Peanut Butter & Saltines

I happened upon someone eating this for lunch today and I am 89% certain that its because she couldn't afford anything else. Which stirred up some strange feelings for me--because this person reminds me of how I grew up.

I remember taking crackers and peanut butter for lunch to school because there was nothing else in the house to eat and my mom didn't have lunch money for me. (And payday must have been a while out, because I knew all about floating checks by the time I was 8.) I also remember putting powdered milk (blech!) on our cereal because we couldn't dig enough change out of the couch to get a gallon of milk. And I remember pancakes for dinner--not because it was fun to have "breakfast night" but because that was our only choice. And we had powdered sugar on top because we didn't have any syrup. My brother and I both knew how to turn the water back on at the meter in the alley by the time we were about 10. And we were certainly never the kids to have the first or best of anything. As a kid, I would have thought that the house I live in now was a mansion. Only rich people got brick houses. And really rich people got two-story brick houses.

So this person and her peanut butter crackers brough all of this to the forefront of my mind. And I feel a little guilty for everything I have now. (But not too guilty, because everything I have I earned myself.) My kids have never lived like I did. Even in times that we were struggling, we have always had a pantry full of food. My children have everything their hearts' desire. The get to be among the first to have the coolest new things. They get cute, trendy clothes (although PS could not care less what she wears--and my frugal roots still prevent me from coughing up the cash to pay for a label). And while I am glad that my kids have it much, much better than I did, I do wish that had a little more understanding/appreciation for what they have.

So this person is a single mom, like mine was. I want to do something to help her, because even though I'm sure she thinks that I am another rich kid turner lawyer, I do know what her life is like. But I'm not sure how to go about it without offending her or creating an awkward situation. I think I may just try to keep my eyes open and see if an opportunity presents itself.

P.S. Yes, I know I sounded like a whiny bitch in yesterday's post. But I'm leaving it, even if I didn't present myself in the best light. Because it's great to go back and read my cyclical mood swings ;)

Old and Cranky

So the Supreme Court decided today that it's ok to ID people trying to vote in the presidential election, and apparently my PTA decided to go along. Yep, I was carded tonight trying to get into my 1st Graders annual Spring Melody Presentation. Because it was a thinly veiled guise to get enough parents in the building to hold the PTA elections.

And they asked for ID, since they would be voting. Seriously--have PTA elections become so hotly contested that they fear there might be impostors among us? Do I really look like someone who would crash a 1st grade sing-along just so I could throw the PTA presidential election?

I told them, no, I would not produce an ID because I would not be voting. Then I proceeded to play my daughter's DS throughout the PTA election process. (Yes, very mature of me.) I have become quite cranky and apathetic in the last few years. Before going to school and getting a job, I likely would have been vying for that presidential position--now I just don't care.

Maybe I should but the PTA thing just isn't where I choose to be involved. And it irritates me that every time my kids have some kind of program, I am forced to sit through a 20 minute business meeting. (Yes, I'm familiar with Robert's Rules, but still...)

Life

Got my whopping $51 back from Uncle Sam yesterday . . . and already spent it on dinner last night. But we have been doing pretty well with our cutbacks on food spending. We have limited our eating out to the weekends and I have been taking lunch to work about 4 days a week. I have been bulk cooking on the weekend to make dinner prep easier during the week. And we went to the farmer's market last weekend. I swear the food is 1000 times better (and quite a bit cheaper) when it comes from the farmer's market instead of the grocery store.

Work is picking up again and I will be going in after the twins soccer game this afternoon. Blogging has dropped off because all I have to talk about is work--and, of course, I can't blog about that. But I am working on some interesting cases.

So that's life right now. Pretty boring--work and home.

FYI-Tomorrow is Secretaries Day

I did not realize this until mid-afternoon today, so I had not done anything for my secretary. (And have I mentioned that having a secretary is really cool?) I've never had a secretary before so I am pretty clueless about what to get and how much to spend.

One of the other attorneys dropped my office at about 5:00 to make sure that I knew. She recommended flowers or a gift certificate. Personally, I am not a huge fan of the gift certificate. I mean, you might as well just hand over cash. And in certain situations it just feels strange to give cash (or its cousin the gift certificate). Besides, then the recipient knows exactly how much you think she is worth.

So I started looking at flowers. But apparently I should have started looking last week. Because the only floral arrangements available for next day delivery were icky. I really wanted a pretty flowering plant. I found a beautiful azalea topiary, but it wasn't available until the end of the week.

So I started thinking outside the box. I ended up ordering a fruit bouquet from Edible Arrangements. I have seen them in person before and they are really pretty. And my secretary is the healthy-living sort, so fruit seemed better than other kinds of goodies--although I did make sure to order a bouquet with plenty of chocolate-dipped fruit.

So what do y'all think? Is the fruit bouquet ok, or should I have just gotten over my issues and bought a GC to the mall?

Will Travel for Food

So Big Boss came in my office today to find out if I was amenable to attending a hearing in Washington D.C. next month--a three week hearing. The office is spread pretty thin lately, with weekly hearings on the other side of the country and a few other cases that are about to explode. So no one is really free to take off for 3 weeks--except me.

Actually, Big Boss did say at least 3 times, "this doesn't mean you're going, but I wanted to ask and give you plenty of notice." I figure there is a 50/50 chance it will be me. I think it is high profile enough that they want someone more important to go, but there may not be a choice.

So what was I going to say--ummm, no? It is a long time to be away from my kids, but at this point in my career I need to be able to show that I can step up. And other than being away from the kids, I really don't mind. I've never been to D.C. and would love the chance to explore the city. He also said that I could come home on the weekends if I wanted. (I think it would be great to fly the family out to see me.)

So does it make me the bad mom of the year to leave the kids for three weeks? DH isn't thrilled about it, but knows that it is important. PS was just jealous because she wants to go.

Worker's Comp for Lawyers

When I was hired I smart-assedly laughed at the worker's comp coverage, thinking "what am I gonna do--get a papercut?"

But now I've figured it out--the law is going to drive me blind. I started getting dry-itchy eyes when I was studying for the LSAT. I specifically remember a visit to the optometrist right after the test and complaining about it. It got worse through law school, and the eye doc gave me a variety of OTC drops to try. But it was never bad enough to keep me out of my contacts when I left the house. I'm vain in that regard--I've always hated the way I look in glasses.

But since I started working last fall I have become increasingly unable to tolerate my contacts. I finally bought a pair of glasses that I deemed cute enough to wear in public and started taking them to work so that I could take out my contacts when I worked late nights.

These days I don't even bother with my contacts. But even with just glasses, within just a couple of hours at work my eyes just hurt and are so tired I can barely keep them open. I asked the doc about it and she suggested that it could be allergies. But I have never had allergies--and I don't have any other symptoms.

I think the fact that I read 10+ hours a day is the problem. My eyes are better on the weekends and in the evenings if I stay off the computer. (One reason my blogging has declined). And one of the attorney's that I work confirmed this--she has had the same issues. And I have noticed quite a few of the attorneys that I work with have glasses on by the end of the day--even if they didn't start out that way.

...or so I thought

I filed my taxes last night and thought I was done. Until I got to work this morning and found the email from the IRS stating that my return had been rejected. Shit. Of course I had done my taxes on my home computer and had no access to have a look-see to figure out where I screwed up.

But it looks like I had 2 typos, in DH's SSN and one of his employer's ID numbers. Corrected those and sent it off again. Hopefully I don't awaken to another unpleasant email. But I think that since the original return (and today's) was filed on time the feds won't be beating down my door.

Meanwhile I need to do some work. I really should have stayed late tonight, but I had to bail to fix my taxes. I have definitely not had a problem meeting my billables since they hired me.

$51 and I'm out.

Yes, I just filed my tax return. I have never waited this long before. We are getting a whopping $51 back, and I am just happy that we are not paying anything. Especially considering all of the previously untaxed earnings from my contract work.

Fighting-ugh!

DH and I just had a huge blow-out and there appears to be no resolution in sight.

He is a web developer. That is his day job, but he occasionally takes on contract projects on the side. He recent did a project that took a fairly short amount of time and paid a pretty significant amount of money.

DH, completely out of character, has declared the money all his (something I have certainly never been able to get away with, no matter what the source of income.) He is spending the entire balance on a new computer.

I have no problem with him buying a new computer. It is his thing. He needs a new one--it has been a while since he has upgraded.

But tonight I made the mistake of questioning whether he really needed to spend the whole of these funds on the computer. I repeated that he definitely should be getting a new machine, but questioned whether he needed every bell and whistle.

He went crazy. He became defensive and accusatory. He told me I was jealous because I wasn't getting anything. He said I just didn't want him to have anything nice or to have any fun. It was really like a teenager throwing a temper tantrum.

I repeated that I never said he shouldn't get a nice, new machine, I was just questioning whether he needed to the very best. It is a lot of money for us. Even if he spent 2/3, there would be a significant chunk that could be put toward something that we, as a household, really need. And even though we are much better off financially than we were even a year ago, there have been lots of things building over the last few years that are need to be replaced.

He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as found money. His found money to do with whatever he likes.

Maybe I am bothered because I wouldn't look at a hunk of money like that. Maybe its the fundamental difference between men and women, but I would consider what my household needed. And even if I wanted something for myself, I would probably cut back to serve the greater (household) good. Then again, I never buy anything that's not on sale and I don't think I've ever bought the top-of-the line anything in my life.

So we are at a standoff. He is angry. I am just irritated that he is so angry. And the funny thing is, all he ever had to do was say that yes, he did need to spend [big chunk of money] to get the computer that he needs. But he never made that argument. He knows it is excessive--and I am "trying to rein him in and keep him from having something better than me."

Am I being unreasonable? (BTW, if I didn't make it clear, this is totally out of character for DH. I have never seen him act this way. He is usually a very nice and reasonable person. But tonight he's kind of acting like a jackass. Or am I just a bitch?)

Budgeting

DH and I finally sat down and prepared a budget. This is something that we couldn't really do before because my income fluctuated so much. But now it is set and we have a real idea of what our monthly income is.

Although our income has essentially doubled since I started working, our expenses are significantly higher, too. My student loan payments are sickeningly close to my mortgage. Our child care expenses have increased--and will be downright painful over the summer. I am pumping $400 worth of gas into my vehicle every month. Not to mention all the other things that we pay for only because I am working--like dry cleaning, house cleaning, lawn care, and I am spending more on clothes.

So we finally crunched the numbers to see what our financial picture really looks like. Our debt is high--thanks to law school. Mostly student loans, but we have some credit card debt, too. And with out current expenditures we don't have as much leftover income as I would like to start really knocking out the debt. So, of course, that is where the budgeting really come in to play.

I estimated that we spend about $1500 per month on food! That seems excessively high, even for a family of five. About half of that is because we eat out--a lot. Which is good for neither our rear-ends or our wallets. So my first goal is to cut the food budget in half and put the savings directly toward paying down debt.

That means I need to start cooking again--easier said than done considering that I usually get home between 6:30 and 7 and my kiddos are supposed to be in bed by 8:30. So tomorrow I will go to the grocery store and spend a good part of the day cooking meals that can be frozen and reheated.

I also need to start taking my lunch to work--at least part of the time. Right now I eat out every day. I usually just get a half sandwich or a cup of soup--so I usually spend less than $5. But I am still not eating particularly healthfully and I have definitely been gaining weight with all of the hours that I have bee working lately. So brown-bagging it will save me about $15 a week and hopefully help control my expanding waistline.

If anyone has any lunch-packing suggestions, please chime in. I love the bento trend, but don't think I am organized enough in the morning to pull it off.