I just got am email from PS's school informing me that they are bringing in an abstinence education speaker. For some reason, this just set me off. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, really--we are in an uber-conservative school district. But there has been absolutely no sex ed at all in PS's public school so far. And apparently this is all they're gong to get.
Guess what? Abstinence only programs don't work. Teenagers have been having sex since the beginning of time and they will continue having sex. And I can't with a straight face tell my kids not to have sex until they are married. I mean, what is my response supposed to be when they ask if I waited until marriage? The answer is, "no, but I waited until I was in a long-term relationship with someone that I really cared about, and I took the necessary precautions," which is really the best I can hope for my children.
Besides, I married really young--at 20. I would prefer that my daughters wait longer to marry. Although I don't regret my marriage or my children, I do wish that I had had a bit more time to be "free" in my twenties. If I could choose their paths (and of course, I can't) I'd hope they wait until their late twenties to marry. And is it realistic to tell a kid to wait until she has her graduate degree to have sex?
Of course I will encourage my daughters to wait until they are in the right relationship and mature enough to handle the emotional and physical consequences. And I will educate them about the consequences of having sex. PS already knows she wasn't planned--we were already married, but a baby definitely was not something I wanted in my immediate future--so even grown-ups can make mistakes with contraception.
I'm not naive enough to think my daughters will talk to me before having sex (although I really, really hope so.) But I will pay attention to what is going on in their lives, so that I'll have a clue when we are heading in that direction. And I will make sure they have the information they need to protect themselves and make good decisions. Because telling them, "just don't do it" isn't going to accomplish that.
2 comments:
Yes x 1,000 on everything you said. This is something I feel so passionately about and one of my biggest problems with the fact my kids will be growing up in Texas and its abstinence only approach to sex (I can't even write "sex education" because there is no education). Your approach is the one I plan to take and I have the same hopes you do.
You're a little ahead of me in kids' ages, so you'll be my resource :)
I agree completely on everything you've said. I also married young, and hope my girls choose to take their time. One reason for ME having married young was the abstinence before marriage community that we were in at the time - we had to get married so we could have sex!
Our school district does true sex ed, starting in 5th grade (just puberty and health), and again in 7th (more health, including body image, and also sex and healthy relationships), again in 8th, and then in 9th grade, the sex unit of health class goes a lot more in depth. But that's the end of it.
I've bought my girls a book that I really love: Changing Bodies, Changing Lives (check it out before you get it it --it talks about the super nitty-gritty in a very frank manner). We've been talking about things all along (despite their reluctance), and I think they're well situated. Fortunately, I know that at almost-15 and almost-13, they're not close to having sex, but I have not only emphasized that they can talk to me, but I've let them know that if they are NOT comfortable talking to me, there are other resources.
Any minute now, their peer groups are going to start to be sexually active. How surreal. Where did all the time go? I used think this was all in the distant future.
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