Tonight at LC's place

We got the girls a cheap plastic hockey set at Target. As soon as we got home, they raced inside to put on socks so they could slide around on the kitchen floor and try out their new gear. (There has been non-stop rain here for days, so outdoor activities are out of the question.) After a few minutes I hear an indignant TT yell, "Hey, she's not letting me have my turn!" To which SS, in her snottiest voice replies, "That's what hockey's all about!"

I got my bar admission ticket today

I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Ready or not, this thing is happening.

I read on some blog a while back that you shouldn't consider the bar to be the most important test that you ever take. After all, the author argued, you had to pass many threshold exams to reach this point.

To this I say, bullshit. I had not yet invested 3 years of my life and a hundred grand when I took the LSAT. Had I done poorly, I would have found another line of work--likely incurring far less debt and certainly a lesser time commitment. And while I had to pass many law school exams to graduate and reach this point, it is very difficult to flunk out of law school, and one failed exam would have at most delayed my graduation by a semester. Failing the bar delays my entry into the profession by at least 6 months--but the grim reality is that if you can't pass the first time around, you're chances of passing the second time are bleak. And if I fail I will be faced with loans coming due, no job, and a return to the hell I am living right now.

So, yes, this is the most important exam of my life. And I will allow myself to indulge in a mini freak-out as I ponder this.

Somber Mood

The DA's office where I interned just got a death penalty conviction. I worked on the case while it was still in the early stages--reviewing witness statements, videos, police reports and started putting together the trial notebooks. It was the last case I worked on before my internship ended, and the prosecutors who tried it have kept me updated on its progress.

I'm not quite sure how I feel right now. I am pro death penalty, and the guy definitely deserved it. (There was no question that he was guilty--there was a video-taped confession and many eyewitnesses. No chance of a wrongful conviction.) But it feels strange to have had even the most minimal involvement in something that affects life and death. I can't imagine the emotions that the jurors must run through. Even though they must believe in their decision, it is an awfully heavy burden to bear. It is saddening to think how many people are affected by one man's stupid actions. He not only destroyed the lives of the victim and the victim's family, but he also destroyed his own life and his family's life. Not to mention the emotional impact on everyone else involved with the case.

Not for boys, update

So, I called my doc today and apparently it is no big deal to schedule my period around the bar exam. What a great time we live in, when a woman can say, "Ya know, I just don't feel like dealing with my period next month. I think I just won't have it." Seriously though, I really don't like screwing around with my hormones, so I don't anticipate that this will be a regular event.

This is now the end of my public service announcement regarding periods and the bar. I promise no more girlie TMI for a very long time.

If you're a guy, just skip this one

OK, I'm about to reveal more about me than you ever wanted to know, but I decided to go forward since I'm sure I'm not the only bar taker dealing with this issue.

So my period started today--which puts me right on schedule to have it during the bar. I think that is my worst nightmare. First, PMS the week before the bar can't be a good thing. Believe me, no one will want to be within 10 miles of me. But more importantly, is having the actual event during the bar. You have to put your tampons in a ziplock baggie for all the world to see. (Not that that's a big deal for me. For god's sake I've given birth. Sitting in stirrups in front of a room full of people while your coochie expands to something big enough to pass a watermelon pretty much kills the modesty gene.) But there is also the mechanics of dealing with it. My periods have been extremely heavy since I had the twins. I will not be able to go three hours without dealing with it. I do not want to lost time for the exam because I have to leave the room every hour.

So, I guess I have two options. Suck it up and deal with it, or use birth control to manipulate my period. I'm not regularly on BC, but I have a scrip that the doc gave me to try to combat the Monster Period. I quit taking it because it turned me into the Queen Bitch of the Universe. Which brings me to the question, do I really want to screw around with my hormones in the month before the bar exam? I think I'll call my OB/GYN tomorrow to get his opinion.

Arghhh--sometimes being a woman truly sucks.

Bar Prep Day --oh, who the hell knows anymore.

So posting has been a little spotty lately. Partly b/c I'm busy w/ barbri, and partly b/c I don't do anything but bar prep and my life is now pretty damn boring. But if anyone cares here is the synopsis of the last week.

We finally got an essay assignment to be submitted to barbri for grading. It was a Wills essay, and we were told to wait until after the Wills lecture to complete it. So I did as instructed. And the damn thing was on statutory issue dealing with life insurance that was not covered at all in our Wills lecture. So yeah, that was helpful. I'm dying to see the comments, since I know everything I said was wrong.

Did the practice MBE on Friday. I got 62% which doesn't thrill me. I was kind of surprised since I have been averaging in the low 80's on barbri introductory problems, the mid to upper 60's on barbri intermediate problems, and the mid 60's to low 70's on PMBR problems. I was somewhat consoled by the review lecture which informed us that last year the average raw score was 108 (making my 124 not seem so bad) and that the practice was more difficult than the real thing should be. I hope they're right. It was tough--not just the questions, but the endurance required to concentrate for three hours. I definitely need to be practicing for longer stretches.

In other news I'm still jobless. I got the rejection letter from NMBC DA's office last week. I was kind of surprised, but not really disappointed--I really didn't want to move there and the horrific interview didn't leave me feeling warm fuzzies for them. Still, it was a hit to my self esteem. They had 50 openings. If I can't get a job at a place with terrible pay and 50 openings, what else is left?

Meanwhile, DH started job hunting last week. He has already had one interview and many phone calls and emails. Apparently he is a hot commodity. It's not helping my loser self-image, but I am happy for him because he really needs a change, and an increase in pay will certainly make life a little less tense if my student loans come due before I am gainfully employed.

Recently heard at LC's house:

Last night I was watching Charlotte's Web (the saddest book/movie ever) with the twins and their cousin who is 2 months younger. At the end, just when I am starting to get teary, TT asks, "Why is she dying?" Cousin pops up, " 'Cause sometimes spiders get squished and sometimes they just die all by themselves." To which SS replies, "Yeah--like old people."

I Heart Perler Beads

I have made some changes to my barbri/study routine. I had been commuting w/ DH which saved money on gas but also resulted in a 3 hour commute every day. I hate commuting. I hate commuter traffic. So when I found out last week that my commute was less than 1 hour if I did not carpool w/ DH, I began to seriously reconsider what we had been doing. I would lose my 3 hours of kid-free study time per day, plus incur extra gas and parking if I quit carpooling. But I gained 2 hours of time previously lost in the car. And I can employ the nanny only half time, resulting in a net savings of $150/week. The only real negative is the loss of my kid-free study time, but I figure that with the time gained back from carpooling, it pretty much evens out.

And to further increase my peace and quite while the rugrats are home, I have resorted to sneaky mom tactics. First, I require half an our of "quiet time" after lunch where they have to read in bed. Usually this results in both twins taking at least an hour long nap. Second, I took them shopping this weekend and stocked up on craft supplies. Today, they sat at the end of the table and made creations with Perler Beads while I made flashcards and charts in a feeble attempt to understand commercial paper. They were perfect little angels, and I got a lot accomplished. Plus, I felt like I was at least sort-of spending time with them. At least it was better than parking them in front of SpongeBob.

PS is never coming home

She left for Hometown last week with the understanding that we would retrieve her whenever she got homesick. I figured she'd last about two weeks. We are one week in and she doesn't seem to be showing the slightest twinge of missing us. She spent last weekend with the in-laws, and the last week with my grandparents. She goes with my grandparents (who are pushing 80) to the senior center to visit the "old people" (my grandmother's phrase). She became the mascot when she visited last summer, and they were thrilled to see her again. Then they go to "The Wal-Mart" every day to shop. I think DD now owns every book Wal-Mart carries.

Now, she is spending this weekend with my dad and his wife. Dad's wife took her shopping and bought her three pairs of shoes and the Harry Potter soundtrack she has been coveting. My dad explained that his wife only has grandsons and has never had the chance to spoil a girl. It seems a little strange that my dad's wife has far more interest in my daughter than my own mother. I don't know Dad's wife well--they married about 5 years ago, and since we live so far away, we only seem them a couple of times a year. And my relationship with my dad has never been really great (ever since he offered to buy me a car if I didn't marry my "wetback" husband. Yes, my husband has a Hispanic surname. His grandfather is half Hispanic, born and raised in the US. That totally makes DH a wetback.) So it is interesting to see my dad dote on my daughter. According to my grandmother, he has visited her every day while she has been there. I think it takes him back to when I was Daddy's Little Girl, before we started not getting along.

Anyway, I asked PS today if she was planning to stay there forever and never come home. Her only response was, "Well, I'd have to change schools." I'm feeling a little un-needed.

Meanwhile, I took the twins to Target today so that they could get bad-guy Transformers to fight the good-guy Transformers the bought last week. Yes they are girls. I'm kind of surprised that SS hasn't put a pink bow on her Transformer yet.

Uncomfortable Situation

Watching the Oprah "Sexpot Makeover" episode, complete with pole-dancing lessons, with your dentist while he drills your teeth.

Disillusionment

Still pissed about not having a job. I felt as if salt were being rubbed in the wounds at barbri today when I heard others speaking of their overpaid salaries at their big fancy firms, and who is taking what exotic trip where.

I am not taking any exotic trips anywhere. Why? Because I can't fucking afford it. Because going to law school and paying for child care with three kids leaves me pretty damn broke. And I don't have a big cushy salary to look forward to. I don't have any salary to look forward to. And even it I did, it would not be of the enormous 6-figure variety that some of my classmates will be earning. I'll be lucky to earn half the big-firm salary we were all led to believe was imminent when we entered law school.

I'll admit that most of the time I put on a good game face. I say that I would never want a big firm job--I want to see my children grow up, I don't want a billable hour requirement. And for the most part, that is true. But to earn 35-40% of what some of my classmates are earning is just stomach-turning. And to not have a job at all, well it leaves me with little incentive to study for the damn bar.

And that leads me to whine (again) about why I am not employable when I am willing to work for such a ridiculously low salary. I graduated from a good school. I had good grades. I have great experience. I have terrific references. On its face, my resume looks great. So why can't I even get a fucking interview? I could understand if my less-than-charming personality cost me jobs post-interview. But why is no one even willing to give me an interview?

Hell, at this point I don't even have that many resumes out. I scour the job boards at least once a week, but nearly everything wants a minimum of 3 years experience. Seems like every firm out there wants to leech of someone else's training, and none want to put the effort into training their own associates. The only places taking new grads are big firms (who made their hiring decisions a year ago) and DA's offices, who won't hire until November.

Yep, I'm whiny and bitchy, but I think I deserve it after dropping $100K and 3 years of my life to not have a job.

Updates on Life

I finally got a rental car, and I had to be a real bitch to get it. There still has not been an insurance adjuster out to look at my car. You would think that since they are now incurring the daily cost of a car rental it would make them move a little faster. Apparently not. I think that on Monday I will file a complaint with the Office of Insurance in Arkansas. By then it will have been 12 days and that is entirely too long for them to sit on their asses.

We sent PS to Hometown to stay with my grandparents for a while. All of DH's and my family is there, so she will see lots of her relatives and be spoiled rotten. I think it is good for her to get away from her sisters and get a little individual attention. We'll go get her when she gets homesick.

Meanwhile, it is so much quieter around here. Two kids are 1000 times easier than three kids. It doesn't matter which kid I get rid of, two are always easier. But the twins play especially well together. They have become the portrait of what one expects 5 year old twin sisters to be. They put their heads together and giggle, hold hands and dance. They can get away with a lot because they are so darn cute.

Finally barbri. Yes, I am behind. Between last week's trip to NMBC, dealing with the car wreck, and the sick kid last weekend I got miserably far behind. I will spend all day today catching up, and I think by mid-week I will be back on track. Hopefully we will have no more major events the rest of the summer.

The Interview from Hell

So I drove in for my interview with NMBC DA's office. They failed to warn me ahead of time that 1) it was a group interview and 2) that it was really more of an audition than in interview.

I walked in and was seated at the foot of a T with 8 lawyers seated at the top, and two more along the sides. Then I was told to pretend that they were my jury on a DUI and I had three questions--go! I actually think I did ok with that part. They let me go on for quite a while and I got way more than 3 questions in. Surely they would have shut me down sooner if I were doing a really terrible job--right?

Next, they gave me a hypo: If I were an ADA doing intake and an officer called from the field, whom should I tell him to charge in this situation--He pulls a car over for speeding. Sees a bag in the backseat with a baggie sticking out (A-ha, I think, there is a search issue here). No problems with the search, because that makes it too easy (Dangit.) Driver says it is the passenger's, passenger says it is the driver's.

I said, charge both. Oh no, they say, you can only charge one. But I would charge both--you can charge both with possession. Oh, but you have to pick one, they say. Well, the driver is in control of the car and should know what is in it. OK, they say--the driver borrowed his sister's car. Well (since that can of worms has already been opened) continue searching the bag for further identifying info. Ok, they say, nothing revealing, in fact it has women's gym clothes in it. Separate and interrogate, I say. They say, but they won't change their story. Charge both, I say, and the truth will eventually come out.

And then one of the group of ten lays into me, as if she is crossing me (I think that she does not like me for some reason, but I don't think I have done anything offensive). Don't you think it is wrong to charge someone if you don't know they did it, she says? (Umm, not really--people get charged all the time, you drop the charges if there is insufficient evidence to go forward.) What if they didn't even know it was there, she says? I say, well, if it was in plain sight for the officer to have a legal search, the people in the car should have seen it. Would you know coke if you saw it, she says? I do not know how to repond to this and simply stare at her dumbfounded. (I don't believe I have ever seen coke up close and personally, but I'm pretty darn sure I would recognize it if I did.) Finally, I am rescued and that line of questioning is brought to a close.

Oh, but then there is the big finale. "Give us a 1-2 minute closing argument about why we should hire you." Seriously?? But I did it--I don't even really remember what I said, but I am sure that it was laced with plenty of cheese about how awesome I am. At least a few looked semi-impressed when I was done.

I was told it would be at least a month before I hear anything from them. Honestly, I don't even give a flying flip whether I get this job or not. I don't really want to move to that city and their whole hiring process--since my first interview nearly 9 months ago--has been completely ridiculous. If the rest of their organization is run that way, it doesn't paint it in a very favorable light.

P.S. I emailed a friend who is an ADA and she told me she would have charged them both--ha!

When it rains it pours.

Seriously--why can't we ever deal with just one crisis at a time? It seems like every time the shit starts hitting the fan around here that we just get more and more thrown at us.

When we got home last night PS wasn't feeling well. Her head and eyes hurt, her tummy felt swimmy, and she had a fever. In my almost 9 years as a mom I have learned tummy problems = viral and there usually isn't much that can be done. Besides it was 6:00 on a Friday night. So I did my best to make her comfortable and let her rest.

This morning I knew she needed to see a doc. I haven't seen her this sick in a long time. Of course, I had barbri this morning and we are down to one car. DH and the girls dropped me at barbri and took PS to the doc. I called during my first break and found that PS was being given IV fluids for dehydration. At that moment I felt like the Bad Mommy of the Year. What kind of mom goes to class when her baby is getting a giant needle stuck in her arm? I tried to argue with myself logically. I needed to attend this lecture because it was material that I have never had before. Besides, Daddy was there, and to my kids Dad is really just as good as mom. And DH has missed tons of medical procedures that I have attended. And I am a modern career woman and it is just as appropriate to allow Dad to deal with this kind of thing as me. Aren't I prepetuating a 1950's sterotype by thinking that moms should be the ones to deal with medical stuff and dads are incapable? That is insulting to both DH and me. But I still felt like I should have been there.

So the doc decided she has an enterovirus, which is a precursor to viral meningitis. The only way to tell if it is meningitis is to do a spinal tap, and he (and we) did not want to go there at this point. And she's highly contagious. This is especially bad because SS (aka pneumonia-girl) catches everything and tends to not be able to shake things off easily.

Oh yes, and I made a non-refundable hotel reservation (just had to save that 10%) for my interview with NMBC DA's office next week. (Because it is a gov't position and they aren't actually going to pay for me to come to them.) We decided to take the whole family so they could decided if they could live in that city. I don't need a hotel if it is just me--I could make the drive there and back in one day. Arggghh.

Fortunately, by this evening PS has perked up enough to watch Harry Potter and eat a bit. Now if we can just keep the rest of us from getting it.

The rumors are true

So the guy that hit me is from Arkansas--and so is his insurance company. They are being a total PITA. Two days later, I still have no rental car and no idea when my car will be repaired. They called my insurance company and got DH's work number, which I had declined to give them (yes, I am royally PO'd at my own insurance co.), and told him that he needed to get 2 estimates, take digital pictures and fax it all over. Ummm, no. I do not have time to run the damn car all over town getting estimates--especially since it can't be driven w/o more damage--and it's not my job to take pictures for them.

So I call them to tell them this. The girl to whom I am speaking said, "Wait a minute, honey, I am only the sec-a-tary, I'm just tellin' you what I am supposed to." To which I responded that it was inappropriate to call me honey, and that she needed to put someone on the phone who could do something. "Well, I'm the only one who knows anything about your case." But you just said you were the secretary. "Well, the adjuster isn't here in this office, until next Thursday--she is over in the [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office]." So you're telling me that nothing is going to happen until next week? I need your supervisor. Supervisor is on the phone. He is the agent. He can't do a damn thing but tell me to call [Hickville Backwoods Arkansas Office] and talk to Bert. Bert isn't there and didn't bother to return my call today.

I'm getting pissed and about to go lawyer on them. Don't they realize that I am just looking for an excuse to sue somebody and they providing more than adequate incentive? Bastards.