Feeling a bit out of control. I just don't seem to have enough time lately to get everything done. It's always been a delicate balance between work and family, but I've always managed to pull it off. But lately, more things seem to be falling between the cracks.
For instance, a couple of months ago I ordered some things online. I was in search of a mustard-yellow sweater, but the one that arrived was baby-diarrhea yellow. There was also a belt that I loved but it was too big. It was about $60 worth of merchandise that I needed to return, but I kept putting it off. Shortly before Christmas I looked at the receipt to check my deadline for the return and determined it was in mid-January. So last week I dug it out of my closet to finally return it--and when I checked the receipt again the deadline was in December (apparently I couldn't do simple math back in December.) So now I'm one of those people who donates things to Goodwill with the tags still on, because I couldn't get my shit together.
And then, right before Christmas I got a parking ticket while in court for a hearing. I parked directly next to the meter and loaded it up with every cent I could dig out of every nook and cranny in my car. So when I came out and say the ticket flapping on my windshield, I knew it was unjustified. Indeed, there were still 52 minutes on my meter. I really wanted to fight that ticket--but it was only $35 and wasn't sure it was worth my time. I fumed about it for a couple of days. And then I completely forgot about it and my hearing date passed and my $35 ticket suddenly jumped to $65 and my opportunity to fight it disappeared. (In my defense there was only 2 weeks to deal with the ticket from the day it was written, and because of the holidays, only about 5 working days. But still...) Once again I need to get my shit together.
At least it is only these minor things that I'm failing at. My job and the kids are still ok. But it still leaves me feeling out of sorts.
I think the problem is a combination of losing our beloved nanny in the fall and having to deal with my mother. We tried replacing the nanny with a housekeeper, but she just didn't work out. And I think am going to have to go back to a nanny. And then there's my mother. I keep having to take time off for her surgeries and doctor's appointments. She calls and demands things. Her caseworkers and doctors call me. She keeps getting moved from one facility to another (because medicare will only pay for each type of facility for a certain number of days). And the last facility was a minimum 45 minute drive from my house (the others I could make part of my commute to or from work). I feel like she is sucking every free moment I have and many of my not-free moments. And I will admit that I am resentful. Because I feel like I was forced into this position. And I know that she would not do the same for me--nor would she have done it for her own parents. She keeps hinting about coming to stay with me, but I have unequivocally told her no.