I love my twins at 8 years old. They are so funny and they still adore me and they are big enough to go out and have fun with and not have to drag along half the house with us.(I think I did a happy dance the day I realized we didn't need a diaper bag anymore!)
So today is my birthday. In keeping with family tradition, PS came down and blasted the Beatles birthday song while everybody hopped in my bed. SS gave me a porcucone (a pine cone with play-dough features to make it look like a porcupine.) TT gave me a box with drawings and precious plastic jewels. PS gave me two bottles of nail polish. Then SS sang me a birthday song and TT brought me a birthday breakfast menu, to be paid for with kisses. Finally, TT brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail.
The perfect birthday!
For DH's part, he took me to the movies on Friday--to a theater that sells food and booze. We've never been before, but I've decided that all theaters should serve mudslides and burgers. The most impressive part is that he arranged for it all by himself, including child care, without consulting me--something I've been griping about for years. He's also getting me a mini-subscription to out local musical theater company. This is big, since he hates musicals. But I will finally get to see Phantom and Wicked and we have 4 guaranteed date nights over the next several months. Woot!
And for myself, I have undergone my mid-winter de-trolling. I had my eyebrows threaded earlier in the week (which hurts like an SOB, but they look so freakin' awesome) and asked for a permanent appointment every two weeks. I colored my hair (have to for the gray, but I try to stick as close to my natural color as possible). But apparently I did not actually read the color on the box and am now "hot cinnamon red." But it's ok--I can be a sassy redhead for a while.
And I went to the upscale spa for a mani-pedi yesterday. The pedi cost more than twice what it would at the local walk-in place, but it was about 1,000 times more relaxing. I really don't like pedicures, but this one was actually pleasant and worth every cent.
I also tried the new gel-lacquer on my fingernails. It is for natural nails and is supposed to make your manicure last 2-3 weeks. I have great nails and haven't worn artificial nails in almost 15 years, but my manicures don't last more than 5 days and I suck at doing my own nails. I'm anxious to see how well this holds up.
1/23/10
Playing with the boys
As a female litigator I am frequently the only girl in the room. I am the only female attorney in my office except for a part-timer who generally stays hidden away and handles primarily transactional matters. Virtually all other attorneys and clients that I encounter are male. In fact, I don't believe that I have ever gone to a hearing or deposition where I faced a female opponent.
So it's always a bit of a challenge keeping up in with the guys' conversations. Lately the hot topic has been football and soon it will be baseball. I am not a huge sports fan, but I listen to sports radio in the mornings so that I can contribute something to the conversation, and I keep up with our local teams.
I went to lunch with several partners this week and the topic was movies. Guy movies. They spent a good 15 minutes quoting the Godfather (which I have never seen, because I don't watch violent movies) and then moved on to Star Wars (which I have seen because my husband is a huge Star Wars fan, but I do not recall the significance of Boba Fett's contribution and whether he was only popular because of his action figure).
So, ladies, how do you keep up with conversations in this male-dominated field? I'm sure they don't want to hear about how I am reading The Other Boleyn Girl (which is quite good, but is starting to drag it bit--I'm 3/4 through and just ready for Anne's head to roll), or how fantastic my new zen eyebrow threader is.
So it's always a bit of a challenge keeping up in with the guys' conversations. Lately the hot topic has been football and soon it will be baseball. I am not a huge sports fan, but I listen to sports radio in the mornings so that I can contribute something to the conversation, and I keep up with our local teams.
I went to lunch with several partners this week and the topic was movies. Guy movies. They spent a good 15 minutes quoting the Godfather (which I have never seen, because I don't watch violent movies) and then moved on to Star Wars (which I have seen because my husband is a huge Star Wars fan, but I do not recall the significance of Boba Fett's contribution and whether he was only popular because of his action figure).
So, ladies, how do you keep up with conversations in this male-dominated field? I'm sure they don't want to hear about how I am reading The Other Boleyn Girl (which is quite good, but is starting to drag it bit--I'm 3/4 through and just ready for Anne's head to roll), or how fantastic my new zen eyebrow threader is.
1/19/10
Drama in LC's hood
So for the past couple of weeks I have been hearing tales of the little boys down the street pushing, hitting and throwing things at my girls. (They've also ripped branches off my trees and broken my flower pots.) This information came from the girls, my nanny and the neighbor across the street who's son has witnessed Bratty Neighbors and who has attested to the brattiness of Bratty Neighbors.
Being disinclined to insert myself into a schoolyard scuffle, I told the girls to avoid the Bratty Neighbors and defend themselves if necessary.
By all accounts my girls were not the instigators, and honestly, it would be quite out of character for them to be aggressive--physically or verbally--with other kids.
Apparently today the mother of Bratty Neighbors came down to my house and got ugly with my nanny, and so it seemed the time for me to get involved.* DH and I walked down to neighbor's house where I informed her that any issues that she needed to address in the future should be addressed directly to me and that she should not have contact with my nanny. That was it. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't get ugly.
Then she went off. Making excuses, calling everybody involved a liar. And she would not STFU.
I am not the type to get into screaming matches with my neighbors, despite my white trash background. So I told her to keep her kids out of my yard or I would file a restraining order and press trespassing charges.
And then her husband called me a bitch. I hardly noticed, but DH, who had been standing by quietly by, got all riled up. Swoon! He's never had to defend my honor and I was quite impressed with his rapid response.
Anyway, I walked off, hoping DH would follow me before punches were thrown. Of course that just infuriated them more. Clearly these were people who couldn't be reasoned with. DH stayed behind for quite some time to try to deal with them.
I simply do not know how to deal with people like this. I could hear the woman going on and on from my house, three doors down and across the street. What do you do? Am I really going to take out a restraining order on an 8 year old? Hardly, even if he is pushing down my kids and tearing the branches off my trees. But his parents obviously don't give a damn what he does.
For now my kids are banished to their own backyard and are bummed that they can't ride bikes out front with their friends. I don't know what crazy lady is going to do next, but I don't want to feed her drama. And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take it out on my kids.
*A significant side note: About 4 years ago I called CPS on one of their kids. DH and I were putting raised flower beds in the front yard and were outside the entire weekend. The little boy--who looked to be about 2 (much younger than my twins) was outside the entire weekend. No parents ever checked on him, no older sibling. He was running back and forth the street (without looking) and had a disgusting green snotty note. So yeah, I reported them for neglect. And apparently they know that it was me, which does not make me any more popular with them. But they asked me tonight (our first conversation ever) and I owned it and said yes I did, because I'm licensed by the state I am a required reporter and a very young child running all over the neighborhood with no supervision looked like neglect.
Being disinclined to insert myself into a schoolyard scuffle, I told the girls to avoid the Bratty Neighbors and defend themselves if necessary.
By all accounts my girls were not the instigators, and honestly, it would be quite out of character for them to be aggressive--physically or verbally--with other kids.
Apparently today the mother of Bratty Neighbors came down to my house and got ugly with my nanny, and so it seemed the time for me to get involved.* DH and I walked down to neighbor's house where I informed her that any issues that she needed to address in the future should be addressed directly to me and that she should not have contact with my nanny. That was it. I didn't raise my voice and I didn't get ugly.
Then she went off. Making excuses, calling everybody involved a liar. And she would not STFU.
I am not the type to get into screaming matches with my neighbors, despite my white trash background. So I told her to keep her kids out of my yard or I would file a restraining order and press trespassing charges.
And then her husband called me a bitch. I hardly noticed, but DH, who had been standing by quietly by, got all riled up. Swoon! He's never had to defend my honor and I was quite impressed with his rapid response.
Anyway, I walked off, hoping DH would follow me before punches were thrown. Of course that just infuriated them more. Clearly these were people who couldn't be reasoned with. DH stayed behind for quite some time to try to deal with them.
I simply do not know how to deal with people like this. I could hear the woman going on and on from my house, three doors down and across the street. What do you do? Am I really going to take out a restraining order on an 8 year old? Hardly, even if he is pushing down my kids and tearing the branches off my trees. But his parents obviously don't give a damn what he does.
For now my kids are banished to their own backyard and are bummed that they can't ride bikes out front with their friends. I don't know what crazy lady is going to do next, but I don't want to feed her drama. And I'm sure as hell not going to let her take it out on my kids.
*A significant side note: About 4 years ago I called CPS on one of their kids. DH and I were putting raised flower beds in the front yard and were outside the entire weekend. The little boy--who looked to be about 2 (much younger than my twins) was outside the entire weekend. No parents ever checked on him, no older sibling. He was running back and forth the street (without looking) and had a disgusting green snotty note. So yeah, I reported them for neglect. And apparently they know that it was me, which does not make me any more popular with them. But they asked me tonight (our first conversation ever) and I owned it and said yes I did, because I'm licensed by the state I am a required reporter and a very young child running all over the neighborhood with no supervision looked like neglect.
1/14/10
FYI--Dead Bodies Do Not Belong on Facebook
Yesterday a picture of my nieces and nephews popped up on FB. Upon closer inspection they appeared to be standing in front of a casket. So I clicked on the album so see the image up close. The first picture in the album was a close-up of dead woman in a casket. The rest of the album pictured additional pictures of the deceased along with photos of various people hanging out around the casket.
WTF??? Personally, I think it is bizarre to take pictures of dead people in the first place, although I know it is not especially uncommon. But to post them on Facebook??? In what world is that appropriate? It just seems to be incredibly disrespectful to the deceased.
WTF??? Personally, I think it is bizarre to take pictures of dead people in the first place, although I know it is not especially uncommon. But to post them on Facebook??? In what world is that appropriate? It just seems to be incredibly disrespectful to the deceased.
1/12/10
No drama at LC's house--yea!
Nothing exciting happening here. Apparently nobody was too worried about my 8 year olds--ahem, 12 year olds--because nothing more has come of it.
Work is crazy busy. My new secretary starts Monday, which is great since I've been without a secretary for the last month. I have to convince whomever is available to help me--and of course there are always one or two who are perpetually "too busy." My former secretary and I have been getting along splendidly (no, that's not sarcasm) since she's been reassigned. Maybe she decided I wasn't so bad after finding out what else is out there. Her new attorney is very possessive.
I got to interview my new secretary. I've never had a say in my secretary before--and apparently associates don't generally get to interview their secretaries. But my firm seemed to think it was really important for me to be involved in the interview process so that it would be clear from the beginning that I would be her boss. I warned her that I am a control freak and demanding, but I don't think she believed me.
DH and I are fighting--that's always fun! Right now we're in ignore-each-other mode, which I guess is better than yell-at-each-other mode. I wish we'd just get to make-up-sex mode, but since nobody is apologizing, I guess we're not there yet.
Work is crazy busy. My new secretary starts Monday, which is great since I've been without a secretary for the last month. I have to convince whomever is available to help me--and of course there are always one or two who are perpetually "too busy." My former secretary and I have been getting along splendidly (no, that's not sarcasm) since she's been reassigned. Maybe she decided I wasn't so bad after finding out what else is out there. Her new attorney is very possessive.
I got to interview my new secretary. I've never had a say in my secretary before--and apparently associates don't generally get to interview their secretaries. But my firm seemed to think it was really important for me to be involved in the interview process so that it would be clear from the beginning that I would be her boss. I warned her that I am a control freak and demanding, but I don't think she believed me.
DH and I are fighting--that's always fun! Right now we're in ignore-each-other mode, which I guess is better than yell-at-each-other mode. I wish we'd just get to make-up-sex mode, but since nobody is apologizing, I guess we're not there yet.
1/6/10
Drama at LC's house
The kids are still out of school and the nanny called in sick on Monday, so I sent the twins to the local gymnastics place for the week (they have child care available during all school breaks and the kids love it.)
Last night DH picked them up, and once they got home realized that there was no food in the house for dinner. (I was working late.) The twins were pooped from playing all day, so he decided to leave them home while he and PS picked up burgers from a place literally 2 minutes from our house.
Yes, the twins are 8 years old. No, I do not know what possessed DH to think that it was ok to leave two 8-year olds home alone. He said they were really tired and he did not they would move from the couch during the 15 minutes he anticipated being gone. (I may or may not have yelled at him for his lapse in judgment.)
So, while the allegedly tired twins were home alone, they "accidentally" dialed 911. The 911 operator asked SS how old she was. SS says that she was afraid they would get taken away with us if she told the truth, so she told the 911 operator she was 12. The 911 operator asked who else was home, and SS said, "my twin." TT then got on the phone and confirmed to the 911 operator that they were 12.
Then a cop showed up at the house (protocol whenever there is a 911 call) to "make sure everything was ok." And the girls opened the door and let him in! (Yet another reason 8 year olds should not be left home alone!) Seconds later, DH returned and the cop confirmed everything was ok and left. The cop came in the front, DH came in the back, and we don't know whether the cop realized that DH actually wasn't home.
In addition to being furious with DH and the twins, I am concerned that the cop will file a CPS report. DH said the cop didn't seem concerned at all, but who knows what department policy is. CPS has 72-hours to investigate if there is not an immediate threat of harm, and that window has not passed yet.
My state has no law setting a minimum age at which a child can be left alone, but that doesn't mean CPS can't launch an investigation. Having worked in the DA's office and the child advocacy clinic, I've seen my share of CPS reports. They come into your home, evaluate the cleanliness, take pictures of the food in your your fridge and cabinets (a cabinet full of Froot Loops can and will be used against you in a court of law if you don't have any real fruit in your house), note child safety issues. interview your children, their teachers and your neighbors. NIGHTMARE!
I'm not really worried about the outcome, but the process scares the crap out of me.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that both of my twins lied to the 911 operator--instantly and without hesitation. And where the heck did they get the notion that they would be taken away if someone knew they were home alone? These girls are going to be trouble when they are teenagers.
Last night DH picked them up, and once they got home realized that there was no food in the house for dinner. (I was working late.) The twins were pooped from playing all day, so he decided to leave them home while he and PS picked up burgers from a place literally 2 minutes from our house.
Yes, the twins are 8 years old. No, I do not know what possessed DH to think that it was ok to leave two 8-year olds home alone. He said they were really tired and he did not they would move from the couch during the 15 minutes he anticipated being gone. (I may or may not have yelled at him for his lapse in judgment.)
So, while the allegedly tired twins were home alone, they "accidentally" dialed 911. The 911 operator asked SS how old she was. SS says that she was afraid they would get taken away with us if she told the truth, so she told the 911 operator she was 12. The 911 operator asked who else was home, and SS said, "my twin." TT then got on the phone and confirmed to the 911 operator that they were 12.
Then a cop showed up at the house (protocol whenever there is a 911 call) to "make sure everything was ok." And the girls opened the door and let him in! (Yet another reason 8 year olds should not be left home alone!) Seconds later, DH returned and the cop confirmed everything was ok and left. The cop came in the front, DH came in the back, and we don't know whether the cop realized that DH actually wasn't home.
In addition to being furious with DH and the twins, I am concerned that the cop will file a CPS report. DH said the cop didn't seem concerned at all, but who knows what department policy is. CPS has 72-hours to investigate if there is not an immediate threat of harm, and that window has not passed yet.
My state has no law setting a minimum age at which a child can be left alone, but that doesn't mean CPS can't launch an investigation. Having worked in the DA's office and the child advocacy clinic, I've seen my share of CPS reports. They come into your home, evaluate the cleanliness, take pictures of the food in your your fridge and cabinets (a cabinet full of Froot Loops can and will be used against you in a court of law if you don't have any real fruit in your house), note child safety issues. interview your children, their teachers and your neighbors. NIGHTMARE!
I'm not really worried about the outcome, but the process scares the crap out of me.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that both of my twins lied to the 911 operator--instantly and without hesitation. And where the heck did they get the notion that they would be taken away if someone knew they were home alone? These girls are going to be trouble when they are teenagers.
Another entry for my baby lawyer book
Today I brought in my first client! On a $2 million case! Plus some general counsel-type work. Woot!
1/2/10
The need to be needed
I have always felt that I had a stronger bond with oldest DD. Like she is truly a piece of me. She looks like me, she acts like me. The twins don't look like me at all. And they have distinctive personalities, that don't really reflect me in the way that PS does.
I'm sure it's partly because PS is the oldest and was an only child for almost 3 years. When she was born we had just moved to a new town, and I was a SAHM who didn't really know anybody. For the most of the day, it was just PS and me.
And then came her sisters after an unbelievably difficult pregnancy. Newborn twins were no cakewalk, either. I felt like a milking machine, and I don't think I had four hours of consecutive sleep for a full 6 months. I have always felt a little cheated out of their newborn months because I was so busy juggling two infants and a three-year old to enjoy the sweetness of my babies.
But the other side of the coin is that neither of the twins has ever needed me in the way that PS did. Because they always had each other. Generally, the most important person in a young child's life is her mom. But not with twins--because their twin will always be the person that they have the strongest bond with. My biggest fear is that something will happen to one of my twins--because not only would I have to endure the tragedy of losing a child, but I would have to live with watching my child lose her other half. (I went to school with a pair of inseparable identical twins, and one of them was killed in a car accident. It was heartbreaking to watch her sister try to cope.) My twins hated being separated when they were younger and have always been the best of friends. They never had separation anxiety from me when they were toddlers--they were perfectly content to be left with any stranger, as long as they were together.
Anyway, this weekend TT and I are home together while the rest of the family is in Hometown. I was hoping that it would be a great, rare opportunity for one-on-one time. But once again, TT doesn't need me--she needs her sister. She has asked over and over to call or text her. I tried to take her to the movies, but she doesn't want to go without her sister. We finally agreed to rent a movie, but she was still concerned about getting something that SS wants to see. She has just seemed so sad and lonely all day, despite my multiple offers to entertain her. (Of course, it doesn't help that her sisters are getting to play with their cousins and are opening presents!)
I'll admit that my feelings are a little bit hurt. I was really hoping for a mommy-daughter day, and it just didn't turn out that way. Tomorrow the rest of the family returns and it will be chaos once again. I just hope that TT doesn't grow up thinking that I never spent time with her.
I'm sure it's partly because PS is the oldest and was an only child for almost 3 years. When she was born we had just moved to a new town, and I was a SAHM who didn't really know anybody. For the most of the day, it was just PS and me.
And then came her sisters after an unbelievably difficult pregnancy. Newborn twins were no cakewalk, either. I felt like a milking machine, and I don't think I had four hours of consecutive sleep for a full 6 months. I have always felt a little cheated out of their newborn months because I was so busy juggling two infants and a three-year old to enjoy the sweetness of my babies.
But the other side of the coin is that neither of the twins has ever needed me in the way that PS did. Because they always had each other. Generally, the most important person in a young child's life is her mom. But not with twins--because their twin will always be the person that they have the strongest bond with. My biggest fear is that something will happen to one of my twins--because not only would I have to endure the tragedy of losing a child, but I would have to live with watching my child lose her other half. (I went to school with a pair of inseparable identical twins, and one of them was killed in a car accident. It was heartbreaking to watch her sister try to cope.) My twins hated being separated when they were younger and have always been the best of friends. They never had separation anxiety from me when they were toddlers--they were perfectly content to be left with any stranger, as long as they were together.
Anyway, this weekend TT and I are home together while the rest of the family is in Hometown. I was hoping that it would be a great, rare opportunity for one-on-one time. But once again, TT doesn't need me--she needs her sister. She has asked over and over to call or text her. I tried to take her to the movies, but she doesn't want to go without her sister. We finally agreed to rent a movie, but she was still concerned about getting something that SS wants to see. She has just seemed so sad and lonely all day, despite my multiple offers to entertain her. (Of course, it doesn't help that her sisters are getting to play with their cousins and are opening presents!)
I'll admit that my feelings are a little bit hurt. I was really hoping for a mommy-daughter day, and it just didn't turn out that way. Tomorrow the rest of the family returns and it will be chaos once again. I just hope that TT doesn't grow up thinking that I never spent time with her.
1/1/10
Whoa Nelly...
We were all supposed to be heading to hometown today for our belated Christmas celebration. Bob was boarded, suitcases were packed. But at 7:00 this morning SS woke us up to inform us that her twin was throwing up. So TT and I are home while the rest of our family is in hometown (and the twins are texting each other using our phones, which I think is totally cute!).
So after learning that I did not make it to town, my grandmother called to tell me that for the kids' Christmas this year they are giving them nice contributions to their college accounts. Woot! My kids have way to much junk and I am thrilled to make a start on their college funds.
That's right--I said a start. It's true, I don't have college funds started. (They do have savings accounts where I put their birthday money, but they aren't designated as college funds.) Mostly because our goal so far has been to pay for my education, and we are just now (admittedly belatedly) hitting the point where we are in a financial position to contribute to their college funds.
I have been thinking about this issue lately--but hadn't looked seriously into it. Until today. I just plugged some numbers into a college-savings calculator and apparently I need to save $58,000/year if I want to send all three of my girls to 4-year private colleges! Nearly $700,000 total. Holy crapola! That doesn't even contemplate grad school. Clearly their college will not be paid in full by the time they enroll.
But all is not lost. We should be able to make a decent contribution over the next 6-9 years. Our income will continue to grow. One or more of them may choose public school--TT is already convinced that she wants to go to a nationally ranked public school just 3 hours from home (the perfect distance for a little independence while still being close to mom!). And we can finance part of their educations when the time comes, if necessary. We are young enough that we won't exactly be heading into retirement when the girls go off to school, so taking out some loans is not too worrisome. And maybe they'll even get some scholarships.
Neither my parents nor DH's contributed anything to our college educations. We both feel like we missed out on the whole college experience because we worked full time the entire time we were in school. And graduating with loads of student loans was more than a little overwhelming. I don't want my kids to be in the same situation. So I guess my New Year's resolution is to start saving for college.
So after learning that I did not make it to town, my grandmother called to tell me that for the kids' Christmas this year they are giving them nice contributions to their college accounts. Woot! My kids have way to much junk and I am thrilled to make a start on their college funds.
That's right--I said a start. It's true, I don't have college funds started. (They do have savings accounts where I put their birthday money, but they aren't designated as college funds.) Mostly because our goal so far has been to pay for my education, and we are just now (admittedly belatedly) hitting the point where we are in a financial position to contribute to their college funds.
I have been thinking about this issue lately--but hadn't looked seriously into it. Until today. I just plugged some numbers into a college-savings calculator and apparently I need to save $58,000/year if I want to send all three of my girls to 4-year private colleges! Nearly $700,000 total. Holy crapola! That doesn't even contemplate grad school. Clearly their college will not be paid in full by the time they enroll.
But all is not lost. We should be able to make a decent contribution over the next 6-9 years. Our income will continue to grow. One or more of them may choose public school--TT is already convinced that she wants to go to a nationally ranked public school just 3 hours from home (the perfect distance for a little independence while still being close to mom!). And we can finance part of their educations when the time comes, if necessary. We are young enough that we won't exactly be heading into retirement when the girls go off to school, so taking out some loans is not too worrisome. And maybe they'll even get some scholarships.
Neither my parents nor DH's contributed anything to our college educations. We both feel like we missed out on the whole college experience because we worked full time the entire time we were in school. And graduating with loads of student loans was more than a little overwhelming. I don't want my kids to be in the same situation. So I guess my New Year's resolution is to start saving for college.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)