We're heading to Hometown tomorrow--something I've successfully avoided since MIL passed away last February. I am not looking forward to it. I've had a crazy week and there is nothing appealing about a 7-hour drive, a day-and-a half of trying to see about a million different relatives, and a return 7-hour drive. I'd rather stay curled up on my comfy couch reading my nook (or, more realistically, doing doc review).
But mostly, I just don't want to go. I don't want to stay with FIL and his new wife, but DH says we have to or we'll hurt FIL's feelings. I promised to be nice to New Wife, but I truly feel that she is either stupid or manipulative for jumping into a relationship with FIL less than 3 months after MIL died, and I have absolutely no respect for her. (I'm leaning toward stupid, but carefully watching for manipulative.) I don't have a poker face (a terrible trait for a lawyer), so it will be a real challenge to feign nice.
And I don't want to deal with my mother who has her own bag of crazy issues. I try to avoid dealing with her, but she has sucked me in to helping her deal with certain problems for which I am uniquely qualified to help. (Yes, I know that I sound awful, and you really can't understand unless you have a toxic, narcissistic parent.)
The reason we're going is to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandparents have always been the rock in my dysfunctional life, and my grandmother wants nothing more than to have her family together. So I will go, and deal with my emotional deficiencies.
And the kids are super excited about seeing their cousins and their grandparents.
And we'll be so busy that I'll have only minimal time to spend with New Wife or my mother.
So, I'll survive. But I'd rather do doc review.
3 comments:
I *completely* understand. Good luck getting through it, and remember it's only a brief visit - you can make it!
I say this as a longtime reader and I hoe it doesn't come off wrong, but honestly, what do you stand to gain by continuing suspicion and distaste for the new wife? It's done, they are married, why stay mad?
Thanks EH.
Anon--I'll admit my post seems harsh (that's why I vent here instead of IRL). I can't get past the fact that she lacked the common sense to slow things down and realize that jumping into marriage with a man three months after his wife died might not be the best idea. He had not yet emotionally processed MIL's death--and neither had anybody else. I can't imagine ignoring the discord that I was causing to somebody else's family, but she was either oblivious or just didn't care. They could have certainly have engaged in a relationship without the permanency of marriage, which would have been easier for everyone to deal with.
The reality of MIL's death hit after FIL was married. He has since battled severe, debilitating depression and has mentioned that perhaps getting married right away was not the best plan. We can't help but wonder whether the stress of the new marriage and the discord that it created in the family have contributed to the depression.
Honestly, I haven't detected any ulterior motive on her part. But I also can't figure out why she, who was not emotionally compromised at the time, did not employ a modicum of reason and simply slow things down.
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