Ick.

I got this mystery envelope at work the other day which turned out to be evaluations. As in I have to evaluate myself--which always sucks. But even worse, I have to evaluate my secretary. I really don't want to do it.

My secretary is a very nice person. We get along great and she tells me when there is food in the kitchen or when Partner is cranky. But I have become increasingly frustrated with her. Since I have become busier and given more responsibility I have had to hand more stuff to her, which I don't think she is happy about.

A couple of weeks ago Partner told me to have Secretary help me with a task. She pretty much told me that she wasn't doing it and would get a file clerk. Then Partner told her to do it, and she told him the same thing! The problem is that the file clerks are backed up and take forever and we needed to be able to work with these docs ASAP. I had a similar request today and I had to absolutely insist that she, not the file clerks, put my pleadings file together so that I would have a file to work with. We have had similar issues with copies. She will not make copies.

And several time in recent weeks I have had to redo a fairly simple task that she was given. Things I might expect a newbie to need help with, but this is someone who has been a legal secretary for 20 years or more. (Shouldn't she know more than me?) Having to give her explicit instructions for every task takes so much time I might as well do it myself. (But I have been told repeatedly not to do things that the secretaries can do.)

Argh. Maybe it sounds peevish, but I really don't think I am being unreasonable. I can go days without needing anything from my secretary. She does no typing for me, and she is only assigned to my supervising partner and me.

So, I don't want to do the evaluation. Because on the one hand, I don't want to say anything negative that will impact her financially, or that will look like its coming out of the blue, because I haven't addressed these issues with her directly. I also don't want to look like a demanding diva baby-lawyer. Because I'm really not. I probably don't utilize my secretary nearly as much as I should, and I try to give her as much notice and time as possible when I need something done. I'm also not sure if Partner has noticed these issues--or if he will think "what the heck is she talking about?" if I bring it up. (I know I need to talk to Partner, but since she sits right outside his office, its kind of hard.)

On the other hand, I think some of these things need to be addressed. But I think it might be better to handle it gradually than suddenly in an evaluation. So I don't know what to do. Blech.

Amazing

http://yesboleh.blogspot.com/2008/05/chinese-policewoman-helps-quake-effort.html

One Year Later

It’s been a year since I graduated from law school. I can’t say that the last year was an easy one. The joy of both graduating from law school and passing the bar were seriously mitigated by the stress of not having a job. Although I loved law school and knew that I was in the right career, there were moments when I wondered if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Massive debt and dwindling job prospects are a scary combination.

I also worried that I would be stuck in a job that I hated or a field that bored me because I couldn't’t find anything else. Coming out of law school, my top preferences were to work in DA’s office or to do some kind of catastrophic tort work. I definitely wanted to litigate.

I interviewed with virtually every DA’s office in the area and nothing panned out. I sent out many, many resumes to firms and had little luck. I applied to firms that I really didn’t want to work for and in areas that I didn’t really want to practice in.

Finally, I got a foot in the door at my current firm. It was supposed to be a one week contract position, but turned into about three weeks. Then they brought me back for additional occasional projects. Then they called me in for semi-permanent contract work. The on-and-off nature of contract work was frustrating and stressful. I needed the reliability of permanent position, but it was months before my firm was willing to make such a commitment. I really had to prove myself to them--and I also had to make clear that I was not willing to submit to the beck-and-call of contract work forever.

I was glad to be working in a reputable firm practicing in one of my preferred fields. But there were times that I really didn’t enjoy it, and times that I actually hated it. I didn’t click with my boss and some of the projects I was given were painfully boring.

But eventually they made me an offer. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to, but I accepted—because I really didn’t have a choice.

I really enjoy my job now. My boss and I seem to have figured each other out. I am getting more varied and interesting projects (although still interspersed with the occasional painfully boring project). I am working in a field that I really enjoy with a better quality of cases than I could have hoped for as a first-year attorney.

So with all of the turmoil, ulcers and indigestion that the last year has given me, would I do it all again? Absolutely, but only because I love being a lawyer. Would I recommend the same to someone else? I don’t know.

For those of you asking “do I want to be a lawyer?” consider this:

Make sure it’s really what you want to do. I couldn’t have made it if I didn’t know that I was choosing the right career path.

Go to a well-regarded school. Rankings do matter when you are looking for a job. But they aren’t everything. The law school associated with my undergrad is a TTT, but it is very well regarded in that region, and really in my entire state. I’m sure the same is true for other regional law schools. My law school is a T1 not-national school that is extremely well-regarded in my metro area. And I still had trouble finding a job. I would not recommend anyone go to a lower ranked school that did not have strong regional support. It is a huge gamble that you will get an offer that will justify your debt. (On the other hand, if someone is bankrolling you, I guess you can do what you want.)

Make the grade. Grades matter—especially if you want Biglaw. I wasn’t really interested in Biglaw, but even the mid-sized firms in my area want top 1/3 class rankings. I graduate with honors, but just missed the 1/3 cut and I think it hurt.

Do something in law school. Of course there is law review. But another biggie is moot court or mock trial. I saw a lot of employers wanting to see this kind of thing. I'm not really sure that any of my other extra-curriculars reall mattered, though.

If you’re a mom, don’t advertise it. It became very clear to me that employers don’t want to hire moms. Not even other moms. Because I had a lag between undergrad and law school, I took the date off my resume. I don’t think anybody really noticed the missing dates, and it kept me from having to explain that I have 3 kids. I never lied, but I didn’t volunteer information, either. Even in my current position, I did not reveal that I had children until I felt that I had proved myself to be reliable and hard-working. Yeah it sucks and its not fair, but that's the way it is until we have more successful lawyer moms willing to prove our abilities.

Decisions

The decision to go to law school and commit to a career in law was a thoroughly thought out one. I already had 3 kids when I applied to law school (Although I had actually applied right out of undergrad, I soon found out that PS was on her way and decided that I could not handle starting law school and and infant who was due the same September I would have started. So I delayed a little while.) I recognized that a career in law was not family-friendly. Once I had my children, I looked into many other options--because I knew that I wanted a career and would never be happy as a SAHM forever. I considered teaching--the obvious family-friendly choice, library science, because I love children's literature, or pursuing my master's or Ph.D. in psych, since that's what my undergrad degree was in. But none of those felt right. I don't have the patience to teach. I wanted something more stimulating than being a librarian (not trying to dis all the librarians out there). And I had long ago decided that psych wasn't really just wasn't what I wanted to do long term.

So I was back to square one and considering how I could make a career in law work and still be a good mom to my kids. I finally concluded that if I wanted it badly enough I could find a way to make it happen. My husband is an involved dad willing to pick up the slack when I couldn't be there. But child care was still essential.

The decision to allow others to care for my children was very hard for me. My mother was a single working mom--an assistant manager of a retail store. That meant she worked until 10:00 pm at least 4-5 nights a week and my brother and I were left with a babysitter a lot. And my mom wasn't very discriminating in her choices of care givers.

There was the one who made another kid drink his own pee because he wet the bed; the crazy holy-roller who let her guinea pig have the run of the house, pooping all over the floor, told us explicit stories about the crucifixion, and took us to church where people spoke in tongues and did cartwheels in the aisles, totally freaking us out; the one who allowed her 5th grader to smoke in her bedroom; the one who burned her grass and stomped it out in her house slippers; the guy who turned out to be a child molester (but never touched us); and a host of others whose biggest transgression was just plopping us in front of the tv watching soaps all day (I still cannot stand the intro music to The Young and The Restless.)

So, obviously, I had a few issues with the choice to have others care for my children so that I could go to law school. But I am not my mother, and I would thoroughly investigate anyone who would be caring for my children. And there are very good caregivers out there. Even with all of the terrible babysitters I had, there was one good one. Interestingly, it was a teenager that my dad hired when we spent the summers with him. She did stuff with us--took us to the pool and the library, played games, we baked a lot.

The first year I was in school I put the twins in day care and PS in on-campus after-school care. I had a strong aversion to home care because of my past experiences. (Although there are certainly quality home care providers out there.) I visited several daycare centers and learned quickly that price matters. The only one that I even considered was the most expensive in town. But I felt that my girls were going somewhere where they would be active, stimulated and well-cared for.

The next year I decided to go a different route. My problem with the day care centers wasn't that my kids weren't well-cared for, but rather the sterility of it. There was no comfy couch to just veg out in at the end of a long day. And one of the things that I hated the most as a kid growing up in child care was that I was never in my own home with my own stuff. I decided that if my children were going to have other caregivers, at least they could be in their own home, with their toys and books and snacks.

So I hired a nanny--which was actually much more cost-effective than day care since I have 3 kids. Also, a nanny could still take care of one of my kiddos if she had a fever and couldn't go to daycare or school (although anytime one of my children is really ill I stay home with them.)

Having a nanny has worked out beautifully. My nanny is incredibly dependable and flexible. She is like a grandmother to my children and they genuinely love each other. The kids miss her when they don't get to see her for a while, and they look forward to seeing her every day. I simply can't envision how that kind of relationship is harmful or unfair to my children. Furthermore, my children live hundreds of miles from their grandparent, and this is virtually their only interaction with an "older" person on a regular basis.

So, yes, I chose to have a career and allow others to participate in the raising of my children, and I don't think it is hurting my children. I am happier because I have an identity beyond being the mother of my children. I love my job--it is the perfect field for me. Yes, I sometimes put in long hours, but we make it work. The time that I spend with my kids is quality time. We have dinner together at least 5 nights a week. And it's amazing what you can learn while putting their hair in braids. I've attended every school program, special event and soccer game (except where there was a conflict between the kids.) Generally, my entire weekend is devoted to the kids. At least once a month we visit a museum or zoo or some other activity just for them. Other weekends we veg out and have Mario Kart tournaments. A couple of times a month we have family movie night.

I definitely have less time now than I did when I stayed home with my kids, but the many cuts have been to my personal time. I don't watch much tv, and never before the kids are in bed. I have given up other hobbies. But now when I am with my kids, I am more engaged with them than when we were always together.

Maybe some consider my choice to have career selfish--especially since we were financially comfortable before I went to school. But I am happier having a career and I think that helps keep my family in balance. And I think my girls are proud of me--and will continue to be as they grow older and really understand what I do. And I think its awesome that my girls think business suits are for women--and that on the rare occasion DH dons a suit they say "he looks like Mommy." Because my girls will grown up knowing that a girl can do anything she wants--including being a mom and a lawyer.

Scary

When I interned for the DA's office I became very aware of the personal information that I released to the public--especially concerning my kids. Every year I have to explain to bewildered teachers why my kids' names and pictures cannot be published on their class websites--and I'm sure they think I am overreacting.

But about the time I started interning in the DA's office, a former student from my law school was being stalked by a felon who had found her phone number on an old cached webpage.

I have relaxed some since then. First, I don't deal with criminals anymore. The cases that I work on are generally not the kind of thing where you have to worry about a PO'd opponent coming after you.

But then there is this, published in a public forum...

[removed due to google-ability (yes, I get the irony, since in this very post I talk about my awareness of giving out personal info online) but the gist is that some a-hole wants to blame the attorney for the acts of his clients, including ostracizing the attorney, his wife and his children from all social involvement in the community.]

Granted, this case is very emotional. But it is scary to think that people really feel this way about the attorneys who are involved with this case.

My favorite new site

is PostCards from Yo Momma. I wish I had the kind of mom who sent goofy emails or IM's.

BTW, I found that site through Favorable Dicta, who has made a comeback.

"You're the most in charge 'cause you're the one who gave birth to us"

Said SS yesterday. We were in the used bookstore and found the motherload of clearance children's books. Each of my kiddos had a stack of 6-8 books when TT piped up and said, "we better stop, Daddy might not like us getting all these books." To which I responded, "why do we have to have Daddy's permission to buy books?" To which SS said, "Yeah, you're the most in charge 'cause you're the one who gave birth to us." Yep--that kid has it right!

We did our part to stimulate the economy yesterday. We got Grandpa's George's check Friday(not that I agree with the rationale behind the checks, but I wasn't going to turn it down) and most of it is going straight to outrageous summer childcare, but we did a little shopping.

I really do not enjoy shopping anymore and rarely enter a mall. But we headed to a reasonably close semi-upscale outlet mall because I am in desperate need of "casual Friday" clothes. I hate casual Friday. My version of casual is too casual for work. I don't really have a casual Friday appropriate wardrobe. I'm fine with pulling together an everyday work wardrobe but I just haven't mastered Fridays. So I went looking for some cute tops and dressier jeans.

I had absolutely no luck. I bought a pair of shorts and a wallet. I bought the kids summer clothes and DH got some new shirts to wear to work. And, of course, we all got books at the bookstore.

And for Mother's Day this morning, the twins read stories to me while DH and PS went for coffee and donuts. And DH signed us up for "Making Sense of Wine." Because we are both clueless about wine and I would like to look a little less idiotic when I have professional events to attend. (At an Inn of Court meeting last year a professor actually called me out for the kind of wine I was drinking with dinner!) So he did well, and I am proud of him for planning in advance and coming up with something that I could really use.

I don't know what we are doing with the rest of the day. Mostly nothing, which is fine with me after running around all day yesterday.

Just Ewwww

Both yesterday and today while I was doing research on two completely different cases, with completely different issues, and in completely different jurisdictions I came across cases involving decomposing mice in coke bottles--that someone actually drank from. I may never be able to drink from a bottle again. FWIW, though, both cases were really old--like when they used the glass bottles that required a deposit. (Is it showing my age that I remember those?)

Baby Cravings

I have been having huge baby cravings for the past few months. I miss having babies--I loved it when my girls were little and sweet and loved to snuggle with mommy. They are all getting so big now. My twins are still loving and snugly sometimes, but they are also growing into wonderful and hilarious little people. PS has hit the point where she wants little to do with me, and it is nearly impossible to even get a real hug out of her.

I think part of the problem is that I feel cheated out of the twins' infancy. With two babies I was so busy that I really didn't have the time to stop and enjoy them. But now every time I see Cora or Peach pop up on my reader it just reminds me of how much I love having babies.

Of course, nothing is going to come of it. DH had the big V after the twins were born. And I was told not to have any more kids because I really don't handle pregnancy well. And I can't afford to send any more children to college (I'm not even sure I can afford to send the three I've got to college.) And this really isn't the ideal point in my career to be popping out another kid. And it is hard enough going places with three kinds in a world that is build for families of four. And my kids are all finally big enough we can do fun stuff again. And four kids is just too damn many. (No offense to those with 4. I think three kids is too damn many, too. And some days one is too damn many!)

Maybe I need to borrow a baby for a week or two. I really wanted a kitten a while back, but once we fostered kittens for a few weeks and I was reminded how unpleasant litter boxes are, my sanity was restored. I think a week or two of being awakened every two hours by a newborn would have the same effect.

A day in the life of a first year attorney

Today was crazy. It started out having to break it to my boss that it was going to take another $600 to close a deal we thought we were done with. I thought my head might roll, because I was pretty much responsible for everything--although this issue was truly beyond my control. But he took it well.

Then I got to get contentious with another lawyer about a motion to compel. I haven't had much contact with other lawyers--so that was kind of fun. And then my boss told me that I would probably get to argue the motion because they needed to get me into court. Yea! I've been kinda bummed that I haven't had more court time. Going to court is the most fun part of being a lawyer--I honestly can't understand why anyone would go to law school to do anything but litigate. But this lawyer is already pissed at me, so it will definitely be heated if I do get to argue.

Lots of little projects on my plate right now that keep getting pushed aside by the bigger ones. Found out I probably will not be going to DC--and if I do, not for the whole 3 weeks.

And Big Boss mentioned that my hours seemed a little low for the amount of time that I spend in the office. It was not accusatory or even implying that I wasn't putting enough time in--more like he thinks I am not recording all my time or cutting my own hours. But I'm not and I am pretty diligent about keeping up with my time. So maybe I'm not putting enough hours in. I do find that more time gets lost when I have to keep shifting among small projects than when I have one or two big projects. But he also said my hours seemed short last month--and I billed 200 hours last month. I'm not sure I can give much more than that. Sigh.

Peanut Butter & Saltines

I happened upon someone eating this for lunch today and I am 89% certain that its because she couldn't afford anything else. Which stirred up some strange feelings for me--because this person reminds me of how I grew up.

I remember taking crackers and peanut butter for lunch to school because there was nothing else in the house to eat and my mom didn't have lunch money for me. (And payday must have been a while out, because I knew all about floating checks by the time I was 8.) I also remember putting powdered milk (blech!) on our cereal because we couldn't dig enough change out of the couch to get a gallon of milk. And I remember pancakes for dinner--not because it was fun to have "breakfast night" but because that was our only choice. And we had powdered sugar on top because we didn't have any syrup. My brother and I both knew how to turn the water back on at the meter in the alley by the time we were about 10. And we were certainly never the kids to have the first or best of anything. As a kid, I would have thought that the house I live in now was a mansion. Only rich people got brick houses. And really rich people got two-story brick houses.

So this person and her peanut butter crackers brough all of this to the forefront of my mind. And I feel a little guilty for everything I have now. (But not too guilty, because everything I have I earned myself.) My kids have never lived like I did. Even in times that we were struggling, we have always had a pantry full of food. My children have everything their hearts' desire. The get to be among the first to have the coolest new things. They get cute, trendy clothes (although PS could not care less what she wears--and my frugal roots still prevent me from coughing up the cash to pay for a label). And while I am glad that my kids have it much, much better than I did, I do wish that had a little more understanding/appreciation for what they have.

So this person is a single mom, like mine was. I want to do something to help her, because even though I'm sure she thinks that I am another rich kid turner lawyer, I do know what her life is like. But I'm not sure how to go about it without offending her or creating an awkward situation. I think I may just try to keep my eyes open and see if an opportunity presents itself.

P.S. Yes, I know I sounded like a whiny bitch in yesterday's post. But I'm leaving it, even if I didn't present myself in the best light. Because it's great to go back and read my cyclical mood swings ;)

Old and Cranky

So the Supreme Court decided today that it's ok to ID people trying to vote in the presidential election, and apparently my PTA decided to go along. Yep, I was carded tonight trying to get into my 1st Graders annual Spring Melody Presentation. Because it was a thinly veiled guise to get enough parents in the building to hold the PTA elections.

And they asked for ID, since they would be voting. Seriously--have PTA elections become so hotly contested that they fear there might be impostors among us? Do I really look like someone who would crash a 1st grade sing-along just so I could throw the PTA presidential election?

I told them, no, I would not produce an ID because I would not be voting. Then I proceeded to play my daughter's DS throughout the PTA election process. (Yes, very mature of me.) I have become quite cranky and apathetic in the last few years. Before going to school and getting a job, I likely would have been vying for that presidential position--now I just don't care.

Maybe I should but the PTA thing just isn't where I choose to be involved. And it irritates me that every time my kids have some kind of program, I am forced to sit through a 20 minute business meeting. (Yes, I'm familiar with Robert's Rules, but still...)

Life

Got my whopping $51 back from Uncle Sam yesterday . . . and already spent it on dinner last night. But we have been doing pretty well with our cutbacks on food spending. We have limited our eating out to the weekends and I have been taking lunch to work about 4 days a week. I have been bulk cooking on the weekend to make dinner prep easier during the week. And we went to the farmer's market last weekend. I swear the food is 1000 times better (and quite a bit cheaper) when it comes from the farmer's market instead of the grocery store.

Work is picking up again and I will be going in after the twins soccer game this afternoon. Blogging has dropped off because all I have to talk about is work--and, of course, I can't blog about that. But I am working on some interesting cases.

So that's life right now. Pretty boring--work and home.

FYI-Tomorrow is Secretaries Day

I did not realize this until mid-afternoon today, so I had not done anything for my secretary. (And have I mentioned that having a secretary is really cool?) I've never had a secretary before so I am pretty clueless about what to get and how much to spend.

One of the other attorneys dropped my office at about 5:00 to make sure that I knew. She recommended flowers or a gift certificate. Personally, I am not a huge fan of the gift certificate. I mean, you might as well just hand over cash. And in certain situations it just feels strange to give cash (or its cousin the gift certificate). Besides, then the recipient knows exactly how much you think she is worth.

So I started looking at flowers. But apparently I should have started looking last week. Because the only floral arrangements available for next day delivery were icky. I really wanted a pretty flowering plant. I found a beautiful azalea topiary, but it wasn't available until the end of the week.

So I started thinking outside the box. I ended up ordering a fruit bouquet from Edible Arrangements. I have seen them in person before and they are really pretty. And my secretary is the healthy-living sort, so fruit seemed better than other kinds of goodies--although I did make sure to order a bouquet with plenty of chocolate-dipped fruit.

So what do y'all think? Is the fruit bouquet ok, or should I have just gotten over my issues and bought a GC to the mall?

Will Travel for Food

So Big Boss came in my office today to find out if I was amenable to attending a hearing in Washington D.C. next month--a three week hearing. The office is spread pretty thin lately, with weekly hearings on the other side of the country and a few other cases that are about to explode. So no one is really free to take off for 3 weeks--except me.

Actually, Big Boss did say at least 3 times, "this doesn't mean you're going, but I wanted to ask and give you plenty of notice." I figure there is a 50/50 chance it will be me. I think it is high profile enough that they want someone more important to go, but there may not be a choice.

So what was I going to say--ummm, no? It is a long time to be away from my kids, but at this point in my career I need to be able to show that I can step up. And other than being away from the kids, I really don't mind. I've never been to D.C. and would love the chance to explore the city. He also said that I could come home on the weekends if I wanted. (I think it would be great to fly the family out to see me.)

So does it make me the bad mom of the year to leave the kids for three weeks? DH isn't thrilled about it, but knows that it is important. PS was just jealous because she wants to go.

Worker's Comp for Lawyers

When I was hired I smart-assedly laughed at the worker's comp coverage, thinking "what am I gonna do--get a papercut?"

But now I've figured it out--the law is going to drive me blind. I started getting dry-itchy eyes when I was studying for the LSAT. I specifically remember a visit to the optometrist right after the test and complaining about it. It got worse through law school, and the eye doc gave me a variety of OTC drops to try. But it was never bad enough to keep me out of my contacts when I left the house. I'm vain in that regard--I've always hated the way I look in glasses.

But since I started working last fall I have become increasingly unable to tolerate my contacts. I finally bought a pair of glasses that I deemed cute enough to wear in public and started taking them to work so that I could take out my contacts when I worked late nights.

These days I don't even bother with my contacts. But even with just glasses, within just a couple of hours at work my eyes just hurt and are so tired I can barely keep them open. I asked the doc about it and she suggested that it could be allergies. But I have never had allergies--and I don't have any other symptoms.

I think the fact that I read 10+ hours a day is the problem. My eyes are better on the weekends and in the evenings if I stay off the computer. (One reason my blogging has declined). And one of the attorney's that I work confirmed this--she has had the same issues. And I have noticed quite a few of the attorneys that I work with have glasses on by the end of the day--even if they didn't start out that way.

...or so I thought

I filed my taxes last night and thought I was done. Until I got to work this morning and found the email from the IRS stating that my return had been rejected. Shit. Of course I had done my taxes on my home computer and had no access to have a look-see to figure out where I screwed up.

But it looks like I had 2 typos, in DH's SSN and one of his employer's ID numbers. Corrected those and sent it off again. Hopefully I don't awaken to another unpleasant email. But I think that since the original return (and today's) was filed on time the feds won't be beating down my door.

Meanwhile I need to do some work. I really should have stayed late tonight, but I had to bail to fix my taxes. I have definitely not had a problem meeting my billables since they hired me.

$51 and I'm out.

Yes, I just filed my tax return. I have never waited this long before. We are getting a whopping $51 back, and I am just happy that we are not paying anything. Especially considering all of the previously untaxed earnings from my contract work.

Fighting-ugh!

DH and I just had a huge blow-out and there appears to be no resolution in sight.

He is a web developer. That is his day job, but he occasionally takes on contract projects on the side. He recent did a project that took a fairly short amount of time and paid a pretty significant amount of money.

DH, completely out of character, has declared the money all his (something I have certainly never been able to get away with, no matter what the source of income.) He is spending the entire balance on a new computer.

I have no problem with him buying a new computer. It is his thing. He needs a new one--it has been a while since he has upgraded.

But tonight I made the mistake of questioning whether he really needed to spend the whole of these funds on the computer. I repeated that he definitely should be getting a new machine, but questioned whether he needed every bell and whistle.

He went crazy. He became defensive and accusatory. He told me I was jealous because I wasn't getting anything. He said I just didn't want him to have anything nice or to have any fun. It was really like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum.

I repeated that I never said he shouldn't get a nice, new machine, I was just questioning whether he needed to the very best. It is a lot of money for us. Even if he spent 2/3, there would be a significant chunk that could be put toward something that we, as a household, really need. And even though we are much better off financially than we were even a year ago, there have been lots of things building over the last few years that are need to be replaced.

He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as found money. His found money to do with whatever he likes.

Maybe I am bothered because I wouldn't look at a hunk of money like that. Maybe its the fundamental difference between men and women, but I would consider what my household needed. And even if I wanted something for myself, I would probably cut back to serve the greater (household) good. Then again, I never buy anything that's not on sale and I don't think I've ever bought the top-of-the line anything in my life.

So we are at a standoff. He is angry. I am just irritated that he is so angry. And the funny thing is, all he ever had to do was say that yes, he did need to spend [big chunk of money] to get the computer that he needs. But he never made that argument. He knows it is excessive--and I am "trying to rein him in and keep him from having something better than me."

Am I being unreasonable? (BTW, if I didn't make it clear, this is totally out of character for DH. I have never seen him act this way. He is usually a very nice and reasonable person. But tonight he's kind of acting like a jackass. Or am I just a bitch?)

Budgeting

DH and I finally sat down and prepared a budget. This is something that we couldn't really do before because my income fluctuated so much. But now it is set and we have a real idea of what our monthly income is.

Although our income has essentially doubled since I started working, our expenses are significantly higher, too. My student loan payments are sickeningly close to my mortgage. Our child care expenses have increased--and will be downright painful over the summer. I am pumping $400 worth of gas into my vehicle every month. Not to mention all the other things that we pay for only because I am working--like dry cleaning, house cleaning, lawn care, and I am spending more on clothes.

So we finally crunched the numbers to see what our financial picture really looks like. Our debt is high--thanks to law school. Mostly student loans, but we have some credit card debt, too. And with out current expenditures we don't have as much leftover income as I would like to start really knocking out the debt. So, of course, that is where the budgeting really come in to play.

I estimated that we spend about $1500 per month on food! That seems excessively high, even for a family of five. About half of that is because we eat out--a lot. Which is good for neither our rear-ends or our wallets. So my first goal is to cut the food budget in half and put the savings directly toward paying down debt.

That means I need to start cooking again--easier said than done considering that I usually get home between 6:30 and 7 and my kiddos are supposed to be in bed by 8:30. So tomorrow I will go to the grocery store and spend a good part of the day cooking meals that can be frozen and reheated.

I also need to start taking my lunch to work--at least part of the time. Right now I eat out every day. I usually just get a half sandwich or a cup of soup--so I usually spend less than $5. But I am still not eating particularly healthfully and I have definitely been gaining weight with all of the hours that I have bee working lately. So brown-bagging it will save me about $15 a week and hopefully help control my expanding waistline.

If anyone has any lunch-packing suggestions, please chime in. I love the bento trend, but don't think I am organized enough in the morning to pull it off.