We found out yesterday that DH's grandpa was being admitted to hospice. It was something of a surprise, as we didn't know he was seriously ill. He had surgery a week or so ago that we knew was serious. He came through that ok, but then had some issues in recovery, and here we are. Now we feel like we are just waiting for the phone to ring with bad news.
We were already planning to head to Hometown on Friday. We discussed going earlier so that DH can see his grandfather, but he would rather remember him as he saw him last, and not in a sick bed. Also, his grandfather is in the same hospice that MIL was in, and I think DH just doesn't want to go there (and neither do I, but it's up to him). In fact, FIL told us that the hospice put Grandpa in a suite because they remembered us and how large the family is.
So now we don't know what will happen or how long we will need to stay in Hometown, but we will be packing heavily.
Ironically, we have been far more focused on my grandparents' failing health. They both have dementia and were moved to an assisted living facility a few months ago. My grandmother has declined rapidly and my dad thinks they need to be moved somewhere with a higher level of care. My aunt, who has power of attorney, disagrees. I've requested a family meeting, following a Saturday afternoon get-together, to which all have grudgingly agreed.
If my aunt wants to make a power play adverse to my grandparents' best interests, I will have to pull the lawyer card and threaten to file a guardianship action, which would trump the power of attorney. I do not want to do this, as it will start a war. I'm hopeful that we can have a civil and reasonable discussion, but reason does not always prevail in my family.
My dad and his sister do not get along at all, and my cousin and I have been stuck as the middle-women. My cousin suggested a group gift of new recliners for the grandparents. My side reluctantly agreed (because they think the grandparents need to move and may not be able to take their chairs), with a pre-set budget. My aunt was to handle the arrangements. She spent twice the agreed budget, without any consultation. I told her we will not contribute more.
Meanwhile, I am getting lots of pressure to visit my mother. I haven't spoken to her in 18 months, since she skipped my brother's wedding. She had her leg amputated a few weeks ago, and her health has continued to decline. If I go, I want to take her the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, but my family has forbidden it. Apparently she's depressed about losing the limb that has been completely useless and trying to kill her for the last 2.5 years. (Yes this sounds harsh, but she has spent 85% of her time since a major joint replacement in care facilities due to infections in the leg. She was already wheelchair-bound and the doctors recommended amputation two years ago, but she has refused.)
I hate family drama. This is why I usually find a reason to travel over the holidays. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many of our grandparents will be around for another Christmas, and we thought it necessary to go to Hometown this year. I am dreading it.
2 comments:
It probably sounds awful to normal people, but I was, in a sense, relieved when my grandparents died--not for their deaths (they were the only people from whom I had unconditional love) but because it meant I could finally stop pretending to have relationships with my parents. Sigh. I hope it all goes as well as it can.
I get that. The only reason I return to Hometown is to see my grandparents. And it is really, really hard to see them now that my grandmother doesn't even remember me and I just have the same conversation about the weather with my grandfather ten times over during every visit.
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