This is the first weekend in a while where we had nothing that had to get done. No work, no soccer games, no school events, no major home projects.
Yesterday we saw "How to Train Your Dragon" (excellent!), dyed eggs, baked and decorated Easter cookies, and went to church.
Today we worked in the yard. DH mowed and the girls and I cleaned up the flower beds. Then I hit the kitchen, where I have been basting a honey glazed ham all day and making other Easter dinner fixin's. This may be the best ham ever--I've been brushing the honey/butter/brown sugar concoction between every slice, hoping it will soak all the way through, instead of just sticking to the outside (all the while using my Julia Childs voice, after watching Julie & Julia last night).
I'm contemplating going to Lowe's to pick up some mulch and flowers for my newly cleaned out flower beds, but I'm pretty pooped. I think a nap might beat out flowers.
4/4/10
4/2/10
A Conversation With My Daughter
Sometime last year:
"Hey, do you have any interest in those Percy Jackson books, 'cause I found a set of the first 3 online for $10."
"Nope."
"Are you sure? You know there's a movie coming out and the rule is that you have to read the book before you see the movie."
"No, it looks boring."
"I heard they're really good books, are you sure you don't want me to order them? This is a great price."
"No, Mom. Geez."
Fast forward to two weeks ago:
"Mom, can I watch the Percy Jackson movie with BFF?"
"I thought you had no interest in that movie?"
"I know, but I've heard it's good."
"But you haven't read the book--you know the rule."
"Pleeeaaassseee Mom???"
"OK, I'll let you break the rule, just this once, since you always read the books." (PS is a great reader and devours books.)
The next day:
"So, how was the movie?"
"It was great. I have to get the books!"
A couple of days later I ordered the first 3 Percy Jackson books and the Hunger Games. They came in last Saturday. I plowed through the Hunger Games by Sunday night. This afternoon, I left work early and PS and I snuggled in my bed, she reading the third of the Percy Jackson books, and me reading the first.
"Mom, can you order the last two books?"
"You mean the books you had no interest in?
"Yeah, I really like them! Please, please, please get the last two!"
I picked up the 4th at Target tonight to put in her Easter basket. I'm sure she'll finish the third by the end of the day tomorrow.
BTW, The Hunger Games was excellent, but very disturbing. My brother (a middle school English teacher) has been bugging me for months to read it, but I was turned off by the description. But it is also on the recommend summer reading list for PS, because they will be studying Utopian societies, so I went ahead and picked it up. I couldn't put it down--my eyes were burning from reading for so long. However, it is not for young elementary students. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone younger than PS, who is a mature 11.
I'm only about a quarter of the way through the The Lightening Thief (the Percy Jackson book). It is not nearly well written as The Hunger Games. I've heard this series compared to Harry Potter. There seem to be some rather blatant take-offs from from HP, and I don't think the writing style is nearly as good. But I'll reserve further judgment until I've actually finished one of the books. So far, this series seems ok for my 8 year olds. When I left for work this morning they were taking turns reading it to each other, so they could both read it at the same time.
"Hey, do you have any interest in those Percy Jackson books, 'cause I found a set of the first 3 online for $10."
"Nope."
"Are you sure? You know there's a movie coming out and the rule is that you have to read the book before you see the movie."
"No, it looks boring."
"I heard they're really good books, are you sure you don't want me to order them? This is a great price."
"No, Mom. Geez."
Fast forward to two weeks ago:
"Mom, can I watch the Percy Jackson movie with BFF?"
"I thought you had no interest in that movie?"
"I know, but I've heard it's good."
"But you haven't read the book--you know the rule."
"Pleeeaaassseee Mom???"
"OK, I'll let you break the rule, just this once, since you always read the books." (PS is a great reader and devours books.)
The next day:
"So, how was the movie?"
"It was great. I have to get the books!"
A couple of days later I ordered the first 3 Percy Jackson books and the Hunger Games. They came in last Saturday. I plowed through the Hunger Games by Sunday night. This afternoon, I left work early and PS and I snuggled in my bed, she reading the third of the Percy Jackson books, and me reading the first.
"Mom, can you order the last two books?"
"You mean the books you had no interest in?
"Yeah, I really like them! Please, please, please get the last two!"
I picked up the 4th at Target tonight to put in her Easter basket. I'm sure she'll finish the third by the end of the day tomorrow.
BTW, The Hunger Games was excellent, but very disturbing. My brother (a middle school English teacher) has been bugging me for months to read it, but I was turned off by the description. But it is also on the recommend summer reading list for PS, because they will be studying Utopian societies, so I went ahead and picked it up. I couldn't put it down--my eyes were burning from reading for so long. However, it is not for young elementary students. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone younger than PS, who is a mature 11.
I'm only about a quarter of the way through the The Lightening Thief (the Percy Jackson book). It is not nearly well written as The Hunger Games. I've heard this series compared to Harry Potter. There seem to be some rather blatant take-offs from from HP, and I don't think the writing style is nearly as good. But I'll reserve further judgment until I've actually finished one of the books. So far, this series seems ok for my 8 year olds. When I left for work this morning they were taking turns reading it to each other, so they could both read it at the same time.
4/1/10
Apparently I'm the April Fool
A few weeks ago I tried on a dress that I really liked. I never wear dresses--partly because it's hard to find dresses that fit my body shape--so I was thrilled to find a work-appropriate dress that fit well. However, it was a little pricey and not on sale. So I didn't buy it then, but found it on sale online a couple of days later and jumped on it.
Sooooo, this morning I decided to wear my new dress. I put it on, but it wouldn't zip. It wasn't too tight (really!), but the zipper stuck at the horizontal seam between the bodice and the skirt. I tugged and tugged, but the zipper wouldn't budge. PS tried to help, but still no luck. By this point, I really needed to leave to get the girls to school on time, so I gave it one last tug, and the zipper went up. But only the zipper popped open below the seam and was only sipped above the seam. And now it wouldn't go back down.
So I had to take the girls to school, with my dress gaping open.
Once I got back home, I was stuck twisting and turning to get the zipper back down so I could get out of the dress. Nope, not budging. I tugged and tugged and twisted and turned, but the zipper would not go back over the seam. I got pliers from the garage, but still couldn't get the zipper back down. Finally , after a full 20 minutes, and just when I was seriously contemplating taking scissors to the dress, the zipper came back down and I was free.
Unfortunately, the zipper is pulled off its tracks and I can't get it back together. It looks like I'm going to have to return my perfectly-fitting new dress. And I just know that the saleslady is going to assume I was just too big and popped the zipper. Ugh!
Sooooo, this morning I decided to wear my new dress. I put it on, but it wouldn't zip. It wasn't too tight (really!), but the zipper stuck at the horizontal seam between the bodice and the skirt. I tugged and tugged, but the zipper wouldn't budge. PS tried to help, but still no luck. By this point, I really needed to leave to get the girls to school on time, so I gave it one last tug, and the zipper went up. But only the zipper popped open below the seam and was only sipped above the seam. And now it wouldn't go back down.
So I had to take the girls to school, with my dress gaping open.
Once I got back home, I was stuck twisting and turning to get the zipper back down so I could get out of the dress. Nope, not budging. I tugged and tugged and twisted and turned, but the zipper would not go back over the seam. I got pliers from the garage, but still couldn't get the zipper back down. Finally , after a full 20 minutes, and just when I was seriously contemplating taking scissors to the dress, the zipper came back down and I was free.
Unfortunately, the zipper is pulled off its tracks and I can't get it back together. It looks like I'm going to have to return my perfectly-fitting new dress. And I just know that the saleslady is going to assume I was just too big and popped the zipper. Ugh!
3/30/10
Still busy
I've come home very late every night this week. Not cool, but unavoidable. Fortunately, I made it through mediation and finished up an MSJ response, so (fingers crossed) the rest of my week will be low key.
I'm feeling very emotionally fragile lately. Work has been super-stressful, and then dealing with the car issue has me stretched way too thin. And DH's best friend from high school's dad passed away last night. He had a stroke a few weeks ago and went into hospice a couple of days ago. Of course that just brought back our experience of the last few weeks. And a 1st grader at the kids' school has leukemia. Tonight they went to a fund-raising dinner, and the line was stretched half-way down the block. Even the local news channel showed up. I got teary when DH was telling me about it on the phone. Every little thing makes me teary--so not like me (DH calls me an emotional robot). And the women are already throwing themselves at FIL. It's only been a month. I just can't get over how tacky and disrespectful it is.
On the lighter side of things, we did decide to ditch the Suburban and I picked up my Nissan Armada this afternoon. It is sweet. Bluetooth so I can send and receive calls from the car, a rear camera and sonar for backing up, no keys--just an RFID chip embedded in the remote (I feel like George Jetson with no keys). I love it, but haggling over it was such a PITA. I've settled 3 or 4 lawsuits this year and none have been as much of a pain as negotiating this car.
But in case anyone's jealous of my awesome (gas guzzling) new car, here's a story for ya. We were walking down the stair, leaving the car place when I caught the heel of my shoe in the cuff of my pants. I lost all control and pretty much threw all of my weight into DH trying to maintain my balance. Thank goodness he was there, or I definitely would have fallen all the way down the concrete steps. It was not pretty, and I swear I pulled every single muscle in my body and banged my knee into something. I have a bruise popping up on my knee cap and my back, rib cage and neck are all throbbing. May have to go take a hot bath before bed.
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, my work event went well. My outfit was perfect, although there were so few women there I could have gotten away with almost anything. There was literally a 10/1 male to female ratio. I think I've discovered the perfect place for single girls to meet eligible guys. Anyway, generally loathe schmoozy events, but this went well. I met several clients with whom I had only corresponded by phone or email, and several others with whom I have no direct involvement--yet.
I'm feeling very emotionally fragile lately. Work has been super-stressful, and then dealing with the car issue has me stretched way too thin. And DH's best friend from high school's dad passed away last night. He had a stroke a few weeks ago and went into hospice a couple of days ago. Of course that just brought back our experience of the last few weeks. And a 1st grader at the kids' school has leukemia. Tonight they went to a fund-raising dinner, and the line was stretched half-way down the block. Even the local news channel showed up. I got teary when DH was telling me about it on the phone. Every little thing makes me teary--so not like me (DH calls me an emotional robot). And the women are already throwing themselves at FIL. It's only been a month. I just can't get over how tacky and disrespectful it is.
On the lighter side of things, we did decide to ditch the Suburban and I picked up my Nissan Armada this afternoon. It is sweet. Bluetooth so I can send and receive calls from the car, a rear camera and sonar for backing up, no keys--just an RFID chip embedded in the remote (I feel like George Jetson with no keys). I love it, but haggling over it was such a PITA. I've settled 3 or 4 lawsuits this year and none have been as much of a pain as negotiating this car.
But in case anyone's jealous of my awesome (gas guzzling) new car, here's a story for ya. We were walking down the stair, leaving the car place when I caught the heel of my shoe in the cuff of my pants. I lost all control and pretty much threw all of my weight into DH trying to maintain my balance. Thank goodness he was there, or I definitely would have fallen all the way down the concrete steps. It was not pretty, and I swear I pulled every single muscle in my body and banged my knee into something. I have a bruise popping up on my knee cap and my back, rib cage and neck are all throbbing. May have to go take a hot bath before bed.
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, my work event went well. My outfit was perfect, although there were so few women there I could have gotten away with almost anything. There was literally a 10/1 male to female ratio. I think I've discovered the perfect place for single girls to meet eligible guys. Anyway, generally loathe schmoozy events, but this went well. I met several clients with whom I had only corresponded by phone or email, and several others with whom I have no direct involvement--yet.
3/22/10
Cursed, I tell ya!
So the problem with the Suburban is indeed the tranny. The cost for a "major overhaul" is $2200. So now we're trying to figure out whether we want to put that kind of cash into an 8 year old vehicle with 150,000 miles and a bluebook value of $5K or just buy a new one.
We weren't really planning to keep the Suburban more than a few more months anyway, but I really don't have time to car shop right now, and we were trying to knock out a couple of bills before car shopping again.
I guess we'll get a couple more quotes for tranny repair tomorrow, and I've already gotten a coupe of quotes on a new (used) vehicle. I just can't bring myself to buy a new (new) vehicle, but there's an '07 Tahoe with 32K miles at the dealership down the road that might fit the bill.
We weren't really planning to keep the Suburban more than a few more months anyway, but I really don't have time to car shop right now, and we were trying to knock out a couple of bills before car shopping again.
I guess we'll get a couple more quotes for tranny repair tomorrow, and I've already gotten a coupe of quotes on a new (used) vehicle. I just can't bring myself to buy a new (new) vehicle, but there's an '07 Tahoe with 32K miles at the dealership down the road that might fit the bill.
3/21/10
I think I'm cursed
So I headed out to frou-frou mall this afternoon in search of a dress. Fifteen minutes into my journey I realized that my engine was revving hard and not switching into a higher gear. And I couldn't go any faster than I already was. So I took the next exit, and found that my Suburban seems to not be switching from 2nd to 3rd gear. Once I got off the highway, I couldn't go more than 30 mph, and within a few minutes I was topping out at 20 mph.
DH gave me directions to the nearest transmission shop, and I slowly made my way there at 20 mph. Fortunately I was in the 'burbs and didn't have to take any super-busy streets.
Once DH retrieved me, we went to the nearby not-so-frou-frou mall, where the highest end store is Dillards. My options were very limited, but I managed to score a basic black shift dress with matching bolero jacket for $27 (no, that is not a typo--it was 70% off!). It is cut like this one, but the jacket is solid black with 3" black-sequined cuffs. Just enough sparkle for an after-five business affair, and I can top the dress with a cardigan or suit jacket for day wear.
I also found a 60" strand of silver pearls for $15 (also 70% off) that look fab with the dress when triple-looped. I wasn't sure these would go well with the dress, but I figured they were versatile enough to work with lots of things, so i bought them anyway. As it turned out, they look great with the dress!
For the final touch, I picket up a pair of rhinestone barrettes at Target for $6.
No new shoes required. I have a fabulous pair of strappy black heels, but I think I will wear my basic black work shoes (3.5" stilettos) and probably add a pair of black hose. I HATE pantyhose, but the dress is a petite and just a tad short for business. And my legs are pasty white.
So, the whole outfit was less than $50. A good thing, since I am afraid to hear how much it will cost to repair the transmission in the Suburban.
DH gave me directions to the nearest transmission shop, and I slowly made my way there at 20 mph. Fortunately I was in the 'burbs and didn't have to take any super-busy streets.
Once DH retrieved me, we went to the nearby not-so-frou-frou mall, where the highest end store is Dillards. My options were very limited, but I managed to score a basic black shift dress with matching bolero jacket for $27 (no, that is not a typo--it was 70% off!). It is cut like this one, but the jacket is solid black with 3" black-sequined cuffs. Just enough sparkle for an after-five business affair, and I can top the dress with a cardigan or suit jacket for day wear.
I also found a 60" strand of silver pearls for $15 (also 70% off) that look fab with the dress when triple-looped. I wasn't sure these would go well with the dress, but I figured they were versatile enough to work with lots of things, so i bought them anyway. As it turned out, they look great with the dress!
For the final touch, I picket up a pair of rhinestone barrettes at Target for $6.
No new shoes required. I have a fabulous pair of strappy black heels, but I think I will wear my basic black work shoes (3.5" stilettos) and probably add a pair of black hose. I HATE pantyhose, but the dress is a petite and just a tad short for business. And my legs are pasty white.
So, the whole outfit was less than $50. A good thing, since I am afraid to hear how much it will cost to repair the transmission in the Suburban.
3/20/10
Fashion Advice Needed
I must attend an awards banquet next week for an association that my firm is very involved with. There will be many clients and many more potential clients in attendance. It is "cocktail attire" and I will have to leave straight from the office.
So, what the heck do I wear? Anything in my current wardrobe that might approximate cocktail is definitely not work appropriate, nor something that I would want to wear in a business setting. (I have ample cleavage and it is hard to find cocktail attire that does not draw attention to this attribute. Not that I mind too much since I was called "2x4" in high school and the girls are holding up pretty well considering I breastfed three children. But in business settings I prefer to be noticed for my brains and not my other assets.)
Can I get by with wearing a suit, or do I need to wear a dress? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go find a little black dress that I could throw a cardigan over during the day and remove for evening--but I don't have a ton of time to go shopping before this event.
And, no, there's no one to ask, since I'm the only girl in the office. The guys will definitely just wear their suits. Also, this industry organization is heavily male-dominated, so nearly all of the other females in attendance will be spouses--not sure if that makes a difference or not.
P.S. This is my 750th post--woot!
So, what the heck do I wear? Anything in my current wardrobe that might approximate cocktail is definitely not work appropriate, nor something that I would want to wear in a business setting. (I have ample cleavage and it is hard to find cocktail attire that does not draw attention to this attribute. Not that I mind too much since I was called "2x4" in high school and the girls are holding up pretty well considering I breastfed three children. But in business settings I prefer to be noticed for my brains and not my other assets.)
Can I get by with wearing a suit, or do I need to wear a dress? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to go find a little black dress that I could throw a cardigan over during the day and remove for evening--but I don't have a ton of time to go shopping before this event.
And, no, there's no one to ask, since I'm the only girl in the office. The guys will definitely just wear their suits. Also, this industry organization is heavily male-dominated, so nearly all of the other females in attendance will be spouses--not sure if that makes a difference or not.
P.S. This is my 750th post--woot!
3/18/10
LC is too busy to blog.
Work has been insane. Between a mediation the end of this month, a trial in early May and a whole mess of other cases, I am barely keeping my head above water. I've been trapped in doc review hell for the last several weeks, and every time I turn around there are more documents. I've been doing electronic review every night from my laptop trying to get caught up. And then today I learned that the other side is producing a 145 gig hard drive. Sigh.
Yesterday, I f'd up big time and inadvertently produced privileged docs. Fortunately, opposing counsel was kind enough to point out my mistake (because there was a big green stickie on the docs that said "Privileged") and swears he didn't review them. And my boss didn't even yell at me. He just said "it happens, and we were lucky that opposing counsel was honest." Then when I joked that I was afraid I needed to start packing up, he assured me that I was very well regarded in the firm and that my hard work was very much appreciated and I was not going anywhere anytime soon.
Our new attorney is supposed to be taking some of the heat off of me, but I haven't noticed it much yet. But he did accompany me to an offsite doc review today. I felt like I had a bodyguard. He's a 6'6" bodybuilder and was wearing a black suit. He definitely gets the attention of every passing female.
I will definitely be going in to the office this weekend--something I've avoided since I started with this firm in August. But I have to work on our position paper for mediation and ID our exhibits. I guess the good news is that I am making up for all the hours I was short over the past couple of months while travelling during MIL's illness.
Tomorrow I'm getting sworn into my 2nd federal court bar. Partner said to review the local rules tonight because some of the judges will quiz you. Like I have nothing better to do. Fortunately I'm pretty well acquainted with the local rules because I am anal retentive about following procedure.
So this was rambling and random, but it's all I've got.
Yesterday, I f'd up big time and inadvertently produced privileged docs. Fortunately, opposing counsel was kind enough to point out my mistake (because there was a big green stickie on the docs that said "Privileged") and swears he didn't review them. And my boss didn't even yell at me. He just said "it happens, and we were lucky that opposing counsel was honest." Then when I joked that I was afraid I needed to start packing up, he assured me that I was very well regarded in the firm and that my hard work was very much appreciated and I was not going anywhere anytime soon.
Our new attorney is supposed to be taking some of the heat off of me, but I haven't noticed it much yet. But he did accompany me to an offsite doc review today. I felt like I had a bodyguard. He's a 6'6" bodybuilder and was wearing a black suit. He definitely gets the attention of every passing female.
I will definitely be going in to the office this weekend--something I've avoided since I started with this firm in August. But I have to work on our position paper for mediation and ID our exhibits. I guess the good news is that I am making up for all the hours I was short over the past couple of months while travelling during MIL's illness.
Tomorrow I'm getting sworn into my 2nd federal court bar. Partner said to review the local rules tonight because some of the judges will quiz you. Like I have nothing better to do. Fortunately I'm pretty well acquainted with the local rules because I am anal retentive about following procedure.
So this was rambling and random, but it's all I've got.
3/8/10
Trying to get back to normal
We are trying to get some sense of normalcy back in our lives. We spent the weekend running errands, picking up the house, fixing the bathtub issue, paying bills and just generally trying to get back on track. I spent a good part of Sunday cooking meals for the next couple of weeks. It is so nice to have homecooked food. We have really been eating a lot of crap lately and have the extra pounds to show for it.
We took PS to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday night. She is a huge Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fan and loved it. I thought it was ok, but expected it to be better than it was.
I also booked us in a cabin for Memorial Day weekend. Right on the river, with fishing off the back deck. I'm not so big on fishing, but spending a weekend at a cabin in the woods, relaxing on a deck overlooking the river sounds like the best vacation ever right about now. We'll wait a few weeks and ask FIL if he would like to join us.
Work is ok. We finally hired another attorney, which takes some of the heat off of me (and means I'm no longer the low man on the totem pole--good news in this economy!). I had been working my tail off last month trying to stay ahead of my deadlines since I knew I would be out for several days at some point. Now I can maintain a slightly more relaxed pace, but I have a mediation the end of this month and a trial that is 85% sure to go in May.
Hopefully no more chaos will be thrown our way for a while, because I have been operating at maxium capacity and really need some down time. (And by down time I mean only raising 3 kids and working 10 hour days.)
We took PS to see Alice in Wonderland Saturday night. She is a huge Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fan and loved it. I thought it was ok, but expected it to be better than it was.
I also booked us in a cabin for Memorial Day weekend. Right on the river, with fishing off the back deck. I'm not so big on fishing, but spending a weekend at a cabin in the woods, relaxing on a deck overlooking the river sounds like the best vacation ever right about now. We'll wait a few weeks and ask FIL if he would like to join us.
Work is ok. We finally hired another attorney, which takes some of the heat off of me (and means I'm no longer the low man on the totem pole--good news in this economy!). I had been working my tail off last month trying to stay ahead of my deadlines since I knew I would be out for several days at some point. Now I can maintain a slightly more relaxed pace, but I have a mediation the end of this month and a trial that is 85% sure to go in May.
Hopefully no more chaos will be thrown our way for a while, because I have been operating at maxium capacity and really need some down time. (And by down time I mean only raising 3 kids and working 10 hour days.)
3/6/10
My baby's growing up
PS is finishing up her final year of elementary school and will be heading off to middle school next year. I can't believe that my curly-topped chubby baby isn't a baby anymore--or that I am old enough to have a child in 7th grade.
Last week her school sent home packets of information about scheduling and elective selection for next year, and Thursday evening PS and I toured the school. They are in a brand-new school with every amenity (including a $13 million natatorium right next door) and all of the kids are issued laptops. This school district is the reason I have a 45-minute commute to work.
We met her GT English teacher for next year, and the class sounds like it will be lots of fun. As soon as we walked in, we saw that the kids were assigned "The Giver" to read over the summer. I exclaimed, "Oh, look, we already read 'The Giver' trilogy, so you'll be a step ahead," and was quickly admonished and told that I should review the published suggested reading lists for schools in my state and avoid those books. Umm, ok, whatever. So I'm not supposed to let my kids read great books because she might read them later in school? I received a similar lecture from PS's second grade teacher because she had already read all of the Ramona Quimby books.
Overall, I was quite impressed with the middle school course options. Pre-AP courses are available in all core classes, and electives included the standards like band, art and theater, but also some that sounded more like high school courses like "Aerospace Career Portal."
Our only hang-up for choosing electives is the PE credit. PS wanted to take soccer, but it is not offered for credit. Her athletics choices are basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, cheer and drill team. Basketball, volleyball and gymnastics require try-outs and it seems unlikely that PS would make the teams without experience. Of course she could just take PE, but none of the "cool" kids ever take PE. Which leaves her with the choice of cheer or drill team. Neither is especially appealing to PS, but I think she is going to go with cheer.
I don't usually care what the cool kids are doing, but PS is a bit socially awkward and I'll do whatever I can to give her a boost through the tough middle school years. I hope joining a team will help her make a core group of friends, because I'm afraid she'll end up a loner if she only takes classes and electives that don't require a lot of group involvement. Now is when I question my decision to accelerate her in kindergarten. She is the youngest and shortest in her class. I wouldn't say that she is immature, but she's the nerdy smart kid who just isn't interested in the same things as her peers. I know that she'll come in to her own eventually (probably in college), but I fear the middle school years will be really, really hard on her.
So I'll continue to push her academically (I've already informed her that all of the pre-AP courses are non-negotiable), but I'll also encourage her to do cheer and theater and other classes that will help her make friends and give her confidence.
Last week her school sent home packets of information about scheduling and elective selection for next year, and Thursday evening PS and I toured the school. They are in a brand-new school with every amenity (including a $13 million natatorium right next door) and all of the kids are issued laptops. This school district is the reason I have a 45-minute commute to work.
We met her GT English teacher for next year, and the class sounds like it will be lots of fun. As soon as we walked in, we saw that the kids were assigned "The Giver" to read over the summer. I exclaimed, "Oh, look, we already read 'The Giver' trilogy, so you'll be a step ahead," and was quickly admonished and told that I should review the published suggested reading lists for schools in my state and avoid those books. Umm, ok, whatever. So I'm not supposed to let my kids read great books because she might read them later in school? I received a similar lecture from PS's second grade teacher because she had already read all of the Ramona Quimby books.
Overall, I was quite impressed with the middle school course options. Pre-AP courses are available in all core classes, and electives included the standards like band, art and theater, but also some that sounded more like high school courses like "Aerospace Career Portal."
Our only hang-up for choosing electives is the PE credit. PS wanted to take soccer, but it is not offered for credit. Her athletics choices are basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, cheer and drill team. Basketball, volleyball and gymnastics require try-outs and it seems unlikely that PS would make the teams without experience. Of course she could just take PE, but none of the "cool" kids ever take PE. Which leaves her with the choice of cheer or drill team. Neither is especially appealing to PS, but I think she is going to go with cheer.
I don't usually care what the cool kids are doing, but PS is a bit socially awkward and I'll do whatever I can to give her a boost through the tough middle school years. I hope joining a team will help her make a core group of friends, because I'm afraid she'll end up a loner if she only takes classes and electives that don't require a lot of group involvement. Now is when I question my decision to accelerate her in kindergarten. She is the youngest and shortest in her class. I wouldn't say that she is immature, but she's the nerdy smart kid who just isn't interested in the same things as her peers. I know that she'll come in to her own eventually (probably in college), but I fear the middle school years will be really, really hard on her.
So I'll continue to push her academically (I've already informed her that all of the pre-AP courses are non-negotiable), but I'll also encourage her to do cheer and theater and other classes that will help her make friends and give her confidence.
3/5/10
Seriously???
We had the rosary for MIL on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday. We drove home Thursday. We probably would have stayed through the weekend, but PS had her "transition to middle school" program Thursday night, and it seemed like something that we really needed to attend. (And it was, but that is a whole other post.) We got home yesterday with just enough time for me to drop off DH and the twins and head over to the middle school with PS.
I returned to work today, and met the family for dinner this evening. DH and I planned to watch a movie together tonight and to spend our first weekend at home in a month relaxing. The best laid plans...
Shortly after arriving home from dinner, TT informed us that there was dog barf in the upstairs hall . . . and the game room . . . and their bedroom. Then, when PS was headed to the pantry to look for carpet cleaner, I heard, "Mo-oommm, the ceiling is dripping."
Oh yes, a huge water stain on my kitchen ceiling. Which just happens to be directly below the upstairs bathroom. And of course, there is no easy way to access the kitchen ceiling--there is only about a 10" gap between the first and second floors through which the HVAC, plumbing and electrical lines are run and the only access is either through the ceiling downstairs or through the floor upstairs.
We suspected that the upstairs bathtub is the culprit, so DH sawed a hole in the wall of the linen closet to investigate. As suspected, the floor beneath the tub is soaked, and it looks like the drain is leaking. We can probably repair the drain without too much trouble, but it is nearly impossible to tell the extent of the damage between the floors unless we remove the bathtub and cut a hole in the floor below. Or cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. The floor beneath the bathroom will be less noticeable, but removing the tub doesn't sound like fun.
Let's see, in the last week my MIL died, my car was hit, I got a speeding ticket, my animals barfed all over my carpet, and my bathtub is leaking through a floor and ceiling. What have I done to upset the cosmos?
I returned to work today, and met the family for dinner this evening. DH and I planned to watch a movie together tonight and to spend our first weekend at home in a month relaxing. The best laid plans...
Shortly after arriving home from dinner, TT informed us that there was dog barf in the upstairs hall . . . and the game room . . . and their bedroom. Then, when PS was headed to the pantry to look for carpet cleaner, I heard, "Mo-oommm, the ceiling is dripping."
Oh yes, a huge water stain on my kitchen ceiling. Which just happens to be directly below the upstairs bathroom. And of course, there is no easy way to access the kitchen ceiling--there is only about a 10" gap between the first and second floors through which the HVAC, plumbing and electrical lines are run and the only access is either through the ceiling downstairs or through the floor upstairs.
We suspected that the upstairs bathtub is the culprit, so DH sawed a hole in the wall of the linen closet to investigate. As suspected, the floor beneath the tub is soaked, and it looks like the drain is leaking. We can probably repair the drain without too much trouble, but it is nearly impossible to tell the extent of the damage between the floors unless we remove the bathtub and cut a hole in the floor below. Or cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. The floor beneath the bathroom will be less noticeable, but removing the tub doesn't sound like fun.
Let's see, in the last week my MIL died, my car was hit, I got a speeding ticket, my animals barfed all over my carpet, and my bathtub is leaking through a floor and ceiling. What have I done to upset the cosmos?
2/28/10
Death and Life
MIL passed away Saturday night. We drove in late Friday after work, and so we were with her on Saturday when she passed. In the end, she went peacefully--for which we are thankful because much of the last few weeks has not been peaceful.
Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.
This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.
The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)
Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.
Of course, the last three days have been chaos--a state that seems to have become the norm. After she passed away on Saturday we packed up everything that we had brought to hospice for the nearly month-long stay and waited for the funeral director to arrive. We finally arrived back at FIL's house around midnight, and pulled into the driveway behind FIL to unload the car.
This morning, FIL pulled out of the driveway, forgot we were parked behind him, and never saw our Suburban before he backed into it. FIL so did not need that! It did a fair amount of damage, and the Suburban cannot be driven until it is repaired. Fortunately, my brothers-in-law are car guys and are working to make the mechanical repairs. The body damage isn't too bad, so hopefully no insurance claim will be required. In the meantime, I borrowed my grandfather's Crown Victoria. Nothin' like cruisin' in the old folks car, nut it is nice to family here who can help out.
The rest of the day has been busy, as expected. I spent the morning cleaning house in anticipation of a deluge of company, then the car issues, then a meeting with the funeral home (I reviewed that contract and was appalled. Clearly no one ever reads a burial contract--I am almost positive that at least one clause is unenforceable as a matter of law. Of course, there wasn't much we could do about it. It's an adhesion contract, if we don't like it, the option is to pick her up and take her elsewhere. ) Back to the house to receive loads of company. Eat, eat, eat. Put together a breakfast casserole for tomorrow morning, because one thoughtful person brought us breakfast fixin's. (I love that idea--we have received tons of desserts, lunch trays and casseroles, but no one thinks about breakfast!)
Oh, and on our way in Friday night I got a speeding ticket. On a two-lane highway that expands periodically to add an acceleration lane. The cop was hiding and waiting to nail cars just as they reached top speed to pass in the accelleration lane. I am so fighting that ticket, just for the pleasure of cross-examining that cop. I lost my trial virginity to a cop--but we were on the same side that time. I am just so pissed. This is the 4th time I've made that trip in so many weeks, and I generally set my cruise w/in 5 miles of the speed limit. But leaving after work Friday was traffic hell and I was tired and frustrated by the time I finally hit open highway, only to be stuck behind a car with "Snuggle Bunny" painted on the back windshield who insisted upon adhering strictly to the speed limit. So I was joyous when I was finally able to pass and may have sped up slightly more than necessary. But I did not, and would not with my kids in the car, maintain a sustained speed on 80. And it just felt so unfair to be pulled over under the circumstances, but I refused to use my MIL's impending death as a cheesy excuse to avoid a traffic citation, so I just shrugged off the cop's questions and signed the damn ticket.
2/20/10
Still here
Sitting with MIL now. Early this week the doc said she had 24 hours. Later this week he said maybe 48 hours. The fact of the matter is that nobody knows. Some things just can't me put on a timetable, and death is one of them.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
We've all said goodbye, told her it's ok to go, that we will all take care of each other. Tonight we all went to church together, since there has been some indication that she is concerned about her children straying from the church.
We are all exhausted--emotionally and physically. (I broke down in church when they just happened to play the song that we chose for her funeral and that I know she chose for her mother's funeral. The family at the end of the pew looked at me like I was nuts.) Mostly I'm worried about FIL. He has been living at hospice for almost 3 weeks now. He won't leave her side, but for an hour or so a day to shower at home. He gets little sleep here--nurses are in late at night and early in the morning, and when MIL has a rough night, he has a rough night. I'm not sure how much more of this he can take.
The whole situation has taken an even more tragic turn. We began praying for MIL's health and to keep here, now we just pray that she passes quickly and with no more suffering.
And then there is reality. I came here on Thursday believing that this would be my last trip. Once again I am in the position of figuring out whether to go or stay tomorrow. My bosses are going to lose sympathy soon. DH has not gone negative on his vacation time, and FIL is out as well.
It is an all-around awful situation, and I would not wish for anybody to have to go through it.
2/17/10
Restored faith in humanity
MIL is still hanging in there. We were there when the doctor visited Monday morning. He said that the young ones have more will and more physical strength and tend to hang on longer. He thought then that she had a few more days, and DH and I drove home that afternoon.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
Tuesday morning, FIL called and said that MIL's breathing had slowed even further and that fluid build-up had begun (aka "the death rattle"). The nurse said she might not make it through the day. DH flew back to Hometown that morning.
This morning the doctor said that she has less than 24 hours and may not make it past this afternoon. It's evening now and she is still here. I told DH, "you know she's tough, she already beat the damn cancer twice."
I'm inclined to head back to Hometown tomorrow morning, but I'll wait to see how she does overnight before I decide.
As awful as this entire experience is, it has shown us how wonderful people can be. Erika commented on the post how surprising it was that so many hours of vacation were donated to FIL. I am positive that additional hours would have been donated if it were allowed. Many neighbors were bringing food and anything else that would help during MIL's 18 month illness--and for the last two weeks people have been bringing food to feed all of us hanging out at Hospice.
When MIL was being treated at the cancer center 900 miles from home, a woman who had gone to school with FIL's brother offered her home for MIL and FIL to stay during her treatments. FIL estimates that the spent more than 30 days there. That sweet woman, also loaned MIL and FIL her extra car while they stayed there.
DH's coworkers raised $1000 to help with the inlaws travel expenses when they were traveling to the cancer center. DH has been given two flight vouchers to cover his flight, and when he flew out on Monday, someone anonymously paid for his flight.
I am stunned by the generosity that we have seen. I think that people just hear this terrible story and want to help out in any way that they can, but it is truly heartwarming to see how kind people can be.
Meanwhile, we are looking for ways to pay it forward. Our thought was to donate toys to hospice for the other kids who visit, but we learned today that they can't keep toys because of some regulation that requires them to be sanitized every day. So now we are thinking of bulk-ordering crayons and coloring books, or some other small toy, that the kids can keep when they visit at hospice. Our kids, nieces and nephews have now spent hours there, and we have seen many other children there as well.
2/14/10
Not getting any easier
Last night we once again thought MIL was at the end. She appeared to be in a coma and her breathing slowed to the point that she was going longer than 30 seconds between breaths. But she suddenly perked up and her breathing regulated. We spent the night on sofas up here, along with SIL and her hubby, but she did fine through the night.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
Then today was the toughest so far. MIL was awake most of the day, but very disoriented and agitated. She is unable to walk, but kept trying to get out of bed. DH, BIL and FIL literally had to hold her in bed. Eventually, the nurse had to give her a sedative, and she is finally resting.
In the middle of this was my own family drama. Since DH and I are from Hometown, both of our families live here. And if you are a regular reader, you know that I do not get along with my mother. So I really didn't intend to tell my family when we came into town--knowing that we needed to focus on DH's family right now.
But my aunt guessed that we were here based on some FB chatter (damn Facebook!), and called to offer assistance. I took her up on it Thursday afternoon and the girls spent that night with her. The next day she took the kids to see my mother. Of course my mother was peeved that her sister had her grandkids, and took over. The kids spent the last two nights with her. Shocking since she basically shows no interest in my children. I think she just didn't want to be one-upped by her sister. Or maybe it is the realization that she will soon be the kids' only grandmother. One of the many unfairnesses of MIL's passing is that my children are losing the only grandmother who has ever paid them attention and been involved in their lives.
Anyway, I found out after the fact that she dumped them off on my brother all day today. He didn't seem to mind, but I would have asked him rather than letting her just inform him that he would spend his Sunday afternoon babysitting my children. It just rubbed me the wrong way. We have plenty of people here who could have watched them if she really didn't want to.
Meanwhile, my mother also informed my grandparents that I was in town. Yeah, so much for my plan to not tell my family I was in town. DH and I have been spending about 18 hours a day at Hospice--we don't have time to visit right now. Anyway, my grandparents came up here to see me--which would have been fine, except that they had to bring all their family drama.
My 80-year old grandparents, who live on social security in a trailer house, have been sending money to a woman in jail and have offered to move her into their house when she gets out while she gets back on her feet. Because she has found Jesus and she didn't really commit the crime anyway.
Their kids have contacted the scammer and told her to back off. But the scammer has a tight rein on Grandparents, and they are insisting that she needs to help and they are doing God's will by helping her--even though they are borrowing money from anyone dumb enough to lend it to them.
So my grandparents immediately try to recruit me to their side when they showed up here, and were none to pleased when I told them that I agreed with my mother and aunt. (My grandfather has always been the "slick willy" salesman type, and did time in the federal pen when I was in college for his bad (illegal) business decisions.)
Soon my grandfather starts asking, "So how's the job going? Are you making good money? Have you gotten any raises lately?" I can see him laying the groundwork to borrow money and there is no chance in hell that's gonna happen. I'll buy them groceries, I'll pay their electric bill, but I'm not about to give them cash to hand over to a scammer.
Fortunately a visitor showed up about that time (I was playing bouncer outside MIL's room) and I informed the grandparents that I needed to go be with the family again and shooed them away.
Because I totally need their drama right now. Thank god I live 400 miles away and don't have to deal with this crap on a regular basis.
On the other hand, living 400 miles away is not much of a blessing right now. DH has been away from work for a week and is about to exhaust his vacation time. The kids need to go back to school. And I'm not sure how long my bosses will be understanding about my absence for my mother-in-law. We are contemplating going home tomorrow. We really want to be here when MIL passes, but there is simply no predicting when it will happen. It has been a roller-coaster for the past week.
It is a terrible situation to be in, and while we live the farthest away, we are not the only ones. SIL's hubby has out-of-town training for his job starting next week, and all of the kids have taken the last week off of work and cannot continue to do so in perpetuity. Even FIL is about to exhaust his vacation time. He has missed months of work while MIL was treated at an out-of-town cancer center. His co-workers donated more than 500 hours of their vacation time to him, maxing out the number of hours that can be donated. He can take FMLA leave, but it will be unpaid. It sucks to have to deal with the practicalities of life when all you want to do is stand next to someone you love in her final days.
I guess we'll see how tonight goes and make a decision tomorrow morning.
2/13/10
She's Just Not Ready to Leave
MIL is still hanging in there. Last night we thought she was done. Her pulse dropped, and her breathing became even more irregular. We were all gathered around and she told us all that she loved us and spoke to each of us separately. And we were all bawling. We really thought she was done.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
And then she suddenly popped out of it and started cracking jokes. We ended up crying tears of laughter.
But this is the second time this has happened, and it is emotionally draining.
After talking with the nurses, we decided that all of us standing around might be anchoring her here. So all of the kids headed home for the night leaving just FIL with her. Our hope was that she would pass peacefully during the night.
But she's still here. This morning she broke down crying and said that she isn't ready to give it all up yet. She also keeps apologizing, which is absurd because MIL is one of the most giving, morally true people I've ever met.
She is in and out of lucidity. Sometimes she understands that she is dying, and other times she has no idea where she is or what is going on. Her pain is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I think FIL is about to collapse from exhaustion, but he won't leave her side.
We've all had the chance to say goodbye, and we've accepted that she's leaving. We've also told her that it's ok for her to go. But she's just not ready to leave yet.
2/11/10
The Vigil
I came out of a 2.5 hour conference call at 6:00 yesterday to a voicemail from DH telling me I needed to get the girls and return to Hometown ASAP. They really thought MIL was leaving last night. She was falling in and out of consciousness and so everyone was saying their goodbyes. Then she suddenly snapped out of it, announced that she wasn't dying and that she was planning to have pancakes for breakfast in the morning.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
In the meantime, I was driving home like a maniac, throwing clothes into a suitcase and rushing the kids out the door. The girls and I hopped in the car, drove straight through and made it to Hometown at 2 this morning. (Good thing, too, since our town is getting record snowfall--we might not have made it out if I had waited until today.) We slept until about 8:30 and then headed up to Hospice.
MIL is still hanging on, but it seems like every breath could be her last. She will stop breathing for many seconds and then suddenly start up again just as we are wondering if this is it. She was coherent and talking to us this morning, but has become increasingly delirious throughout the day.
Two other people here have passed away today. It is hard to see their families, knowing we will be in the same position very soon. Everyone here is so nice. A little old man came by and gave my girls $2 bills, and another gave them packs of gum. Everyone here is going through the same thing, and there is a sense of camaraderie.
The girls were here until late afternoon when my aunt picked them up for the night. DH and I will stay here with FIL. All of his siblings have young children and finally went home for the night.
I'm still exhausted, but at least now my focus is on family. I pretty much wrapped up what I needed to on my big project with the conference call I had yesterday. And to answer a question from the comments, yes, I could certainly have requested an extension from opposing counsel or the court. But the senior partner handling the case did not express any concern about us getting it all done (being well aware of my circumstances), and I did not suggest to him that we request an extension.
2/9/10
Spinning Plates
I think that I usually do a pretty good job of keeping all my plates in the air. But this week is harder than most. I have a production deadline in one of my biggest cases on Friday. My client finally started shipping boxes a week ago--15 of them. I spent the weekend before last reviewing docs (they came in at 6:00 Friday just in time for the weekend!), hauled boxes all the way to Hometown last weekend, and spent Sunday night after we got home digging through them.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
Monday morning--about 24 hours after we left Hometown-- FIL called DH and told him he should come back because MIL was showing new signs of decline. I met DH back at home, drove him to the airport, and went back to work until 8 last night. Finally went home before my nanny revolted, kissed the girls goodnight, and dug back into the boxes.
I am standing by waiting for DH to call and say we need to come down, while at the same time trying to get ahead of all my deadlines and my big production. Meanwhile my kids are being ignored, I need to go grocery shopping, pay bills, find the girls appropriate outfits for their grandmother's funeral, the tags on my car went out at the first of the month, my pro bono client wants to know when her divorce is going to be finalized, and every single one of my cases seems to have a new hot issue this week. Arrrrgggghhhhh!
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hit a wall at 5:30 this evening and headed out of the office (got hung up and didn't actually make it out 'til 6). Headed home, grabbed the girls and spend some quality time together picking up dog, cat and guinea pig food at Target. Finally home at 8, tucked the girls into bed and collapsed.
I brought work home, but I can't seem to make myself look at it. I just want to go to bed. Maybe that's the best plan--before all my plates start breaking over my head.
2/6/10
Surreal
We're in Hometown, staying at MIL's house. It's weird bring here when she's not here. Last night someone made food for all us kids and our kids. Everyone, except MIL & FIL, was here. Like a family holiday, except with the patriarchs missing. And the talk of death and funerals, with a few funny family stories mixed in. While we were eating on MIL's very fancy and expensive dining room table, all I could think was that she would be freaking out because we did not put down place mats or a table cloth!
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
Tonight, more food was brought in, and we all met in the large dining room at the Hospice center. The hospice facility is wonderful and very accommodating to families. It is just such a strange place for a gathering.
It's interesting to see how the kids are handling all of this. My 4 year old nephew announced that he was going to go live with Pa Pa when Grandma died so that Pa Pa didn't get lonely living all by himself.
His 6 year old brother made Grandma a valentine that said, "I hope you go to heaven." That one makes us all giggle.
And TT sent Grandma this email a few weeks ago "you are great and awsome and you are the key to my heart i most deffinitly do not want you to dye i hope you start to feel better and get better you are sweet and i love you alot you are a great grand mother and i love you"
Tomorrow FIL and the kids will meet with a funeral director to determine what decisions need to be made so they can get MIL's input while she is still able. It is so strange to be dealing with these kinds of things, but I guess the more we can prepare ahead of time the better.
2/2/10
Marking time
We received notice last weekend that MIL is declining more quickly than anticipated and that we should visit soon. DH was actually supposed to visit last weekend, but canceled his plans after Hometown got dumped on with snow. Now he's flying out tomorrow and I am driving in with the kids on Friday.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
I though that we would have at least a few more months--although I don't have any idea what I based my assumption upon. The hospice nurse said "days or weeks" which is both ominous and quite open-ended. And she is being moved tomorrow from her home to the hospice care facility for at least a few days because her pain is not being adequately managed at home.
We know that the end is near, but there remains the uncertainty of knowing when it will happen. And though we all love MIL dearly, she has been in unbearable pain for a year and a half now, and I think we all just want to see her at peace. I think she is worried about leaving her children, but all her children want is for her not to suffer anymore.
And so we wait.
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