My brother just moved into a new apartment only to learn that his next-door neighbor is our former stepfather. A man neither of us have seen in more than 20 years, and quite frankly, hoped dead. A man who regularly beat my mother, and less regularly, my brother.*
I used to lie in bed at night, imagining what I would do the next time he attacked her. There was a gun in the top of her closet. I knew how to use it, and he didn't. But I wasn't sure I could bring myself to actually shoot someone--and I knew the danger was too high if I wasn't successful. My alternative plan was to take her big iron skillet to the back of his head. But again, I was afraid of the consequences if I wasn't strong enough to knock him out. And so when he attacked her, we usually just ran to the neighbors and called the police. And time after time, she took him back, even with breaks, bruises and hospital visits.
If you think it's ok to stay with a man who hits you, as long as he's not hitting the kids, you're wrong. First, you don't know when he's going to turn on the kids. But the scars from watching my mother attacked over and over again, while she refused to remove herself and us from that situation, are as deep as any physical wound. It is the primary reason for the wedge between us. There was no reason not to leave. He offered little financial contribution (he worked construction and often went weeks between jobs), and I can't name a single redeeming quality about him. She had family all around who could have helped her out. I will never understand why she didn't leave--and why she chose him over us.
I asked my brother if he said anything to him--told him that my inclination would be to sucker punch him. But my brother said he is old and frail now. He was 10-15 years older than my mother, and probably in his late 70's now. My brother is 6'/250lbs--no longer the scrawny kid who used to get his bare ass beat with a belt.
I think I would have to move, in my brother's situation. There is still too much anger there, even after 20 years.
*He didn't mess with me, much. He once pinned me to a wall, but backed off when I kneed him in the balls. He slapped me once, hard enough to knock me into the refrigerator. I moved in with my dad that day, and told my mother, "him or me." She chose him.
7/23/12
7/19/12
Still Here
I survived, in case you were worried about me. The plane was tiny--like a compact car with wings. But the pilot was a retired commercial pilot, and the flight was smooth. It was really not a bad way to travel. Not quite as fast as a jet, but when you factor in all the time saved from not having to stand in security lines (and, bonus!, no body scanners), it worked out about the same.
Meanwhile, it's birthdaypalooza around here. Today is DH's b-day, which commenced with our traditional birthday morning dance party to the Beatles' Birthday Song. He's winding up his day with PS at the midnight premiere of the Dark Knight Rises. Thankfully he has a teenage daughter to accompany him, because I am definitely too old to be out until 3:00 am.
The twins' b-day is next week, and their party a week from Saturday. I sent out Evites last week and we have had 2 no's and one yes. No other responses (not even from their BFF!). I don't know what we'll do if we don't get more yesses. TT and SS will be broken hearted, and I've ordered a ton of stuff and lined up a friend to bake each kid her own cake.
They've never had a big birthday party with all of their friends before because it's just so hard to pin people down in the middle of summer. We had a pretty big guest list, hoping that at least half would be able to come. Maybe it's just too early--we're usually lucky if we get a week's notice of a party.
Work is slow, but that's pretty typical for summer. You can't schedule anything because somebody is always on vacation. The slower pace is nice--but it would be more appreciated during the hecticness of the school year. We've only got a month of summer left, and I'm not ready for it to end. I love the extra time with my girlies when we don't have to worry about homework or bedtimes.
Meanwhile, it's birthdaypalooza around here. Today is DH's b-day, which commenced with our traditional birthday morning dance party to the Beatles' Birthday Song. He's winding up his day with PS at the midnight premiere of the Dark Knight Rises. Thankfully he has a teenage daughter to accompany him, because I am definitely too old to be out until 3:00 am.
The twins' b-day is next week, and their party a week from Saturday. I sent out Evites last week and we have had 2 no's and one yes. No other responses (not even from their BFF!). I don't know what we'll do if we don't get more yesses. TT and SS will be broken hearted, and I've ordered a ton of stuff and lined up a friend to bake each kid her own cake.
They've never had a big birthday party with all of their friends before because it's just so hard to pin people down in the middle of summer. We had a pretty big guest list, hoping that at least half would be able to come. Maybe it's just too early--we're usually lucky if we get a week's notice of a party.
Work is slow, but that's pretty typical for summer. You can't schedule anything because somebody is always on vacation. The slower pace is nice--but it would be more appreciated during the hecticness of the school year. We've only got a month of summer left, and I'm not ready for it to end. I love the extra time with my girlies when we don't have to worry about homework or bedtimes.
7/16/12
Flying Ducts
So tomorrow I have to attend an out-of-town site inspection. And the client is flying us down on his private plane.
I'm not too excited about this. I would far rather take a full-size commercial jetliner than a teeny-tiny private plane. As DH said, "those things crash all the time!" (He's not too excited about this, either.)
Anyway, I worked until about 7:30 tonight, tying up loose ends in case today is my last day on earth. Then met DH and the girlies for a quick dinner and finally made it home about 8:30, where I spent half an hour staring into my closet trying to figure out what the heck I am wearing tomorrow.
The problem: nearly all of my pants are hemmed for heels. Heels are not appropriate for a site inspection. Usually I wear a nice pair of dark jeans, and that is perfectly appropriate and very much in line with what all of the other attorneys are wearing to these things.
But one of the big bosses is going, and the big bosses tend to err on the side of formal and I think he will be all frowny if I show up in jeans.
I recall that I have one pair of black pants hiding in the back of my closet that I bought specifically to wear with my one pair of flats. They've been back there so long there is a line of dust where they fold over the hanger. I put them on, excited to see that they fit.
Well, kinda. They fit, but I'm left with a muffin top. You know those 10 pounds that I lost when I quit eating bread? Well, I've gained 5 of them back thanks to Sonic's half-price milkshakes after 8:00. I can't find a shirt to hide that muffin top. It ain't pretty.
By 9:00 I decide that I am having a fashion emergency and must buy new pants. Of course, the only stores in town that are still open are Kohls and Target, and I have to be at the airport at 7:30 in the morning. Kohls it is, and my little fashionista, SS, comes along to give me advice (and manages to score a new pair of shoes off the clearance rack!).
I try on approximately 300 pairs of pants, before coming up with something suitable. They're a bit too big, but at least there's no muffin top. And they're too long to wear with my flats.
Back home by 10:00, and I have to figure out how to hem my pants. I can sew, but I don't do clothes, and I'm pretty sure it will look like crap if I try. Not to mention that all of my sewing supplies are shoved willy-nilly into a closet since we turned my sewing room into TT's bedroom. That includes the iron-on hem tape that would be oh-so-handy right about now.
So I turn to duct tape. It will fix anything, right? And I have used duct tape to fix a hem in an emergency before (staples actually work better, but are more visible--I am notorious for catching a heel in my hem.).
And so I iron a sharp crease at the new hemline and proceed to hem my pants with pink and black zebra-striped duct tape. Fingers crossed that it holds, because there is an enormous opportunity here for me to make a total fool of myself.
Fingers and toes crossed that I make it home in one piece tomorrow. Hopefully the plane is held together with more than duct tape. If you don't hear back from me after this, it was nice knowing you.
I'm not too excited about this. I would far rather take a full-size commercial jetliner than a teeny-tiny private plane. As DH said, "those things crash all the time!" (He's not too excited about this, either.)
Anyway, I worked until about 7:30 tonight, tying up loose ends in case today is my last day on earth. Then met DH and the girlies for a quick dinner and finally made it home about 8:30, where I spent half an hour staring into my closet trying to figure out what the heck I am wearing tomorrow.
The problem: nearly all of my pants are hemmed for heels. Heels are not appropriate for a site inspection. Usually I wear a nice pair of dark jeans, and that is perfectly appropriate and very much in line with what all of the other attorneys are wearing to these things.
But one of the big bosses is going, and the big bosses tend to err on the side of formal and I think he will be all frowny if I show up in jeans.
I recall that I have one pair of black pants hiding in the back of my closet that I bought specifically to wear with my one pair of flats. They've been back there so long there is a line of dust where they fold over the hanger. I put them on, excited to see that they fit.
Well, kinda. They fit, but I'm left with a muffin top. You know those 10 pounds that I lost when I quit eating bread? Well, I've gained 5 of them back thanks to Sonic's half-price milkshakes after 8:00. I can't find a shirt to hide that muffin top. It ain't pretty.
By 9:00 I decide that I am having a fashion emergency and must buy new pants. Of course, the only stores in town that are still open are Kohls and Target, and I have to be at the airport at 7:30 in the morning. Kohls it is, and my little fashionista, SS, comes along to give me advice (and manages to score a new pair of shoes off the clearance rack!).
I try on approximately 300 pairs of pants, before coming up with something suitable. They're a bit too big, but at least there's no muffin top. And they're too long to wear with my flats.
Back home by 10:00, and I have to figure out how to hem my pants. I can sew, but I don't do clothes, and I'm pretty sure it will look like crap if I try. Not to mention that all of my sewing supplies are shoved willy-nilly into a closet since we turned my sewing room into TT's bedroom. That includes the iron-on hem tape that would be oh-so-handy right about now.
So I turn to duct tape. It will fix anything, right? And I have used duct tape to fix a hem in an emergency before (staples actually work better, but are more visible--I am notorious for catching a heel in my hem.).
And so I iron a sharp crease at the new hemline and proceed to hem my pants with pink and black zebra-striped duct tape. Fingers crossed that it holds, because there is an enormous opportunity here for me to make a total fool of myself.
Fingers and toes crossed that I make it home in one piece tomorrow. Hopefully the plane is held together with more than duct tape. If you don't hear back from me after this, it was nice knowing you.
7/14/12
Kid Stuff
We got the girls' rooms painted and they are settled back in. The new colors look awesome. We did manage a checkerboard in PS's room by cutting big squares of black contact paper and sticking them on top of the dark purple paint. I'm sure it was 1000 times easier than trying to paint a checkerboard, and it looks really good (and cost $14 for the contact paper!)
PS continues with her pseudo-goth look. Right now she is begging me to let her dye her hair jet-black (from her natural dark brown). She's almost 14 and going into high school. Hair color is not a hill I want to die on, but I wish it weren't black. My stylist said that if she did it, it would be really hard to get out again. Sigh. I promised her a decision by this morning.
TT and SS have a birthday this month and are dying for iPod touches. I refuse to buy them, because I don't think they take care of things well enough, and I think it's too much to spend on a gadget for an 11 year old. But I did tell them that if they can come up with half the money, I would pay the other half as their birthday present.
We'll see if they can do it. They don't have much saved up because they tend to get distracted and spend their money on every bright, shiny object they see. Their current plan is to have a garage sale. I'm glad to see them trying to earn the money--and cleaning out their closets. I hate garage sales though--I'd far rather donate my junk. And I don't think they have enough stuff to get them there. But maybe that plus some birthday money from the grandparents will get them close.
Meanwhile, we're bringing back the Amazing Race/scavenger hunt party that we did for PS a couple of years ago. It was a lot of work, but so much fun. I love planning parties!
PS continues with her pseudo-goth look. Right now she is begging me to let her dye her hair jet-black (from her natural dark brown). She's almost 14 and going into high school. Hair color is not a hill I want to die on, but I wish it weren't black. My stylist said that if she did it, it would be really hard to get out again. Sigh. I promised her a decision by this morning.
TT and SS have a birthday this month and are dying for iPod touches. I refuse to buy them, because I don't think they take care of things well enough, and I think it's too much to spend on a gadget for an 11 year old. But I did tell them that if they can come up with half the money, I would pay the other half as their birthday present.
We'll see if they can do it. They don't have much saved up because they tend to get distracted and spend their money on every bright, shiny object they see. Their current plan is to have a garage sale. I'm glad to see them trying to earn the money--and cleaning out their closets. I hate garage sales though--I'd far rather donate my junk. And I don't think they have enough stuff to get them there. But maybe that plus some birthday money from the grandparents will get them close.
Meanwhile, we're bringing back the Amazing Race/scavenger hunt party that we did for PS a couple of years ago. It was a lot of work, but so much fun. I love planning parties!
6/30/12
Awkward!
I ran out of the house at 8:00 this morning to go to Lowe's for paint to finish up my projects before DH gets back in town (he is retrieving SS from fashion camp). I didn't bother to put on any makeup for my trek to Lowe's and my slightly greasy hair was pulled haphazardly into a ponytail/bun thing. I didn't see any point in showering until after I painted.
On the way home I stopped by Starbucks for some much needed coffee, somewhat nervously pulling into a parking space filled with 4 Harleys. I immediately spotted the bikers, and then immediately recognized one of them as a client. He looked right at me, but didn't show any hint of recognition.
What to do? I didn't want to appear rude, and I was praying he didn't recognize me. I was about as far as humanly possible from the made-up, coiffed, stiletto-and-suit-wearing lawyer he had previously met.
And I could not remember his name. I think it may be John. I had only worked with him on one matter, for a short time, several months ago. We had met only once or twice. Even if I were willing to present my self in my sloppy-Saturday-morning state, I wasn't sure how to initiate conversation--especially if he didn't remember me. "Hey, uh, client guy. I'm your lawyer, remember me?"
So what did I do? I ignored him. Our backs were to each other the rest of the time I was ordering, so there was no more awkward meeting of the eyes. Hopefully, he didn't recognize me at all, or though I looked only vaguely familiar (I frequently get "you look familiar" from complete strangers.) Or maybe he's just relieved that he didn't have to introduce his lawyer to his biker buddies.
On the way home I stopped by Starbucks for some much needed coffee, somewhat nervously pulling into a parking space filled with 4 Harleys. I immediately spotted the bikers, and then immediately recognized one of them as a client. He looked right at me, but didn't show any hint of recognition.
What to do? I didn't want to appear rude, and I was praying he didn't recognize me. I was about as far as humanly possible from the made-up, coiffed, stiletto-and-suit-wearing lawyer he had previously met.
And I could not remember his name. I think it may be John. I had only worked with him on one matter, for a short time, several months ago. We had met only once or twice. Even if I were willing to present my self in my sloppy-Saturday-morning state, I wasn't sure how to initiate conversation--especially if he didn't remember me. "Hey, uh, client guy. I'm your lawyer, remember me?"
So what did I do? I ignored him. Our backs were to each other the rest of the time I was ordering, so there was no more awkward meeting of the eyes. Hopefully, he didn't recognize me at all, or though I looked only vaguely familiar (I frequently get "you look familiar" from complete strangers.) Or maybe he's just relieved that he didn't have to introduce his lawyer to his biker buddies.
6/24/12
The Bits and Pieces of Life
Work has been super-slow for the last week. In fact, I left the office early every single day. I really need to get over feeling guilty when I leave the office before 6:00 p.m.--especially when I don't have anything to do anyway.
DH and I had a mini-date night on Wednesday while we did a trial run of the summer nanny. (Yes! I found someone. In fact, I found a few and had a really tough time making a decision.) We did the batting cages (It sounded like so much fun after he went with TT) and then had snow cones. It was so much fun! The batting cages are very therapeutic--I just envisioned the faces of all the assholes I had to deal with lately, and bam!, I was knocking them out of the park.
I've been painting all weekend. PS talked me into doing her room while I did TT's new room, and I somehow reasoned that it would be easiest to knock both out at once. I am sore today, after spending the last 36 hours up and down ladders. The kids get to roll on the easy middle part of the wall while I do the edge work up high and down low. Both rooms are looking great, though. TT's room is a tranquil blue that feels very "under the sea" PS's room is a deep purple (4 coats!) with a black accent wall. She has been trying to talk me into painting a purple-and-black checkerboard on one wall, but I'm not sure I'm up for the work it would entail or that I could create sharp lines on our textured walls. We may try it with black contact paper instead of paint.
The painting has been good bonding time with PS. She never wants to hang out with the rest of us anymore, but she's been happy and chatty while we work on her room. Her BFF was over for a bit, DJing for us while we painted, and it was nice getting to listen to their chatter.
Tomorrow I'm driving SS to camp. The round-trip will be a full day in the car, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. TT will make the trip with us so I'll have company in the car on the way home. And the bonus is that I get to have a calzone from my favorite college restaurant--which are the best calzones in the world!
We are supposed to leave for a mini-vacation on Friday, but our destination has been evacuated because of wild fires. I think we're just going to cancel and do a stay-cation instead. We've had a few expenses lately that were affecting our vacation budget, anyway. (I really liked the 20" rims on my Armada until I had to buy new tires--ouch!)
DH and I had a mini-date night on Wednesday while we did a trial run of the summer nanny. (Yes! I found someone. In fact, I found a few and had a really tough time making a decision.) We did the batting cages (It sounded like so much fun after he went with TT) and then had snow cones. It was so much fun! The batting cages are very therapeutic--I just envisioned the faces of all the assholes I had to deal with lately, and bam!, I was knocking them out of the park.
I've been painting all weekend. PS talked me into doing her room while I did TT's new room, and I somehow reasoned that it would be easiest to knock both out at once. I am sore today, after spending the last 36 hours up and down ladders. The kids get to roll on the easy middle part of the wall while I do the edge work up high and down low. Both rooms are looking great, though. TT's room is a tranquil blue that feels very "under the sea" PS's room is a deep purple (4 coats!) with a black accent wall. She has been trying to talk me into painting a purple-and-black checkerboard on one wall, but I'm not sure I'm up for the work it would entail or that I could create sharp lines on our textured walls. We may try it with black contact paper instead of paint.
The painting has been good bonding time with PS. She never wants to hang out with the rest of us anymore, but she's been happy and chatty while we work on her room. Her BFF was over for a bit, DJing for us while we painted, and it was nice getting to listen to their chatter.
Tomorrow I'm driving SS to camp. The round-trip will be a full day in the car, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. TT will make the trip with us so I'll have company in the car on the way home. And the bonus is that I get to have a calzone from my favorite college restaurant--which are the best calzones in the world!
We are supposed to leave for a mini-vacation on Friday, but our destination has been evacuated because of wild fires. I think we're just going to cancel and do a stay-cation instead. We've had a few expenses lately that were affecting our vacation budget, anyway. (I really liked the 20" rims on my Armada until I had to buy new tires--ouch!)
6/22/12
Everybody Has Secrets
DH's family has always been Cleaver-normal--wide-eyed and amazed at the stories that hale from my side of the world. But on Wednesday DH got a text from his dad saying that DH's great-uncle had been arrested for indecency with a child. The Uncle was a prominent member of his small community and the story was expected to be in the news the next day.
My first question was, "did he ever do anything to anyone in the family?" We learned later that night that he had--decades ago--and that family member never came forward. Today we learned that it was another family member--now an adult--who reported him.
So, the news story broke today. I found it online and sent DH the link. All of the comments were typical disbelief and "he was such a nice guy." The molester is always a nice guy and upstanding citizen. (I also have an uncle who was convicted of child molestation and everyone who ever met him will tell you what a nice guy he is.)
And then, at the end of the day, DH checked the link again to read new comments. And that is how he learned that the Uncle had committed suicide about two-hours earlier.
No, the bastard media did not even allow time for the family to be notified before breaking the news. DH immediately called his dad, who hadn't heard yet, so that he could let other family members know (DH's grandmother is Uncle's sister).
The things this man did were heinous, and I am shedding no tears over the loss of his life. But it is so, so much for his family to deal with. He had children and grandchildren. A wife. His sisters. Who all have to deal with this horrible news and then a funeral on top of it all. (One of the sisters has a grandchild getting married--I can only imagine how this horrific tragedy is marring that joyous event.)
It is too much to process. DH knew nothing about his uncle's dark side. There is a mixture of hurt and anger toward those who did know and swept it under the rug. Why don't people come forward? Of course there are a million answers. But allowing someone to maintain his Mr. Nice Guy image just permits more victims. And I'm not necessarily referring to the victims. There were others who knew and did nothing, and sadly, that seems to be typical.
I don't know how to encourage people to expose molesters. Hopefully all of the high-profile cases of late that demonstrate so clearly how abusers will continue until they are stopped will help in that regard. We are wondering if that is what triggered this report, so many years later. But how many kids could have been saved if he had been stopped sooner?
My first question was, "did he ever do anything to anyone in the family?" We learned later that night that he had--decades ago--and that family member never came forward. Today we learned that it was another family member--now an adult--who reported him.
So, the news story broke today. I found it online and sent DH the link. All of the comments were typical disbelief and "he was such a nice guy." The molester is always a nice guy and upstanding citizen. (I also have an uncle who was convicted of child molestation and everyone who ever met him will tell you what a nice guy he is.)
And then, at the end of the day, DH checked the link again to read new comments. And that is how he learned that the Uncle had committed suicide about two-hours earlier.
No, the bastard media did not even allow time for the family to be notified before breaking the news. DH immediately called his dad, who hadn't heard yet, so that he could let other family members know (DH's grandmother is Uncle's sister).
The things this man did were heinous, and I am shedding no tears over the loss of his life. But it is so, so much for his family to deal with. He had children and grandchildren. A wife. His sisters. Who all have to deal with this horrible news and then a funeral on top of it all. (One of the sisters has a grandchild getting married--I can only imagine how this horrific tragedy is marring that joyous event.)
It is too much to process. DH knew nothing about his uncle's dark side. There is a mixture of hurt and anger toward those who did know and swept it under the rug. Why don't people come forward? Of course there are a million answers. But allowing someone to maintain his Mr. Nice Guy image just permits more victims. And I'm not necessarily referring to the victims. There were others who knew and did nothing, and sadly, that seems to be typical.
I don't know how to encourage people to expose molesters. Hopefully all of the high-profile cases of late that demonstrate so clearly how abusers will continue until they are stopped will help in that regard. We are wondering if that is what triggered this report, so many years later. But how many kids could have been saved if he had been stopped sooner?
6/16/12
Father's Day
We decided to give DH time with each of his girls this Father's Day. With three kids it's hard finding one-on-one time with each of them, and they seem to need it even more as they get older.This idea was triggered when I got a groupon for local batting cages. TT is playing softball, and it seemed like the perfect father-daughter outing. And he and PS were both dying to see the midnight showing of The Dark Night Rises that he mistakenly though was sold out already. Woot! Two gifts down for less than $40.
SS was a bit tougher. She is my girlie-girl, and I just couldn't see DH going for a pedi or an afternoon at the mall. We finally decided on tacos and target shooting--celebrating their mutual love of mexican food and shooting stuffed squirrels with a laser gun.
PS made an awesome comic strip outlining what his gifts are, and to round it all out, we heading out for a baseball game tomorrow afternoon.
Yay! It's so hard to shop for DH, but he seemed to really like what we came up with. (We gave it to him early so he could start scheduling his daddy-daughter dates.)
6/11/12
Here We Go Again
So, I've once again sighed up for care.com. This is where I found my last several nannies. I don't even want to count them up. I'm so frustrated with having to go through this process AGAIN.
I am very thorough. I usually have two interviews, do a complete background check (yes I do google applicants and check facebook and my findings have cost candidates the job), and then do a test-run where they stay with the girls for a couple of hours while DH and I stay nearby before we hire somebody. This process is unbelievably time consuming, and time is the one thing I do not have a lot of. (I tried to talk me secretary into doing preliminary interviews, but she refused!)(Yes, that's a joke. I do not ask my secretary to handle personal tasks.)
I don't think that our nanny turnover is because the pay is bad or we treat them poorly. I think being somewhat transitory is the nature of the late-teen/early-twenty somethings that I typically hire Our current nanny is heading to college in the fall and suddenly decided she wanted to take a summer session. Our former nanny was with us for a year before she went off to college (and she visits us whenever she is back in town) The one before that was with us a matter of weeks before she decided to move across the country to be with her twin (and stays in touch with the girls via email).
So why do I keep hiring 18-24 year olds?
Because the grandmotherly-type who was our nanny for two years got mad and quit after I refused to employ her full-time over the summer. Frankly, she just wasn't up to it--regardless of what she thought. She quit going upstairs (where the kids spend most of their time) and every time I came home she was doing crosswords downstairs while the kids ran amok. She started refusing to drive them places, and the was increasingly hostile toward PS. She needed to go, and I was glad I didn't have to fire her, but the twins were devastated by her sudden disappearance.
And because I like for my girls to have upwardly mobile role models. Girls who are in school and are working toward their goals. Because the older women who have applied for these position (and I almost hired one the last go-round) have not generally had great career aspirations. They just need something to pay the bills. (Of course, there are nannies who see it not as a job, but as a career, who are educated and have excellent qualifications. These nannies are generally seeking full time positions and pay beyond my budget.)
Because my girls like hanging out with younger people, and getting advice from them. (PS has been texting our former nanny with all her high school questions.) And because the younger people can help with homework.
And so, here we go again. I did find several local girls who are home from college for the summer and interested in hanging out with my girls, so I guess I'll spend this weekend interviewing. But even with all the trouble, I think in-my-home care is best for me and my girls. Especially as they get older. At least one of them is doing a half-day camp every day this month. And I just realized TT has summer band through half of August. I have no idea how we'll get them to and fro without someone to run them around.
I am very thorough. I usually have two interviews, do a complete background check (yes I do google applicants and check facebook and my findings have cost candidates the job), and then do a test-run where they stay with the girls for a couple of hours while DH and I stay nearby before we hire somebody. This process is unbelievably time consuming, and time is the one thing I do not have a lot of. (I tried to talk me secretary into doing preliminary interviews, but she refused!)(Yes, that's a joke. I do not ask my secretary to handle personal tasks.)
I don't think that our nanny turnover is because the pay is bad or we treat them poorly. I think being somewhat transitory is the nature of the late-teen/early-twenty somethings that I typically hire Our current nanny is heading to college in the fall and suddenly decided she wanted to take a summer session. Our former nanny was with us for a year before she went off to college (and she visits us whenever she is back in town) The one before that was with us a matter of weeks before she decided to move across the country to be with her twin (and stays in touch with the girls via email).
So why do I keep hiring 18-24 year olds?
Because the grandmotherly-type who was our nanny for two years got mad and quit after I refused to employ her full-time over the summer. Frankly, she just wasn't up to it--regardless of what she thought. She quit going upstairs (where the kids spend most of their time) and every time I came home she was doing crosswords downstairs while the kids ran amok. She started refusing to drive them places, and the was increasingly hostile toward PS. She needed to go, and I was glad I didn't have to fire her, but the twins were devastated by her sudden disappearance.
And because I like for my girls to have upwardly mobile role models. Girls who are in school and are working toward their goals. Because the older women who have applied for these position (and I almost hired one the last go-round) have not generally had great career aspirations. They just need something to pay the bills. (Of course, there are nannies who see it not as a job, but as a career, who are educated and have excellent qualifications. These nannies are generally seeking full time positions and pay beyond my budget.)
Because my girls like hanging out with younger people, and getting advice from them. (PS has been texting our former nanny with all her high school questions.) And because the younger people can help with homework.
And so, here we go again. I did find several local girls who are home from college for the summer and interested in hanging out with my girls, so I guess I'll spend this weekend interviewing. But even with all the trouble, I think in-my-home care is best for me and my girls. Especially as they get older. At least one of them is doing a half-day camp every day this month. And I just realized TT has summer band through half of August. I have no idea how we'll get them to and fro without someone to run them around.
6/10/12
Separation Anxiety
My twins are struggling with their twin-ness lately.
One moment they are inseparable, and the next they are about to kill each other. Each is desperately trying to establish her own identity.
SS is the ultimate girlie-girl. She loves all things pink and sparkly. She must be fully accessorized before leaving the house, and she has been experimenting with new hairstyles. She is going to Fashion Camp, her first time at overnight camp without her sister, and the longest time they will have ever spent apart.
TT is a total tomboy. Thanks to PS's taunts that real tomboys can't wear pink,she has started eschewing the ever-present color, she refuses to do anything with her hair, and she loves in soccer shorts and t-shirts. She is doing zoo camp and seems born to be a veterinarian. (She did let me paint her toenails today, but only because I bought a gorgeous blue from OPI's Spiderman line, and topped it with red crackle, which looks "awesome.")
Today we started cleaning out the office/sewing room/guest room to make way for TT. She and SS voluntarily share a room, but they have been fighting and picking at each other a lot lately. I think it is time for each to have her own space that suits her own personality.
SS will keep her current room, which is painted hot pink and covered in black polka-dots (this preceded TT's hatred of pink.)
TT will get the new room, with a fresh coat of Sea Breeze-colored paint and new teal bedding with lime green accents. Hopefully having the option to retire to her own space when her sister is driving her batty will keep the girls from fighting so much. But I'm betting one of them still ends up in the other's room at night.
And PS is thrilled with all this switching around because she has inherited my huge desk/sewing table. She spends nearly every waking moment drawing (I'm stunned at her talent--I can barely draw a stick person) and is drooling at the huge workspace. Also, I told her that if she cleans out her cluttered-packrat room, I will paint her room at the same time we paint TT's new room. She now hates the pale pink room that she begged for when we moved into this house 8 years ago. She wants black. I said no (do you have any idea how many coats of paint it will take to cover a wall with black???). I think we'll compromise with purple.
One moment they are inseparable, and the next they are about to kill each other. Each is desperately trying to establish her own identity.
SS is the ultimate girlie-girl. She loves all things pink and sparkly. She must be fully accessorized before leaving the house, and she has been experimenting with new hairstyles. She is going to Fashion Camp, her first time at overnight camp without her sister, and the longest time they will have ever spent apart.
TT is a total tomboy. Thanks to PS's taunts that real tomboys can't wear pink,she has started eschewing the ever-present color, she refuses to do anything with her hair, and she loves in soccer shorts and t-shirts. She is doing zoo camp and seems born to be a veterinarian. (She did let me paint her toenails today, but only because I bought a gorgeous blue from OPI's Spiderman line, and topped it with red crackle, which looks "awesome.")
Today we started cleaning out the office/sewing room/guest room to make way for TT. She and SS voluntarily share a room, but they have been fighting and picking at each other a lot lately. I think it is time for each to have her own space that suits her own personality.
SS will keep her current room, which is painted hot pink and covered in black polka-dots (this preceded TT's hatred of pink.)
TT will get the new room, with a fresh coat of Sea Breeze-colored paint and new teal bedding with lime green accents. Hopefully having the option to retire to her own space when her sister is driving her batty will keep the girls from fighting so much. But I'm betting one of them still ends up in the other's room at night.
And PS is thrilled with all this switching around because she has inherited my huge desk/sewing table. She spends nearly every waking moment drawing (I'm stunned at her talent--I can barely draw a stick person) and is drooling at the huge workspace. Also, I told her that if she cleans out her cluttered-packrat room, I will paint her room at the same time we paint TT's new room. She now hates the pale pink room that she begged for when we moved into this house 8 years ago. She wants black. I said no (do you have any idea how many coats of paint it will take to cover a wall with black???). I think we'll compromise with purple.
6/8/12
Exercise in Patience
You have not shopped until you shop with three girls--two of whom hate shopping and hate anything pink or sparkly. It is really hard to find tween girl clothing is not pink or sparkly. And my girls have each selected a preferred color; nobody else is allowed to buy anything in her sister's color. SS is pink, TT is teal blue, and PS is purple. It is exhausting finding things they like that meets their preferences. But our trip was a necessity.
SS is heading to fashion camp in a couple of weeks, and needed some things to take along. She is the easy one, though.
TT wears nothing but t-shirts (usually super-hero t-shirts). She is a self-proclaimed tomboy and refuses to wear anything that might be girly. When I asked her if she had a nicer shirt to wear to take-your-kids-to-work day today, she said, "my aeropostale polo shirt." Yes, in her world an aeropostale polo shirt is her "nice" shirt. (I guess if it has a collar, it's nice.) Preferably paired with knee-length khaki shorts.
After much searching, we finally found a teal blue shirt with no ruffles or sparkles. It technically falls into the t-shirt category, but it has some details that make it cute and summery. Good enough. At least there are no graphics or words on it. But I also got her a consolation "I heart Star Wars" t-shirt for enduring our shopping trip.
PS wears nothing but black and dark purple. And she has recently informed me that she doesn't like to wear shorts anymore--all she wants is black skinny jeans. (Yeah, we live in a place where our summers regularly include triple-digit days, and I don't wear jeans ever between May and October.) But none of her clothes fit. She's shot up to within 2 inches of my height and has started to fill out into regular-person size instead of beanpole-kid size, gaining a full 2 sizes in the last 9 months.
But, OMG, she won't pick anything out. She hates everything that I pick out. Shopping with her is torture, but the kid is literally bursting out of her clothes. We made it home with a pair of skinnies and a pair of shorts (we'll she if she decides they're not so bad come our first 110 degree day). I've never met another teenage girl who wouldn't pick out new clothes.
An hour-and-a-half was all I could take. And for all my complaints, it was nice to have some time with my girlies.
SS is heading to fashion camp in a couple of weeks, and needed some things to take along. She is the easy one, though.
TT wears nothing but t-shirts (usually super-hero t-shirts). She is a self-proclaimed tomboy and refuses to wear anything that might be girly. When I asked her if she had a nicer shirt to wear to take-your-kids-to-work day today, she said, "my aeropostale polo shirt." Yes, in her world an aeropostale polo shirt is her "nice" shirt. (I guess if it has a collar, it's nice.) Preferably paired with knee-length khaki shorts.
After much searching, we finally found a teal blue shirt with no ruffles or sparkles. It technically falls into the t-shirt category, but it has some details that make it cute and summery. Good enough. At least there are no graphics or words on it. But I also got her a consolation "I heart Star Wars" t-shirt for enduring our shopping trip.
PS wears nothing but black and dark purple. And she has recently informed me that she doesn't like to wear shorts anymore--all she wants is black skinny jeans. (Yeah, we live in a place where our summers regularly include triple-digit days, and I don't wear jeans ever between May and October.) But none of her clothes fit. She's shot up to within 2 inches of my height and has started to fill out into regular-person size instead of beanpole-kid size, gaining a full 2 sizes in the last 9 months.
But, OMG, she won't pick anything out. She hates everything that I pick out. Shopping with her is torture, but the kid is literally bursting out of her clothes. We made it home with a pair of skinnies and a pair of shorts (we'll she if she decides they're not so bad come our first 110 degree day). I've never met another teenage girl who wouldn't pick out new clothes.
An hour-and-a-half was all I could take. And for all my complaints, it was nice to have some time with my girlies.
6/3/12
Working Mama Madness
I awoke this morning for the first time in months having slept through the night and without the foreboding weight on my chest that has been persistently awakened me for the past several weeks.
I slipped out of bed, my ipad and book* in hand, to enjoy a leisurely morning reading on the sofa, while the rest of the family snoozed. My fatal mistake was taking the ipad and reading my email.
My nanny tendered her notice. She will only be with us through the end of the month. Never mind that she has only been with us since February, and I was explicit in my interview that I needed someone who was available through the summer. Never mind that my children are devastated at the thought of saying goodbye.
So my leisurely morning was ruined, spent trying to figure out what I was going to do with my children for the summer. We had pretty much decided that we didn't need a nanny once school started. My girls will be 11 and 14--6th graders and a freshman. But I don't want them stuck at home for 10 hours a day, all day, through the summer. The point of the nanny wasn't so much for supervision (she was only coming in half days, anyway), but to have someone who could get the kids out of the house for a few hours each day and ensure that their eyes didn't glaze over and that their behinds didn't become glued to the sofas from watching television and playing video games all summer.
I think its unlikely I will find a replacement for a 7-week tenure--although maybe I will stumble upon a college student home for the summer. The more likely option is to put the twins into day care. Where they will be the oldest kids there and stuck away from home, all day, every day. And PS will be stuck at home all day, every day. Ugh, I don't like that plan.
It is just so frustrating to have to go through this again. I interviewed at least a dozen candidates for this position, and it took me weeks to find the right one. I emphasized that I needed someone who could commit through the summer--that my girls were still struggling with their last nanny going to college (she visited last week and they were so thrilled to see her!) and that they needed continuity. And I had asked several times recently if she needed any particular days off over the summer, and when she would be starting school in the fall, without response.
I don't know what to do. I'm tired of thinking about it. At least we have a couple of weeks.
* The book, "Into Thin Air." I plowed through it in less than 24 hours after picking it up from the library yesterday. It is about a deadly 1996 expedition to Mt. Everest. I became interested in the book after reading a news article last week about several recent deaths on Mt. Everest, and the shocking number of lives the mountain has taken over the years. I had no idea the climb was so deadly, and now I'm obsessed and moving on to books from the other participants in the '96 expeditions. I've never really had any particular fascination with Everest, and I'm not sure why it's suddenly piqued my interest, but I did enjoy the book.
I slipped out of bed, my ipad and book* in hand, to enjoy a leisurely morning reading on the sofa, while the rest of the family snoozed. My fatal mistake was taking the ipad and reading my email.
My nanny tendered her notice. She will only be with us through the end of the month. Never mind that she has only been with us since February, and I was explicit in my interview that I needed someone who was available through the summer. Never mind that my children are devastated at the thought of saying goodbye.
So my leisurely morning was ruined, spent trying to figure out what I was going to do with my children for the summer. We had pretty much decided that we didn't need a nanny once school started. My girls will be 11 and 14--6th graders and a freshman. But I don't want them stuck at home for 10 hours a day, all day, through the summer. The point of the nanny wasn't so much for supervision (she was only coming in half days, anyway), but to have someone who could get the kids out of the house for a few hours each day and ensure that their eyes didn't glaze over and that their behinds didn't become glued to the sofas from watching television and playing video games all summer.
I think its unlikely I will find a replacement for a 7-week tenure--although maybe I will stumble upon a college student home for the summer. The more likely option is to put the twins into day care. Where they will be the oldest kids there and stuck away from home, all day, every day. And PS will be stuck at home all day, every day. Ugh, I don't like that plan.
It is just so frustrating to have to go through this again. I interviewed at least a dozen candidates for this position, and it took me weeks to find the right one. I emphasized that I needed someone who could commit through the summer--that my girls were still struggling with their last nanny going to college (she visited last week and they were so thrilled to see her!) and that they needed continuity. And I had asked several times recently if she needed any particular days off over the summer, and when she would be starting school in the fall, without response.
I don't know what to do. I'm tired of thinking about it. At least we have a couple of weeks.
* The book, "Into Thin Air." I plowed through it in less than 24 hours after picking it up from the library yesterday. It is about a deadly 1996 expedition to Mt. Everest. I became interested in the book after reading a news article last week about several recent deaths on Mt. Everest, and the shocking number of lives the mountain has taken over the years. I had no idea the climb was so deadly, and now I'm obsessed and moving on to books from the other participants in the '96 expeditions. I've never really had any particular fascination with Everest, and I'm not sure why it's suddenly piqued my interest, but I did enjoy the book.
5/28/12
Feeling Funky
So, I've been in a funk lately. Like for weeks. I just can't seem to shake my dismal mood--or even pinpoint what's causing it.
Maybe it's the general chaos that defines my life. We have stuff going nearly every night of the week with the kids' sports and end-of-year activities at school. I desperately need to go to the grocery store, but I don't know when I'm every going to fit it in.
Maybe its the extended family drama that is in fact so dramatic that I won't even blog about it (you should know that's bad, given what I have written about my family!)
Maybe it's work. I've been super busy lately. And one of my bosses has been on a rampage for some unknown reason. He doesn't harass me too much, but he has been beating our shared secretary down. I feel sorry for her--and it makes it more challenging for my work to get done.
Maybe it's my own expectations for myself. That I have to do it all. Be the mom who's at every single event, and the soccer coach, and the attorney who takes on extra pro bono cases, and the lawyer for family members who find themselves in deep water, and be the attorney at work that always manages to fit in whatever is asked of her and gives whatever is required.
DH says I'm a workaholic. I'm not. But I constantly feel like I have to prove myself. Like I'm never giving enough to anybody, even when I'm giving everything I've got. And I can't stop, slow down, relax until I've given everything that I can. And I still feel like the kids don't think I'm doing enough for them and my boss doesn't think I do enough for him.
I wake up in the middle of the night, every night, working out some problem, or realizing a problem that I hadn't noticed during the chaotic daytime hours.
I don't really know what to change or do differently. I don't know how to slow down. Hopefully summer will help.
This weekend did not. We drove to Hometown, and had more relatives to see than we had time to fit in. And I spent a good chunk of my time there doing legal work for a family member while DH carted the kids around town to see his side of the family.
By the time we left this morning, I was even more stressed and cranky. DH and I fought because we were leaving town too late, fought about what to get for breakfast, fought about how to tie down the trailer we were hauling back with a buffet that belonged to his mother.
We were 2 hours into our seven-hour trip before we started speaking. And then we stopped for lunch. And DH jackknifed the trailer and ripped a hole in the side of my beloved Armada. (Seriously, I love that car. A lot.)
And then I yelled at him, even though I shouldn't have because it was an accident and no one was hurt and it's all fixable.
And then it was another 2 hours before we spoke again, when I finally reassured him that I loved him more than my car, even though I really, really love my car.
So, it's been a crappy few weeks, topped off with a crappy weekend. I'm kind of afraid to see what this week brings.
Maybe it's the general chaos that defines my life. We have stuff going nearly every night of the week with the kids' sports and end-of-year activities at school. I desperately need to go to the grocery store, but I don't know when I'm every going to fit it in.
Maybe its the extended family drama that is in fact so dramatic that I won't even blog about it (you should know that's bad, given what I have written about my family!)
Maybe it's work. I've been super busy lately. And one of my bosses has been on a rampage for some unknown reason. He doesn't harass me too much, but he has been beating our shared secretary down. I feel sorry for her--and it makes it more challenging for my work to get done.
Maybe it's my own expectations for myself. That I have to do it all. Be the mom who's at every single event, and the soccer coach, and the attorney who takes on extra pro bono cases, and the lawyer for family members who find themselves in deep water, and be the attorney at work that always manages to fit in whatever is asked of her and gives whatever is required.
DH says I'm a workaholic. I'm not. But I constantly feel like I have to prove myself. Like I'm never giving enough to anybody, even when I'm giving everything I've got. And I can't stop, slow down, relax until I've given everything that I can. And I still feel like the kids don't think I'm doing enough for them and my boss doesn't think I do enough for him.
I wake up in the middle of the night, every night, working out some problem, or realizing a problem that I hadn't noticed during the chaotic daytime hours.
I don't really know what to change or do differently. I don't know how to slow down. Hopefully summer will help.
This weekend did not. We drove to Hometown, and had more relatives to see than we had time to fit in. And I spent a good chunk of my time there doing legal work for a family member while DH carted the kids around town to see his side of the family.
By the time we left this morning, I was even more stressed and cranky. DH and I fought because we were leaving town too late, fought about what to get for breakfast, fought about how to tie down the trailer we were hauling back with a buffet that belonged to his mother.
We were 2 hours into our seven-hour trip before we started speaking. And then we stopped for lunch. And DH jackknifed the trailer and ripped a hole in the side of my beloved Armada. (Seriously, I love that car. A lot.)
And then I yelled at him, even though I shouldn't have because it was an accident and no one was hurt and it's all fixable.
And then it was another 2 hours before we spoke again, when I finally reassured him that I loved him more than my car, even though I really, really love my car.
So, it's been a crappy few weeks, topped off with a crappy weekend. I'm kind of afraid to see what this week brings.
5/12/12
Poor, Pitiful Me
I am so tired of taking care of other people.
I'm not talking about my kids either. I'm supposed to take care of them and I love doing it. Sometimes I wish they needed me to take care of them more. They're just so darn independent these days.
It's everybody else. The adults who should be capable of taking care of their own problems. I'm tired of being the responsible, dependable one. The one with the answers. The one who knows how to take care of things.
The shit is hitting the fan on the extended family front. There is some really bad stuff going on with my grandparents, and so I am getting frequent calls for help and advice. My mother refuses to deal with it at all, burying her head in the sand and leaving her siblings to handle the mess. I think she inherited her narcissism from her father, who is the root of this problem.
And another close family member has gotten into serious hot water, leaving me spending half of the last week dealing with those issues, and traveling to Hometown next week for an emergency hearing.
Blessedly, most of our events for this weekend were cancelled due to the weather, giving us the first free weekend in weeks. I've spent my rainy day re-reading Mockingjay (TT wants to read the series and so I am refreshing my memory and keeping her 10-year-old perspective in mind to determine if I will let her) and watching Pretty in Pink while I work on a digital photo album.
Sometime this weekend I am supposed to watch The Princess Diaries with SS while we do our nails. She is my only girly-girl. The other two do not understand the point of nail polish.
And then I've got to prepare for that hearing. Yay.
I'm not talking about my kids either. I'm supposed to take care of them and I love doing it. Sometimes I wish they needed me to take care of them more. They're just so darn independent these days.
It's everybody else. The adults who should be capable of taking care of their own problems. I'm tired of being the responsible, dependable one. The one with the answers. The one who knows how to take care of things.
The shit is hitting the fan on the extended family front. There is some really bad stuff going on with my grandparents, and so I am getting frequent calls for help and advice. My mother refuses to deal with it at all, burying her head in the sand and leaving her siblings to handle the mess. I think she inherited her narcissism from her father, who is the root of this problem.
And another close family member has gotten into serious hot water, leaving me spending half of the last week dealing with those issues, and traveling to Hometown next week for an emergency hearing.
Blessedly, most of our events for this weekend were cancelled due to the weather, giving us the first free weekend in weeks. I've spent my rainy day re-reading Mockingjay (TT wants to read the series and so I am refreshing my memory and keeping her 10-year-old perspective in mind to determine if I will let her) and watching Pretty in Pink while I work on a digital photo album.
Sometime this weekend I am supposed to watch The Princess Diaries with SS while we do our nails. She is my only girly-girl. The other two do not understand the point of nail polish.
And then I've got to prepare for that hearing. Yay.
5/3/12
Asshole Attorneys
Twice in the last several weeks I've had to deal with chauvinist asshole male attorneys. Both tried to circumvent me and go straight to my boss. It didn't work out well for either of them.
Asshole 1
A couple of weeks ago, Asshole 1 left an urgent voicemail for Big Boss while he was out of the office. Big Boss forwarded the voicemail to me to handle. In fact, I am the designated attorney in charge of the case and should have been contacted in the first place. I returned Asshole 1's call promptly, only to be put into his voicemail.
Big Boss returned from his trip and had a second call from Asshole 1. "LC, I though I forwarded that vm to you?" he said. "You did, and I tried to return his call and got no response," I said.
So we both called Asshole 1. Big Boss informed him that I was the attorney in charge and that he needed to contact me. Asshole 1 tried to play it off. The next day I emailed Asshole 1. Asshole 1 gave me curt, totally nonresponsive answers.
Me: "Will you sign an agreed motion?"
Him: "I don't think we need an agreed motion?"
Me: "We want one anyway, will you sign?"
Him: no response
A week later...
Me: "Are you going to sign the agreed motion so we can wrap this up?"
Him: "We will not oppose the motion."
I tried to call him, he refused to take my call.
Me: "Not opposing is not the same as agreeing. Will you sign the agreed motion?" (Apparently this only makes sense to lawyers, DH did not get this.)
He finally agreed, but is now taking his sweet time returning it to me. I have no idea why this guy refuses to deal with me, other than he's just an asshole.
Asshole 2
Again, went directly to my boss on a matter I was exclusively handling. Told Big Boss that I had not returned his phone calls (that he never made!) and he needed answers regarding a non-party discovery request. Big Boss told him that it my case, he needed to talk to me, and if he didn't like the way I was handling this matter, he needed to take it up with the court.
Maybe these guys are just assholes and not really chauvinists. But I don't see the guys in my office having these issues, and their actions go beyond typical attorney assholery. Thankfully, they are few and far between and my partners back me up.
Asshole 1
A couple of weeks ago, Asshole 1 left an urgent voicemail for Big Boss while he was out of the office. Big Boss forwarded the voicemail to me to handle. In fact, I am the designated attorney in charge of the case and should have been contacted in the first place. I returned Asshole 1's call promptly, only to be put into his voicemail.
Big Boss returned from his trip and had a second call from Asshole 1. "LC, I though I forwarded that vm to you?" he said. "You did, and I tried to return his call and got no response," I said.
So we both called Asshole 1. Big Boss informed him that I was the attorney in charge and that he needed to contact me. Asshole 1 tried to play it off. The next day I emailed Asshole 1. Asshole 1 gave me curt, totally nonresponsive answers.
Me: "Will you sign an agreed motion?"
Him: "I don't think we need an agreed motion?"
Me: "We want one anyway, will you sign?"
Him: no response
A week later...
Me: "Are you going to sign the agreed motion so we can wrap this up?"
Him: "We will not oppose the motion."
I tried to call him, he refused to take my call.
Me: "Not opposing is not the same as agreeing. Will you sign the agreed motion?" (Apparently this only makes sense to lawyers, DH did not get this.)
He finally agreed, but is now taking his sweet time returning it to me. I have no idea why this guy refuses to deal with me, other than he's just an asshole.
Asshole 2
Again, went directly to my boss on a matter I was exclusively handling. Told Big Boss that I had not returned his phone calls (that he never made!) and he needed answers regarding a non-party discovery request. Big Boss told him that it my case, he needed to talk to me, and if he didn't like the way I was handling this matter, he needed to take it up with the court.
Maybe these guys are just assholes and not really chauvinists. But I don't see the guys in my office having these issues, and their actions go beyond typical attorney assholery. Thankfully, they are few and far between and my partners back me up.
4/28/12
Victories!
The School District
I spoke at the school board meeting two weeks ago about the hazardous weather policies. The meeting room was packed--standing room only because they were honoring a bunch of kids for various achievements. My turn to speak came early in the meeting and you could have heard a pin drop when I was done.
I could tell that the school board was listening intently. The superintendent turned red and was shooting daggers at me. I couldn't judge the audience's reaction because my back was to them, but when I returned to my seat, the man who as sitting next to me reached over, grabbed my arm, and said "you did a really good job."
The meeting carried on and I stayed until the end, when everyone was released so that the board could do business not subject to the open-meetings laws. And as I was leaving, two different board members came up to me and assured me that my message was heard and that something would be done. They weren't technically allowed to respond to me at all. And one of them indicated that this was the first he had heard about this whole situation. (Odd, since I had copied them all on my original correspondence. It seems as though the school district is filtering what gets through to the board.)
So, this week I received a letter from the school board. They are instituting new emergency procedures, creating an emergency operations center so that all key decision makers will be in the same room during an emergency, and purchasing a two-way radio system so that the administrators can communicate with each school during emergencies, even if there is a power outage.
I am thrilled with this result and proud to be able to show my kids that you can make change happen if you are determined.
Soccer
We won our first game this week! Although it was a bit hollow, because we were playing my twins' team, and our team is much bigger than theirs. We pummeled them, even though I intentionally played my girls in their lease effective positions the second half. But my girls are really improving and coming together as a team. I know I'm not the best coach in the world (hell, I'm still not straight on all the rules!), but I do think I'm good at letting my girls know when they do well. They are all in the awkward pubescent stage, and you can just tell that some of them really need that extra boost of confidence they get when they doing something great on the soccer field.
Fatness
I've lost about 10 pounds recently, without really trying. I'm below where I was when I was sticking to the super-strict nutrisystem diet. I think it's in large part because I quit buying bread. I still buy sandwich bread, but no garlic bread or dinner rolls. I love bread. I could seriously eat it to the exclusion of everything else, and I was adding bread to our meals every night. So I guess cutting it out is a good thing.
Probably being on the soccer fields instead of at home in front of a computer or tv helps, too. And since PS and TT are trying out volleyball and softball, both new sports to them, we've been spending lots of time in the yard practicing their various sports.
I spoke at the school board meeting two weeks ago about the hazardous weather policies. The meeting room was packed--standing room only because they were honoring a bunch of kids for various achievements. My turn to speak came early in the meeting and you could have heard a pin drop when I was done.
I could tell that the school board was listening intently. The superintendent turned red and was shooting daggers at me. I couldn't judge the audience's reaction because my back was to them, but when I returned to my seat, the man who as sitting next to me reached over, grabbed my arm, and said "you did a really good job."
The meeting carried on and I stayed until the end, when everyone was released so that the board could do business not subject to the open-meetings laws. And as I was leaving, two different board members came up to me and assured me that my message was heard and that something would be done. They weren't technically allowed to respond to me at all. And one of them indicated that this was the first he had heard about this whole situation. (Odd, since I had copied them all on my original correspondence. It seems as though the school district is filtering what gets through to the board.)
So, this week I received a letter from the school board. They are instituting new emergency procedures, creating an emergency operations center so that all key decision makers will be in the same room during an emergency, and purchasing a two-way radio system so that the administrators can communicate with each school during emergencies, even if there is a power outage.
I am thrilled with this result and proud to be able to show my kids that you can make change happen if you are determined.
Soccer
We won our first game this week! Although it was a bit hollow, because we were playing my twins' team, and our team is much bigger than theirs. We pummeled them, even though I intentionally played my girls in their lease effective positions the second half. But my girls are really improving and coming together as a team. I know I'm not the best coach in the world (hell, I'm still not straight on all the rules!), but I do think I'm good at letting my girls know when they do well. They are all in the awkward pubescent stage, and you can just tell that some of them really need that extra boost of confidence they get when they doing something great on the soccer field.
Fatness
I've lost about 10 pounds recently, without really trying. I'm below where I was when I was sticking to the super-strict nutrisystem diet. I think it's in large part because I quit buying bread. I still buy sandwich bread, but no garlic bread or dinner rolls. I love bread. I could seriously eat it to the exclusion of everything else, and I was adding bread to our meals every night. So I guess cutting it out is a good thing.
Probably being on the soccer fields instead of at home in front of a computer or tv helps, too. And since PS and TT are trying out volleyball and softball, both new sports to them, we've been spending lots of time in the yard practicing their various sports.
4/25/12
Mediation Frustration
I generally think mediation is a good thing. It gets the parties to the table and gives them the chance to settle their differences before incurring the expense of trial. Most of the mediations I participate in are court-ordered or contractually required because clients never really want to go to mediation.
And clients are never happy when they leave a mediation. No matter how much I try to limit expectations, or how many times I tell my clients that mediation means compromise and every party has to give up a little more than he really wants, they are never really satisfied after a mediation. Because they had to give up a little more than they wanted, just like I warned.
They don't realize that the saved tens of thousands of dollars (or more) in attorney's fees. Or that they have a bird in the hand instead of a shot at trial.
It's just so frustrating to know that you got a really good result that was truly in your client's best interest and to have the client remain dissatisfied.
And clients are never happy when they leave a mediation. No matter how much I try to limit expectations, or how many times I tell my clients that mediation means compromise and every party has to give up a little more than he really wants, they are never really satisfied after a mediation. Because they had to give up a little more than they wanted, just like I warned.
They don't realize that the saved tens of thousands of dollars (or more) in attorney's fees. Or that they have a bird in the hand instead of a shot at trial.
It's just so frustrating to know that you got a really good result that was truly in your client's best interest and to have the client remain dissatisfied.
4/23/12
Don't Do Yard Work in Your PJs
Really, I'm not a crazy old cat lady.
Tonight I came home from work and immediately changed into my comfy ladybug PJ shorts. And then I remembered that my car smelled like a forest because it still had cedar mulch in the back that I had never unloaded. So I ran out to unload the mulch. Then I decided that it didn't really take that much time to put down the mulch, so I would just run around front and spread it real quick.
Then PS's BFF came walking by and stopped for a chat.
Then my neighbor came out front with her daughter and stopped for a chat.
Then the girl scout leader came by the drop off a birthday party invitation for the twins.
All while I was mulching the yard in my pjs.
So if you ever think that you'll just be out in your PJ's for a second, just stop. Because there is no surer way to ensure that all of your neighbors will want to chat than to wander outside in your pajamas. I'm just thankful I was still wearing a bra.
Tonight I came home from work and immediately changed into my comfy ladybug PJ shorts. And then I remembered that my car smelled like a forest because it still had cedar mulch in the back that I had never unloaded. So I ran out to unload the mulch. Then I decided that it didn't really take that much time to put down the mulch, so I would just run around front and spread it real quick.
Then PS's BFF came walking by and stopped for a chat.
Then my neighbor came out front with her daughter and stopped for a chat.
Then the girl scout leader came by the drop off a birthday party invitation for the twins.
All while I was mulching the yard in my pjs.
So if you ever think that you'll just be out in your PJ's for a second, just stop. Because there is no surer way to ensure that all of your neighbors will want to chat than to wander outside in your pajamas. I'm just thankful I was still wearing a bra.
4/22/12
RIP Play Fort
We disassembled the girls' play fort yesterday. It made me sad. I distinctly remember when we put it up 7 years ago--it took an entire weekend. The twins were 3 and PS was 5. It cost what was a small fortune for us back then--when we were still single-income family. I think we used our tax return to buy it (oh how I miss looking forward to doing my taxes and getting that extra little bump). But it was worth every cent. The kids played on it endlessly, and sometimes half the neighborhood would be in out back yard. In the summer, the kids would turn on the hose to make a water slide.
But the kids are bigger, and don't play on it anymore. They're too big for swings and slides. And they want the yard to practice soccer and volleyball and softball. Our yard is big, but for some inexplicable reason, we built the fort dead center--and once it was up there was no moving it.
And it had fallen into increasingly greater states of disrepair. When we started taking it apart, we were surprised at how brittle the wood had become. It was only a matter of time until someone got hurt climbing on it.
And so it came down. And our yard is now a huge empty field, perfect for sports. And my daughters are no longer little girls in pigtails yelling "Mommy, push me! Higher! Higher!"
But the kids are bigger, and don't play on it anymore. They're too big for swings and slides. And they want the yard to practice soccer and volleyball and softball. Our yard is big, but for some inexplicable reason, we built the fort dead center--and once it was up there was no moving it.
And it had fallen into increasingly greater states of disrepair. When we started taking it apart, we were surprised at how brittle the wood had become. It was only a matter of time until someone got hurt climbing on it.
And so it came down. And our yard is now a huge empty field, perfect for sports. And my daughters are no longer little girls in pigtails yelling "Mommy, push me! Higher! Higher!"
4/15/12
Settlement, Schools, Soccer and Bottle Caps
Wow this week was a whirlwind. Most of it was spent trying to settle a case with a trial setting on Monday that was never supposed to go to trial in the first place. The opposing party (the client, not the attorney) made things unnecessarily difficult, and I spent more time on this settlement agreement that I have on cases with 20 times the value. All the while, having to continue with trial prep. Fortunately, I was far more confident in my ability to go to trial with 1 week's preparation that my opponent, and in the end, we got it done. But the moral of this story: don't count on your agreed motions until signed by the court.
I also managed to settle another case and have continued to wage battle with the school district. They refuse to put a hazardous weather policy revision on the agenda for the next school board meeting. But I can speak as a member of the community. And so I will, and I will continue to pursue this until the policy is modified, but this is far more difficult than I anticipated. What exactly is more important than ensuring that kids aren't released to go home alone in the middle of tornadic storms? This shouldn't be a controversial subject.
And PS went to the ortho, who said that her break was slightly more serious than the ER led us to believe, so she was put in a real cast that she has to keep for 6 weeks. (We paid an extra $25 for a waterproof cast that she can swim in or wear in the shower--I had no idea there was such a thing!) TT was sent home sick on Tuesday and stayed home Wednesday, too. SS started feeling bad on Thursday and stayed home Friday. I felt like crap on Friday and wanted to stay home, but I had to settle my damn case.
The weekend hasn't been much more restful. We were up at 8 yesterday to make sure PS got to volunteer orientation at the library at 9. But the library wasn't even open at 9. At 10 TT had soccer and I took PS back by the library for orientation, to learn that it wasn't until 1. Back to soccer fields until 11, quick unhealthy lunch, back at soccer fields at 12 for my game. And we only had 7 players! We are supposed to have 10 on the field! PS is out and two others told me that they would be out, but we still should have had a full team plus 1 sub. We had to borrow TT and a girl from the other team just to start. (Rec league, I've never seen a forfeit.) Two others eventually showed up, and it worked out ok.We lost, again, but we are getting so much better, and we took lots of shots on their goal. And a couple of our girls got great self-esteem boosts, which is all I really care about. By this age range, all of the really good players have moved on to club soccer.)
DH left at 12:45 to take PS back to the library (3rd time today!), while I finished up the game. Then I went to buy supplies for PS bottle cap fundraiser project. Holy cow those supplies were pricey! We would have been much better off if we had more notice and could have ordered online. I told her that I would donate the supplies, and I hope she earns enough to clear what I've spent.
Then to Target for necessaries and swimsuit shopping for the twins because they have a camping trip next week for which they insist they need new swimsuits. Finally back home at 4 and spent the rest of the day with my girlies working on the bottle caps.
Hopefully today is a little more relaxing. But PS is supposed to have friends over to work on the bottle cap project, so we'll see.
I also managed to settle another case and have continued to wage battle with the school district. They refuse to put a hazardous weather policy revision on the agenda for the next school board meeting. But I can speak as a member of the community. And so I will, and I will continue to pursue this until the policy is modified, but this is far more difficult than I anticipated. What exactly is more important than ensuring that kids aren't released to go home alone in the middle of tornadic storms? This shouldn't be a controversial subject.
And PS went to the ortho, who said that her break was slightly more serious than the ER led us to believe, so she was put in a real cast that she has to keep for 6 weeks. (We paid an extra $25 for a waterproof cast that she can swim in or wear in the shower--I had no idea there was such a thing!) TT was sent home sick on Tuesday and stayed home Wednesday, too. SS started feeling bad on Thursday and stayed home Friday. I felt like crap on Friday and wanted to stay home, but I had to settle my damn case.
The weekend hasn't been much more restful. We were up at 8 yesterday to make sure PS got to volunteer orientation at the library at 9. But the library wasn't even open at 9. At 10 TT had soccer and I took PS back by the library for orientation, to learn that it wasn't until 1. Back to soccer fields until 11, quick unhealthy lunch, back at soccer fields at 12 for my game. And we only had 7 players! We are supposed to have 10 on the field! PS is out and two others told me that they would be out, but we still should have had a full team plus 1 sub. We had to borrow TT and a girl from the other team just to start. (Rec league, I've never seen a forfeit.) Two others eventually showed up, and it worked out ok.We lost, again, but we are getting so much better, and we took lots of shots on their goal. And a couple of our girls got great self-esteem boosts, which is all I really care about. By this age range, all of the really good players have moved on to club soccer.)
DH left at 12:45 to take PS back to the library (3rd time today!), while I finished up the game. Then I went to buy supplies for PS bottle cap fundraiser project. Holy cow those supplies were pricey! We would have been much better off if we had more notice and could have ordered online. I told her that I would donate the supplies, and I hope she earns enough to clear what I've spent.
Then to Target for necessaries and swimsuit shopping for the twins because they have a camping trip next week for which they insist they need new swimsuits. Finally back home at 4 and spent the rest of the day with my girlies working on the bottle caps.
Hopefully today is a little more relaxing. But PS is supposed to have friends over to work on the bottle cap project, so we'll see.
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