Oh yes, tonight we had The $ex* Talk. Because PS's BFF's mom informed me today that after the girls' sleepover last week she found a spiral full of pen1s drawings. I so did not know we were there yet. PS doesn't even turn 9 until next month, but most of her friends will be 10 in the next few months. And I'm so protective about what she is exposed to. But all three girls have been fascinated with pen1ses since we got Bob. (The dog--and he gets excited a lot.) FortunatelyBFF's mom was cool about it and we both chalked it up to normal curiosity. But we both thought that we should talk to the girls to make sure that they understood $ex and anatomy on our terms.
We were going to the library anyway, so I picked up a book. I had bought PS "The Care and Keeping of You" about a year ago, which is an excellent resource for explaining a girl's changing body. But I needed something that went a little further to explain pen1ses and $ex. The book I found had lots of drawings demonstrating how your body changes during puberty, how a pen1s works, and how $ex works.
Overall I think it went well. Until we got to the page about contraception. I explained that that is what you used if you were going to have $ex but didn't want to have a baby. PS asked, completely bewildered, "But why would you want to do that?" To which I responded, "Because sex is fun." And then I had to add, "But you should not have sex until you find someone that you really love." She then informed me, "Destiny told me her parent's aren't married." And I had to explain that you don't have to be married to have sex or have babies, but most people think that you should be. The most important thing is that you do it with someone that you love.
I refuse to demand abstinence or preach waiting until marriage. For one thing, it's just not realistic. But I hope that by being honest and keeping the lines of communication open with my daughters they will talk to me when these issues arise. At least I know I am doing better than my mom. My $ex talk, when I was 17, consisted of "be sure you have $ex with lots of men before you get married so that you can make sure you are $exually compatible with your husband." That is some damn awesome parenting.
*I'm not a prude, just trying to avoid the perv hits.
2 comments:
Sounds like you handled it really well, Mom. That's quite the thing to hear from your daughter's friend's mother!
P.S. My Mom was really easygoing about sex, but to the point where she handed me condoms every time I went on a date from 16 on "just in case". What did she know? I didn't have (consensual) sex until I was 18.
I'm so sorry for whatever happened to you when you were younger.
I think it's hilarious that your mom gave you condoms before you went on dates--I hope she didn't do it when the boy was around!
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