One Year Later

It’s been a year since I graduated from law school. I can’t say that the last year was an easy one. The joy of both graduating from law school and passing the bar were seriously mitigated by the stress of not having a job. Although I loved law school and knew that I was in the right career, there were moments when I wondered if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Massive debt and dwindling job prospects are a scary combination.

I also worried that I would be stuck in a job that I hated or a field that bored me because I couldn't’t find anything else. Coming out of law school, my top preferences were to work in DA’s office or to do some kind of catastrophic tort work. I definitely wanted to litigate.

I interviewed with virtually every DA’s office in the area and nothing panned out. I sent out many, many resumes to firms and had little luck. I applied to firms that I really didn’t want to work for and in areas that I didn’t really want to practice in.

Finally, I got a foot in the door at my current firm. It was supposed to be a one week contract position, but turned into about three weeks. Then they brought me back for additional occasional projects. Then they called me in for semi-permanent contract work. The on-and-off nature of contract work was frustrating and stressful. I needed the reliability of permanent position, but it was months before my firm was willing to make such a commitment. I really had to prove myself to them--and I also had to make clear that I was not willing to submit to the beck-and-call of contract work forever.

I was glad to be working in a reputable firm practicing in one of my preferred fields. But there were times that I really didn’t enjoy it, and times that I actually hated it. I didn’t click with my boss and some of the projects I was given were painfully boring.

But eventually they made me an offer. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to, but I accepted—because I really didn’t have a choice.

I really enjoy my job now. My boss and I seem to have figured each other out. I am getting more varied and interesting projects (although still interspersed with the occasional painfully boring project). I am working in a field that I really enjoy with a better quality of cases than I could have hoped for as a first-year attorney.

So with all of the turmoil, ulcers and indigestion that the last year has given me, would I do it all again? Absolutely, but only because I love being a lawyer. Would I recommend the same to someone else? I don’t know.

For those of you asking “do I want to be a lawyer?” consider this:

Make sure it’s really what you want to do. I couldn’t have made it if I didn’t know that I was choosing the right career path.

Go to a well-regarded school. Rankings do matter when you are looking for a job. But they aren’t everything. The law school associated with my undergrad is a TTT, but it is very well regarded in that region, and really in my entire state. I’m sure the same is true for other regional law schools. My law school is a T1 not-national school that is extremely well-regarded in my metro area. And I still had trouble finding a job. I would not recommend anyone go to a lower ranked school that did not have strong regional support. It is a huge gamble that you will get an offer that will justify your debt. (On the other hand, if someone is bankrolling you, I guess you can do what you want.)

Make the grade. Grades matter—especially if you want Biglaw. I wasn’t really interested in Biglaw, but even the mid-sized firms in my area want top 1/3 class rankings. I graduate with honors, but just missed the 1/3 cut and I think it hurt.

Do something in law school. Of course there is law review. But another biggie is moot court or mock trial. I saw a lot of employers wanting to see this kind of thing. I'm not really sure that any of my other extra-curriculars reall mattered, though.

If you’re a mom, don’t advertise it. It became very clear to me that employers don’t want to hire moms. Not even other moms. Because I had a lag between undergrad and law school, I took the date off my resume. I don’t think anybody really noticed the missing dates, and it kept me from having to explain that I have 3 kids. I never lied, but I didn’t volunteer information, either. Even in my current position, I did not reveal that I had children until I felt that I had proved myself to be reliable and hard-working. Yeah it sucks and its not fair, but that's the way it is until we have more successful lawyer moms willing to prove our abilities.

Decisions

The decision to go to law school and commit to a career in law was a thoroughly thought out one. I already had 3 kids when I applied to law school (Although I had actually applied right out of undergrad, I soon found out that PS was on her way and decided that I could not handle starting law school and and infant who was due the same September I would have started. So I delayed a little while.) I recognized that a career in law was not family-friendly. Once I had my children, I looked into many other options--because I knew that I wanted a career and would never be happy as a SAHM forever. I considered teaching--the obvious family-friendly choice, library science, because I love children's literature, or pursuing my master's or Ph.D. in psych, since that's what my undergrad degree was in. But none of those felt right. I don't have the patience to teach. I wanted something more stimulating than being a librarian (not trying to dis all the librarians out there). And I had long ago decided that psych wasn't really just wasn't what I wanted to do long term.

So I was back to square one and considering how I could make a career in law work and still be a good mom to my kids. I finally concluded that if I wanted it badly enough I could find a way to make it happen. My husband is an involved dad willing to pick up the slack when I couldn't be there. But child care was still essential.

The decision to allow others to care for my children was very hard for me. My mother was a single working mom--an assistant manager of a retail store. That meant she worked until 10:00 pm at least 4-5 nights a week and my brother and I were left with a babysitter a lot. And my mom wasn't very discriminating in her choices of care givers.

There was the one who made another kid drink his own pee because he wet the bed; the crazy holy-roller who let her guinea pig have the run of the house, pooping all over the floor, told us explicit stories about the crucifixion, and took us to church where people spoke in tongues and did cartwheels in the aisles, totally freaking us out; the one who allowed her 5th grader to smoke in her bedroom; the one who burned her grass and stomped it out in her house slippers; the guy who turned out to be a child molester (but never touched us); and a host of others whose biggest transgression was just plopping us in front of the tv watching soaps all day (I still cannot stand the intro music to The Young and The Restless.)

So, obviously, I had a few issues with the choice to have others care for my children so that I could go to law school. But I am not my mother, and I would thoroughly investigate anyone who would be caring for my children. And there are very good caregivers out there. Even with all of the terrible babysitters I had, there was one good one. Interestingly, it was a teenager that my dad hired when we spent the summers with him. She did stuff with us--took us to the pool and the library, played games, we baked a lot.

The first year I was in school I put the twins in day care and PS in on-campus after-school care. I had a strong aversion to home care because of my past experiences. (Although there are certainly quality home care providers out there.) I visited several daycare centers and learned quickly that price matters. The only one that I even considered was the most expensive in town. But I felt that my girls were going somewhere where they would be active, stimulated and well-cared for.

The next year I decided to go a different route. My problem with the day care centers wasn't that my kids weren't well-cared for, but rather the sterility of it. There was no comfy couch to just veg out in at the end of a long day. And one of the things that I hated the most as a kid growing up in child care was that I was never in my own home with my own stuff. I decided that if my children were going to have other caregivers, at least they could be in their own home, with their toys and books and snacks.

So I hired a nanny--which was actually much more cost-effective than day care since I have 3 kids. Also, a nanny could still take care of one of my kiddos if she had a fever and couldn't go to daycare or school (although anytime one of my children is really ill I stay home with them.)

Having a nanny has worked out beautifully. My nanny is incredibly dependable and flexible. She is like a grandmother to my children and they genuinely love each other. The kids miss her when they don't get to see her for a while, and they look forward to seeing her every day. I simply can't envision how that kind of relationship is harmful or unfair to my children. Furthermore, my children live hundreds of miles from their grandparent, and this is virtually their only interaction with an "older" person on a regular basis.

So, yes, I chose to have a career and allow others to participate in the raising of my children, and I don't think it is hurting my children. I am happier because I have an identity beyond being the mother of my children. I love my job--it is the perfect field for me. Yes, I sometimes put in long hours, but we make it work. The time that I spend with my kids is quality time. We have dinner together at least 5 nights a week. And it's amazing what you can learn while putting their hair in braids. I've attended every school program, special event and soccer game (except where there was a conflict between the kids.) Generally, my entire weekend is devoted to the kids. At least once a month we visit a museum or zoo or some other activity just for them. Other weekends we veg out and have Mario Kart tournaments. A couple of times a month we have family movie night.

I definitely have less time now than I did when I stayed home with my kids, but the many cuts have been to my personal time. I don't watch much tv, and never before the kids are in bed. I have given up other hobbies. But now when I am with my kids, I am more engaged with them than when we were always together.

Maybe some consider my choice to have career selfish--especially since we were financially comfortable before I went to school. But I am happier having a career and I think that helps keep my family in balance. And I think my girls are proud of me--and will continue to be as they grow older and really understand what I do. And I think its awesome that my girls think business suits are for women--and that on the rare occasion DH dons a suit they say "he looks like Mommy." Because my girls will grown up knowing that a girl can do anything she wants--including being a mom and a lawyer.

Scary

When I interned for the DA's office I became very aware of the personal information that I released to the public--especially concerning my kids. Every year I have to explain to bewildered teachers why my kids' names and pictures cannot be published on their class websites--and I'm sure they think I am overreacting.

But about the time I started interning in the DA's office, a former student from my law school was being stalked by a felon who had found her phone number on an old cached webpage.

I have relaxed some since then. First, I don't deal with criminals anymore. The cases that I work on are generally not the kind of thing where you have to worry about a PO'd opponent coming after you.

But then there is this, published in a public forum...

[removed due to google-ability (yes, I get the irony, since in this very post I talk about my awareness of giving out personal info online) but the gist is that some a-hole wants to blame the attorney for the acts of his clients, including ostracizing the attorney, his wife and his children from all social involvement in the community.]

Granted, this case is very emotional. But it is scary to think that people really feel this way about the attorneys who are involved with this case.

My favorite new site

is PostCards from Yo Momma. I wish I had the kind of mom who sent goofy emails or IM's.

BTW, I found that site through Favorable Dicta, who has made a comeback.

"You're the most in charge 'cause you're the one who gave birth to us"

Said SS yesterday. We were in the used bookstore and found the motherload of clearance children's books. Each of my kiddos had a stack of 6-8 books when TT piped up and said, "we better stop, Daddy might not like us getting all these books." To which I responded, "why do we have to have Daddy's permission to buy books?" To which SS said, "Yeah, you're the most in charge 'cause you're the one who gave birth to us." Yep--that kid has it right!

We did our part to stimulate the economy yesterday. We got Grandpa's George's check Friday(not that I agree with the rationale behind the checks, but I wasn't going to turn it down) and most of it is going straight to outrageous summer childcare, but we did a little shopping.

I really do not enjoy shopping anymore and rarely enter a mall. But we headed to a reasonably close semi-upscale outlet mall because I am in desperate need of "casual Friday" clothes. I hate casual Friday. My version of casual is too casual for work. I don't really have a casual Friday appropriate wardrobe. I'm fine with pulling together an everyday work wardrobe but I just haven't mastered Fridays. So I went looking for some cute tops and dressier jeans.

I had absolutely no luck. I bought a pair of shorts and a wallet. I bought the kids summer clothes and DH got some new shirts to wear to work. And, of course, we all got books at the bookstore.

And for Mother's Day this morning, the twins read stories to me while DH and PS went for coffee and donuts. And DH signed us up for "Making Sense of Wine." Because we are both clueless about wine and I would like to look a little less idiotic when I have professional events to attend. (At an Inn of Court meeting last year a professor actually called me out for the kind of wine I was drinking with dinner!) So he did well, and I am proud of him for planning in advance and coming up with something that I could really use.

I don't know what we are doing with the rest of the day. Mostly nothing, which is fine with me after running around all day yesterday.

Just Ewwww

Both yesterday and today while I was doing research on two completely different cases, with completely different issues, and in completely different jurisdictions I came across cases involving decomposing mice in coke bottles--that someone actually drank from. I may never be able to drink from a bottle again. FWIW, though, both cases were really old--like when they used the glass bottles that required a deposit. (Is it showing my age that I remember those?)

Baby Cravings

I have been having huge baby cravings for the past few months. I miss having babies--I loved it when my girls were little and sweet and loved to snuggle with mommy. They are all getting so big now. My twins are still loving and snugly sometimes, but they are also growing into wonderful and hilarious little people. PS has hit the point where she wants little to do with me, and it is nearly impossible to even get a real hug out of her.

I think part of the problem is that I feel cheated out of the twins' infancy. With two babies I was so busy that I really didn't have the time to stop and enjoy them. But now every time I see Cora or Peach pop up on my reader it just reminds me of how much I love having babies.

Of course, nothing is going to come of it. DH had the big V after the twins were born. And I was told not to have any more kids because I really don't handle pregnancy well. And I can't afford to send any more children to college (I'm not even sure I can afford to send the three I've got to college.) And this really isn't the ideal point in my career to be popping out another kid. And it is hard enough going places with three kinds in a world that is build for families of four. And my kids are all finally big enough we can do fun stuff again. And four kids is just too damn many. (No offense to those with 4. I think three kids is too damn many, too. And some days one is too damn many!)

Maybe I need to borrow a baby for a week or two. I really wanted a kitten a while back, but once we fostered kittens for a few weeks and I was reminded how unpleasant litter boxes are, my sanity was restored. I think a week or two of being awakened every two hours by a newborn would have the same effect.

A day in the life of a first year attorney

Today was crazy. It started out having to break it to my boss that it was going to take another $600 to close a deal we thought we were done with. I thought my head might roll, because I was pretty much responsible for everything--although this issue was truly beyond my control. But he took it well.

Then I got to get contentious with another lawyer about a motion to compel. I haven't had much contact with other lawyers--so that was kind of fun. And then my boss told me that I would probably get to argue the motion because they needed to get me into court. Yea! I've been kinda bummed that I haven't had more court time. Going to court is the most fun part of being a lawyer--I honestly can't understand why anyone would go to law school to do anything but litigate. But this lawyer is already pissed at me, so it will definitely be heated if I do get to argue.

Lots of little projects on my plate right now that keep getting pushed aside by the bigger ones. Found out I probably will not be going to DC--and if I do, not for the whole 3 weeks.

And Big Boss mentioned that my hours seemed a little low for the amount of time that I spend in the office. It was not accusatory or even implying that I wasn't putting enough time in--more like he thinks I am not recording all my time or cutting my own hours. But I'm not and I am pretty diligent about keeping up with my time. So maybe I'm not putting enough hours in. I do find that more time gets lost when I have to keep shifting among small projects than when I have one or two big projects. But he also said my hours seemed short last month--and I billed 200 hours last month. I'm not sure I can give much more than that. Sigh.

Peanut Butter & Saltines

I happened upon someone eating this for lunch today and I am 89% certain that its because she couldn't afford anything else. Which stirred up some strange feelings for me--because this person reminds me of how I grew up.

I remember taking crackers and peanut butter for lunch to school because there was nothing else in the house to eat and my mom didn't have lunch money for me. (And payday must have been a while out, because I knew all about floating checks by the time I was 8.) I also remember putting powdered milk (blech!) on our cereal because we couldn't dig enough change out of the couch to get a gallon of milk. And I remember pancakes for dinner--not because it was fun to have "breakfast night" but because that was our only choice. And we had powdered sugar on top because we didn't have any syrup. My brother and I both knew how to turn the water back on at the meter in the alley by the time we were about 10. And we were certainly never the kids to have the first or best of anything. As a kid, I would have thought that the house I live in now was a mansion. Only rich people got brick houses. And really rich people got two-story brick houses.

So this person and her peanut butter crackers brough all of this to the forefront of my mind. And I feel a little guilty for everything I have now. (But not too guilty, because everything I have I earned myself.) My kids have never lived like I did. Even in times that we were struggling, we have always had a pantry full of food. My children have everything their hearts' desire. The get to be among the first to have the coolest new things. They get cute, trendy clothes (although PS could not care less what she wears--and my frugal roots still prevent me from coughing up the cash to pay for a label). And while I am glad that my kids have it much, much better than I did, I do wish that had a little more understanding/appreciation for what they have.

So this person is a single mom, like mine was. I want to do something to help her, because even though I'm sure she thinks that I am another rich kid turner lawyer, I do know what her life is like. But I'm not sure how to go about it without offending her or creating an awkward situation. I think I may just try to keep my eyes open and see if an opportunity presents itself.

P.S. Yes, I know I sounded like a whiny bitch in yesterday's post. But I'm leaving it, even if I didn't present myself in the best light. Because it's great to go back and read my cyclical mood swings ;)

Old and Cranky

So the Supreme Court decided today that it's ok to ID people trying to vote in the presidential election, and apparently my PTA decided to go along. Yep, I was carded tonight trying to get into my 1st Graders annual Spring Melody Presentation. Because it was a thinly veiled guise to get enough parents in the building to hold the PTA elections.

And they asked for ID, since they would be voting. Seriously--have PTA elections become so hotly contested that they fear there might be impostors among us? Do I really look like someone who would crash a 1st grade sing-along just so I could throw the PTA presidential election?

I told them, no, I would not produce an ID because I would not be voting. Then I proceeded to play my daughter's DS throughout the PTA election process. (Yes, very mature of me.) I have become quite cranky and apathetic in the last few years. Before going to school and getting a job, I likely would have been vying for that presidential position--now I just don't care.

Maybe I should but the PTA thing just isn't where I choose to be involved. And it irritates me that every time my kids have some kind of program, I am forced to sit through a 20 minute business meeting. (Yes, I'm familiar with Robert's Rules, but still...)

Life

Got my whopping $51 back from Uncle Sam yesterday . . . and already spent it on dinner last night. But we have been doing pretty well with our cutbacks on food spending. We have limited our eating out to the weekends and I have been taking lunch to work about 4 days a week. I have been bulk cooking on the weekend to make dinner prep easier during the week. And we went to the farmer's market last weekend. I swear the food is 1000 times better (and quite a bit cheaper) when it comes from the farmer's market instead of the grocery store.

Work is picking up again and I will be going in after the twins soccer game this afternoon. Blogging has dropped off because all I have to talk about is work--and, of course, I can't blog about that. But I am working on some interesting cases.

So that's life right now. Pretty boring--work and home.

FYI-Tomorrow is Secretaries Day

I did not realize this until mid-afternoon today, so I had not done anything for my secretary. (And have I mentioned that having a secretary is really cool?) I've never had a secretary before so I am pretty clueless about what to get and how much to spend.

One of the other attorneys dropped my office at about 5:00 to make sure that I knew. She recommended flowers or a gift certificate. Personally, I am not a huge fan of the gift certificate. I mean, you might as well just hand over cash. And in certain situations it just feels strange to give cash (or its cousin the gift certificate). Besides, then the recipient knows exactly how much you think she is worth.

So I started looking at flowers. But apparently I should have started looking last week. Because the only floral arrangements available for next day delivery were icky. I really wanted a pretty flowering plant. I found a beautiful azalea topiary, but it wasn't available until the end of the week.

So I started thinking outside the box. I ended up ordering a fruit bouquet from Edible Arrangements. I have seen them in person before and they are really pretty. And my secretary is the healthy-living sort, so fruit seemed better than other kinds of goodies--although I did make sure to order a bouquet with plenty of chocolate-dipped fruit.

So what do y'all think? Is the fruit bouquet ok, or should I have just gotten over my issues and bought a GC to the mall?

Will Travel for Food

So Big Boss came in my office today to find out if I was amenable to attending a hearing in Washington D.C. next month--a three week hearing. The office is spread pretty thin lately, with weekly hearings on the other side of the country and a few other cases that are about to explode. So no one is really free to take off for 3 weeks--except me.

Actually, Big Boss did say at least 3 times, "this doesn't mean you're going, but I wanted to ask and give you plenty of notice." I figure there is a 50/50 chance it will be me. I think it is high profile enough that they want someone more important to go, but there may not be a choice.

So what was I going to say--ummm, no? It is a long time to be away from my kids, but at this point in my career I need to be able to show that I can step up. And other than being away from the kids, I really don't mind. I've never been to D.C. and would love the chance to explore the city. He also said that I could come home on the weekends if I wanted. (I think it would be great to fly the family out to see me.)

So does it make me the bad mom of the year to leave the kids for three weeks? DH isn't thrilled about it, but knows that it is important. PS was just jealous because she wants to go.

Worker's Comp for Lawyers

When I was hired I smart-assedly laughed at the worker's comp coverage, thinking "what am I gonna do--get a papercut?"

But now I've figured it out--the law is going to drive me blind. I started getting dry-itchy eyes when I was studying for the LSAT. I specifically remember a visit to the optometrist right after the test and complaining about it. It got worse through law school, and the eye doc gave me a variety of OTC drops to try. But it was never bad enough to keep me out of my contacts when I left the house. I'm vain in that regard--I've always hated the way I look in glasses.

But since I started working last fall I have become increasingly unable to tolerate my contacts. I finally bought a pair of glasses that I deemed cute enough to wear in public and started taking them to work so that I could take out my contacts when I worked late nights.

These days I don't even bother with my contacts. But even with just glasses, within just a couple of hours at work my eyes just hurt and are so tired I can barely keep them open. I asked the doc about it and she suggested that it could be allergies. But I have never had allergies--and I don't have any other symptoms.

I think the fact that I read 10+ hours a day is the problem. My eyes are better on the weekends and in the evenings if I stay off the computer. (One reason my blogging has declined). And one of the attorney's that I work confirmed this--she has had the same issues. And I have noticed quite a few of the attorneys that I work with have glasses on by the end of the day--even if they didn't start out that way.

...or so I thought

I filed my taxes last night and thought I was done. Until I got to work this morning and found the email from the IRS stating that my return had been rejected. Shit. Of course I had done my taxes on my home computer and had no access to have a look-see to figure out where I screwed up.

But it looks like I had 2 typos, in DH's SSN and one of his employer's ID numbers. Corrected those and sent it off again. Hopefully I don't awaken to another unpleasant email. But I think that since the original return (and today's) was filed on time the feds won't be beating down my door.

Meanwhile I need to do some work. I really should have stayed late tonight, but I had to bail to fix my taxes. I have definitely not had a problem meeting my billables since they hired me.

$51 and I'm out.

Yes, I just filed my tax return. I have never waited this long before. We are getting a whopping $51 back, and I am just happy that we are not paying anything. Especially considering all of the previously untaxed earnings from my contract work.

Fighting-ugh!

DH and I just had a huge blow-out and there appears to be no resolution in sight.

He is a web developer. That is his day job, but he occasionally takes on contract projects on the side. He recent did a project that took a fairly short amount of time and paid a pretty significant amount of money.

DH, completely out of character, has declared the money all his (something I have certainly never been able to get away with, no matter what the source of income.) He is spending the entire balance on a new computer.

I have no problem with him buying a new computer. It is his thing. He needs a new one--it has been a while since he has upgraded.

But tonight I made the mistake of questioning whether he really needed to spend the whole of these funds on the computer. I repeated that he definitely should be getting a new machine, but questioned whether he needed every bell and whistle.

He went crazy. He became defensive and accusatory. He told me I was jealous because I wasn't getting anything. He said I just didn't want him to have anything nice or to have any fun. It was really like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum.

I repeated that I never said he shouldn't get a nice, new machine, I was just questioning whether he needed to the very best. It is a lot of money for us. Even if he spent 2/3, there would be a significant chunk that could be put toward something that we, as a household, really need. And even though we are much better off financially than we were even a year ago, there have been lots of things building over the last few years that are need to be replaced.

He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as found money. His found money to do with whatever he likes.

Maybe I am bothered because I wouldn't look at a hunk of money like that. Maybe its the fundamental difference between men and women, but I would consider what my household needed. And even if I wanted something for myself, I would probably cut back to serve the greater (household) good. Then again, I never buy anything that's not on sale and I don't think I've ever bought the top-of-the line anything in my life.

So we are at a standoff. He is angry. I am just irritated that he is so angry. And the funny thing is, all he ever had to do was say that yes, he did need to spend [big chunk of money] to get the computer that he needs. But he never made that argument. He knows it is excessive--and I am "trying to rein him in and keep him from having something better than me."

Am I being unreasonable? (BTW, if I didn't make it clear, this is totally out of character for DH. I have never seen him act this way. He is usually a very nice and reasonable person. But tonight he's kind of acting like a jackass. Or am I just a bitch?)

Budgeting

DH and I finally sat down and prepared a budget. This is something that we couldn't really do before because my income fluctuated so much. But now it is set and we have a real idea of what our monthly income is.

Although our income has essentially doubled since I started working, our expenses are significantly higher, too. My student loan payments are sickeningly close to my mortgage. Our child care expenses have increased--and will be downright painful over the summer. I am pumping $400 worth of gas into my vehicle every month. Not to mention all the other things that we pay for only because I am working--like dry cleaning, house cleaning, lawn care, and I am spending more on clothes.

So we finally crunched the numbers to see what our financial picture really looks like. Our debt is high--thanks to law school. Mostly student loans, but we have some credit card debt, too. And with out current expenditures we don't have as much leftover income as I would like to start really knocking out the debt. So, of course, that is where the budgeting really come in to play.

I estimated that we spend about $1500 per month on food! That seems excessively high, even for a family of five. About half of that is because we eat out--a lot. Which is good for neither our rear-ends or our wallets. So my first goal is to cut the food budget in half and put the savings directly toward paying down debt.

That means I need to start cooking again--easier said than done considering that I usually get home between 6:30 and 7 and my kiddos are supposed to be in bed by 8:30. So tomorrow I will go to the grocery store and spend a good part of the day cooking meals that can be frozen and reheated.

I also need to start taking my lunch to work--at least part of the time. Right now I eat out every day. I usually just get a half sandwich or a cup of soup--so I usually spend less than $5. But I am still not eating particularly healthfully and I have definitely been gaining weight with all of the hours that I have bee working lately. So brown-bagging it will save me about $15 a week and hopefully help control my expanding waistline.

If anyone has any lunch-packing suggestions, please chime in. I love the bento trend, but don't think I am organized enough in the morning to pull it off.

How I'm spending my Sunday

I'm writing a paper to be presented by my boss at a big important conference that will be attended by lots of big important people. The working title is "The Most Boring Paper on the Planet." It is due Tuesday. I have known about it for about 3 weeks. He has certainly known about it much longer than that. But with all of the craziness at work over the last few weeks I have had little time to dedicate to it. He wants it to be 20-25 pages (single spaced). I am at 9 pages.

Despite the boringness of the subject matter, there have been two very recent and important state supreme court cases released that are relevant to my paper. That means that there are virtually no published articles analyzing these cases, and I am having to rely on my own analysis. Thank goodness for the blogosphere which has discussed these cases a little bit--at least enough to confirm that I am on the right track. Because I just discovered that the supreme court justice who authored one of the cases that I am spending a significant portion of this paper analyzing will be presenting on recent state supreme cases within an hour after my boss (there is one speaker in between.) So I really want to make sure I get it right.

I should have worked on this yesterday, but instead took the day off. I took the twins to their soccer game, while DH took PS to her acting class. Then I got my hair cut and colored. I never have my hair professionally colored. But the greys are popping up with greater frequency and I just haven't had the time to do it myself. And one of the attorney's I work with told me I was looking haggard--so I added highlights for a little extra zip. My hair looks light and springy and I like it. While I was getting my hair done, DH ran errands with the kids. Since they were still out when my hair was done I went shopping all by myself--something that I don't get the opportunity to do very much. I bought two pair of shoes, a suit and several cute spring tops.

Later I took PS grocery shopping with me since I had not seen much of her and spent the rest of the day hanging with the kiddos since I knew that I would be ignoring them all day today while I try to knock out this paper.

This afternoon one kid has a birthday part at the bowling place. DH is going to take the other two bowling at the same time to get them out of my hair. Hopefully being out of the house for a while will help them forget that I am ignoring them.

This is how brilliant I am

I was supposed to have my picture made for the firm website today. And I had a client meeting (woohoo, yes I am actually getting to meet with clients now). So I put in an effort to wear my favorite suit and pearls.

Halfway to work I realized that I had only put on half my makeup. (I carry lipstick and face powder with me but not eye makeup.) I had taken care to cover the giant zit that popped up on my chin, but I had absolutely no eye makeup on. Apparently in the middle of putting on my makeup I had to go deal with a kid problem and just forgot to finish the job.

Sigh. At least I was able to cancel the picture-taking.

Meanwhile, I filled out my 401K paperwork last night. It feels good to finally be contributing to my retirement. I know I am behind--being 33 and having no significant savings (thank you, law school).

Recharging

Saturday was the first day that I have had off in 3 weeks and it was much needed. I have been billing 60 hours + lately, and all of the travel last week left me exhausted.

Tuesday I left the house at 6 and drove 4 hours to close a deal. Met with the appropriate people, drove another hour to the bank and then 5 hours back home in terrible pounding thunderstorms.

Wednesday I went in to the office at 8:30, stayed til almost 7, then headed to the airport for my 9:00 pm flight. I made it to my hotel by midnight, and was out the door by 8:00 the next morning to make my 9:00 am hearing. Was done with the hearing by 10:00 am, headed back to the airport to get on the stand-by list for the 11:00 flight, and was the last person on the plane. I was back in the office by 2:00 pm. I planned to stay only an hour or two, but some issues came up and I didn't leave until 6.

Went in a 9:00 Friday. I did not have a lot to do and was looking forward to a relaxing day. Then more issues started popping up that made my relaxing day rather hectic. (I was the only attorney in my practice group in the office on Thursday and Friday. My supervising attorney's have been out of town dealing with Really Big Case.) But I got everything settled and managed to leave at 3:00 when the office closed.

Finally got some much needed girlie-time Friday night. We rented Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium and had family movie night. (It was ok, not great but the kids liked it. I wasn't expecting much, because the reviews were terrible.) TT curled up in my lap for the whole movie.

Saturday we went on a hike and then DH dragged us to church for our obligatory biannual appearance.

Today we hung out around the house, did laundry, a little cleaning and built a model of the digestive system for PS's school project.

It was a nice, not overly- hectic weekend. Hopefully it is enough let me jump back in full-speed tomorrow. And to remind the kids of what their mom looks like--since they haven't seen much of me lately.

Who knew snow globes were a security threat?

I haven't flown in a while, so, since I have a business trip tomorrow and would prefer not to check my luggage, I went to the TSA site to make sure I would my makeup in my carry-on bag. The list of prohibited items is pretty entertaining. Please leave your blow torches and hand grenades at home. However, feel free to bring your screwdrivers, wrenches and pliers, provided they aren't more than 7 inches long. But this prohibited item just struck me as hilarious...

Snow globes and like decorations regardless of size or amount of liquid inside,
even with documentation.

BTW, does anyone really think it is reasonable to expect a woman to put all of the things needed to make her beautiful into a single one-quart bag? I am not a high-maintenance girl, but I am going to have a hard time fitting the necessities in there.

Holy cow

The whole office has been crazy busy with the big new case. Good news for me in that I am getting plenty of hours and the opportunity to work on a really big case--even though my work is basically all in the background. But it also means that my supervising attorneys are so busy wrangling Really Big Case that some of the smaller stuff is being punted to me.

Tomorrow I have to go out of town to close a deal. I have pretty much orchestrated this deal and am very comfortable with closing it, but it was never suggested that I would do so.

I'm also being sent out of town again Wednesday night for a Thursday morning hearing. I haven't made a court appearance since law school.

And I am sitting in on a client meeting (I have had no client contact since being with this firm) on Friday. It is a relatively minor case, and I think that they are preparing to have me run with it.

So I am definitely glad to be getting more responsibility and venturing out from my usual research and drafting tasks. And I am happy to "cut my teeth" on the smaller cases, while still being involved in complex cases. It is a good blend.

But, damn, I am tired.

Its midnight, do you know where LC is?

Blogging in the bathtub. Don't worry, there's no water in it. But my house is bursting with company and I didn't want to keep DH up, and so here I am. I'm just not tired. Don't ask me why. I worked all day at the office and will probably need to put in some time from home tomorrow. Hmmm, maybe I should be doing some reading for work, that would probably put me to sleep.

Today was my official start date--so no more hourly pay for working all day on a Saturday. I have a boatload of paperwork to fill out. All of the regular work stuff, plus forms to list me in M-H and a few other lawyer listings. And the firm website. So I have to figure out my practice areas. Ummm, I've been licensed for 4 months--I haven't really established any practice areas. I've done a little bit of everything. Mostly products liability, but at this point I feel like a bit of a fraud claiming anything as a practice area.

Still putting in lots of hours, with no end in the very near future. I know it will settle eventually--but it could be a few weeks. Meanwhile I am taking advantage of a little bit of quiet time, hiding out in my bathtub.

Life is mostly good

Thanks for all the congrats! Everyone at the firm has been very nice and happy that I am finally sticking around.

But I have been so busy. We got a big case that is getting a lot of attention. The good news is that I am having no problems getting my billables right now. The not-so -good news is that I am exhausted. (The time change did not help.)

And since I worked all weekend, I didn't get any household stuff done--like grocery shopping. And my in-laws are coming this weekend, which we have known about for a couple of weeks. But then SIL just called to say that they decided to come visit, too. So I will have 7 houseguests for the weekend, 3 of whom are small children.

I really do like my inlaws, but I am so tired, and there will be no rest with a houseful of people. And I have to prepare for them. Thank god I finally got a housekeeper and that they are coming Friday. Tonight I went out and bought extra sheets and towels, because ours are starting to get kinda ratty. At some point I need to find my way to the grocery store. And planning a menu--arrgh.

And then next weekend we are planning to leave town (if I can get away from work). I'm beginning to think that might be a mistake, because with all the craziness I am going to need a break.

Oh and get this--at my firm all vacation/sick/personal time is discretionary for attorneys. As in, there is no set amount of time that one is allowed to take off. I'm thinking this is not a good thing.

I should probably put another hour or in tonight but I am truly pooped and would probably be useless. So I think I'll call it a night and try to find that extra hour that I lost earlier in the week.

Party at LC's place

It's official--I have a job. (9.75 months after graduation) They made the offer today and I will switch from contract to associate on the 15th. It is such a huge relief to finally have some degree of security. (Now I just have to worry about keeping up with my billables.)

They are paying me the salaried equivalent of what I have been earning hourly. DH though I should have negotiated for more, but honestly, what they are paying me is very competitive outside of Biglaw, so I didn't really have much to negotiate with. Besides, I didn't really expect a bump since I now get the benefit of, well, benefits.

But the best part is that the office managertold me that Big Boss spoke very highly of me and was very complimentary--and compliments are hard to come by from him.

So I know that I have had some misgivings about this firm, but I do think this is a good thing. I really like the cases that I am working on, and I have been given more varied and important tasks over the last month. I definitely could have been stuck with something much worse.

Now I need to go edit al of my posts that could get me fired. I wasn't especially careful when I was contract, because I didn't feel that I had anything to lose. My apologies if that screws up anyone's reader.

The world revolves around families of 4

Which is irritating when you are a family of five. Most restaurants can easily accommodate 4, but with 5 they feel like they have to seat you at a giant table for which you have to wait an extra 15 minutes. (I have learned to tell the hosts that, because my children are small, we can fit into a standard size booth. That's not going to last much longer, though.) When we visit amusement parks, most rides will accept only 2 or 4--leaving one of us to go it alone. And then there are hotels.

In certain cities it is nearly impossible to book a hotel room for five. We are considering a road trip in a couple of weeks to a city we have visited once before. And we had the same problem last time. On that trip the twins were not quite 3, so I just fibbed and booked for 4. It's pretty easy to sneak an extra kid into a hotel when 2 of them look exactly alike.

But besides the fact that I don't really like having to hide one of my kids, a standard hotel room just isn't big enough. I can't sleep in the same room as my kids. They toss, they turn, they snore--loudly. And they don't go to sleep when we are all in the same room.

The answer, of course, is to get a suite. Suites are great, the are bigger, they divide the space (sometimes) so I don't have to listen to my snoring kids. So why are suites so friggin' hard to come by? Is it because I waited until the last minute to book? Is it because everybody wants a bigger room and to not listen to their kids' snoring? And if that is the case, why aren't hotels catching on and building more suite hotels. Isn't the average American family supposed to have 2.3 kids. Just where do they think we are going to put that extra 1/3 kid?

Rite of Passage

I worked 12 hours straight yesterday (yes, that would be Saturday). And I'm going back today. It sort of seems overdue. What kind of lawyer doesn't have to lose an entire weekend every once in a while. But I did have a bad mommy moment. When I explained to TT that I had to work yesterday, I watched her face scrunch up with worry as she said, "But it's Saturday. We don't have school...and you are supposed to stay home with us."

In the end, I think they had a good day with Daddy. He actually had to meet with a client yesterday, so he set them up in Starbucks with our MP3 players and coloring books and they thought it was cool to go to a meeting.

And I think I definitely earned some brownie points. I was in before anybody else and The Boss was shocked to see me still there when he popped back in at 9:30 last night. But he mentioned that they recognized that my 30 days was up and that "obviously [I] had done a good job" and so the office manager would be talking to me next week. So I guess I finally have a real job (but I don't know the details).

P.S. If you haven't already, don't forget to reset your clocks.

Did I jinx myself?

I hired a housekeeper--yea! My inlaws are coming in two weeks and the serious cleaning has been seriously overlooked, so their impending visit pushed me to find somebody. I've needed someone for a while--it's just so much trouble to go find and hire someone. And the whole I-still-don't-have-a-real-job thing.

I interviewed two different services and would have been fine with either of them. The deciding factor was that one could get in tomorrow for the big cleaning, and again right before my inlaws come. I was also afraid that the one I didn't choose wasn't charging me enough. I think she would either end up resentful that she wasn't getting paid enough or not do what I wanted.

It will be soooo nice to come home to a freshly cleaned house tomorrow.

Now let's just hope that I don't get fired since I finally committed to a housekeeper.

It's just a roller coaster

This week at work has gone better. I have been busier--which is definitely a good thing.

Came home today to learn that our fence is dangerously close to falling over thanks to gusty winds all week, and had moved enough to cause the gate to open and allow Bob to escape. Fortunately, Bob did not go far and ran up to the kids when they got home from school. Poor Bob will be stuck in the kennel we built in the garage that he hates tomorrow, and poor DH will be stuck working on the fence all weekend. He replaced about half the fence posts last spring, I guess now he gets to do the other half.

TT got her new glasses today. I already found them stuffed in between the couch cushions. I don't know how she is going to manage to keep up with them--especially since she is far-sighted and only needs them for close-up work.

The in-laws are coming in two week and the house is a disaster. I really need a housekeeper, and I think I am going to have to just do it, even though I was waiting to see if I ever got an offer out of Contract Firm.

Life is just busy--but we are managing.

Thoughts on having it all

Most of the time I think handle the working mom thing pretty well. Today was not one of those days.

SS is the "Star Student" in her class week. So over the weekend we were supposed to make an "All About Me" poster and journal her adventures with Mr. Bear, the class mascot who spends the weekend with the Star Student of the week.

Except that SS and I both had the stomach flu all weekend. I didn't even have the presence of mind to think about school until about 4:00 Sunday afternoon. DH went and got a poster board, but we needed pictures. I uploaded then to Wal-Greens, where they are supposed to be ready in an hour. Wal-Greens said they wouldn't be ready til 9:30 pm. But it was ok, because Monday was a holiday for them and we could take care of it Monday night.

At 7:15 this morning, DH informs me that we never picked up or added the pictures to the poster. And I had totally forgotten about Mr. Bear, who had only witnessed SS barfing all weekend. So I totally and completely dropped the ball on this one, which led to a huge fight between DH and I about dividing responsibilities.

At 7:45 this morning, the girls head out to the Behemoth to load up only to find that my driver's side window is completely shattered--in the garage. DH was mad when he left, but he's not the violent type. I have no freaking clue how it happened. The garage was closed, nothing fell, nothing was taken from the car and the doors were unlocked anyway because it was in the garage. I called DH to come home to take the kids to school--so they all got tardies, in addition to SS not having her project complete. The whole ordeal also made me late for work, but DH dealt with the window.

So now my window is fixed, but I am driving a mis-matched, white-trash hoopdie mobile. Because I have a black surburban with very dark tint (think government issue) and one clear window. Hopefully this weekend we can have the window tinted--I just hope they can make it match. I don't want to guess what retinting the whole thing will cost.

Then I had eye appointments for the twins set for 5:45. I was planning to leave work early, but didn't really want to after I had come in late. So I begged the nanny to take them. (and since I just saw the Nanny Diaries over the weekend I kept thinking about the part where Annie says, "you take them to the doctor, too?"). I am feeling like the freaking mother of the year sending the kids to the eye doctor with the nanny. But I made it to the eye doctor by 6:00, and he even went on and onabout how well-behaved my children are. (My kids, really?)

Oh, and TT needs glasses--which totally shocked me. I really only took them in because they had never been before and when I first took PS she was already pretty nearsighted. TT is just a bit farsighted. Glasses might help her strain less and she could outgrow it. I think he only put her in glasses because I told him that she reads a lot.

So we were out of the eye doctor by 7:00, met DH for dinner, came home, glued the pictures to the overdue poster, SS wrote the imaginary adventures of Mr. Bear (who she forgot to cart around today), kids are in bed.

And somewhere in between all that I still managed to bill 7.5 hours today.

Free milkshakes really do make everything better

I stopped by Steak 'n' Shake on the way home at 8:00 tonight. I had eaten only a Snickers and a granola bar all day and I was looking forward to drowning my troubles in a greasy cheeseburger. When I got the the window, the chipper girl collecting the cash asked if I'd had a great day. And because I had, in fact, had a rather crappy day, I answered no. So she gave me a free chocolate milkshake. And it really did make me feel better--ok, actually it made me want to cry that someone was being nice to me. I heart Steak 'n' Shake.

Tonight's Dinner Conversation

PS: "I got the menstrual."

Me: "What?"

PS: "I got the menstrual."

Me: "What the heck are you talking about?" (Knowing that she is certainly not going through puberty and wondering what she confusing with menstrual.)

PS: "The part in my play--I got minstrel #3"

Me: "Oh, duh! Woo Hoo, go PS!" She got one of the larger speaking roles in her school play. And this fits well with the acting class that she started last week. PS tends to be a little timid, so hopefully these experiences will give her more confidence.

It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

So I survived yesterday--barely.

I think my interview went well--but have thought that before and well, I still don't have a permanent job. I should hear something next week.

Then, DH and I met at my office garage to go to the concert. The plan was to park there and take the train to the concert, with a stop along the way at a touristy district with lots of restaurants. We went to a steakhouse that was mediocre and had a waitress that was content to ignore us. When we went back to the train stop, the schedule said that we had missed the last train to the concert venue. Cursing the neglectful waitress, we started walking the 6 blocks to where we were parked so that we could just drive to the concert.

Halfway back to the car we saw a train marked for the concert headed our way. So we took off running at top speed back to the train stop. OK, I am not in shape. At all. I have a treadmill in my bedroom gathering dust because I hate running. So after running less than 3 blocks at top speed I thought I was going to die. (To make me sound a wee bit less wimpy, I was in 3 1/2 in ch heels.) My chest burned. My calves burned. I started feeling nauseous.

I seriously need to start working out if 3 blocks is going to kill me.

Anyway, we made the train and then the concert. There were 2 opening bands. The first band I had never heard of and they sucked. The second one I have heard of and knew a few of their songs--they were ok. The main gig was pretty good. It was not a band that I would have chosen, but the tix were DH's Christmas present. They put on a good show, but then tend to scream a lot.

But they didn't go on until 10:00--so we didn't get home til 1:00. I am getting old and my butt was dragging this morning. I was incredibly unproductive today.

Crazy Week

It started Sunday with my mad dash to complete the defensive driving course so that I could get all my paperwork in by Thursday. Fortunately, I received my completion certificate today. So I got home from work, had dinner with the kids, then headed back out to to the nearest Fed Ex Kinkos to send my paperwork. $17 later, it is guaranteed to be at the courthouse by my due date on Thursday. I also had to pick up pantyhose while I was out, dinner for the kids tomorrow, and get gas because I will be traversing a good part of my great state tomorrow.

I needed the pantyhose because I have an interview tomorrow. It's with a local DA's office, but a rural office, not Big City. This is good because 1) I still need a job, 2) I would like to work for a DA's office (but would prefer Big City, which is under a hiring freeze), and 3) if I can get an offer, I might be able to use it as leverage to get an offer out of contract firm.

Because contract firm told me that they would talk to me about permanency in January, but when I mentioned it last week I was sort of given the blow off. Not the kind of blow off where they aren't planning to keep me around, but the kind that indicates that I am not a priority and they will get to it when they get to it. I honestly don't think they will do anything until I tell them I have another offer. And while I really would like to work for the DA's office, I would be looking at about a 35% pay cut from what I receive as a contract employee.

Except that when I agreed to this late afternoon interview tomorrow, I completely forgot that DH and I have concert tickets tomorrow night. At a venue very near contract firm. So now I will have to leave work early, drive forever to my interview, then drive back for the concert. And now I have to wear interview attire, which is going to leave me changing in the car for the concert. Fun!

Thursday is my birthday, which I am happy to ignore because DH already got me an awesome gift and there is too much other crap going on this week.

Saturday we are taking a road trip to an indoor waterpark. I spent all last Saturday hunting down swimsuits, which is not easy to do in January.

Oh, and all the kids have some kind of ailment. Which I pray doesn't leave any of them missing school tomorrow so that I don't have to a) miss even more work; or b) have the nanny taking care of the kids for upwards of 16 hours tomorrow, which I think might kill her.

I am a freakin' genius

Or not. Over Labor Day weekend I got a speeding ticket. No big deal--I haven't had a ticket in years and I was due. So I could either pay the fine and deal with insurance going up, take deferred adjudication--which is essentially probation, do defensive driving and have it dismissed, or fight it. My first instinct was to fight it. But the city I got the ticket in is 60 miles away and I was already contracting at that time, and figured they wouldn't be happy if I had to take a day off to fight my ticket. I wasn't about to do deferred adjudication because I speed all the time and there's a darn good chance I would get pulled over again before my probationary period was up. So I went for the defensive driving option.

Back in late October the court informed me that I had until Jan. to take care of anything. The paperwork is due on my birthday--that's ok, at least it was a day I could remember. And in October I was absolutely unemployed and had nothing better to do than 6 hours of defensive driving. But, of course, I didn't do that.

So this weekend DH asked when my paperwork was due to the court. My birthday. Oh shit, that's this week. But I could do it online this weekend, put the paperwork in the mail on Monday and be ok. Until DH (who takes defensive driving every two years like clockwork) informed me that while I could take the course online, I had to wait for them to mail me a certificate to send to the court. Double shit. But I could pay out the wazoo and have the certificate shipped overnight--ok, I can deal with paying for my stupid (albeit very lawyerly) procrastination. Except that Monday is a federal holiday--which means no mail. Fuck.

So my certificate won't go out until Tuesday, I won't get it til Wednesday, and it has to be at the court 60 miles away on Thursday. And there is no way in hell I will be home on Wednesday in time to have it sent, even overnight, by Thursday.

Let's hope the mailbox rule applies to municipal courts. I don't think the bar or my current or potential employers will be thrilled if a warrant for my arrest issues.

Yeah, he's awesome

I think DH took last week's post as a challenge. I posted that he did a great job on my Christmas gifts and wanted to see if he could match it for my birthday. Which was especially challenging because I really don't need or want anything.

Well, except one thing. And he got it for me tonight (a week early)! And I'm typing on it.

Woohoo, DH got me a laptop!! I definitely needed it. My old laptop hasn't been the same since I blew up the motherboard in a moment of pure brilliance. Still, I wasn't really considering getting a new computer until I had a permanent job. But I've been putting in lots of hours, and laptops aren't as pricey as they used to be, so DH decided to go for it.

Now I feel bad for calling him a nincompoop the other day.

Men.

DH is a nincompoop.

PS's class is going on a field trip next month to a semi-historical touristy kind of place. Last weekend there were coupons for a free child's admission to said touristy place. So DH, in all of his manly glory handed PS the coupon and said, "Here, now we don't have to pay for your field trip." PS apparently did not realize that he was joking and took it to school.

Today PS came home from school with a note from her teacher."Dear Mrs. LC. I'm sorry, we can't accept the coupon you sent for PS to attend the field trip. The school has already purchased tickets and must be reimbursed. Thank you, Mrs. T. "

I am so mortified. Can you imagine the conversations going on in the teacher's lounge about PS's cheap-ass parents? I am ready to throttle DH.

Instead, I responded to the teacher that DH is a nincompoop and was joking with PS. I also offered to help out with any children who can't attend for financial reasons. This field trip is quite a bit more expensive than any they have scheduled in the past, and we were planning to make the offer anyway. Of course, now it just looks like we are trying not to look like cheap-ass bastards.

Girls' Day Out

PS and I started our morning with Starbucks and then were off to get our hair and nails done. PS's hair had gotten quite long and was looking pretty shaggy. She wanted to grow it out for Locks of Love, which makes wigs for children with cancer out of donated hair. It is a great cause, and I have donated a few times. The problem is that you kind of have to be willing to cut your hair short if you want to donate. And PS didn't want short hair. So I finally talked her into not donating and getting at least some cut. She probably took off four inches, and it was still below her shoulders. She looks so cute now, with long layers and the ends kind of flip out. My own cut is similar, but shorter. I told her she is my mini-me now!

Afterward we did a bit of shopping because I was taking the girls to the symphony and I didn't think they (or I) had anything dressy enough. Thanks to post-holiday bargains, I managed to snag some good deals. (Unfortunately I got the twins matching dresses. They rarely dress alike and I almost forgot how much attention they draw when they match. When they were infants I felt like a circus side-show, we got so much attention. I swear I had a lady chase me down in a Target parking lot in the rain because she wanted to see my twins--I told her no.)

Then we headed to Barbie at the Symphony. It was a real symphony playing the classical music from Barbie movies, with a screen showing scenes from the movies. We've been to a few outdoor symphony concerts, but I wasn't sure how girls' would do at a concert in a performance hall. They really aren't that into Barbie, but I thought it would be a good way to introduce them to live music.

I have to admit that I felt a pang of jealousy as the orchestra was warming up. I was a total band geek in high school, but I was actually very good. My dream job would be professional flutist. But my ability was due much more to hard work than raw talent. (I practiced at least two hours every day, and up to 8 hours a day during competition season) Even as a teenager I was practical enough to realize that I had no future in music performance. Still, if someone offered me a job in a symphony tomorrow, even for terrible pay, I would drop law like a hot potato. (Trivia tidbit: Tchaikovsky studied law before he became a great composer.)

After the concert the girlies and I went to dinner, and then spent a little time perusing the book store. It was a good day.

Make the voices stop---or not

I have to admit that DH isn't always the best present-picker (sorry DH). A lot of it is my fault. There just isn't much that I need or want and I am fickle and particular (can you be both at the same time?). But DH did awesome this year. (Let's see if he can match it for my birthday later this month.) I got two big gifts--one was a spa GC and the other was a GPS. I'll admit that the GPS seems a little frivolous, but it has actually come in handy a few times.

But I swear it is cursing me inside its little computer brain every time I refuse to follow its directions. "Ok, dumbass, I told you turn right. Now you have to find someplace to turn your big ass around. Why the fuck don't you listen to me?" I think it would be hilarious if I could download a voice that actually did swear at me. I have caught myself cursing it a few times (or responding snottily to its prim computer voice), might as well get it right back at me. DH thinks it would be appropriate around the kids, though.

Adios '07

I can't say that I was sad to see 2007 come to an end. Although I suppose I should chalk it up as a good year--having graduated law school and passed the bar--I mostly just remember spending the entire year unsuccessfully searching for a job. Plus the most-fun-summer ev-ah spent studying for the bar. And the root canal the day after the bar.

So, yeah, I have no problem saying goodbye to '07 and welcoming '08. Hopefully, my current contract position will turn permanent in the very near future. It is nice to be working and have income right now, but there is always that nagging reminder that I don't know how long it will last and I will be back to square 1. It is hard to plan very far ahead when I don't know how long I will be bringing in an income. (I really need a housekeeper with the crazy hours I have been working, but I don't want to hire somebody this week and then have to let her go in a month because I am out on my rear.)

So getting a permanent job is my one and only New Year's resolution. Because it is really the only part of my life that is screwed up at the moment. In the meantime I suppose I should be thankful that I am done with law school and that I am not studying for the February bar right now, and that all of my children and happy and healthy (we've had no problems with SS's asthma in months--woohoo!). Bring on the new year!

*ETA* Ok so the needing a housekeeper thing sounded kinda like a whiny pampered princess in hindsight. I guess it was just in the forefront of my mind. But there are certainly more significant financial decisions and planning that would be easier with some job security.

76 Trombones

So I am sitting in my office this afternoon when I hear this awful banging noise. It kind of sounded like someone was crawling around in the ducts. Except that it sounded like it was coming from outside. And I could not fathom what would be making that noise outside.

When I looked out the window I discovered a marching band down below. Apparently the banging was from the bass drums. There was a parade, right under my window. How did I not know about this? I guess I should have been clued in by all of the touristy looking people down in the food court at lunch.

So for the next two hours I got to hear about a thousand marching bands and fire trucks pass by. (Seriously, how many marching bands can one freaking parade have?) Do you know how hard it is to analyze a 50 page contract with a parade passing below your window? In case you have never had the joy of that experience, it is kind of distracting.

Twelve years

That's how long I have been married as of today. More than 1/3 of my life. We've known each other since we were 16--half our lives. I don't feel old enough to have been married for so long. But we got married much too young--just a month before my 21st birthday. It worked for us, but I hope that my children are older before they marry, and especially before having children.

We've been through a lot in 12 years. We both graduated from college. Moved from Collegetown to Big City. Had our first child at the same time DH was starting his first job. Had a tremendously difficult pregnancy with the twins. Bought our first house. DH's got his masters. I went to law school. We've gone from barely-making-ends-meet starving college students living in a crappy apartment with hand-me-down furniture (and a futon!) working full-time and going to school full-time and hardly every seeing each other to semi-successful (that might get bumped up if I ever get a real job) people with comfortable incomes, a nice home in the 'burbs, and three beautiful kids. And we have managed to raise good and amazing kids who strangers compliment when we were out--it always stuns me that we made these three little people.

So the last twelve years have been good. I certainly wouldn't have predicted that my life would have turned out this way. (I never wanted kids and I was pre-med at the time.) But it all worked out. I wonder where we'll be in another 12 years? PS will be in college--the twins will be getting ready to graduate high school. We'll be on the verge of empty-nesting. Hard to imagine.

On Regifting

As a general rule I have nothing against regifting. If you get something you don't need or want and can give it to someone who does need it or want it, go for it. Just be sure the original gifter doesn't find out and that the item you are now giving away isn't total crap.

So for Christmas, I was openly regifted a gift certificate. It was for laser hair removal at a location that is not too far from me, but far, far away from the gift-giver. "Okay," I thought, "I'm going to assume the gift giver has the best intentions and isn't trying to imply that I am a hairy monkey-girl." But I just had a hunch strings would be attached to this "gift"--and I was so right.

The GC was for $100 and it was won in a contest. Therefore it had restrictions--like it could only be applied toward a package--so no single session to lose the 'stache. So I called today to see how much it was gonna cost me to redeem this gift. Uhhhh, somewhere in the neighborhood of $600--after applying my $100 GC.

And as much as I would love to have hair-free pits, I just can't justify $600 on that right now. Not with spending more than I should have on my kids' Christmas and student loan payments in the imminent future. So I'm thinking I won't be redeeming this GC (which must be redeemed by the end of Jan., BTW.) And I'm sure I'll have to explain this to the gift-giver when she asks what I had done. Fun!

Work is..work

Can't really say much. I'm working from home tomorrow because the nanny needed the day off. My boss seemed fine with that, and hardly anybody is in the office this week anyway. So I brought home 5 depo transcripts to summarize. I thought I'd try to pick up some extra hours over the weekend, to make up for Christmas since I am contract and don't get holiday pay.

Last week I pulled all of the live pleadings for the 10 volumes of pleadings that we received with a case that just got transferred. One of the attorney's told me to have "a paralegal or somebody" index them. But nobody is in the office this week. And since I haven't been assigned a secretary or assistant, I don't really feel comfortable handing anyone projects anyway. So I did it myself because it needed to be done, and I wanted to have it ready by the time my supervising attorney returns.

I feel like I have to balance doing the jobs that an attorney is getting paid to do against appearing that I think I am "too good" to do certain tasks. I don't mind the scut work (I've had way crappier jobs), and my hourly rate is the same regardless, but I don't really think that the client is going to pay attorney rates for copying and indexing.

Gaming Tip o' the day

I have apparently reverted back to my 10 year old self when I could spend hours on my nintendo. Both last night and tonight I have spent about two hours on the stupid wii. I haven't been interested in video games in more than 20 years, but the wii has made them fun again.

So last night I played Mario Galaxy. It is so much fun. I am not so great with managing the two-handed controllers, but I do ok. You have to crawl across planets all around far-away galaxies. Inside, outside, upside down.

Tonight I started Paper Mario. I swear there was 15 minutes of dialog before I did anything. Paper Mario is ok, and getting better as I go along, but I am so tired of reading. Every 30 seconds you have to stop and read something. And sometimes conversations go on way too long.

So if you are a new wii owner, I definitely recommed Mario Galaxy over Paper Mario.

As for the kids--they prefer the stuff that came loaded on the wii. PS's favorite is making new mii characters. The twins will play some of the sports games, but just aren't too much into it.

And just in case you think I am ruining my kids minds with video games, we spent at least 30 minutes tonight playing Boggle. But the kids kept getting mad because they never won. I think we are going to have to instute kid rules and adult rules (like maybe the adult words have to be a 4 or 5 letter minimum). We already waived the "letters have to touch" rule for the twins. I figure that at six years old, if they are picking out any words they are doing pretty well.

You'll shoot your eye out

I think the favorite toys this year were the Nerf dart guns. The guns shoot fast and the darts fly far, and they hurt like an SOB when they hit bare skin. But they are so much fun I think we are going to have to get more guns.


The kiddos also got a marble roller coaster that stretched across the entire living room on Christmas morning. That was a big hit, too.


The twins got CD players and PS got a combo digital camera/camera. And they all got a bunch of little stuff.

I guess the biggie was the wii. The kids didn't ask for it and barely noticed it this morning, but their interest has grown throughout the day. It is different and fun, and I think the console in the game room is better than everyone off on their own playing their DS's. We got Mario Galaxy and Paper Mario for the family. PS got Harry Potter, where you use the wii controller like a wand which is pretty cool for my little HP fanatic.


Back to work tomorrow. That feels strange. DH has always had the whole week of Christmas off and I have never had a job over the holidays. My boss will be out all week, and I probably could have had off if I had asked. But we just got a huge case dropped on us with looming deadlines, and there is plenty for me to do. And I think that getting a foothold in with this case might be what I need to get an offer out of them. So I will happily return to work tomorrow, with the goal of being very well versed in this case before my supervising attorney returns.

Merry Christmas to all

We returned last night from an impromptu trip to Hometown. Everyone was glad to see us, and the kiddos were happy to spend time with their grandparents and cousins. We returned late last night so that we could spend Christmas in our own home. We learned several years ago that we preferred to spend Christmas with just our immediate family in our own home. Mainly because it was tough for Santa to sneak all the kids' stuff to Hometown. And because on the return trip we had so much stuff there was barely room left in the car for the kids.

But also because we just like being in our own home. The last time we were in Hometown on Christmas, we were expected to be 5 different places inn the span of two days (thanks to my divorced parents and grandparents.) Now we spend all of Christmas day at home in our pajamas playing with out new toys. If we get restless, we see a movie. It is nice.

Right now, we are being dragged to church by DH. (He has not lost all religion like I have.) I grumble, but I secretly love Christmas music and the candlelight service, so it will be ok. Then we will go out to dinner and back home to open a few gifts (always new pj's) and play games. Life is good.

Tired

Today was long in that I worked 9.5 hours straight without a break (Diet Dr. Pepper + Snickers = lunch of champions), but I was on my way home by 6:00. I only skipped lunch because I was trying to finish up a project that I thought would take a lot less time than it did. But it was an ok day. I am just glad to be working. I am much happier working than not. Still crossing my fingers that they will make an offer next month.

DH took the girls shopping for me tonight, so I did a little shopping on the way home. Every time I think I am done, I think of someone I forgot.

Now I am trying to draft a release so that my nanny can take TT to the dentist tomorrow. She currently has two rows of teeth in the front on the bottom, because her permanent teeth are pushing through and the baby teeth haven't fallen out yet. There is always something weird going on around here.

What is hilarious...

watching Bob (50 pounds of pure black lab brilliance) bark at himself in the mirror. He's growling and all his hair is standing up, and he keeps trying to find a way behind the mirror.

Long day at work--didn't get home til 8:30. I have no idea how I am going to get us all ready to leave town Friday evening. This is going to be a long week.

We partied like it was 1999

DH's work party was last night. It was fabulous. Maybe it's just because neither of us have ever worked for big business before, but I have never seen anything like it. The party was for 450 at a ritzy hotel. They had an absolutely awesome 9 piece band in the main ballroom and a 3 piece band in the jazz lounge. And an open bar, including my personal favorite of the night, the martini luge. They also had a huge raffle with plasma tv's, laptops, trips and tons of other stuff, but we didn't manage to score anything.

The other fun thing was PicFlips. They gave us props and then took a 6 second video which they turned into a little flip book. Of course, it was much more fun after multiple visits to the martini luge, when DH donned a pimp hat and I a feather boa. SS was yelling at us to "take lots of pictures!" as we were leaving last night, so the kids thought the flipbooks were awesome.

Amazon Sucks!

Upon realizing that Christmas is a mere 10 days away and making a last minute decision to go to Hometown next weekend, I decided that I better finish up my Christmas shopping ASAP. So I headed to Amazon and put $200 worth of crap in my cart, because the giant banner on their site says I still have 4 to order days to ensure Christmas delivery. And everything I ordered stated that it was in stock. I got a couple of good deals, but most of it was pretty much in line with B&M store prices.

So I was pretty happy with myself for shopping so efficiently, and was ready to check out when Amazon informs me that only 1 of my items will arrive before Christmas and the rest will not ship until the first week of February. WTF??? On that very same screen it says that every item in my cart is in stock, so why the fuck can't it ship? I even tried upgrading to 1 day shipping--no luck.

I used to do a ton of shopping on Amazon, but their service has gotten so sucky that I rarely shop there anymore. Today I was reminded why.

This is how great my day was

So, with being a working mom and all, some of the household chores keep getting put off---like laundry. So this morning I have two choices for underwear. The pair that's too big and falls down all day, or the see-through ones. Since DH and I have been fighting lately and I didn't want to give him the impression that I was ready to make up, I opted for the too-big ones.

It's finally getting cold here, so today I decided to wear a skirt-suit with my tall boots and tights. I figured the tights would help keep the too-big underwear in place. (No I am not one to go commando w/ tights. I once knew someone who took the term "pantyhose" literally and didn't put anything underneath, but that's just wierd.)

So I get to work and as I am walking through the parking garage I realize that both the too-big undies and the tights are falling down. Apparently the elastic is gone in the tights, but I didn't realize it before I left the house. (No, I don't know how I didn't figure this out before.) I have to get to the elevator in the parking garage, down the elevator, through the tunnel under my building, up an escalator, across the first floor, up another elevator, and across another floor to my office. Somewhere in the tunnel I can tell that my butt cheeks are touching the lining of my skirt and I am beginning to freak out as I ponder the possibility that I could lose both my undies and tights in the middle of all these business people. I am praying that if I can make it to the elevator I can make an adjustment, because at least half the time I have the elevator to myself.

No such luck. There is a guy in the elevator with me and he's going to a higher floor than me. So I try to be inconspicuous as I do a knees-together waddle to my office. Blessedly hardly anyone is in yet, and I can finally pull up the undergarments that are now halfway to my knees.

Then I head to the restroom to determine what to do about this situation. I manage to pull up enough tight fabric to tie a knot, which miraculously actually worked. Except now I have this knot poking out making a lump under my skirt. It looks like I have a tumor. But at least I didn't drop my drawers in the middle of Big Shiny Building.

Time is not on my side

You just don't realize how much time you waste until you are keeping track of every minute of your day. I was emailing back and forth with the agency today, and I swear it took 15 minutes every time. Which added up to quite a bit of time I wasn't billing for.

So, yeah, I am dumping the agency. They simply couldn't manage to find a childcare provider who could find time to meet me before they picked up my kids on Thursday. It is shocking to me that anyone would agree to such a scenario, and I told them as much. I also told them that my primary need was for back-up care in similar situations, and that if they couldn't arrange for me to meet childcare providers beforehand, then their agency wasn't going to work for me. So now I am back to square one, and scrambling to cover for the end of this week.

The agency did come through with sitters for DH's party Saturday night and next Friday when our nanny will be unavailable again. I gave them an out, since I told them I would definitely not be joining and paying their membership fee, but they had already booked the girls, so at least those days are covered.

I think I will just tell work that I have an appointment Thursday afternoon and need to leave early. I don't think it will be a problem, and it's not really a fib. I do have an appointment--to pick up my kids from school. No need to go into details unless they ask. I'm supposed to be off early on Friday anyway, so hopefully everything will work out there. This is the part where it really sucks to have no family within 350 miles. (Although honestly, its worth the trade-off to keep my family 350 miles away!)

Now I need to go proof some memos that I drafted today. I had a raging headache (I think from dealing with the placement agency) and I left early. And by early I mean I left at 5:00.

The weekend is too short

Last week was busy with long hours and DH being out of town and there was a lot of catching up to do. I think the hardest thing about being a working mom is having to cram everything into the weekend. The house was a wreck, the cupboards were bare, and I had a huge list of stuff the kids needed for their holiday parties at school.

DH's work party is next weekend and I ordered this dress from Nordstrom last week. I was gambling that it would fit, but it was a steal for only $40. And it is much prettier in person--the picture doesn't really do it justice. Fortunately it fit, but this weekend I had to find shoes to match. That was a challenge, but I think I came up with something that will work.

I decided to go with the agency to take car of my childcare issues this week. I told them I was concerned about their refusal to make any guarantees, and they agreed to let me try their service out a few times before I pay the membership fee. I really need to have back-up child care in place if I am working, so hopefully this will work out. When I was in school, DH was the emergency back-up, and had to take a kid to work on occasion. I don't think his new place is going to go for that. The agency is pricey, but not unreasonable on two incomes. Fortunately, our nanny is awesome and almost always available. I certainly can't fault her for not being available this week. I started working on such short notice--and it is the holidays.

So tomorrow it all starts again. I hope they have something ready to go for me in the morning. The case I worked on all week settled late Friday afternoon, and I was even able to leave early. But I hate going in without anything sitting on my desk, 'cause I can't bill my hours if I don't have a project.

About the interview...

I went ahead and scheduled it. I just feel like it would be bad karma to turn down any interviews when Contract Firm is still on the fence about permanency. And maybe a job offer would get them to make a move. But I would much rather continue working for them than the place I am interviewing with. Today went well. I am working on an interesting project and feel like I am being given adequate responsibility.

My problem now is lining up child care through the holidays. My nanny already has plans for Thursday and Friday next week and Friday the 21st. I do not have back up care, and since DH just started a new job, he can't exactly take any time off. We have no family here, and my friends are scattered throughout my metro area and not really close enough to help out. I don't know anyone with teenagers. Has anyone used SitterCity to find sitters? I am so apprehensive finding someone without a personal referral.

The scoop on today

We survived and everything worked out, but I am tired and have a raging headache. Tomorrow we do it all again. It is tough being a single mom, and I will be glad when DH gets back.

As soon as I went in today they put me to work. As I suspected, I didn't really get a formal meeting to determine exactly what they wanted from me. But Name Partner stopped by my office and said that he though they would keep me as contract labor for 30-60 days and then decide where we would go. He warned me that there would be plenty of late nights.

Later, the Partner with whom I am working now stopped by and gave me a little more info. They want to give me more stability than I had before, so I will come in every day. I never really said anything to them, but I was not to thrilled when I was working for them before and never had any notice--so that part is definitely good. They are also getting me a parking card instead of validating every day and a building pass so that I can get in and out after hours. I think these are all good signs.

I just wish they would be a little more specific about my permanency prospects, but everything they are saying seems positive. I think maybe they are just apprehensive about replacing a 3rd year associate with a first year. Or, as one of the secretaries pointed out, maybe they are just trying to keep year end finances in check.

To complicate things further, I got a call today for an interview. I only applied for the job out of desperation. It is in family law, which is really not my preference, and it is for a non-profit which means low pay--probably half what I am making doing contract work. (I really didn't go to law school for the big bucks and would happily take a gov't job, but I don't really want to work for peanuts doing something I'm just not interested in.) So now I don't know what to do. Do I go ahead and try to schedule an interview while I am contracting just to see what happens? I think I would be in a better position to negotiate for permanency with a job offer in hand. Do I turn it down and gamble that my contract position will work out? Will it piss off contract firm if I am still interviewing since they are indicating that they are interested in me? (Ok, I'm not so worried about that one, since they have made no real commitments--and I would definitely go on an interview for a job I really wanted.)

And to add to the dramedy that is my life...

Yes, my daughter does have a staph infection. The doc was kind of evasive--it sounded like he only had preliminary information so he couldn't identify the particular kind of staph or how dangerous it is. But she has been on antibiotics since Friday and her ear looks much better.

Now I get to notify the school . (Actually I already gave the nurse a head's up. She knows my hypochrondriac kids very well.) It will be so fun to be the parent that is the source of the "There is a contagious disease floating around the school that could kill your child " letter.

All Hell is Now Breaking Loose

Contract Firm called a little while ago and bumped our meeting up to 9:00 am and said they had a task for me, but gave minimal details. So it sounds like I will actually start working (I'm assuming still as contract labor) tomorrow.

Oh crap, this means I need to make sure the nanny is available to watch the kids through tomorrow evening and possibly the rest of the week. DH is out of town all week, and nanny has never had to work past 6:00. I hope she is ok with potential late nights this week. And PS has an after-school thing tomorrow, which means she will have to go back to pick her up an hour and a half after she gets the twins. And I haven't heard back from her yet to tell her all this.

And I'll have to drop the kids off at 7:30, which means getting them up an extra half hour early. And who knows what time I have to get up to get myself and three kids ready. DH usually takes the bulk of the morning responsibilities. I so do not envy single moms.

And pretty much everything I own is at the dry cleaners right now. I tried to pick it up this afternoon, but it wasn't ready yet, so now I'll have to venture out in icky traffic to get it. At least I got my nails and brows done this afternoon so I don't look like a troll anymore.

This is all good. But after 6 weeks of laziness and self-pity I am freaking out a little at having to jump back in with both feet.

My only concern is that what was originally billed as a "planning meeting" now sounds more like a briefing to get me started on a project ASAP. I really want the chance to discuss contract v. permanency and set some deadlines, and I don't want it to get overlooked because of an urgent project.

We need to let our hair down

I know I have been posting about PS a lot lately. I think she is having a tough time heading into the tween years because she has trouble fitting in. She hates High School Musical and Hannah Montana, which all of her friends are raving about right now. PS is obsessed with Harry Potter, and Tim Burton movies. (I'm a little concerned she's going to become a goth chick as a teen.)

Last night was BFF's birthday sleepover. The girls did karaoke and put on make-up and wash-out hair color. Except PS didn't. She said she was afraid I would be mad. I really don't understand why, I let her play with make-up at home. And that's the kind of stuff girls are supposed to do at slumber parties.

I think PS and I need to do something fun and a little wild together. I am pretty conservative and she is 1000 times worse. We are goody two-shoes. But I want her to know that she can be a good girl and still have fun. So what kind of wild and crazy things can I do with my 9 year old?

Ewww, and as I sit her about to publish I just noticed a half-eaten banana in the middle of the floor. Kids are gross. On what planet is it ok to leave a half-eaten anything in the floor? Especially a banana, that going to get all slimy and gooey.