know how to deal with people like this. I could hear the woman going on and on from my house, three doors down and across the street. What do you do? Am I really going to take out a restraining order on an 8 year old? Hardly, even if he is pushing down my kids and tearing the branches off my trees. But his parents obviously don't give a damn what he does.
For now my kids are banished to their own backyard and are bummed that they can't ride bikes out front with their friends. I don't know what crazy lady is going to do next, but I don't want to feed her drama. And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take it out on my kids.
*A significant side note: About 4 years ago I called CPS on one of their kids. DH and I were putting raised flower beds in the front yard and were outside the entire weekend. The little boy--who looked to be about 2 (much younger than my twins) was outside the entire weekend. No parents ever checked on him, no older sibling. He was running back and forth the street (without looking) and had a disgusting green snotty note. So yeah, I reported them for neglect. And apparently they know that it was me, which does not make me any more popular with them. But they asked me tonight (our first conversation ever) and I owned it and said yes I did, because I'm licensed by the state I am a required reporter and a very young child running all over the neighborhood with no supervision looked like neglect.
1/14/10
FYI--Dead Bodies Do Not Belong on Facebook
Yesterday a picture of my nieces and nephews popped up on FB. Upon closer inspection they appeared to be standing in front of a casket. So I clicked on the album so see the image up close. The first picture in the album was a close-up of dead woman in a casket. The rest of the album pictured additional pictures of the deceased along with photos of various people hanging out around the casket.
WTF??? Personally, I think it is bizarre to take pictures of dead people in the first place, although I know it is not especially uncommon. But to post them on Facebook??? In what world is that appropriate? It just seems to be incredibly disrespectful to the deceased.
WTF??? Personally, I think it is bizarre to take pictures of dead people in the first place, although I know it is not especially uncommon. But to post them on Facebook??? In what world is that appropriate? It just seems to be incredibly disrespectful to the deceased.
1/12/10
No drama at LC's house--yea!
Nothing exciting happening here. Apparently nobody was too worried about my 8 year olds--ahem, 12 year olds--because nothing more has come of it.
Work is crazy busy. My new secretary starts Monday, which is great since I've been without a secretary for the last month. I have to convince whomever is available to help me--and of course there are always one or two who are perpetually "too busy." My former secretary and I have been getting along splendidly (no, that's not sarcasm) since she's been reassigned. Maybe she decided I wasn't so bad after finding out what else is out there. Her new attorney is very possessive.
I got to interview my new secretary. I've never had a say in my secretary before--and apparently associates don't generally get to interview their secretaries. But my firm seemed to think it was really important for me to be involved in the interview process so that it would be clear from the beginning that I would be her boss. I warned her that I am a control freak and demanding, but I don't think she believed me.
DH and I are fighting--that's always fun! Right now we're in ignore-each-other mode, which I guess is better than yell-at-each-other mode. I wish we'd just get to make-up-sex mode, but since nobody is apologizing, I guess we're not there yet.
Work is crazy busy. My new secretary starts Monday, which is great since I've been without a secretary for the last month. I have to convince whomever is available to help me--and of course there are always one or two who are perpetually "too busy." My former secretary and I have been getting along splendidly (no, that's not sarcasm) since she's been reassigned. Maybe she decided I wasn't so bad after finding out what else is out there. Her new attorney is very possessive.
I got to interview my new secretary. I've never had a say in my secretary before--and apparently associates don't generally get to interview their secretaries. But my firm seemed to think it was really important for me to be involved in the interview process so that it would be clear from the beginning that I would be her boss. I warned her that I am a control freak and demanding, but I don't think she believed me.
DH and I are fighting--that's always fun! Right now we're in ignore-each-other mode, which I guess is better than yell-at-each-other mode. I wish we'd just get to make-up-sex mode, but since nobody is apologizing, I guess we're not there yet.
1/6/10
Drama at LC's house
The kids are still out of school and the nanny called in sick on Monday, so I sent the twins to the local gymnastics place for the week (they have child care available during all school breaks and the kids love it.)
Last night DH picked them up, and once they got home realized that there was no food in the house for dinner. (I was working late.) The twins were pooped from playing all day, so he decided to leave them home while he and PS picked up burgers from a place literally 2 minutes from our house.
Yes, the twins are 8 years old. No, I do not know what possessed DH to think that it was ok to leave two 8-year olds home alone. He said they were really tired and he did not they would move from the couch during the 15 minutes he anticipated being gone. (I may or may not have yelled at him for his lapse in judgment.)
So, while the allegedly tired twins were home alone, they "accidentally" dialed 911. The 911 operator asked SS how old she was. SS says that she was afraid they would get taken away with us if she told the truth, so she told the 911 operator she was 12. The 911 operator asked who else was home, and SS said, "my twin." TT then got on the phone and confirmed to the 911 operator that they were 12.
Then a cop showed up at the house (protocol whenever there is a 911 call) to "make sure everything was ok." And the girls opened the door and let him in! (Yet another reason 8 year olds should not be left home alone!) Seconds later, DH returned and the cop confirmed everything was ok and left. The cop came in the front, DH came in the back, and we don't know whether the cop realized that DH actually wasn't home.
In addition to being furious with DH and the twins, I am concerned that the cop will file a CPS report. DH said the cop didn't seem concerned at all, but who knows what department policy is. CPS has 72-hours to investigate if there is not an immediate threat of harm, and that window has not passed yet.
My state has no law setting a minimum age at which a child can be left alone, but that doesn't mean CPS can't launch an investigation. Having worked in the DA's office and the child advocacy clinic, I've seen my share of CPS reports. They come into your home, evaluate the cleanliness, take pictures of the food in your your fridge and cabinets (a cabinet full of Froot Loops can and will be used against you in a court of law if you don't have any real fruit in your house), note child safety issues. interview your children, their teachers and your neighbors. NIGHTMARE!
I'm not really worried about the outcome, but the process scares the crap out of me.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that both of my twins lied to the 911 operator--instantly and without hesitation. And where the heck did they get the notion that they would be taken away if someone knew they were home alone? These girls are going to be trouble when they are teenagers.
Last night DH picked them up, and once they got home realized that there was no food in the house for dinner. (I was working late.) The twins were pooped from playing all day, so he decided to leave them home while he and PS picked up burgers from a place literally 2 minutes from our house.
Yes, the twins are 8 years old. No, I do not know what possessed DH to think that it was ok to leave two 8-year olds home alone. He said they were really tired and he did not they would move from the couch during the 15 minutes he anticipated being gone. (I may or may not have yelled at him for his lapse in judgment.)
So, while the allegedly tired twins were home alone, they "accidentally" dialed 911. The 911 operator asked SS how old she was. SS says that she was afraid they would get taken away with us if she told the truth, so she told the 911 operator she was 12. The 911 operator asked who else was home, and SS said, "my twin." TT then got on the phone and confirmed to the 911 operator that they were 12.
Then a cop showed up at the house (protocol whenever there is a 911 call) to "make sure everything was ok." And the girls opened the door and let him in! (Yet another reason 8 year olds should not be left home alone!) Seconds later, DH returned and the cop confirmed everything was ok and left. The cop came in the front, DH came in the back, and we don't know whether the cop realized that DH actually wasn't home.
In addition to being furious with DH and the twins, I am concerned that the cop will file a CPS report. DH said the cop didn't seem concerned at all, but who knows what department policy is. CPS has 72-hours to investigate if there is not an immediate threat of harm, and that window has not passed yet.
My state has no law setting a minimum age at which a child can be left alone, but that doesn't mean CPS can't launch an investigation. Having worked in the DA's office and the child advocacy clinic, I've seen my share of CPS reports. They come into your home, evaluate the cleanliness, take pictures of the food in your your fridge and cabinets (a cabinet full of Froot Loops can and will be used against you in a court of law if you don't have any real fruit in your house), note child safety issues. interview your children, their teachers and your neighbors. NIGHTMARE!
I'm not really worried about the outcome, but the process scares the crap out of me.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that both of my twins lied to the 911 operator--instantly and without hesitation. And where the heck did they get the notion that they would be taken away if someone knew they were home alone? These girls are going to be trouble when they are teenagers.
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